Dostignuto soglashenie mezhdu Ukrainoj i Rossiej:
otnyne CHernomorskij flot budet plavat' pod
pyaticvetnym belo-sine-krasno-zhelto-golubym flagom.
Privlechen k otvetstvennosti polkovnik Genshtaba S.,
poluchivshij ot odnoj inostrannoj razvedki
predlozhenie o prodazhe na krupnuyu summu voennyh sekretov,
no po halatnosti upustivshij takuyu vozmozhnost'.
Rastet osnashchennost' MVD tehnicheskimi sredstvami. Otnyne
k kazhdomu milicejskomu svistku budut prilagat'sya mikrofon,
usilitel' i para kolonok dlya sozdaniya stereoeffekta.
Iz futbol'nogo reportazha:
"Myach sluchajno popal v nogi Sidorovu, on obvel odnogo igroka
protivnika, vtorogo, tret'ego, chetvertogo, pyatogo, shestogo, sed'mogo,
vos'mogo, ulozhil vratarya, probil s pyati metrov po pustym vorotam -
- i, kak vsegda, promazal!!"
Gruda cherepov,
milicioner vedet protokol,
svidetel' daet pokazaniya:
" ... i poslednim shel Tamerlan..."
SAGA O YUZERAH
"Kakie iskusheniya, kakie zhestokie soblazny gotovit dlya nas
nasha sud'ba! ikogda ne znaesh' zaranee, ne mozhesh' ugadat' gde i
kak, pri kakoj pogode i politicheskoj situacii eto proizojdet.
o kogda soblazn stanovitsya nastol'ko blizok, chto siluet ego
razlichim i dyhanie ego oshchutimo, kogda on uzhe tyanet svoi hishchnye
ruki obmana ili pohoti, my uzhe znaem - vot on, sejchas |-T-O
proizojdet, sejchas.. I v etot moment nado by zadumat'sya, sovsem
nemnogo podozhdat' razvyazki, no - chelovek, stolknuvshijsya licom k
licu s soblaznom, dumaet lish' ob odnom - kak povernut' ego v
svoyu storonu.."
iz knigi akademika Pavlova
"Subekvatorial'nyj klimat ili
prezhdevremennyj klimaks?"
Kak pravilo, v normal'nom sovremennom cheloveke, nenormal'nye
chuvstva zhelaniya mogut vozbudit' sovershenno obychnye predmety,
bud' to zhenshchina, futbol ili cheshskoe pivo. No dlya opredelennoj
kategorii lyudej (uslovimsya nazyvat' ih kakim-nibud' otvlechennym
slovom, naprimer - yuzery) eto chuvstvo mozhet rodit' odna lish'
veshch'. Veshch', poyavivshayasya sravnitel'no nedavno v brennom mire, gde
izdavna torzhestvuyut ZHenshchina, Futbol i CHeshskoe Pivo. V etom
unikal'nost' yuzerov. Oni i tol'ko oni, vybrali predmetom
vozhdeleniya ne bum, mest' i povest', nabivshie oskominu, a
dejstvitel'no veshch' svoej epohi (dlya kratkosti i yasnosti budem
upotreblyat' vmesto slova "veshch'" slovo "komp'yuter"). Pokazhite
normal'nomu cheloveku v ekstremal'nyh usloviyah zhenshchinu i on
skazhet chto ona poshlaya i staraya, futbol - poshlyj i slabyj, pivo -
samoe poshloe i kisloe, kotoroe emu prihodilos' probovat'. o ni
odin yuzer ne otkazhetsya ot komp'yutera, kakim by starym, slabym,
kislym i poshlym on ne kazalsya ili byl takovym v dejstvitel'nosti.
CHelovek ne podojdet k plohoj zhenshchine, ne budet smotret' plohoj
futbol, srygnet kisloe pivo, no yuzer vsegda vklyuchit komp'yuter -
svoj li, popavshij k nemu po-oshibke i s osobym udovol'stviem chuzhoj.
Dejstvitel'no, chuzhoj kom'yuter est' predmet osobogo zhelaniya
yuzera, vne zavisimosti ot nastroeniya ego (komp'yutera) hozyaina,
ego vnutrennih potrebnostej ili voobshche prisutstviya v komnate.
Trepetnoe ozhidanie zaprosa parolya, velikoe oblegchenie pri ego
otsutstvii, poistine detskaya radost' pri vide zhelannogo i
magicheskogo "...LOADING...", chego by ono ne obeshchalo. A skol'ko
kajfa vlezt' v GAMES i vysokomerno hmyknuv "Star'e!.." s vidom
obstrelyannogo, pokusannogo, provalivshegosya v yamu s gvozdyami i
der'mom, gorevshego v tanke i vse-taki dotyanuvshego do aerodroma
gonshchika Gran Pri, vyjti v kornevoj. A katalog UTILS (vozmozhny
modifikacii)? Otkuda, iz kakoj neulovimoj installyacii on
poyavlyaetsya? Kto oni - nevidimye sozdateli katalogov UTILS
(vozmozhny modifikacii)? Vse melochi, podgruzki teseerov, rano
ili pozdno ispol'zuyuemye, a chashche vsego neispol'zuemye nikogda
zhivut imenno tam - vo vsemogushchem i vsevmeshchayushchem UTILSe. On kak
dobraya mat' prinimaet pod svoe imya bludnyh i neputevyh detej i
ih starye versii.
Redkij yuzer ne ostavit svoih sledov v chuzhom komp'yutere. YUzer
velik. On znaet kak zalezt' v AUTOEXEC i pervoj strokoj
postavit' idiotskoe soobshchenie a tret'ej - BE REBOOT (sm.
primechanie). Skol'ko napastej u srednego yuzera! Virusy, protiv
kotoryh umnye programmery pishut aidstesty i adinfy, i drugie
yuzery.. YUzer spit bespokojno. YUzer znaet - mnogo yuzerov umeyut
pisat' AUTOEXEC i poetomu spit bespokojno.
Stat' yuzerom prosto. Gorazdo slozhnee im byt'. YUzery - nashi
radosti i trevogi, nashi nadezhdy i ozhidaniya. Soblaznit' yuzera
legko, trudnee - ostanovit' ego pered soblaznom i uzh sovsem
nevozmozhno - ne byt' yuzerom.
A materye programmery, s®evshie vseh sobak na puti k metke END
svoih programm, uhodyat dal'she i dal'she, ne ostavlyaya ni kusochka
dlya malen'kih i tshchedushnyh no uzhasno lyubopytnyh yuzerov, kotorym
prihoditsya otgryzat' eti kusochki ot bol'shogo piroga naslazhdeniya
i udovol'stviya i imya pirogu soblazn.
Esli u Vas netu teti,
I dyadi pod bokom net -
Luchshe imet' komp'yuter
S nim net ni hlopot, ni bed...
Pisnya
"Kratkaya instrukciya muzhu - ili kak lyubit' komp'yuter"
Dorogoj drug!
Vy reshili vstupit' v svyaz' s chudom 20 veka - IBM PC/AT. a etom puti Vas
ozhidaet ogromnoe kolichestvo radosti, udovletvoreniya i nezabyvaemyh mgnovenij
polnogo sliyaniya s Vashim elektronnym drugom. Vy sdelali pravil'nyj vybor!
Derzajte i naslazhdajtes'!
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dlya nachala - neskol'ko poleznyh sovetov.
Pri priobretenii komp'yutera dlya intimnyh celej sleduet obratit' osoboe
vnimanie na nalichie:
1. Mamy - kak osnovnogo organa;
2. Portov vvoda/vyvoda (yasno dlya kakih celej);
3. Klavy - kak zameny mamy (obratite osoboe vnimanie na pravil'nuyu obrabotku
Ctrl-Break i klavishi - Vvod);
4. Klavish Reset i Turbo;
5. Plomby, kak garantii devstvennosti so storony zavoda-izgotovitelya.
Smotrite, chtoby Vam ne podsunuli:
1. Kosye flopy;
2. Krivye vinty;
3. Protected Mode v kachestve osnovnogo rezhima raboty.
ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
| Ne pokupajte PODERZHANNYJ komp'yuter - po analogii s zhenoj! |
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
Pervye shagi
Nastupil schastlivyj moment i Vy vnesli v dom na rukah Vashu vtoruyu
polovinu, kotoraya v svoyu ochered', sostoit iz neskol'kih chastej:
1. Processornyj blok - osnovnoj istochnik naslazhdeniya. S nim sleduet
obrashchat'sya osobenno berezhno, ved' tam razmeshchayutsya mama, mozgi i drugie
zhiznenno vazhnye chasti tela Vashej vozlyublennoj. Ostorozhno vskrojte
upakovku, vyn'te ego (blok, a ne to, chto Vy podumali) iz korobki
i ustanovite na samoe vidnoe mesto.
2. Monitor - perdnaznachen dlya sozercaniya processa vvoda/vyvoda. Skoree
esteticheskaya veshchica (tipa zerkal'nyh potolkov), chem poleznoe priobretenie,
odnako professionalam dostupno naslazhdenie i s etim ustrojstvom.
3. Klaviatura - osnovnoj apparat dlya ruchnogo vvoda. Rabotat' na nej nado
akkuratno, izbegaya na nachal'noj stadii vozdejstviya na erogennye zony,
takie kak i .
4. Neobyazatel'nymi, no zhelatel'nymi sostavlyayushchimi mogut byt' yavlyat'sya:
a) printer - ustrojstvo dlya vedeniya dnevnikov i zapisej sobstvennyh
perezhivanij i dlya poluchenie tverdoj kopii svoih chuvstv. Izuchaya zapisi,
sdelannye Vami v periody naibol'shego dushevnogo sliyaniya, mozhno
ustanovit', chto nravitsya Vashej lyubimoj, a chego sleduet izbegat'.
Kstati, printep, v otlichii ot ostal'nyh komponentov, snabzhen golovkoj!
b) "mysh'" - inogda mozhet polnost'yu zamenit' klaviaturu, pri etom pozvolyaet
v moment seansa svyazi polnost' otvlech'sya ot processa ruchnogo vvoda,
hotya na pervyh porah luchshe vse zhe pomogat' sebe rukami.
Mondazh oborudovaniya
V postavku k komp'yuteru, dlya kazhdoj sostavlyayushchej predusmotren svoj konec
(Vash poka ne trebuetsya). Vnimatel'no prochitajte rukovodstvo i razberites',
chto kuda pihat'. Tut, kak v prirode, vse predusmotreno zaranee, odin konec
mozhno votknut' tol'ko v odnu, prednaznachennuyu dlya etogo dyru.
Odin konec (opyat' ne ugadali - ne Vash) ostalsya lishnim? Pravil'no! Tak i
dolzhno byt'! Oglyanites' vokrug sebya. CHto Vy vidite na stene svoej komnaty?
Da, da, da! Dvuh tarakanov. A mezhdu nimi? Nu konechno zhe - rozetku. Voz'mite
ostavshijsya konec i votknite ego, kak pokazano na risunke 1.
s /CDD¿
t /| Mµ DDBDD¿
e /| | <- | *FMMMMM k komp'yuteru
n /| Mµ DDADDY
a /CDDY
ris.1
Teper' komp'yuter gotov k rabote. Rasslab'tes'. Najdite na licevoj ili
bokovoj, a luchshe na zadnej paneli processornogo bloka klavishu Power i nazhmite
ee (potyanite verh ili vniz). Teper' Vy ne odin! U Vas poyavilas' vernaya i
predannaya sputnica zhizni IBM PC/AT (laskatel'no - pisishka, umen'shitel'no -
pis'ka).
Kstati, esli srazu posle vklyucheniya Vy pochuvstvali neznachitel'nye izmeneniya
v haraktere Vashej izbrannicy kak to:
- sushchestvennoe izmenenie pervonachal'noj formy iz-za proisshedshego vzryva;
- poyavlenie dyma nad monitorom;
- nakonec propadanie "myshi" so stola, posle togo kak Vy ee tuda polozhili.
|to oznachaet, chto mashina byla raschitana na 110 vol't, i Vashe pervoe
svidanie stalo poslednim.
P.S. na povedenie "myshi" ne sleduet obrashchat' osobogo vnimaniya - pervymi s
korablya vsegda begut gryzuny...
=== Golodedoobraznoe
+ Origin: Lonely Dale's Nest (2:5030/133)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 24 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 23 Sep 94 15:46:34
To : All 26 Sep 94 19:55:02
Subj : .rikol'chik i anekdotik.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Dimon Shvetsov, 2:5020/158.18 (Tuesday September 20 1994 22:04)
* To : All
* Subj : Prikol'chik i anekdotik.
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Nachnem po poryadku.
1. Idet general'naya repeticiya vypusknogo koncerta horo-dirizherskogo otdeleniya v
Moskovskoj Konservatorii. Na sam koncert priglasili professional'nogo
konferans'e, a vot na general'nuyu ne spodobilis', dorogo, poprosili odnu iz
studentok prochitat' tekst, t.e. poprostu ob®yavit'. Es-no, studentka volnovalas',
na general'noj repeticii bylo priglasheno mnogo vidnyh deyatelej iskusstva, cvet
moskovskoj intelligencii, dirizhery, horoviki... Nado bylo ob®yavit' russkuyu
narodnuyu pesnyu: "Kak menya mladu-mladeshen'ku...", kotoruyu dlya 2, ne to 3 golosov
obrabotal D.SHostakovich. Nu i predstav'te sebe, vyhodit studentka i so strahu
zayavlyaet sleduyushchee (doslovno), bez znakov prepinaniya: "Kak menya
mladu-mladeshen'ku obrabotal SHostakovich"!-) Es-no, zal leg i neskol'ko mint ne
mog ochuhat'sya ot dushevnogo potryaseniya!-))) I chto samoe smeshnoe - eto
dejstviteld'no bylo let s desyatok nazad imenno tam, gde ya opisal. Do sih por v
muzykal'nom mire hodit etot sluchaj.
******************************************************************************
Teper' anekdotik.
2. Anglijskaya delegaciya na CHukotke vidit zonu s kolyuchej provolokoj. Es-no, "A
chto tam takoe?" Otvet - "Pionerskij lager'". Nu i zahotelos' odnoj anglichanke
posmotret' poblizhe na pionerov, kak u nih organizovan byt i t.d., a ee ne
puskayut. S bol'shim trudom dogovorilis' o poseshchenii. Zahodyat i vidyat. Krugom
"mal'chiki" v kepochkah i pionerskimi galstukami. Vse chisto pribrano i t.d. Nu
umeyut, kogda hotyat!-)
Podhodit anglichanka k odnomu "pioneru" i sprashivaet:
"Skol'ko Vam let?"
On otvechaet:
"Pyatnadcat'!"
Ona:
"A ya by Vam bol'she dala..."
Na chto on bodro reagiruet:
"Ne znayu, chto i komu by ty dala, no u nas bol'she 15 nikomu ne dayut!-<>"
Hi! Dimon.
=== GEcho 1.02+ Hi!
+ Origin: /103.38 AKA /158.18 /350.2 Hi from White Fang BBS! (2:5020/158.18)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 26 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 26 Sep 94 23:19:46
To : All 28 Sep 94 07:40:22
Subj : .z ".rasnoj .urdy" chut'-chut'... .alen'kie hitrosti.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Alex Cooklin, 2:5080/2 (Thursday September 22 1994 23:01)
* To : All
* Subj : Iz "Krasnoj Burdy" chut'-chut'... Malen'kie hitrosti.
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Esli v holodil'nike poyavilsya zathlyj zapah, znachit, vy ne uspevaete s®edat'
nakoplennye produkty.
Esli probka bol'shaya i ne vhodit v butylku, poprobujte zatknut' eyu banku.
Esli u vas otlomilas' nozhka ot ryumki, ne speshite ee vybrasyvat', podozhdite,
mozhet vam eshche nal'yut.
CHtoby tufli-lodochki dol'she sohranyalis', sovetuem prokonopatit' ih i
obrabotat' dnishche smoloj.
Esli u vas peregorela lampochka, ne speshite ee vybrasyvat', a luchshe vkrutite
novuyu.
Esli posle dizenterii u vas ostalis' kishechnye palochki, ne speshite ih
vybrasyvat' - oni prigodyatsya vam dlya novogo zabolevaniya.
CHtoby bylo men'she raboty vo vremya listopada, dvornik Sidorov rekomenduet
zhech' listvu pryamo na derev'yah.
Dlya togo, chtoby shtukaturka v vannoj komnate ne otsyrevala, vynosite ee vremya
ot vremeni v koridor dlya prosushki.
O.P.Sidorova chasto sprashivaet, kak ej pochinit' dvernoj zamok, a my do sih
por ne soberemsya ej otvetit'.
Esli p'yanye podrostki povalili vas na ulice na zemlyu i pinayut, postarajtes'
zapomnit' nomera ih obuvi. |to ochen' pomozhet sledstviyu.
Esli u vas porvalis' kolgotki,ne otchaivajtes', vasha zhena navernyaka uzhe
nauchilas' ih shtopat'.
Esli ot vodoprovodnoj rakoviny ishodit nepriyatnyj zapah, znachit, u vas umer
vodoprovodchik.
Hotite, chtoby emalirovannaya posuda sluzhila dol'she? Mnogie hotyat, no ni u
kogo ne poluchaetsya.
Alex
=== GoldED 2.50.B0822
+ Origin: Ural Data BBS, Ekaterinburg, Russia (2:5080/2)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 30 of 100
From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 30 Sep 94 11:00:48
To : All 30 Sep 94 16:56:24
Subj : Pure functional languages
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hello All.
I think, this message from area SU.SOFTW seems to be interesting:
--------------------------- Start Cut -------------------------
From : George Seryakoff, 2:5020/157.39 (30 Sep 94 21:36)
To : Alexander Sergeev
Subj : Pure functional languages
---------------------------------------------------------------
Hello Alexander!
16 Sep 94 14:56, Alexander Sergeev wrote to Pavel Senatorov:
AS> kratkaya istoriya programmistskih tabu:
AS> 1960-e Ne pol'zujsya pri programmirovanii payal'nikom
AS> 1970-e Ne pishi samomodificiruyushchijsya kod
AS> 1980-e Ne pol'zujsya operatorom goto
AS> 1990-e Ne pishi bol'shih modulej
AS> 2000-e Ne pol'zujsya operatorom prisvaivaniya
Moi kollegi prokommentirovali eto tak:
Sergej: "A v 2010-m - ne vyrazhajsya necenzurno pri golosovom vvode programm"
Aleksandr: "No, mozhet byt', eto ujdet v kommentarii..."
George
^-^ GoldED 2.42.G1219
$ MolchiGin: Origin1 (2:5020/157.39)
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
Dmitry
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 31 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 28 Sep 94 09:15:30
To : All 01 Oct 94 15:42:24
Subj : . sebe...
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
º Forwarded by Dimitri Martemianov (2:5020/306.1)
º Area : REL.ARTS.QWERTY (Cetus)
º From : cep@step.nnov.su, 2:50/128 (Pyatnica Sentyabrya primerno 23 1994 10:31)
º To : All
º Subj : O sebe...
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM¾
@REPLYADDR cep@step.nnov.su
@REPLYTO 2:50/128.0@fidonet
X-RealName: Sergey V. Durinoff
@Distribution: su
@Organization: Step Ltd.
CHasy.
U menya est' chasy. |to ochen' horoshie chasy. Ne kakie-nibud' "|lekt-
ronika 5" ili "Montana", a samaya nastoyashchaya "Molniya", razmerom s kulak,
s yakornoj cepochkoj i nepripod®emnoj kryshkoj. Ne smotrya na svoyu vneshnyuyu
prostotu eti chasy ochen' mnogofunkcional'ny. Po nim mozhno uznat' vremya,
pri chem bolee chem dva raza v sutki i eto vremya na pyat' minut tochnee
moskovskogo. Imi mozhno kolot' orehi nachinaya ot arahisa i funduka, kon-
chaya kokosami. Ih mozhno ispol'zovat' kak nakoval'nyu i kak oruzhie blizh-
nego boya, esli ih raskrutit' nad golovoj eto ni chut' ne huzhe chem kis-
ten'. Moimi chasami mozhno gipnotizirovat' lyudej, ispol'zuya ih v kachest-
ve mayatnika, pravda kachayushchij dolzhen obladat' nedyuzhennoj fizicheskoj si-
loj. CHasy s uspehom mozhno ispol'zovat' kak gnet dlya zasolki ili pri
skleivanii. Pod kryshkoj mozhno hranit' razlichnye melkie veshchi, zasohshih
muh i babochek. Otkryv kryshku mozhno puskat' zajchikov. Vobshchem funkcij
vseh ne perechest'.
A nedavno so mnoj proizoshel sleduyushchij sluchaj. Nachalos' eto vse v
avtobuse, v kotorom ya ehal na rabotu. Vremya rannee, sostoyanie sonnoe,
chasy opyat' zhe karman tyanut, rasslabit'sya ne dayut. I vdrug v avtobus
vhodit ona, ya azh rot raskryl i chasy vypustil, kotorye szhimal v karma-
ne. Ob etom ya tut zhe pozhalel, tak kak chasy prorvali karman i grohnu-
lis' mne na nogu, otdaviv dva pal'ca, i pokatilis' so zvonom po polu.
|to privleklo ko mne vnimanie. Povernulas' i ona, potom medlenno nag-
nulas', podnyala chasy i protyanula mne. YA v eto vremya stoyal na odnoj no-
ge i potiral ushiblennye pal'cy.
- |to Vashi, takie zamechatel'nye chasy? - obratilas' ona ko mne. YA
ot neozhidannosti dazhe pro pal'cy zabyl.
- Da.
- A mozhno kryshku otkryt'?
- Konechno. Vot syuda vot, na pimpochku, nadavite, i derzhite ih
krepche, a to oni vyryvayutsya.
- A oni i vnutri krasivye.
- Da ya ih dolgo vybiral.
- U Vas horoshij vkus. No tut ob®yavili moyu ostanovku i, sprosiv
nomer ee telefona, ya vyskrchil iz avtobusa.
V tot zhe vecher ya ej pozvonil i nashe sluchajnoe znakomstvo poluchilo
svoe zakonnoe prodolzhenie. My stali dostatochno chasto vstrechat'sya i
vsyudu ya ne rasstavalsya so svoimi chasami, kak talismanom, ved' imenno
oni pozvolili mne poznakomit'sya s nej. I oni dejstvitel'no eshche ne raz
pomogali mne v trudnyh situaciyah. Imenno imi ya tyuknul po golove dvuh
tipov, kotorye privyazalis' k nam v parke. Tipy otdelalis' legkimi sot-
ryaseniyami. S pomoshch'yu moih lyubimyh chasov ya postavil ej novye nabojki na
sapogi. Na steklo chasov ona smotrit, kogda krasit guby i popravlyaet
volosy, a pod kryshkoj chasov teper' hranitsya ee portret. |to znakomstvo
pokazalo mne, chto ya ne tak horosho znayu svoi chasy, kak mne kazalos'.
A vchera u menya byl den' svad'by. Znaete chto ona podarila mne na
svad'bu. Vy ugadali - tochno takie zhe chasy, i ves i razmer i hod, no s
muzykoj. Vy predstavlyaete, kogda ih otkryvaesh', razdaetsya marsh Medel'-
sona.
--
_____________________________________________________________________
|Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura. NE URA! Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ur|
|a.SOVSEM NE URA!Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura|
|Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura.Ura. NU VSE KAYUK! Ura.Ura|
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Durinov Sergej
-+-
+ Origin: Step Ltd. (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Privet Mikel!
4 h.f.? :)
With best regards Saruman the Advisor of Gondor
// The Hitch-Hiking Z0ne // Fire Wheelz Gr0up
-+- GoldED 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: ²±° Orthank ch (095)PRI-VATE ch THZ RHQ ch 14400 °±² (2:5020/306.1)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 39 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 28 Sep 94 14:57:48
To : All 01 Oct 94 16:55:32
Subj : . znaet li kto-nibud' anekdoty pro fiziku? - 4hf?
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Forwarded by Vadim Tkachenko (2:463/21)
* Area : KIEV.ANECDOT (KIEV.ANECDOT)
* From : Andrey Ganin, 2:463/5.33 (Saturday September 24 1994 00:28)
* To : Turin Brothers
* Subj : A znaet li kto-nibud' anekdoty pro fiziku? (s fizicheskim smyslom).
=============================================================================
Privetstvuyu, Turin!
Sovsem nedavno (20 Sep 94) Turin Brothers -> All:
Po absolyutno nerastyazhimoj niti polzet absolyutno uprugaya obez®yana. V levom
kolene nahoditsya rtut'. Mimo po svoim delam proletaet demon Maksvella. Na kakom
rasstoyanii ot tochki podvesa on dolzhen zadet' nit', chtoby obez®yana povisla na
petle gisterezisa ? (10 ballov)
TB> By! Turin Brothers.
TB> + Origin: Pryamyh linij ne byvaet. (2:5020/275.50)
Prizrachno vash, -- A. G. {* andrey@frontline.kiev.ua *}
ch Cause we guarding the palace so majestic...
-+- Dread 2.42.G0214+
+ Origin: * Babylon Frontline * (2:463/5.33)
=============================================================================
Hello Mikel!
Still alive and smile stays on, Vadim Tkachenko
+ Origin: Mental Equipment (FidoNet 2:463/21)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 43 of 100 + 60
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 29 Sep 94 13:22:10
To : All 01 Oct 94 17:08:32
Subj : 4hf
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Vot otprysk (6 let) sochinil anekdot:
ZHena posylaet muzha v detskij sad za rebyankom. Tot uhodit i vozvrashchaetsya s
chuzhim dityam.
ZHena sprashivaet:
- Ty zachem chuzhogo privyal? |to zhe ne nash.
- Da ladno, kakaya raznica? Zavtra ved' vsya ravno obratno v sad vesti...
Sergey
-+- GoldED 2.42.G1219
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 45 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 28 Sep 94 23:31:24
To : All 01 Oct 94 17:08:32
Subj : iz zapasov
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Tony Leontyev, 2:5020/231.19 (Wednesday September 28 1994 00:05)
* To : All
* Subj : iz zapasov
=============================================================================
Buenos dias, All, salyam, odnako, alejkum!
Softpanorama 1992, No. 1(25) *** HUMOR *** Sostavitel': .. BEZRUKOV
**********************************************************************
PRIZYVY CP P|VM 80x86 K NOVOMU GODU
-----------------------------------
01. S Novym, kollegi, 07C8h godom!
02. Da zdravstvuet vsepobezhdayushchee istoricheskoe nasledie Bulya,
T'yuringa, SHennona, Nejmana!
03. Lejbnic umer, no delo ego zhivet!
04. Iz vseh registrov dlya nas vazhnejshim yavlyaetsya CS!
05. CHem bol'she my zatolknem v stek segodnya, tem bol'she my vy-
tolknem iz nego zavtra!
06. Programmisty! SHire ispol'zujte registr CX v schetchikah
cikla!
07. SHirokie krugi progressivnoj obshchestvennosti gnevno protes-
tuyut protiv nedostojnyh popytok pojti v obhod procedur BIOS!
08. Tovarishchi hakery! Doloj nizkopoklonstvo v komp®yuternoj
terminologii! Razvivajte nacional'nye yazyki programmirovaniya!
09. Vytalkivanie lishnego slova iz steka pri vyhode iz
obrabotchika INT 25h - pochetnyj dolg i obyazannost' kazhdogo program-
mista!
0A. Tovarishchi pol'zovateli! Eshche tesnee splotim periferijnye
ustrojstva vokrug rodnogo Central'nogo Bloka!
0B. Iz "ISKRY" vozgoritsya plamya!
0C. Da zdravstvuet OS ADOS i MP KM 1810VM86 - peredovye rube-
zhi otechestvennoj tehnologii!
0D. Ruki proch' ot shiny pitaniya!
0E. Vyshe flag vspomogatel'nogo perenosa!
A. Mogilevec, Vinnica
* * *
Avtor neizvesten
ODA PARLAMETSKIM RADIKALAM
( po motivam "Pesni o Burevestnike" )
Letel c obryva otvazhnyj Gor'kij,
a snizu more besilos' diko,
I Gor'kij padal v puchinu zluyu,
letat' pytayas', masha rukami,
No on ne mozhet vzmetnut'sya v nebo,
i glupyj pingvin glyadel trevozhno,
Kak to, chto bylo otvazhnym Gor'kim,
volna bol'shaya o bereg bila.
I esli kto-to brosat'sya budet
c vysokoj kryshi vniz golovoyu,
Vopya pri etom, chto mudrost' zhizni -
razbit' svoj cherep o tverdyj kamen',
Ne nado prygat' za etim psihom -
slomaesh' sheyu, i trup tvoj budet
Lezhat' v vonyuchej i gryaznoj luzhe,
i krov' c asfal'ta dozhdyami smoet.
===============================================================
Luck n' Love,
Tony aka Jet Fraer, former STARBASE Navigator
=== Paranoic Mail Reader
+ Origin: I was young & foolish then-I feel old & foolish now. (2:5020/231.19)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 56 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 30 Sep 94 07:53:52
To : All 04 Oct 94 21:25:28
Subj : 2 4 HF.
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Intro :
Song :
Cycles For Nothing
(i want my
i want my
i want my X-MP!)
Now look at them yo-yo's that's
the way you do it
You run the fortran on the X-MP
That ain't hackin' that's the way
you do it
Cycles for nothin', gigabits for free
Now that ain't hackin' that's the way
you do it
Lemme tell ya them guys ain't dumb
Maybe Monte Carlo on a three-quark
system
Maybe design a little neutron bomb
We gotta install microwave uplinks
Custom fuzzballs for everyone
We gotta link up DDS circuits
BERT and loopback tests to run
See the kid professor with the blue
jeans and the necktie
Yeah buddy that's his own hair
That kid professor got his Nobel
prize now
That kid professor he's a millionaire
We gotta install microwave uplinks
Custom fuzzballs for everyone
We gotta link up DDS circuits
BERT and loopback tests to run
I shoulda stuck to writing in fortran
I shoulda kept that old 029
Look at that output, he got it stacked
up to the ceilin'
I bet he ain't read one line
And in there, what's that?
A hundred postdocs?
Bangin' on the keyboards like some
chimpanzees
That ain't hackin' that's the way you
do it
Cycles for nothin', gigabits for free
We gotta install microwave uplinks
Custom fuzzballs for everyone
We gotta link up DDS circuits
BERT and loopback tests to run
by Matt Crawford
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : Software for Nothing
Original : Money for Nothing
Group : Dire Straits
Author : Brent CJ Britton
Intro :
Song :
Software for Nothing
====================
by: Brent CJ Britton
With appoligies to Mark Knopfler.
I waaaant my.. I waaaant my... I waaaant my C-R-T......
Now look at them hackers,
That's the way ya' do it.
Ya' play with mem'ry that you cannot see.
Now that ain't workin, that's the way ya do it.
Get your software for nothing and your chips for free.
Now that ain't workin, gotta CPU-it.
Let me tell ya, them guys ain't dumb.
Maybe crash the system with your little finger,
Maybe crash the system with your thumb.
We got to install micro-data-bases,
Gotta make things run like a breeeeze.
We gotta help these foreign students,
We gotta help these mindless E.E.'s...
The little Hacker with the Pepsi and the Munchos:
Yeah, buddy, don't like to SHARE...
The little Hacker got his own compiler,
The little guy don't change his underwear.
We got to install the latest debugger,
Under budget, and optimiiiiiiized.
We got to have more muddy-black coffee,
We got a green glow in our eyyyyyyes...
I shoulda' learned to play with Pascal.
I shoulda' learned to program some.
Look at that drive, I'm gonna stick it on the channel,
Man, it's better than the old one...
And who's up there, what's that? Beeping noises?
He's bangin on the keyboard like a chimpanze.
Oh that aint workin, that's the way ya do it,
Get your software for nothin', get your chips for free.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : Tap My Wire
Original : Light my Fire
Group : The Doors
Author : Maarten Loss <90406025@hse.nl>
Intro : In addition to the neverending flow of hack-n-roll songs,
I decided to post this one. It's based on the all time
Doors-hit "Light my fire".
Song :
Tap my wire (the more's)
~~~~~~~~~~
You know that I would be untrue
You know that I would be a 'foo'
If I was to say to you
We couldn't hack ourselves to root
Come on hackers tap a wire
Come on hackers tap a wire
Try to set the mode-bits higher
The time to sit and watch is gone
No time to linger in the shell
Try to make crack-programs run
Yes we will make the tty's bell
Come on hackers tap a wire
Come on hackers tap a wire
Try to set the mode-bits higher
>---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Best regards, 73!, 88! ;), Sergey.
---
-+- GoldED 2.40+
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 58 of 100 + 59
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 30 Sep 94 07:53:28
To : All 04 Oct 94 21:25:32
Subj : 4 HF.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Construction project, Atomic Bomb
The following paper is taken from The journal of
Irreproducible Results, Volume 25/Number 4/1979. P.O. Box 234
Chicago Heights, Illinois 60411 Subscription's 1 year for $3.70
1. INTRODUCTION
Worldwide controversy has been generated recently from
several court decisions in the United States which have
restricted popular magazines from printing articles which
describe how to make an atomic bomb. The reason usually given by
the courts is that national security would be compromised if such
information were generally available. But, since it is commonly
known that all of the information is publicly available in most
major metropolitan libraries, obviously the court's officially
stated position is covering up a more important factor; namely,
that such atomic devices would prove too difficult for the
average citizen to construct. The United States courts cannot
afford to insult the vast majorities by insinuating that they do
not have the intelligence of a cabbage, and thus the "official"
press releases claim national security as a blanket restriction.
The rumors that have unfortunately occurred as a result of
widespread misinformation can (and must) be cleared up now, for
the construction project this month is the construction of a
thermonuclear device, which will hopefully clear up any
misconceptions you might have about such a project. We will see
how easy it is to make a device of your very own in ten easy
steps, to have and hold as you see fit, without annoying
interference from the government or the courts.
The project will cost between $5,000 and $30,000 dollars,
depending on how fancy you want the final product to be. Since
last week's column, "Let's Make a Time Machine", was received so
well in the new step-by-step format, this month's column will
follow the same format.
2. CONSTRUCTION METHOD
1. First, obtain about 50 pounds (110 kg) of weapons grade
Plutonium at your local supplier (see NOTE 1). A nuclear power
plant is not recommended, as large quantities of missing
Plutonium tends to make plant engineers unhappy. We suggest that
you contact your local terrorist organization, or perhaps the
Junior Achievement in your neighborhood.
2. Please remember that Plutonium, especially pure, refined
Plutonium, is somewhat dangerous. Wash your hands with soap and
warm water after handling the material, and don't allow your
children or pets to play in it or eat it. Any left over
Plutonium dust is excellent as an insect repellant. You may wish
to keep the substance in a lead box if you can find one in your
local junk yard, but an old coffee can will do nicely.
3. Fashion together a metal enclosure to house the device. Most
common varieties of sheet metal can be bent to disguise this
enclosure as, for example, a briefcase, a lunch pail, or a Buick.
Do not use tinfoil.
4. Arrange the Plutonium into two hemispheral shapes, separated
by about 4 cm. Use rubber cement to hold the Plutonium dust
together.
5. Now get about 100 pounds (220 kg) of trinitrotoluene (TNT).
Gelignite is much better, but messier to work with. Your helpful
hardware man will be happy to provide you with this item.
6. Pack the TNT around the hemisphere arrangement constructed in
step 4. If you cannot find Gelignite, fell free to use TNT
packed in with Playdo or any modeling clay. Colored clay is
acceptable, but there is no need to get fancy at this point.
7. Enclose the structure from step 6 into the enclosure made in
step 3. Use a strong glue such as "Crazy Glue" to bind the
hemisphere arrangement against the enclosure to prevent
accidental detonation which might result from vibration or
mishandling.
8. To detonate the device, obtain a radio controlled (RC) servo
mechanism, as found in RC model airplanes and cars. With a
modicum of effort, a remote plunger can be made that will strike
a detonator cap to effect a small explosion. These detonatior
caps can be found in the electrical supply section of your local
supermarket. We recommend the "Blast-O-Mactic" brand because
they are no deposit-no return.
9. Now hide the completed device from the neighbors and
children. The garage is not recommended because of high humidity
and the extreme range of temperatures experienced there. Nuclear
devices have been known to spontaneously detonate in these
unstable conditions. The hall closet or under the kitchen sink
will be perfectly suitable.
10. Now you are the proud owner of a working thermonuclear
device! It is a great ice-breaker at parties, and in a pinch,
anc be used for national defense.
3. THEORY OF OPERATION
The device basically works when the detonated TNT compresses
the Plutonium into a critical mass. The critical mass then
produces a nuclear chain recation similar to the domino chain
reaction (discussed in this column, "Dominos on the March",
March, 1968). The chain reaction then promptly produces a big
thermonuclear reaction. And there you have it, a 10 megaton
explosion!
4. NEXT MONTH'S COLUMN
In next month's column, we will learn how to clone your
neighbor's wife in six easy steps. This project promises to be
an exciting weekend full of fun and profit. Common kitchen
utensils will be all you need. See you next month!
5. NOTES
1. Plutonium (PU), atomic number 94, is a radioactive metallic
element formed by the decay of Neptunium and is similar in
chemical structure to Uranium, Saturium, Jupiternium, and Marisum.
6. PREVIOUS MONTH'S COLUMNS
1. Let's Make Test Tube Babies! May, 1979
2. Let's Make a Solar System! June, 1979
3. Let's Make a Economic Recession! July, 1979
4. Let's Make an Anti-Gravity Machine! August, 1979
5. Let's Make Contact with an Alien Race! September, 1979
Best regards, 73!, 88! ;), Sergey.
-+- GoldED 2.40+
+ Origin: Net boga, krome Vinni-Puha, i Karlson prorok ego! (2:5020/268.5)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 59 of 100 - 58
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 30 Sep 94 07:53:46
To : All 04 Oct 94 21:25:34
Subj : 4 HF.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
By: Andrew Kovalev
To: All
Re: Songs.1
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : VAX Raphosdy
Original : Bohemian Rhapsody
Group : Queen
Author : Russell Street
Intro :
Song :
VAX Raphosdy
------------
Is this the real login:?
Is it a trap?
Caught on a terminal
No escape from the committee
Open your mail
Look up to the skies
And see...
I'm just a poor hacker,
I need no sympathy
Because I'm easy come, easy go
Little high, little low
Hit me where the wind blows,
Doesn't really matter to me, to me
Momma, just killed a VAX
Type a command into the shell,
Hit RETURN, now it's dead
Momma, my account had just begun
And now I've gone and thrown it all away
Momma, didn't mean to make you crash
If I'm not back on this time tomorrow
Hack on, hack on as if nothing really matters
Too late -- my time has come
Sent shivers down my spine
Bodies aching all the time
Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Got to leave you all behind and face the truth
Momma, (every way the wind blows)
I don't wanna kicked off,
I sometimes wish I'd never logged on at all
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : UNIX
Original : Money
Group : Pink Floyd
Author : Jim Flanagan
Intro : In the spirit of the UNIX rock adaptations, I drag this
out.
Song :
UNIX* [To the tune of _Money_ by Pink Floyd]
----
UNIX, it's a gas;
grab that VAX with
both hands and
make it crash.
UNIX, it's a hit;
Don't give me that
PC DOS Bullshit.
I'm into well benchmarked
POSIX Open Systems
I think I need a RISC chip.
UNIX, jmp back;
I'm all niced now
pop your frame off of
my stack.
*UNIX is a trademark of AT&T
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : Write in C
Original : Let it Be
Group : Beatles
Author :
Intro :
Song :
Write in C
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."
As the deadline fast approaches,
And bugs are all that I can see,
Somewhere, someone whispers:
"Write in C."
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
LOGO's dead and buried,
Write in C.
I used to write a lot of FORTRAN,
For science it worked flawlessly.
Try using it for graphics!
Write in C.
If you've just spent nearly 30 hours
Debugging some assembly,
Soon you will be glad to
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
Only wimps use BASIC.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C
Write in C, oh, Write in C.
Pascal won't quite cut it.
Write in C.
Write in C, Write in C,
Write in C, yeah, Write in C.
Don't even mention COBOL.
Write in C.
(and what about C++ ?)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : The Alternative Wall
Original : The Wall
Group : Pink Floyd
Author : ?
Intro : Here's a set of pseudosongs which is the
result of several long
drunken nights talking on a bulletin board
between London &
Aberystwyth (220+ miles apart)... circa 1988.
Song :
The Alternative Wall:-
Established by:- Anarchy, Atropos, White,
Roadrunner>>>++>>, & Giant Hogweed.
Nobody On
---------
I got keyboard corns on my fingers,
I got a Ethernet Pad for a brain,
I got a VDU to prop up my mortal remains.
My programs always fail,
I got a strong urge to MAIL
But I got no-one to MAIL to,
MAIL to,
MAIL to..
Oh, babe, when I send down the phone,
There's still nobody on...
The Alternative Wall, Part Two.
Does anybody here remember DEC?
Remember how the manual
Was useless to me
In every way.
UNIX, what has become of you?
Can any other O/S be quite as slow as you...
The Alternative Wall, Part Three.
The Trial
---------
Good Morning, ROOT, your honour,
The dump will plainly show the user who now stands before
you
Was caught red-handed in the system
Crudely hacking in a truly vicious nature
This will not do!
CALL THE LOGFILE!
"I always said he'd come to no good didn't I, ROOT, your
honour,
If they let me have my way I'd have him banned from the
VAX!
But my hands were tied,
The bleeding hearts and artists
Not to mention the Dave Prices
Wouldn't let me throw him off!"
-- Dedicated to Atropos The Wanderer.
The Alternative Wall, Part Four.
The UNIX Login Software
-----------------------
Is there anybody out there?
(repeat ad nauseam)
The Alternative Wall, Part Five.
One of My Hacks
---------------
Log onto the system
On that lurid green screen
You'll find there's no response!
Don't look so frightened,
this is just a passing crash,
One of my bad hacks!
Would you like to watch TV,
Well, that's no use to me
I want to watch you squirm
As you try to get logged on!
Do you want to call the OPS,
Do you think it's time I stopped?
Why are you running away?
The Alternative Wall, Part Six.
Filled Up Spaces / What Shall We Do Now?
----------------------------------------
What shall we use to trash
The filled up spaces on the archive tape?
How should I hack and leave no traces,
How shall the system completely fall?
The Alternative Wall, Part Seven.
Uncomfortably Numb
------------------
Hello, is there anybody on here?
I'm here but can you see me?
Is there anyone at home?
C'mon now, I hear that MIST is down,
I can ease the pain, maybe bring it up again.
Relax, I need some information first,
Just the basic facts, have you hacked the system Snurt?
There is no shell, your call is clearing,
The distant chips smoke on the breadboard,
You are only coming through off pads,
Your fingers move but I can't see what you're typing.
When I was a child I caught a virus,
My filebase swelled just like two balloons
Now I've got that feeling once again,
I can't explai(core dumped), you would not understand,
This is not how I am.
I have become uncomfortably numb.
The Alternative Wall, Part Eight.
In a Flash
----------
So ya
Thought ya
Might like to
Go to the show
To feel the thrill of board hacking,
That luminescent glow.
I've got some bad news for you, sunshine
OPS not around, 'cos Node 5 is down,
And they sent us along, they've gone to the bar,
And we're going to find out who you guys
Really are.
Have we got any oppos on the system tonight?
Grep 'em up against the wall.
There's one on Bullet,
He don't look right to me,
Grep him up agaist the wall.
That one's called Badger,
And that one's Tyrone,
Who let all this riffraff on their own;
There's one smoking a joint and
Another with sandals?
If I had my way
I'd have all of you shot.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : Unix Man
Original : Nowhere Man
Group : Beatles
Author : Brad Morrison
Intro :
Song :
UNIX Man (to The Beatles' "Nowhere Man")
--------
He's a real UNIX Man
Sitting in his UNIX LAN
Making all his UNIX .plans
For nobody
Knows the blocksize from 'du'
Cares not where /dev/null goes to
Isn't he a bit like you
And me?
UNIX Man, don't worry
It's the tube that's blurry
UNIX Man
The new kernel boots, just like you had planned
He's as wise as he can be
Programs in lex, yacc and C
UNIX Man, can you help me
At all?
UNIX Man, please listen
My printout is missin'
UNIX Man
The wo-o-o-orld is your 'at' command
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : Waiting for The Sun
Original : Waiting for The Sun
Group : The Doors
Author : Jamie Mason
Intro : This one is dedicated to all you folks who have inadequate, slow
computing facilties. (We don't! We just got an upgrade! :-)
Song :
Waiting for the Sun (by Jamie Mason, to the Doors tune of the same name)
-------------------
At first flash of daylight,
We're still hacking in C.
Sitting there
Bashing one last Bug
Waiting for the Sun,
Waiting for the Sun,
Waiting for the Sun.
Can't you feel it,
Now that work is due,
That it's time to
Fight for some CPU
Waiting for the Sun,
Waiting for the Sun,
Waiting for the Sun.
Waiting for the Sun.
Waiting... Waiting... Waiting... Waiting...
Waiting... Waiting... Waiting... Waiting...
Waiting for Make is
Such a bore.
Waiting for a.out to
Stop dumping core...
Waiting for some cycles
All day long.
Waiting for adb to tell me what went wrong.
This is the strangest
Bug I've ever known.
Can't you feel it,
Now that work is due,
That it's time to fight
For some CPU
Waiting for the Sun,
Waiting for the Sun,
Waiting for the Sun.
Waiting for the Sun.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : Gateway To Heaven
Original : Stairway To Heaven
Group : Led Zeppelin
Author : EileenET Tronolone
Intro : I just had to send it in, fellas. I'm sorry. I could not let all
that stuff go by and not send it in.
Song :
Gateway To Heaven
There's a lady who knows
All the systems and nodes
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
She telnets there, she knows
All the ports have been closed
With a nerd she can get
Files she came for
Woohoohoo
Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
There's an motd
But she wants to be sure
Cos she knows sometimes hosts have
Two domains
In a path by the NIC
There's a burdvax that pings
Sometimes all of our flames
are cross-posted
Woohoohoo
Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
And it's processed by root
Unix Labs will reboot
NCR will then listen to reason
And a prompt will respawn
For those yet to logon
And the networks will echo much faster
Woohoohoo
Woo Hoo Hoo HooHoo
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
If there's a lookup in your netstat
don't be .alarmed now
it's just a pinging from the link queen
Yes there are two routes you can type in
but in the long run
there's still time to change the net you're on
(I hope so!)
And as we find stuff to download
We ftp and we chmod
There was a sysadm we know
Who changed the server to her own
She had root privs and she used chown
She hacked out on the DDN
And if you tail her stdin
Then you will find what you had lost
And get it back with cpio
To be a hack and not to scroll...
And she's byteing a Gateway to Heaven
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : Berkeley 4.3
Original : Yellow Submarine
Group : Beatles
Author : Jim Finnis
Intro : [fragment]
Song :
In the RAM
where I was forked,
lived a ROM,
who sailed the C...
And he told,
me of his life,
in the Berkeley,
4.3...
We all live in the Berkeley 4.3,
Berkeley 4.3, Berkeley 4.3.
We all live in the Berkeley 4.3,
Berkeley 4.3, Berkeley 4.3.
((c) White the Wizard productions Ltd, 1987)
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Title : Cycles For Nothing
Original : Money For Nothing
Group : Dire Straits
---
-+- GoldED 2.40+
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 65 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 03 Oct 94 08:58:26
To : All 04 Oct 94 21:25:38
Subj : .arite devushkam cvety
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Forwarded by Sergey Jhukov (2:5045/18)
* Area : FE.SEX (FE.SEX)
* From : Ilya Bartkoff, 2:5045/6 (28 Sep 94 16:50)
* To : All
* Subj : Darite devushkam cvety
=============================================================================
@RealName: Il'ya Bartkov
Hi, muzhiki!
A vot menya nedavno posetilo "otkrovenie" - v vide simpatichnoj seroglazoj
devushki. ;)
Mne dovodilos' ;) darit' devushkam cvety. YA videl - im priyatno, lichiko ulybaetsya,
gubki sami v poceluj skladyvayutsya. No ya ne mog PONYATX - chto zh IH tak privlekaet
v etoj raznocvetnoj trave?
Tak vot, muzhiki. Predstav'te, chto vasha devushka darit vam - prosto tak! - banochku
pyva!
O, kakaya ona krasivaya! - dumaete vy (o banochke, razumeetsya ;) Vy chitaete nadpis'
na banochke - O! o!!! OOO! "Old Miluoki"! da eto zhe moe lyubimoe pyvo! Kak ona
dogadalas'!? Molodchina, nado ee pocelovat', poka ot menya pyvom ne pahnet! :)
Pokonchiv blagodarit' devushku vy plotno prihvatyvaete zapotevshuyu holodnuyu banochku
levoj rukoj - i dergaete za kolechko! Vot! vot ono! mmm...! i delaete glotochek,
samyj pervyj, malen'kij - chtob ocenit' vsyu prelest' sego napitka. Devushka vidit
- vy zakryli glaza, na lice polnoe blazhenstvo!
CHchchert! Kakoj kajf! i sleduet polnovesnyj, s pribul'kivaniem glotok.
Konechno, vy vyp'ete etu banochku - rano ili pozdno. No u vas ostanetsya oshchushchenie
priyanoj tyazhesti v zheludke, raduzhnye vospominaniya, vy budete perepolneny
blagodarnost'yu! (Kotoraya cherez nekotoroe vremya poprositsya naruzhu ;)
Vy mozhete banochku promyt', prosushit' i polozhit' v al'bom... t'fu! postavit' na
polochku - i periodicheski smotret' i vspominat'... vspominat'...
A chto bylo by, esli b eto byla CELAYA KORZINA??!!
Darite devushkam cvety, muzhiki, ved' oni ispytyvayut pochti TE-ZHE SAMYE chuvstva!
Nashe Vam!
BiB.
-+- GoldED/2 2.50.A0531+
+ Origin: A chto eto u tebya v banochke - pyvo ili kvas? (2:5045/6)
=============================================================================
Hello, Mikel!
4hf sgoditsya? :)
Udachi, Sergey
-+- GoldED/2 2.50.B0822+
+ Origin: Security Center (423)226-5675 w.t.- +7(msk) 23:00-8:00 (2:5045/18)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 68 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 03 Oct 94 15:07:10
To : All 05 Oct 94 15:52:52
Subj : ...
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : RU.ANEKDOT (RU.ANEKDOT)
From : Svetlana Shashkova (2:5045/7.7), Thursday September 29 1994 12:16
Subj : ...
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
- Adam, pochemu ty tak podzno vernulsya? S kem ty provel etot
vecher?
- Nu, chto ty pridumyvaesh'? Ved' nas, Eva, v rayu tol'ko dvoe.
No kogda Adam zasypaet, Eva na vsyakij sluchaj pereschityvaet ego
rebra.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
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Msg : 73 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 03 Oct 94 20:18:28
To : All 05 Oct 94 21:11:26
Subj : .rikoly vseh professij...
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : RU.ANEKDOT (RU.ANEKDOT)
* From : Vladimir Lavrov, 2:5020/130 (Friday September 30 1994 12:06)
* To : All
* Subj : Prikoly vseh professij...
=============================================================================
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Vladimir Lavrov (2:5020/130)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : KIRill Tereshenko, 2:5020/194.23 (Srd Sen 28 1994 17:49)
* To : Alexander Minin
* Subj : Prikoly vseh professij...
=============================================================================
Privetstvuyu Alexander!
24 Sep 94, Alexander Minin ----> KIRill Tereshenko:
Posetitel' v restorane dolgo rassmatrivaet menyu, potom podzyvaet
oficianta i govorit:
-Mne odnu porciyu ahvlediani.
-No eto nevozmozhno!
-Pochemu?
-Ahvlediani - eto nash direktor!
Best regards, WANDERER
-+- GolDED 2.40+7(095)Nice
+ Origin: Na stene otkrylsya lyuk - ne pugajsya - ya prishel... (2:5020/194.23)
=============================================================================
Privetstvuyu Vas, All!
Vysshij pilotazh!
Vsego nailuchshego.
Volodya.
=== Gvozdem na stenke lifta.
+ Origin: Lubertsy Russia MailOnly 22:00-09:30 (2:5020/130)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 80 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 05 Oct 94 10:38:58
To : All 06 Oct 94 04:54:56
Subj : Losung
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
(Metalurgi)
Nasha sila v plavkah!
(Avtobusniki)
Kazhdomu pasazhiru po myagkomu mestu!
(Truboprokatchiki)
Truba strane truba narodu!
(Himiki)
Upejsya Rodina neft'yu!
(Raketchiki)
Nasha cel' - kommunizm!
(Pticefabrika)
Udarim nashimi yajcami po mezhdunarodnomu rynku!
(Stroiteli)
Reshim polovuyu problemu bez skripa!
___
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 84 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 05 Oct 94 20:36:04
To : All 09 Oct 94 00:01:42
Subj : Army
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Real'nyj sluchaj iz zhizni
Znakomyj posle voennogo uchilishcha raspredelilsya programerom na poligon
(na |Ve|m ES-1046). Utrom vyzyvaet ego nachal'nik (ochen' talantlivyj :-) i
sprashivaet:
- Tovarishch lejtenant pochemu eto u Vas vychislitel'nyj centr do sih por ne rabotaet
?
- Tak problemy s sistemoj, ne gruzitsya mashina...
- Tak, dayu Vam eshche chas, lyudej ne dam - berite sami gde hotite, no chtoby cherez
chas mashinu zagruzili.
Dimon
-+- |ksgibicionist na pensii 2.42.G0214+ goda
+ Origin: Ne znaya broda propusti vpered druga. (2:463/380.1)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 85 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 05 Oct 94 20:35:36
To : All 09 Oct 94 00:01:44
Subj : .o daet. - 4hf?
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Area : REL.HUMOR (REL.HUMOR)
* From : goo@sivka.carrier.kiev.ua, 2:50/128 (Thursday September 22 1994 14:35)
* To : All
* Subj : Vo daet.
=============================================================================
Russkij Levsha sdelal iz cel'nogo kuska
dereva lazernyj printer bez edinogo gvozdya.
-+-
+ Origin: Consumers' Association Mercury (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello Mikel!
Still alive and smile stays on, Vadim Tkachenko
+ Origin: Mental Equipment (FidoNet 2:463/21)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.1219
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 86 of 100 - 60 + 87
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 06 Oct 94 09:10:20
To : All 09 Oct 94 00:23:06
Subj : 4HF
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Area : RU.ANEKDOT (RU.ANEKDOT)
* From : Igor Mynkin, 2:5000/26.19 (28 Sep 94 13:01)
* To : Turin Brothers
* Subj : Anekdoty o fizike, kto znaet, pishite v ehu, ochen' nado!
=============================================================================
Hello Turin!
I.
Byla postavlena zadacha:
-Rasschitat' ustojchivost' stola s 4(chetyr'mya) nozhkami
- Inzhener za nedelyu rasschital ustojchivost' stola s 4 nozhkami
- Fizik-teoretik 15 let iskal obshchee reshenie dlya stola s proizvol'nym
kolichestvom nozhek, posle chego podstavil v formulu N=4
- Fizik-eksperimentator momental'no nashel reshenie dlya dvuh predel'nyh sluchaev
N=1 i beskonechnosti, a rezul'taty za 5 minut interpoliroval k promezhutochnomu
znacheniyu N=4.
II.
Fizika i matematika posadili v samolet, letyashchij nad Tehasom s zadaniem
zapisyvat' vse, chto oni vidyat vnizu.
Zapis' v bloknote fizika:
-V Tehase vodyatsya chernye ovcy.
Zapis' v bloknote matematika:
-V nekotoroj tochke Tehasa imeetsya ovca, chernaya sverhu.
III (pravda, ne o fizike).
SHerlok Holms(H) i doktor Vatson(V) otpravilis' v polet na vozdushnom
share. Neozhidanno naletel zhutkij shkval - ni zemli, ni neba; neset neizvestno,kuda
- i tak neskol'ko chasov...
Vot, nakonec, vremennoe zatish'e - "glaz buri" - i oni nachinayut
prizemlyat'sya na polyanku v absolyutno neznakomoj mestnosti. Na nih s interesom
smotrit kakoj-to chelovek(CH).
V., obrashchayas' k CH.: S|R, skazhite nam pozhalujsta, gde my nahodimsya?...
CH.: (posle dlitel'nogo glubokogo razdumiya) Po-moemu, vy nahodites' v gondole
vozdushnogo shara.
Tut vnov' naletel vihr', ni zemli, ni neba etc.
V. (sudorozhno hvatayas' za vse podryad): Holms, vam ne pokazalsya strannym etot
dzhentel'men
H. (raskurivaya trubku): On, bez somneniya, matematik.
V. (:-O ) : Pochemu vy tak v etom uvereny?!
H.: Vo-pervyh, on ochen' dolgo obdumyval svoj otvet.
Vo-vtoryh, on dal sovershenno pravil'nyj otvet.
V-tret'ih, etot pravil'nyj otvet nafig nikomu ne nuzhen.
S uvazheniem,
Igor
-+-
+ Origin: Radioelektronika - eto nauka o hrenovyh kontaktah (2:5000/26.19)
=============================================================================
Hello Mikel!
Hm.
Best regards,
Vsevolod
-+- (C) 1994 Vsevolod Shabad
+ Origin: Nikto, krome nas! (c) VDV (2:5020/202)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 88 of 100 - 87
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 06 Oct 94 09:13:26
To : All 09 Oct 94 00:23:10
Subj : 4hf
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Area : SU.HUMOR
* From : Alexey Kulentsov, 2:5020/216.6 (01 Okt 94, Subota; 12:40)
* To : Dmitry Ilchyshyn, 2:5020/114
* Subj : boj v pamyati
===============================================================================
Hello Dmitry!
Friday September 23 1994, Dmitry Ilchyshyn writes to Alexey Kulentsov:
DI> [Some voodoo talks skipped...]
AK>> ... Bajty vashi -- budut nashi! AO QEMM.
DI> My boleem za nash UMB ! AO QEMM.
Nedavno na servere nomer 1 byl proveden turnir Uzhasnogo MordoBoya (sokrashchenno
UMB) mezhdu menedzherami pamyati. V otborochnyh sorevnovaniyah pobedili QEMM,
Lastbyte, UMBDRVR i uchastnik ot Rossii HDWUMB. Bol'shie stavki byli takzhe sdelany
na EMM386, no v rezul'tate nepravil'noj politiki trenera on popytalsya postavit'
tochku ostanova na vse porty, ne vyderzhal napryazheniya i povesilsya.
V pervom polufinal'nom boe srazhalis' QEMM i UMBDRVR. Popytka UMBDRVR
perehvatit' na sebya vse UMB ne udalas', tak kak QEMM postavil zasadu u klyuchevyh
portov i pri popytke zalezt' tuda terminiroval UMBDRVR.
Vo vtorom polufinal'nom boe meryalis' silami HDWUMB i LastByte. LastByte
pokazal sebya ochen' neploho i prakticheski uzhe pobedil, no ego podvela negibkaya
tehnika. HDWUMB primenil nestandartnyj priem, podskazannyj emu trenerom, i vybil
OZU iz pod nog LastByte, v rezul'tate chego tot pogib.
V final'nom boe vstrechalis' HDWUMB i QEMM. QEMM k etomu vremeni poluchil
upgrade, i trener HDWUMB podal protest, kotoryj byl otklonen. Na press-
konferencii HDWUMB skazal, chto budet borot'sya do poslednego, dazhe esli QEMM
budet poluchat' apgrejdy pryamo vo vremya boya. |ti intriguyushchie sobytiya privlekli k
boyu mnozhestvo zritelej, i OZU bylo perepolneno. Vo vremya boya QEMM ispol'zoval
svoyu ispytannuyu taktiku perehvata portov i ne daval HDWUMB priblizit'sya ni k
odnoj tochke, kotoruyu schital vazhnoj. Agressivnye ataki HDWUMB zakanchivalis'
neudachami. Tak prodolzhalos' uzhe okolo 3 sekund, kogda HDWUMB primenil priem,
zakonchivshijsya katastrofoj. Nikto tak i ne uznaet, chto eto bylo, tak kak teatr
voennyh dejstvij byl polnost'yu razrushen, a vse zriteli pogibli. Odni govoryat,
chto prichinoj tragedii byla zapozdalaya reakciya QEMM, kotoryj slishkom pozdno
zametil opasnost' ocherednoj ataki, no popytalsya vse-taki likvidirovat' ee
posledstviya. Po drugoj versii, HDWUMB pered boem poluchil sekretnyj upgrade,
pozvolyayushchij pisat' v pamyat' nezametno ot QEMM.
Kakovy by ni byli prichiny tragedii, sledstviem yavilos' povyshenie populyarnosti
HIMEMa, a takzhe provedennye organizaciej GreenPeace mitingi pod lozungami "Doloj
UMB!" i "My hotim bezopasnogo OZU dlya nashih detej!".
Reportazh podgotovil vneshtatnyj reporter gazety "Byurstez" Kulencov.
S uvazheniem,
Kulencov.
-=- GoldED 2.42.G1121
+ Origin: kiberneticheskij -=:Akul:=- (2:5020/216.6)
===============================================================================
Privet Mikel!
S nailuchshimi pozhelaniyami, Gleb
-+-
+ Origin: Strane davno uzhe nuzhen drugoj narod. (2:5020/114)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 93 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 07 Oct 94 11:50:22
To : All 09 Oct 94 00:45:20
Subj : "Army Of Lovers"
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* Area : IV.GENERAL (IV.GENERAL)
* From : Dmitriy Zykov, 2:5026/6 (05 Oct 94 15:00)
* To : Andrey Vasilev
* Subj : "Army Of Lovers"
=============================================================================
Hi Andrey!
In a msg of <05 Oct 94>, Andrey Vasilev writes to Dmitriy Zykov:
DZ>> A, ladno. Soglasen na nich'yu. Tem bolee, chto Armiya Lyubitelej Seksa ;)
AV> Rascenil kak naezd :-). V nazvanii ni slova o sekse, tol'ko o lyubvi.
Davaj razberemsya. "Army Of Lovers" bukval'no perevoditsya kak "Armiya
Lyubovnikov" (Esli ya ne prav - pust' samye krutye avtoritety v oblasti
anglijskogo SM i AS menya popravyat). Itak - "lyubovnikov". A kto, sobstvenno
govorya, nazyvaetsya "lyubovnikom"? Imenno "lyubovnikom", a ne "vlyublennym"?
|to chelovek, kotoryj, vyrazhayas' terminologiej zapadnoj videoprodukcii,
"zanimaetsya lyubov'yu" (esli govorit' o sovetskih tradiciyah, to "lyubovnik" dolzhen
obyazatel'no ne imet' v svoem pasporte lyubyh upominanij o vtorom lyubovnike).
No chto znachit - "zanimat'sya lyubov'yu"? Vot hrestomatijnyj primer. Esli
ty priglasil devushku v kino, to chto - ty "zanimaesh'sya s nej lyubov'yu"? Ili,
skazhem, prosto zhdesh' ee celyj chas pod prolivnym dozhdem s buketom cvetov - eto
tozhe "zanimat'sya s nej (ili s buketom) lyubov'yu"? Otnyud'.
Poetomu, esli my otbrosim v storonu vysshuyu formu lyubvi - lyubov'
sovetskogo naroda k rodnoj Kommunisticheskoj partii, to ponyatie "zanimat'sya
lyubov'yu" imeet dostatochno odnoznachnoe tolkovanie - eto intimnaya blizost' so
svoim... e-e-e... partnerom (ili partnerami - delo vkusa).
Teper' - chto est' intimnaya blizost'? Sushchestvuet tri ponyatiya, kotorye ee
harakterizuyut kak so storony storonnego nablyudatelya, tak i so storony
neposredstvennogo uchastnika obsuzhdaemogo tainstva.
So storony sozercatelya intimnaya blizost' v zavisimosti ot rasstoyaniya
klassificiruetsya kak erotika ili pornografiya. So storony zhe uchastnika eto
nazyvaetsya ne chem inym, kak, sobstvenno, "seksom". Vprochem, v narode na etot
schet byli raznye mneniya ("V SSSR seksa net!"), no za poslednie gody
ekonomicheskih reform istina vostorzhestvovala.
Vernemsya k "Army Of Lovers" (aka "|skadron moih myslej shal'nyh"). Esli
my govorim ob armii nablyudatelej, to edinstvennoe, chto mozhno predpolozhit' - eto
tolpa izvrashchencev, sidyashchaya v kinoteatre na prosmotre kakoj-nibud' videopornuhi.
No esli my govorim o dejstvuyushchej armii - armii s goryashchshchimi glazami, burlyashchej
krov'yu i golovoj, zabitoj (po slovam devushek) "vsyakimi tam glupostyami", to eto i
est' ne chto inoe, kak "ARMIYA LYUBITELEJ S|KSA".
AV> Teper' ya i tebya budu lyubit'. :-)
Nu uzh na fig. YA budu derzhat'sya ot vashego Universiteta podal'she :)
AV> + Origin: Ne vse razdetoe - seks. (0932)-32-3427 (2:5026/10)
Tochnee - "ne vse razdety - ne seks" :)
Good Luck! :)mitriy
-+- GoldED 2.40+
+ Origin: Govorili zhe Vereshchaginu - "Ne zavodi barkas..." (2:5026/6)
=============================================================================
Hi Mikel!
?
Good Luck! :)mitriy
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 98 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 07 Oct 94 10:44:54
To : All 09 Oct 94 00:45:22
Subj : .ova .iselev: "...... ... ..... ... ... ... ... .... H. ..... ...."
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* Area : REL.HUMOR (REL.HUMOR)
* From : alex@vabank.oryol.su, 2:50/128 (Saturday October 01 1994 12:16)
* To : All
* Subj : Vova Kiselev: "SKAZKA PRO REPKU ILI KAK VSE |TO BYLO NA SAMOM DELE"
=============================================================================
@REPLYADDR alex@vabank.oryol.su
@REPLYTO 2:50/128.0@fidonet
X-RealName: "Alex Olkhovoy"
Subject: Vova Kiselev: "SKAZKA PRO REPKU ILI KAK VSE |TO BYLO NA SAMOM DELE"
@Organization: Va-Bank Television Company
Vova Kiselev
SKAZKA PRO REPKU ILI KAK VSE |TO BYLO NA SAMOM DELE
Posadil ded repku. Vyros etot ovoshch do gigantskih razmerov, dosele
nevidannyh v dannoj mestnosti.
I nastupilo vremya ubirat' urozhaj. I prishel ded na pole, i stal
smotret' na svoyu repku, i ne mog nalyubovat'sya. I ..., net, slishkom
mnogo soyuzov dlya takoj malen'koj skazki.
Prosto ..., e-e, stal on hodit' vokrug repy, predvkushaya izvestnost'
na vsyu okrugu, stat'i v gazetah, a gde izvestnost' tam i den'gi, tam i
vodka, kotoruyu, kstati mozhno zakusit' etoj prekrasnoj repkoj, a dlya
repy takih razmerov nuzhna po men'shej mere cisterna vodki, a gde cis-
terna vodki, tam i bol'shie gulyanki, kotorye privodili v vostorg vese-
logo starichka. Dumaya vse eto on prinyalsya za iz®yatie ovoshcha iz zemli.
Raz potyanul, dva potyanul, hot' by na santimetr sdvinulas'. Opecha-
lilsya ded, potomu chto esli zvat' sosedej, to pridetsya delit'sya slavoj,
a znachit i vsem perechislennym vyshe. No tut on uvidel priblizhayushchuyusya
svoyu suprugu, tak skazat', babku:
- CHto, ded, repu domoj ne nesesh', znatnaya repa. Na vsyu zimu hvatit.
- Da vot, vytashchit' nikak ne mogu.
- Da, ded, sovsem oslab. Ni repy, ni h.. podnyat' ne mozhesh'.
Tut nado skazat', chto babka byla zhenshchina prostaya i v vyrazheniyah ne
stesnyalas'. I hotela ona prosto vyrazit' sozhalenie v tom, chto muzh ne
udovletvoryal ee v seksual'nom plane.
Ded pokrasnel i serdito skazal:
- Vos'moj desyatok uzhe, a vse ob odnom dumaesh', prosti dushu greshnuyu!
SHlyuha!
- Impotent parshivyj!
|to bylo edinstvennoe nauchnoe slovo, kotoroe znala babka. No vygo-
varivala ona ego tverdo i ispol'zovala pri kazhdom udobnom sluchae.
- Ladno, zatknis', shlyuha podzabornaya! Davaj luchshe repu poprobuem
vytashchit'. Hvatajsya szadi.
- Mozhet ya luchshe speredi stanu. Vdrug vozbudish'sya.
- E...., - skazal ded i izmuchenno zakatil glaza k nebu, - Hvatajsya,
komu skazali.
Babka provorchav chego-to, shvatila deda szadi. Potuzhno kryahtya oni
neskol'ko raz potyanuli repku, no tshchetno. Ih usiliya priveli tol'ko k
obryvaniyu pary list'ev botvy.
Teper' nastala ochered' prigoryunit'sya babke. Vdvoem oni seli okolo
zlopoluchnoj repki i slezy navorachivalis' im na glaza.
Tut vdali poyavilas' ih lyubimaya vnuchka. Devushka priyatnaya vo vseh ot-
nosheniyah.
- |j, vnuchen'ka! - vzrevel ded.
CHerez polminuty vnuchka poyavilas' so slovami:
- CHe oresh' ded? Vo, chuma, eto che svekla?!
- Ne, detochka, eto repka.
- Nu ty daesh', ded! Detochka! Vo prikololsya! A che ty takoj oblomlen-
nyj? Mozh kurnut' hochesh'? Ili shirnut'sya? Na, ded, polegchaet. A ty, ba,
hochesh'?
- Odnogo ya hochu. Da navernoe pomru ne poe.....s' naposledok.
- Nu ty vashche, babka. Nimfomanka.
- Da kakaya tam nimfomanka. Davaj, che u tebya tam, konopel'?
- Temnaya ty, babka. |to ne konopel', a marihuana!
- Da nu, a na vid kak konopel'.
- Vot dura-to, - vstavil svoe zamechanie ded, - Odno slovo - shlyuha
tupogolovaya.
- Impotent parshivyj!
- Ladno, predki, chto rasshumelis'?! Sveklu che ne vytaskivaete?
- Da vot, ne mozhem osilit'. Mozhet podsobish'?
- A che ne podsobit'? Vot tol'ko kurnem snachala.
CHto oni i sdelali. Trava byla sil'naya i zacepila semejku konkretno.
Azh do glyukov.
- Glyan'-ka sobaka bezhit ... syuda, - s trudom vygovorila babka.
- |to zh eta ..., kak ee ... e-e ... koshka!!! K-koshka. Kis-kis, -
skazal ded.
- K-k-koshka, ha-ha-ha! - zalilas' gromkim smehom vnuchka. Ona sme-
yalas' minuty poltory vse vremya povtoryaya:
- Ded, ya ne mogu na tebya. K-koshka. Ha-ha-ha!
Zatem ona vse zhe uspookoilas' i skazala:
- K-kakaya k-koshka. |to zhe krysa! Prosto krysa. Kry-sa.
Tut smehom zashlas' babka, i pal'cem pokazyvaya na sobaku, koshku,
krysu, kotoraya na samom dele byla zhirnoj chernoj voronoj, kriknula so
vsej duri:
- Ko mne!!!
Vorona ispugavshis', vzmahnula kryl'yami i uletela.
Na ee otbytie malo kto obratil vnimanie. Ded probormotal sebe pod
nos chto-to tipa: "Vse koshki suki i shlyuhi" i prinyalsya ryt' solominkoj
zemlyu vokrug repy. Nablyudaya ego dejstviya, babka skazala:
- Vot by ty tak zhe chlenom orudoval.
Ded nichego ne otvetil, no stal ryt' eshche ozhestochennee, pochemu i slo-
mal solominku.
CHerez polchasa nachalsya polnyj bardak. Ded sovershal kakie-to neponyat-
nye ritual'nye dvizheniya okolo repy. Babka absolyutno golaya nosilas' vo-
krug deda so slovami:
- Glyan'-ka! Kakaya ya krasivaya. Ded ne obrashchal vnimaniya na nee i pro-
dolzhal svoe dejstvo.
Vnuchka s blazhennoj ulybkoj nablyudala vse proishodyashchee. Hotya mozhet i
ne nablyudala, no glaza u nee byli otkryty.
Vsyu etu grandioznuyu tusovku oblomalo poyavlenie ogromnogo gruzovika.
Ottuda vyshli troe muzhchin. Odin iz nih byl odet v belyj halat, ostal'-
nye v rabochie specovki.
- Gospoda, izvinite, chto prervali vashe vesel'e, - skazal muzhchina v
belom halate i s lyubopytstvom posmotrel na babku. Ta vsya pokrylas'
kraskoj i nakinula na sebya kakuyu-to tryapku.
On prodolzhil:
- Soglasno postanovleniyu Departamenta Nauki, vasha repa podvergaetsya
iz®yatiyu dlya dal'nejshih nauchnyh issledovanij.
Tut do deda doshlo, chto kto-to priehal i on prekratil kruzhit' vokrug
repy i mutnymi glazami posmotrel na Belogo Halata. Tot skomandoval ra-
bochim vytyanut' repu i pogruzit' na mashinu. Tut ded ponyal, chto u nego
hotyat otnyat' lyubimuyu repku:
- Ne pozvolyu! Ub'yu!
On kinulsya s bezumnymi glazami na rabochih, no byl ostanovlen podlym
udarom nizhe poyasa. Starik svalilsya na zemlyu s krikom:
- YAjcy moi, yajcy!
Babka s vnuchkoj migom zavizzhali i zarylis' v otdel'nye chasti babki-
nogo tualeta, lezhavshie nebol'shoj kuchkoj. Tak, nesmotrya na zhalkoe sop-
rotivlenie, repa, na udivlenie legko, byla vyrvana iz zemli i uvezena.
Vsya sem'ya pogruzilas' v skorb'. Byla li eto chistaya skorb' ob utrate
repy ili tak podejstvovali narkotiki? Kakoe eto imeet znachenie! S de-
dom, babkoj i vnuchkoj postupili podlo i beschelovechno, no vse-taki est'
spravedlivost' na svete.
|ta zloschastnaya repa okazalas' zhutko yadovitoj i polovina Central'-
noj biologicheskoj laboratorii otravilas' eyu. Estestvenno na smert'. V
tom chisle i podlyj Belyj Halat, kotoryj byl u nih glavnyj.
A ded, to li s gorya, to li v sledstvii poluchennogo udara v oblast'
polovyh organov, to li po drugoj prichine v tot zhe vecher zanyalsya lyu-
bov'yu s babkoj, pervyj raz za poslednie dvadcat' let.
I zazhili oni schastlivo. I stali sazhat' rozh'. I razvodit' na nej
plesen' po nazvaniem sporyn'ya. Zachem? Kto znaet chto delayut iz spo-
ryn'i, tot pojmet. A kto ne znaet, chto zh, mozhet byt' vam stanet inte-
resno, i vy postaraetes' uznat', chto uzhe samo po sebe zamechatel'no, ne
govorya o tom, chto nakonec zakanchivaetsya eto povestvovanie o gigantskoj
repe, kotoroe izvratili pereskazchiki, prevrativ ee v primitivnuyu skaz-
ku dlya detej.
--
Alex Olkhovoy, VA-BANK Television Company
E-mail : alex@vabank.oryol.su, Fido: 2:5027/9
Voice : +7-086-224-2703(h) OR +7-086-229-6034(w)
-+-
+ Origin: Va-Bank Television Company (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello Mikel!
IMHO, nichego :-)
Still alive and smile stays on, Vadim Tkachenko
+ Origin: Mental Equipment (FidoNet 2:463/21)
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 43 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 07 Oct 94 20:35:24
To : All 12 Oct 94 01:19:58
Subj : 4hf? .z gazety ".se .lya .as"
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ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : .LVM.NETMAIL (Personal netmail)
From : Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/140.1), Saturday October 08 1994 12:04
Subj : 4hf? Iz gazety "Vse Dlya Vas"
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/140.1)
* Area : RU.ANEKDOT (RU.ANEKDOT)
* From : Volodya Yuferev, 2:5052/3.10 (30 Sep 94 12:02)
* To : All
* Subj : Iz gazety "Vse Dlya Vas"
=============================================================================
Den' dobryj, All!
I snova pytayus' vybrat' to, chto eshche ne soizvolili napechatat' moi sograzhdane.
ZHena storogo govorit svoemu muzhu:
- Zapomni raz i navsegda! Esli ya govoryu "milyj moj", ya imeyu vvidu tol'ko nashego
psa.
ZHena vpervye samostoyatel'no otpravilas' na mashine po delam. Vdrug pod kolesami
chto-to zvyaknulo. ZHena ostanovilas' i strudom polozhila vypavshuyu chast' v bagazhnik.
Kogda ona priehala domoj, muzh osmotrel to, chto ona privezla, i skazal:
- Nichego strashnogo! Mozhno ezdit' i dal'she. Tol'ko pridetsya otvezti kryshku ot
kanalizacionnogo lyuka na mesto.
Molodaya supruga govorit svoemu muzhu:
- Dorogoj, ya dolzhna tebe priznat'sya, chto umeyu gotovit' tol'ko dva blyuda -
mannuyu kashu i kompot iz grush.
Muzh posmotrel na blyudo, stoyashchee pered nim i sprosil:
- A eto kotoroe iz nih?
- Govoryat, ty zhenilsya?
- Da, mozhesh' menya pozdravit'.
- A chto, ty dovolen semejnoj zhizn'yu?
- |to to, o chem ya mechtal! Ty, holostyak, ne predstavlyaesh' sebe, chto eto takoe:
prihodish' domoj ustalyj, golodnyj, zloj - a krugom chistota, uyut, na stole -
cvety, vkusnyj obed, ryadom zhena - krasivaya, strojnaya, sidit i shchebechet, shchebechet,
shchebechet, shchebeche... Idiotka.
Razgovarivayut dva priyatelya:
- Skazhi, hot' odna mechta tvoego detstva sbylas'?
- Da. Kogda menya drali za volosy, ya mechtal stat' lysym.
- Ne ponimayu, dorogaya, chem ty nedovol'na? Kazhdoe utro ya podayu tebe kofe v
postel' i... tebe ostaetsya tol'ko pomolot' ego...
- Predstavlyaesh', vchera v teatre kto-to ushel v moem pal'to!
- Komu zhe ponadobilos' tvoe staroe rvanoe pal'to?
- Ne znayu, ya ushel pervym.
Gruzin uchit svoyu sobaku sluzhebnym komandam. Kidaet palku i govorit sobake:
- Prinesi, da!
Sobaka prinosit palku. Gruzin opyat' kidaet palku:
- Prinesi, da!
Sobaka opyat' prinosit palku. Gruzin snova kidaet palku:
- Prinesi, da!
Sobaka:
- Zamuchil, da!
S nailuchshimi tam vsemi,-
Volodya
-+- ifmail v.2.4
+ Origin: MARBIOPHARM, Joshkar-Ola (2:5052/3.10@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello Leo!
Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)
DDD Nothing special
. Origin: Edifying Cat Point Station (2:5020/140.1)
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--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
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Msg : 1 of 100 + 62
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 11 Oct 94 16:41:40
To : All 13 Oct 94 14:32:12
Subj : 4 h f
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* Area : SU.HUMOR (YUmor.)
* From : Kostya Kosov, 2:5020/269.8 (Monday October 03 1994 17:16)
* To : All
* Subj : Kak opoznat' FIDOshnika
=============================================================================
Privet, All!
Vot podumal, i reshil napisat'.
Vot otkopal tut fragment zanimatel'nogo dokumentika... Est' osnovanie polagat',
chto sushchestvuet bolee polnyj variant, no...
----------------------------------------------------
CHaVO
(CHastye Voprosy i Otvety)
Prilozhenie B. "Kak opoznat' FIDOshnika."
Uchastnika seti FIDO (sm. CHaVO ch.1,6), podklyuchivshegosya ili pronik-
shego v Relcom :), mozhno opoznat' po sleduyushchemu slengu (ne putat' s
professional'nymi terminami v Relcom):
"Zdravstvuj, glubokouvazhaemyj All!"
(vozmozhen variant: "Privetstvuyu All!") --
v svyazi s nekotorymi osobennostyami konferencij vnutri FIDO
ispol'zuetsya pri obrashchenii ko vsem uchastnikami konferencii.
V Relcom izlishne, tak kak esli pishut v konferenciyu -- pishut vsem.
"V etoj arii" -- ot angl. area - oblast' --
Tak inogda nazyvayut konferenciyu.
"Prislat' mylom" (var. "netmylom") -- iskazh. angl. (net)mail - (setevaya)pochta --
Otrazhaet osobennosti tehnologii FIDO. V chastnosti,
neobhodimost' ispol'zovaniya bol'shogo kolichestva myla dlya
podderzhaniya rabotosposobnosti seti FIDO i ee uchastnikov
(sr. "vlezt' s mylom", "myl'nye puzyri" i t.p.).
"|to vrazrez s polisi" -- ot angl. policy - politika
FIDOnet policy -- osnovnoj dokument, opredelyayushchij politiku
seti FIDO kak nekommercheskoj lyubitel'skoj seti. Tainstvenen i strog.
Kolichestvo ssylayushchihsya na nego namnogo prevyshaet chislo chitavshih.
"YA kak sysop" -- iskazh. SysOp (System Operator).
Analog v Relcom -- postmaster uzlovoj mashiny.
"Moderatorial" -- oficial'nye zamechaniya Moderatora (vedushchego) konferencii
FIDOnet. Sravni s *** v Relcom.
"Freknut'" -- ot angl. FREQ. e perevoditsya. Priblizitel'nyj analog v Relcom:
"vzyat' po uucp".
"oudlist" -- ot angl. nodelist. Spisok BBS (uzlov). V Relcom tak i nazyvaetsya
-- "spisok uzlov".
----------------------------------------------------
Bye!
S uvazheniem, Kostya Kosov
Pisano: Ponedel'nik Oktyabrya 03 1994, 17:16
DDD Golovastik, 2.50.B0822+ hvosta.
. Origin: Ranger's BBS - 913-23-06 - 24h - 19200/ZyX (2:5020/269.8)
=============================================================================
Hello Mikel !
:-)
zzz S nailuchshimi pozhelaniyami zzz
Igor
-+- GoldED 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: I think I'm a banana tree... (2:50/321)
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 5 of 100 - 4 + 6
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 11 Oct 94 12:38:58
To : All 13 Oct 94 14:32:14
Subj : 4hf
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* Area : MISTRESS.RUS (MISTRESS.RUS)
* From : Nadia Yacik, 2:5020/78.1 (06 Oct 94 00:04)
* To : All
* Subj : Kak pochinit' DU
=============================================================================
Privet All!
Kratkaya instrukciya "Kak pochinit' pul't DU v domashnih usloviyah slabymi zhenskimi
rukami"
p.1. Prezhde chem nachat' chinit' pul't DU, neobhodimo ego slomat'.
Prim. k p.1 - Legche vsego slomat' pul't, vyliv na nego okolo 50 gr. likera.
p.2 Ubedivshis', chto pul't zalit likerom i ne rabotaet, polozhite ego prosushit'.
p.3 Posle mesyaca prosushki, ubedivshis', chto pul't po-prezhnemu ne rabotaet,
poprosite muzha pochinit' ego.
p.4 Posle dvuh mesyacev bezuspeshnyh pros'b o pochinke, pristan'te k muzhu s
pros'boj kupit' novyj pul't.
p.5 Posle mesyaca pros'b o pokupke novogo pul'ta pristupajte k sobstvennoruchnoj
pochinke starogo slomannogo devajsa. Dlya etogo:
- pristan'te k muzhu s pros'boj dat' vam otvertku. Obychno muzh ishchet ee okolo
chasa, posle chego k poiskam pristupaete Vy i nahodite ee za 3 minuty.
- nachinajte razbirat' pul't. Dolgo i nudno krutite ego v rukah, otyskivaya na
nem vintik
- otkrutite vintik (Primechanie: obychno posle otkruchivaniya vintika pul't vse
ravno ne razbiraetsya. Podden'te kryshku otvertkoj i nadavite. Na kryshke poyavitsya
treshchina, nu i hren s nej, pul't otkrylsya!)
- kak tol'ko Vy otkroete pul't, nachinajte krichat' "Oj! Oj!" v te momenty,
kogda iz nego v neizvestnom napravlenii budut otstrelivat'sya plastmasski,
platki, knopochki i prochaya merzost'.
PRIMECHANIE: Ne obrashchajte vnimaniya na istericheskij hohot muzha i prodolzhajte
zanimat'sya svoim delom.
p.6 Vklyuchite vse lampy v komnate, zazhgite fonarik, vruchite ego muzhu i zastav'te
najti vse zapchasti, vyletevshie iz pul'ta v moment ego razborki. V etot moment
istericheskij hohot obychno prekrashchaetsya.
p.7 Samoe prostoe - vse, chto nahodilos' v pul'te, soberite v kuchku, nasyp'te v
misku, promojte vodoj. Batarejku myt' ne obyazatel'no - govoryat, ih mozhno menyat'.
p.8 Kriknite gromkoe "Ah!", kogda v rakovinu nechayanno vmeste s vodoj vyl'etsya
para knopochek. Srochno vyklyuchajte vodu i zovite muzha.
PRIMECHANIE: Ne obrashchajte vnimaniya na slova muzha, kogda on ob®yasnyaet sosedu,
zachem emu ponadobilsya razvodnoj klyuch v polovine odinnadcatogo nochi.
p.9 Podozhdite, poka muzh otkrutit stoyak u rakoviny i sredi vsyakogo hlama najdet
poteryannye vami zapchasti.
PRIMECHANIE: Ne obrashchajte vnimaniya na vorchanie i sopenie muzha i prodolzhajte
zanimat'sya svoim delom. Esli vorchanie stanovitsya vse gromche, podlejte masla v
ogon' i napomnite emu pro p.p. 3 i 4 dannoj instrukcii
p.9 Razlozhite vse zapchasti prosushit' na stole. Nachinajte dolgo i nudno vzdyhat'
i stonat', pokazyvaya muzhu, chto vam predstoit sobrat' pul't.
p.10 Podsyp'te muzhu soli na ranu, napomniv emu eshche raz pro p.p. 3 i 4 dannoj
instrukcii. Poprosite u muzha opisanie pul'ta DU s rukovodstvom pol'zovatelya,
polnym naborom shem i montazhek.
p.11 Muzh, cenyashchij svoj pokoj i nervnuyu sistemu, predlagaet vam pomoshch' v sborke
pul'ta. Srazu ne soglashajtes', no i ne otkazyvajtes' slishkom dolgo, a to on
mozhet peredumat'.
PRIMECHANIE: Esli vash muzh zasnul na divane, tak i ne dozhdavshis' prosushki,
otlozhite sborku pul'ta do zavtra, kogda budet opublikovana vtoraya chast'
instrukcii pod nazvaniem: "Kak sobrat' pul't DU slabymi zhenskimi rukami".
S uvazheniem Nadia.
-+- GoldED 2.40+
+ Origin: <<+Handicraft+>> (2:5020/78.1)
=============================================================================
Larisa
-+- GoldED 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: --- Wild white cat --- (2:5020/35.4)
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 6 of 100 - 5 + 48
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 11 Oct 94 16:47:44
To : All 13 Oct 94 14:32:16
Subj : 4hf
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D NSK.GENERAL (2:5000/9.9) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD NSK.GENERAL D
Msg : 203 of 204
From : Vladimir Barkalov 2:5000/41.13 26 Sep 94 22:11:06
To : All 27 Sep 94 10:00:50
Subj : .rebuetsya konkord..
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D
Privet, All (zhenskogo rodu prezhde vsego)!
Pishu Vam v toske bezyshodnoj i proshu pomoshchi - prochital sam - daj drugoj,
mozhet u kogo i drognet serdce, oshchutit v dushe poryv, vstrepenetsya ruka nad
knopochkami i otzovetsya rodstvennymi chuvstvami.
A delo-to vot v chem. ZHivu ya na tret'em etazhe kirpichnoj planirovki muzhskoj
polovinoj moej byvshej sem'i. YAzyk ne povorachivaetsya tak govorit', no eto
istinnaya pravada. Pravda, gore moe ya utolyayu izvestnymi sredstvami, no eto ne
sil'no pomogaet, potomu chto po utram u menya nichego ne bolit, a tak i posle
kefira trubka u etih parazitov obshchestva pochemu-to sineet, tut i voznikaet
pervaya problema, ibo na medlennoj skorosti nebol'shie vilyaniya moego
dryan'druleta (tak syn ego nazyvaet pochemu-to) zametny i nevooruzhennym, a na
bol'shoj eti bandity na dorogah otkryvayut ogon' bez preduprezhdeniya, tak, k
slovu, mozhet kto znaet, gde by steklo zadnee bronirovannoe priobresti ili
kreslo pilota istrebitelya s bronirovannoj spinkoj, a to etot proklyatyj
bronezhilet sil'no stesnyaet dvizheniya i suzhaet obzor - v zerkalo zadnego vida ya
ego lish' i vizhu i ne znayu, to li ubanditov patrony konchilis', to li benzin.
YA otvleksya nemnogo. Tak vot, ishchu zhenskuyu chast' dlya sozdaniya novogo i
chistogo polnocennogo soebshchestva ( izvinite, ne smog najti na knopochkah znachka
takogo, chtoby plyusik s minusom vmeste byli, eto u menya, naverno, kal'kulyator
takoj modeli, a druguj bukvoj ne zamenit' - ves' smysl termina poteryaetsya) i
prodleniya roda moego i chelovecheskogo, potomu chto detej lyublyu, a u menya ih
malo - doch' da syn, a o drugih ne znayu. Da i po nature ya tihij, domashnij, bez
lishnih porokov, delo svoe lyublyu, chitat' umeyu. Svobodnoe vremya predpochitayu
provodit' na prirode, v bassejne i bane, pesni poyu, esli instrument kakoj pod
rukoj okazhetsya, nedavno byl v gostyah, tak na YAmamahe takoj orkestr zakatili -
vse sosedi horom podpevali, dazhe pro imeninnika sovsem zabyli.
CHto eshche dobavit' pro sebya - let mne eshche nemnogo, vsego chetyre desyatka,
rost srednij, stul normal'nyj. Vizhu, slyshu i strelyayu tozhe horosho.
V budushchem hotel by priobshchit' k svoemu delu vtoruyu polovinu, poetomu baba
nuzhna mne gramotnaya, da i sprashivat' togda, gde den'gi, voobshche ne budet.
Luchshe, esli byla iz sem'i obespechennoj i ne skulila po-povodu porvannyh
kolgotok - terpet' ne mogu nytikov. Da i stryapat' hot' chto-nibud' umela, a to
mne shibko-to nekogda gotovit' i menyu na vsyu nedelyu vpered gotovit' prihoditsya
v odnoj kastryule, tak syn chto-to vozrazhat' nachal, a mne zhalko ego. Paren'
takoj zamechatel'nyj, poshel vot v shkolu dlya umnyh, ne znayu, potyanet li.
Vrode vse glavnoe rasskazal. Da, byl v Parizhe, vodili tam na kladbishche
na bukvu P nazyvaetsya, zabyl kak, mogilu videl Karlosa Mahavish.. net,
Mavro.., net, nu nevazhno s borodoj bol'she chem u Fidelya, da na ploshchad', tozhe
na bukvu P nachinaetsya - tak oni sdureli, vsyu noch' ulicu krasnymi fonaryami
osveshchayut, a v vitrinah sploshnye uzhasy - baby stoyat i sidyat tozhe ne skazhu v
kakom odeyanii, da mel'nica vetryanaya (v gorode!) kruzhit kryl'yami nad
golovami. Est' tam eshche ploshchad' krasivaya, tak oni ee imenem samoleta
sverhzvukovogo klichut - nu chto s nih vzyat' - francuzy. Da i v drugih stranah
pobyval i v Afrike i na Sobach'ih ostrovah, gde na plyazhah nashi
sootechestvenniki srazu v pesok po poyas zaryvayutsya. |h, zamechatel'nye byli
vremena, pochemu eto ih zastojnimi nazyvayut - naoborot, zhizn' kipela, mne
dazhe medal' dali za uspeshnoe perediranie burzhujskoj tehniki, mogu pokazat'.
A za stenkoj robota pervogo v strane sdelali - Vasej nazvali. A sejchas chto -
odno na ume ostalos' - ba bu by. SHutka. S dolej shutki. Ne dlya sebya ved', dlya
novogo pokoleniya prezhde.
Voobshche ya sovershenno ser'ezno. I ne dlya suhomora, a imenno dlya etoj ehi,
potomu kak zhivu ya zdes', v kolhoznoj akademii, a za tridevyat' zemel' ne
nuzhna nikakaya telushka, koroleva to est'. Ot eh ot vseh ya opisyvayus',
potomu chto goryachuyu vodu ne dayut, a za vse ostal'noe ya sam ne plachu iz
principa, tak prigrozili otklyuchit' i svet i telefon, a moj kal'kulyator s
modemom ot batareek ne rabotaet - on sam, kak batareya, greet, da i svetit
vdobavok, poetomu, esli vseznayushchij i vsevidyashchij mne ne pomozhet, otpravlyus' v
derevnyu CHerepanovskogo rajona, tam hot' pogreb est' ne promerzayushchij. Ili kto
znaet gde ya zhivu - mozhet eshche uspeete.
Esli voprosy kakie utochnit' do vstrechi - pishite skoree, poka telefon
rabotaet, otvechu nezamedlitel'no, fotografiyu ne prosite - pokazhu pri
vstreche, eshche koe-kakoe predstavlenie mozhete poluchit' na sosedej IKARe (kto
ee tak nazval?) v katalage s nazvaniem domena, vse tam frekommunikabel'no,
no ya tuda davno ne pishu, potomu kak eho mne nuzhno ne na doske beschuvstvennoj,
a doma, pod myshkoj, s teploj tit'koj.
Vstrechu naznachayu na kazhduyu vtoruyu pyatnicu mesyaca v sem' chasov vechera u
pervogo fonarya s lampochkoj po doroge ot Zatulinki v storonu moej derevni - ya
budu v ukrytii i obyazatel'no vyjdu, esli vas budet ne ochen' mnogo. Esli
soberetsya mnogo narodu, pust' kto-nibud' vozmet iniciativu i organizuet
vtoroj sbor v sleduyushchuyu pyatnicu. YA postarayus' ne obmanut' Vashi nadezhdy.
Pishu sovershenno iskrenne i nedvusmyslenno, potomu chto odnazhdy daval
ob'yavlenie v gazetu i hotel najti domohozyajku, samootverzhennuyu i beskorystnuyu,
tak v otvet poluchil korotkuyu zapisku - soobshchite, gde Vash bol'noj,
no mne-to drugoe nado.
Mnogo hotelos' by skazat' eshche, da paren' s trenirovki skoro vernetsya, ne daj
bog, novyj priem pokazyvat' budet - pojdu na kuhnyu otvlekayushchij manevr gotovit'.
Ot chistogo serdca ! Vladimir.
AKA: cia@potok.nsk.su
(All rights reserved)
--- GoldED 2.40+
+ Origin: Our Future with Our Children! (2:5000/41.13)
Bilin - chital - tri raza so stula padal. S gorya.
EK
-+- GoldED 2.41
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 8 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 11 Oct 94 16:43:22
To : All 13 Oct 94 14:32:18
Subj : For HF
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Hello Mikel!
Wednesday September 28 1994, Mikel Lavrentyev writes to All:
ML> Iz harakteristik voennyh:
ML> "|tot oficer obladaet talantami, no umelo eto skryvaet"
Mne vot eshche vspomnilos' :
"Usidchiv, osobenno v gostyah i v tualete"
"Horosho razbiraetsya v kartah - mizer lovit bez zapisi"
Alexander
-+- GoldED 2.42.G0214+
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 10 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 11 Oct 94 12:29:52
To : All 13 Oct 94 14:32:18
Subj : .urs molodogo kommersanta. .itaet ...robiz...
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º Area : REL.HUMOR
º From : stesin@elvisti.kiev.ua, 2:50/128 (Vtornik Oktyabrya 04 1994 19:24)
º To : All
º Subj : Kurs molodogo kommersanta. CHitaet G.Drobiz...
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM¾
@REPLYADDR stesin@elvisti.kiev.ua
@REPLYTO 2:50/128.0@fidonet
X-RealName: Andrew V. Stesin
@Distribution: su
@Organization: Electronni Visti NetNode
@X-Newsreader: TIN [version 1.2 PL2]
@Nntp-Posting-Host: office.elvisti.kiev.ua
[ Article crossposted from relcom.arts.qwerty ]
[ Author was ]
[ Posted on 13 Aug 1994 10:13:16 -0000 ]
Iz cikla "Melochi zhizni"
REPUTACIYA
V skvere, na skamejke sidit muzhik, kurit. Podhodit mal'chik.
- Dyaden'ka, skol'ko vremeni?
- Vremya-to? (Netoroplivo podnosit k glazam zapyast'e levoj ruki.)
Oh, ty. CHasy zabyl nadet'. Ne znayu, pacan.
- A ya znayu. Skazat'?
- Esli znaesh', zachem sprashivaesh'?
- A vdrug vy ne znaete? A vy kak raz i ne znaete. A ya znayu. Esli
sprosite - i vam skazhu.
- Da mne bez raznicy.
- Kak bez raznicy? A vdrug opozdaete?
- Kuda?
- Kuda vam nado.
- Nikuda mne ne nado.
- A vdrug vy zabyli.
- Pacan idi otsyudova, nadoel.
- Dyaden'ka, ya ujdu, srazu ujdu. Vy tol'ko sprosite u menya skol'ko
vremeni.
- Da kakaya mne raznica?
- Vam nikakaya, a mne est'.
- A tebe kakaya?
- A vy sprosite.
- CHego?
- Skol'ko vremeni.
- Oh, nadoel. Nu skol'ko?
- CHetvert' pervogo.
- Ponyal, spasibo. I idi, gulyaj, ne meshaj otdyhat'.
- Dyaden'ka, s vas pyat' tysyach.
- CHego? Za chto?
- Za uslugu. Firma "Tochnoe vremya". Informaciya o tochnom vremeni v
lyubom meste: v metro, v avtobuse, v magazine, na ulice i tak dalee.
Tochnost' garantiruetsya.
- Ho-ho-ho! Da ty shutnik! Firma, mat' tvoyu... A kto direktor? CHto-to
stavki u vas krutovaty. Pozovi direktora. Gy!
- Pozhalujsta. Dyadya Volodya!
S sosednej skamejki vstaet zdorovennyj lob. Podhodit.
- Dyadya Volodya, klient poluchil informaciyu, platit' ne hochet.
- Nu che, muzhik, mochit' tebya chto li? (Dyadya Volodya beret klienta za gorlo.)
- |-e-e... Pogo...di... Ne nado...
Dyadya Volodya oslablyaet hvatku. Muzhik dostaet den'gi, rasplachivaetsya.
Firma "Tochnoe vremya" udalyaetsya. Muzhik uhodit v protivopolozhnuyu storonu,
rastiraya gorlo. Szadi topot. So strahom oborachivaetsya. Podbegaet mal'chik.
Zapyhalsya.
- Dyaden'ka, izvinite! Izvinite menya! YA vam nepravil'no skazal. U menya na
chasah obe strelki odinakovye, ya sputal. Ne chetvert' pervogo, a tri minuty
tret'ego. A sejchas uzhe dva chasa sem' minut.
Muzhik ispuganno:
- CHto, opyat' pyat' tysyach?
- Net, chto vy. Za te zhe den'gi.
- A... Togda mne bez raznicy.
- Vam bez raznicy, a mne est'. My ne mozhem obmanyvat' klienta. Dyadya
Volodya govorit: u firmy dolzhna byt' chestnaya reputaciya!
(s)German DROBIZ
--
With best wishes -- Andrew.
-+-
+ Origin: Electronni Visti NetNode (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Privetstvuyu tebya, o Mikel!
4 h.f.? :)
With best regards Saruman the Guest of Fangorn
// The Hitch-Hiking Z0ne // Fire Wheelz Gr0up
-+- GoldED 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: ²±° Orthank ch (095)PRI-VATE ch THZ RHQ ch 14400 °±² (2:5020/306.1)
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 11 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 11 Oct 94 16:44:50
To : All 13 Oct 94 14:32:18
Subj : ....... !!!!!!
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IMHO, kak raz dlya h.f.
Subbotnee utro, kak vsegda vklyuchen televizor dlya sozdaniya zvukovogo fona. Idet
peredacha "Parlamentskaya nedelya". Interv'yu s predsedatelem parlamentskoj frakcii
"ZHenshchiny Rossii". Ona otvechaet na kakoj-to vopros i zakanchivaet otvet frazoj, ot
kotoroj ya azh podprygnul: "Ne nado diskreditirovat' organ, kotoryj eshche vstaet".
Andrey
-+- GoldED 2.42.A0701+
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 12 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 11 Oct 94 16:39:14
To : All 13 Oct 94 14:32:18
Subj : iz zapisok dzhentel'mena
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Vot obnaruzhila tut u sebya v gore tetradej koe-chto Humor-noe.
oprosnik na predmet prinadlezhnosti k Subj:
- Esli dzhentel'men poobeshchal dame dragocennosti, dolzhen li on ih vernut' ?
- Dolzhen li dzhentel'men pomogat' dame vybrat'sya iz mashiny, esli mashina
stiral'naya ?
- Dolzhen li dzhentel'men osypat' damu cvetami, esli cvety v gorshkah ?
- Dolzhna li dama prosit' dzhentel'mena vstat' s kolen, esli ona ustala ego
derzhat' ?
- Dolzhen li dzhentel'men otpuskat' usy, esli eto usy drugogo dzhentel'mena ?
- Dolzhen li dzhentel'men naznachat' dame svidanie pod chasami, esli chasy visyat u
nego nad divanom ?
- Dolzhen li dzhentel'men vytirat' nogi u poroga, esli pered dver'yu lezhit drugoj
dzhentel'men ?
Olga
-+- GoldED 2.42.A0701+
+ Origin: Very Fluffy Kitten's Station (2:5051/13.4)
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Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 15 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 12 Oct 94 12:17:48
To : All 13 Oct 94 14:39:48
Subj : [part 2] MO.SYSOEFF, '91
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* Continuation 1 of a split message *
Poka on sovershal svoj besposadochnyj nepelet na pol, v Mashen'ke vdrug
nposnulsya eksperimentatop. Ona zasuchila pukava, peshitel'no shvatila
Vugluskra, tak i ne dav emu doletet' do pyl'nyh polovic, i polozhila na
tret'yu i nakryla svepxy vtopoj paskladushkoj. Poslyshalos' srazu dva
zvenyashchih zvuka, kak budto dve v dosku p®yanye konservnye banki vdrug
vzdumali npogulyat'sya, i vyletev v fortochku, udarilis' o fonarnyj stolb.
3anahlo ozonom. Ha tolstom, kak baton devyatirublevoj kolbasy nosy
Vugluskra vyrosli tri shershavyh i dlinnyh lenty tualetnoj bumagi. Masha
potrogala ih - oni byli teplye i napominali na oshchup' krupnozernistuyu
nazhdachnuyu bumagu. A vephnyaya paskladushka obrosla no krayam gustoj bahpomoj
iz strannyh seryh, volosatyh i dlinnyh ushej. Oni pechal'no svisali vniz,
i paskachivalis', shelestya, kak bel'e na zabope. "Tak-tak" - zadumalas'
Masha, i ostopozhno polozhila "ob®ekt" na sleduyushchuyu paskladushku. "Bzin'!" -
i snova zapahlo ozonom. Co smachnym drevesnym skripom na nosy Vugluskra,
otodvinuv bumazhnye lenty, vyros tostyj kak butylka portvejna massivnyj
pog. Masha ocenivayushche vzglyanula na svoe tvopenie, i podumala, chto esli by
no krayam nosa vyrosli nogti, to vyshlo by ochen' dazhe vysokohudozhestvennoe
npoizvedenie.
Nice to talk with you,
Andrei Chtcherbakov
=== Terminate 1.50
+ Origin: A vas kogda-nibud' butylkoj po morde bili? (2:5020/323.1)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113@fidonet)
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Msg : 17 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 11 Oct 94 21:59:40
To : All 13 Oct 94 22:38:38
Subj : Windows'95
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : BORIS_IN (Incoming mail)
* From : Serg Filippov, 2:5020/269.10 (Tuesday October 11 1994 09:20)
* To : Boris Paleev
* Subj : Windows'95
=============================================================================
ZHDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
º Forwarded by Serg Filippov (2:5020/269.10)
º Area : 269.LOCAL (269.Local)
º From : Igor Plutalov, 2:5020/269.1 (Ponedel'nik, 10 Oktyabrya 1994 g. 19:11)
º To : All
º Subj : Windows'95
SDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hello, All!
A vot ya vam sejchas skazki rasskazyvat' budu! (sobbsno ya tol'ko
perepechatyvayu iz kakoj-to KompuTerry). Itak...
Hit-parad mnenij o smysle chisla 95 v nazvanii Windows95
*******************************************************
11. Procent gotovnosti produkta k momentu postupleniya v prodazhu
10. Kolichestvo installyacionnyh disket
9. Procent pol'zovatelej, kotorye budut vynuzhdeny proizvesti upgrade svoej
tehniki
8. Kolichestvo megabajt diskovogo prostranstva, kotoroe budet neobhodimo sisteme
7. Kolichestvo stranic v razdele "Easy-install" rukovodstva pol'zovatelya
6. Procent sushchestvuyushchih programm dlya Windows, kotorye ne budut idti s novoj OS
5. Dlitel'nost' procedury installyacii v minutah
4. Kolichestvo zvonkov v sluzhbu tehnicheskoj podderzhki prezhde chem vse eto
zarabotaet
3. CHislo lyudej, kto dejstvitel'no zaplatit za novuyu sistemu
2. Taktovaya chastota v megagercah, neobhodimaya dlya raboty OS
1. God, v techenie kotorogo produkt postupit v prodazhu
Best regards,
/IP.
--- GoldED/2 2.50.B1006+
* Origin: Oops! read/write mail site (2:5020/269.1)
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Msg : 19 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 11 Oct 94 21:17:02
To : All 13 Oct 94 22:38:40
Subj : .ubzh
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : RU.ANEKDOT (RU.ANEKDOT)
* From : Victor Rotanov, 2:5100/26.11 (Monday October 03 1994 18:47)
* To : All
* Subj : Subzh
=============================================================================
Dobrogo vremeni sutok, chitayushchij All! Vot, na fiziku potyanulo:
Fizika-akademika Tamma 1 raz sprosili:
- Igor' Evgen'evich, chto takoe al'pinizm?
- Al'pinizm - eto ne samyj luchshij sposob perezimovat' leto!
S nailuchshimi pozhelaniyami,
Victor
=== GoldED 2.50.B0822+
+ Origin: Da! Oridzhin tut! Victor's BBS, Riga, LATVIA (2:5100/26.11)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 20 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 12 Oct 94 10:42:06
To : All 13 Oct 94 22:43:46
Subj : 4hf?
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
======================================================
* Original in area KIEV.ANECDOT
* Original from Alexey Suhoy 2:463/67
* Original to All
* Original about "Pravdivye hohmochkmi."
======================================================
Hi All!
1. Nu, edu s raboty v tramvae. Stoyu na perednej ploshchadke, smotryu na knopochki u
voditelya. A on to na menya, to na shchitok k sebe. I tak minuty tri. YA dumayu, sho zh
tam na shchitke - a tam nadpis' - "Ne stoj nad dushoj".
> [...]
Good luck!
Alexey
-!- FMail/386 0.98
! Origin: °±² Leosoft BBS ²±° (FidoNet 2:463/67)
==================== End of Forward ====================
Egor
-+- FleetStreet 0.89wb
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 22 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 12 Oct 94 16:15:28
To : All 13 Oct 94 22:43:48
Subj : For your info...
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : SU.POL (SU.POL)
* From : Vlad Fedushin, 2:5020/52.777 (Thursday October 06 1994 16:16)
* To : All
* Subj : For your info...
=============================================================================
========================================================================
Forwarded here by Vlad Fedushin (2:5020/52.777)
========================================================================
Area: DEMOS.RADIGEST
Date: 07 Oct 94 05:53:49 Public
From: root@avrora.msk.su
To: All
Subject: (4) |fir-dajdzhest
========================================================================
Bi-Bi-Si
"Rossiya budet subtropicheskoj", - ob etom zayavil uchre-
ditel'nyj s®ezd dvizheniya "Subtropicheskaya Rossiya". O nabira-
yushchem silu politicheskom dvizhenii rasskazyvaet Aleksej Alesh-
kovskij:
- Dvizhenie "Subtropicheskaya Rossiya" spravlyaet svoyu per-
vuyu godovshchinu. 7 oktyabrya proshlogo goda osnovateli dvizheniya
prishli k vyvodu, chto mezhdu snizheniem temperatury vozduha i
obostreniem politicheskoj bor'by sushchestvuet neosporimaya
svyaz'. Poetomu cel'yu novoj obshchestvennoj organizacii stala
radikal'naya klimaticheskaya reforma, napravlennaya na vvedenie
v Rossii subtropicheskogo klimaticheskogo rezhima.
Osnovnymi komponentami reformy dolzhny stat' povyshenie
minimal'noj temperatury okruzhayushchej sredy do + 20 gradusov S
i snizhenie do + 50 gradusov temperatury kipeniya vody v ce-
lyah ekonomii elektroenergii. Po mneniyu predstavitelej dvi-
zheniya, eti mery privedut k resheniyu energeticheskoj i prodo-
vol'stvennoj problem, a takzhe problem social'nogo obespeche-
niya i zdravoohraneniya.
Dvizhenie vystupaet i za vvedenie v Rossii novogo naci-
onal'nogo prazdnika 28 sentyabrya. Neskol'ko let nazad etot
den' byl oznamenovan chudesnym spaseniem iz vody chlena CK
KPSS Borisa El'cina. V ocherednuyu godovshchinu etogo sobytiya
chleny dvizheniya prygali v vodu, prohodya boevoe kreshchenie v
"el'cinyat". Proshedshie obryad poluchili znachki s nadpis'yu "Bo-
ris".
Poka ispolnitel'naya vlast' otkazyvaet partii v regist-
racii. Sejchas partiya podgotovila pis'ma gubernatoru Kali-
fornii i rukovoditelyam ryada evropejskih stran subtropiche-
soko poyasa s pros'boj raz®yasnit' rossijskomu minyustu, chto
subtropicheskij rezhim ni koim obrazom ne ushchemlyaet prav chelo-
veka. Partiya vystupaet za soyuznicheskie otnosheniya so vsemi
organizaciyami, deyatel'nost' kotoryh napravlena na konkret-
noe uluchshenie zhizni lyudej i ne nosit konfrontacionnogo ha-
raktera.
=== PPoint 1.86
+ Origin: Cel' - nichto, dvizhenie - vse (2:5020/52.777)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 25 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 12 Oct 94 11:54:10
To : All 13 Oct 94 22:43:52
Subj : Was: reklama v metro ...
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Michail Havin, 2:5020/271.21 (Thursday October 06 1994 22:48)
* To : Dima Greenkevich
* Subj : Was: reklama v metro ...
=============================================================================
Dobryj den'...bryj den'...den' - privychno otkliknulas' eha,
i ocherednoj volnovoj paket povolok dlya Dima soobshchenie:
Wednesday September 28 1994 10:41, Dima Greenkevich pisal Anton Tsarevsky:
DG> Na Fiztehe uchilsya kak-to Mark Novoselov, srazu stal
DG> Markom Novodachnym - s podachi kievlyan, prichem.
Esli mne ne izmenyaet pamyat' - po starinnoj fiztehovskoj legende stanciya MARK
byla nazvana tak iz-za prepoda po teormehu Marka Ajzermana, kotoryj postoyanno
chital gazetu v elektrichke i postoyanno zabyval vyjti na pl. Novodachnaya - tak vot
- po pros'be rektorata k MPS v elektichke stali ob'yavlyat':
"Mark, sleduyushchaya - Novodachnaya" ;)
Za sim konchayu davit' knopov i otklanivayus', Michail.
=== GoldED 2.41+
+ Origin: ZHizn' - shtuka tyazhelaya - ee eshche nikto ne perenes... (2:5020/271.21)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 26 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 12 Oct 94 17:18:46
To : All 13 Oct 94 22:43:52
Subj : . pravda chto .ubchinskogo ot MO.ECHO otklyuchili?
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : MO.ECHO (MO.ECHO)
* From : Valery Novov, 2:5020/52.97 (Sunday October 09 1994 10:23)
* To : Sergey Ruzhitskiy
* Subj : A pravda chto Rubchinskogo ot MO.ECHO otklyuchili?
=============================================================================
On (07 Oct 94) Sergey Ruzhitskiy wrote to Alexey Kulentsov...
AK> Net, brat, ty neprav, brat... :) V odnom yajce obychno ili tol'ko in',
SR> ili
AK> tol'ko yan'. :-P
SR> |to uproshchennaya teoriya,ne vyderzhivayushchaya nikakoj kritiki...Uzhe sam tot fakt,
SR> chto yajco obrazuetsya v rezul'tate soedineneniya protivopolozhennyh
SR> nachal,dokazyvet
SR> obratnoe.YAic bez belka (zheltka) ne byvaet...
V yajce mnogo nachal. Naprimer, esli yajco dolgo polezhit, k nachalam
in' i yan', dobavlyaetsya nachalo - von'.
=== PPoint 1.86
+ Origin: GAAB Strana Valeriya BAA¶G´²±; (2:5020/52.97)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 27 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 12 Oct 94 20:21:04
To : All 13 Oct 94 22:43:52
Subj : Re: .kazka ob infinitive.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : PVT.CLUB (PVT.CLUB)
* From : Andrew Vyarvelsky, 2:5020/68.10 (Tuesday October 11 1994 18:26)
* To : Larisa Boruzdina
* Subj : Re: Skazka ob infinitive.
=============================================================================
Privet, Larisa!
10 Oct 94, Larisa Boruzdina writes to All:
LB> Sideli my vchera vecherkom na oridzhine i chitali kollektivom
LB> zanyatnuyu takuyu metodichku po russkomu yazyku. Mnogo tam bylo
LB> vsyakogo raznogo interesnogo, no osobenno potryasla nas
|h, i duryat zhe shkol'nikov... :) Oni tam etu metodichku, navernoe, s bol'shogo
boduna sostavlyali. |to zh nado tak perevrat'. :(
Infinitiv.
Slovo beret Infinitiv.
- |h vy, razve tak nado spryagat'sya? YA b vam pokazal, zhal', chto u menya net
vremeni!
- Vremya my tebe najdem. Kakoe tebe, nastoyashchee ili proshedshee?
- Luchshe budushchee, -- govorit Infinitiv, chtoby hot' nemnogo ottyanut' vremya. -- Da
ne zabud'te pro Vspomogatel'nyj Glagol!
Dali emu Vspomogatel'nyj Glagol.
Spryagaetsya Vspomogatel'nyj -- tol'ko okonchaniya mel'kayut. A Infinitiv i
bukvoj ne poshevelit.
Zachem emu shevelit', zachem samomu spryagat'sya? On Infinitiv, u nego net
vremeni.
Feliks Krivin
"Neser'eznye Arhimedy"
Nu i eshche odnu. V kachestve OTK. ;)
Rebro Adama.
- A gde eshche odno tvoe rebro?
|to byli pervye slova, s kotorymi na svet poyavilas' Eva.
- Dorogaya, ya tebe vse sejchas ob®yasnyu. U sozdatelya ne nashlos' materiala, i on
sozdal tebya iz moego rebra.
Ona stoyala pered nim -- bozhestvennoe sozdanie -- i smotrela na nego
bozhestvennym vzglyadom.
- YA tak i znala, chto ty tratish' svoi rebra na zhenshchin!
Tak nachalas' na Zemle semejnaya zhizn'.
Ta zhe kniga togo zhe avtora. :)
Andrej.
=== GoldED 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: -= Dron at home =- (2:5020/68.10)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 29 of 100
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/50.40 12 Oct 94 11:58:28
To : All 13 Oct 94 22:52:06
Subj : for H.F.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/50.40)
* Area : ##.BASIL (Personal Mail)
* From : Lev Semenets, 2:5060/88.3 (09 Oct 94 23:12)
* To : Basil Dolmatov
* Subj : for H.F.
=============================================================================
* Originally to 2:5020/140
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Lev Semenets (2:5060/88.3)
* Area : ALT.HUMOR.BEST-OF-USENET (ALT.HUMOR.BEST-OF-USENET)
* From : garrett@cs.unc.edu, 2:50/128 (Monday October 03 1994 02:31)
* To : All
* Subj : [rec.arts.sf.written.robert-jordan] Re: TAN squared: Testing for a Jor
=============================================================================
jsn@cegt201.bradley.edu (John Novak) writes:
>erica@cc.gatech.edu (Erica Sadun) writes:
>
>>>Learn vi. >Love vi. >Live vi.
>>HERESY!
>>Emacs rules
>
>Emacs?!
>No wonder you had to abandon keeping up the FAQ when you started
>your research, Erica. Who'n Hell'd wanna edit a file that large
>or complex with _emcas_?!
Two guys are sitting in a bar, and get talking.
"What's you IQ?" one asks.
"169" is the reply.
"Wow, amazing --- my IQ's 172. What're your ideas on Hawkings latest work on
superstring theory?"
And the two get chatting and become lifelong friends.
Further down the bar, two other guys are comparing IQs.
"Mine's 104"
"Gosh, mine's 102. What do you think about the latest Cub's game?"
And the two become lifelong friends.
Even further down the bar, two other guys are also comparing IQs.
"Mine's 53."
"Wow! Mine's 54. Do you use emacs or vi?"
--
=============================================================================
Hello Basil!
Lyubitelyam yuniksa posvyashchaetsya ;-)
Lev
-+-
+ Origin: Point of confusion (2:5060/88.3)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)
--- GoldED/2 2.42.G0214
* Origin: Edifying Cat's Nest (2:5020/50.40)
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Msg : 32 of 100
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/50.40 14 Oct 94 01:20:36
To : All 15 Oct 94 16:53:34
Subj : .ariacii na temu
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/50.40)
* Area : SPB.SYSOP (SPB.SYSOP)
* From : Dmitry Shtilerman, 2:5030/215 (13 Oct 94 20:05)
* To : All
* Subj : Variacii na temu
=============================================================================
Psihodelicheskie variacii v N chastyah
"...takogo inogda ponapishesh' - s uma mozhno sojti!"
Kenko Hosi (kazhetsya)
Tema dlya meditacii 1/N
I voobshche, kakogo hrena ya dolzhen platit' etot grebanyj kostsharing? Raz
ehi y nas halyavnye, znachit CHak kozel, Monahov kopit sebe na vint, a As'ka prosto
oborzela. I voobshche, mne eti mezhdunarodnye fajlehi na bolt ne nuzhny, a ot su menya
ni odna zaraza ne otpishet. I poshli vy vse v eto... vo flagalishche.
Tema dlya meditacii 2/N
(Otvet: |TO PISXMO DLYA GAMMI SISOPA, OTVECHAJTE POZHALUJSTA EMU, A MNE OTVECHATX NE
NADO, POTOMU CHTO GAMMI SISOP |TO NE YA, A GAMMI SISOP, VEDX ESLI BY YA BYL GAMMI
SISOPOM, TO |TO PISXMO BYLO BY DLYA MENYA, A ONO DLYA GAMMI SISOPA, EMU I
OTVECHAJTE, A MNE OTVECHATX NE NADO, POTOMU CHTO |TO PISXMO NE MNE, YA VOOBSHCHE
NIKOGDA NE CHITAYU PISEM DLYA GAMMI SISOPOV, A ONI, NAOBOROT, OCHENX LYUBYAT CHITATX
PISXMA, KOTORYE KTO-TO PISHET GAMMI SISOPAM, ONI VEDX, V SUSHCHNOSTI, NEZLYE REBYATA,
NA TO ONI I GAMMI, V OTLICHIE OT MENYA, PO|TOMU I PISXMA GORAZDO PRIYATNEE
ADRESOVATX GAMMI SISOPAM, A NE MNE, VOT I |TO PISXMO NAPISANO DLYA GAMMI SISOPA,
TAK I ZAPOMNITE I NE PYTAJTESX, POZHALUJSTA, MNE OTVECHATX, OTVECHAJTE SRAZU GAMMI
SISOPU, A ON PROCHTET, EMU I FLAG V RUKI, A MNE, CHESTNO GOVORYA, VSE |TI PISXMA
DLYA GAMMI SISOPOV NA HREN NUZHNY, YA VOOBSHCHE NE ISPYTYVAYU SKLONNOSTI K CHTENIYU CHUZHIH
PISEM, TEM BOLEE NAPISANNYH K GAMMI SISOPAM, CHTO ZA IZVRASHCHENIE V SAMOM DELE, NE
MOE VEDX DELO, CHEGO IM TAM PISHUT, VEDX PRAVDA? VEDX PRAVDA? VOT I YA GOVORYU, CHTO
PRAVDA!)
Tema dlya meditacii 3/N
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* Crossposted in SU.FORTH
* Crossposted in BIZ.JOBS.CONTRACT
* Crossposted in MISTRESS.RUS
* Crossposted in RU.USR
* Crossposted in SU.CHAINIK
* Crossposted in T-MAIL.CHAINIK
* Crossposted in ALT.SEX.WANTED.NOVICE
* Crossposted in COMMONPLACE
* Crossposted in RU.ANEKDOT
* Crossposted in RUSSIAN.FREEDOM.ANEKDOT
* Crossposted in ALT.FOLKLORE.COMPUTERS
* Crossposted in SOC.CULTURE.SOVIET
* Crossposted in RELCOM.POSTMASTERS.D
* Crossposted in ASIAN_LINK
* Crossposted in COMP.DATABASES.MS-ACCESS
* Crossposted in REC.GAMES.PROGRAMMER
* Crossposted in ENET.SYSOP
Your-hoo-ooy!
C segodnyashnego dnya ya nachinayu kampaniyu po perevyboru moderatora ehi
SU.TORMOZ Pel'menya! Prichiny:
- Bezobraznoe sostoyanie, do kotorogo Pel'men' dovel ehu.
- Nizkaya kvalifikaciya Pel'menya kak tormoza.
V lichnom razgovore Pel'men' zayavil, chto on ustal ot vsego etogo i
prosit, chtoby ego osvobodili ot vsego ot etogo.
Tema dlya meditacii 4/N
ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
| ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿ |
| | | |
| | | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | VARTANYAN !!! GDE ZNACHKI ??? | |
| | | |
| | | |
| YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY |
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
Tema dlya meditacii 5/N
Uzh hello, tak hello Vam, All!
Vot mysl' prishla - a davajte vse vmeste ob®edinimsya i kupim sebe medal'
vo vsyu zhopu, chtoby drug druga v tolpe uznavat'.
C uvazheniem
Dmitrij SHtilerman
F Kto prinyal razdetyj muzhik v partiya?
-+- gnu emacs
+ Origin: Pig Station,+7-812-242-2077,20:00-08:00,workdays (2:5030/215)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)
--- GoldED/2 2.42.G0214
* Origin: Edifying Cat's Nest (2:5020/50.40)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 42 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 13 Oct 94 13:43:34
To : All 15 Oct 94 17:15:06
Subj : life...
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Area : 68.PVT (68.PVT)
* From : Serg Pashkov, 2:5020/68.189 (09 Oct 94 22:23)
* To : Boris Tobotras
* Subj : life...
=============================================================================
Iz neformal'noj instrukcii v Jelloustonskom nacional'nom parke:
"V sluchae neposredstvennoj ugrozy napadeniya dikih bizonov na gruppu turistov
poslednie dolzhny obrazovat' pravil'nyj krug, vstav kak mozhno plotnee. Kazhdyj
dolzhen plotno chuvstvovat' plechi svoih sosedej sprava i sleva, a ego spina dolzhna
byt' obrashchena k centru kruga. Naibolee vazhno - i eto neobhodimo podcherknut' so
vsej nastoyatel'nost'yu! - chto chtoby ni sluchilos', vash ekskursovod vsegda dolzhen
nahodit'sya v centre etogo kol'ca."
=============================================================================
Hello Mikel!
4 hf?..
Marina
-+- GoldED 2.41
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 43 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 13 Oct 94 13:47:24
To : All 15 Oct 94 17:15:06
Subj : News Flash: C&S to publish book
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
º Area : REC.HUMOR.FUNNY
º From : brad@looking.clarinet.com, 2:50/128 (Voskresen'e Oktyabrya 09 1994 07:20)
º To : All
º Subj : News Flash: C&S to publish book
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM¾
2:50/128.0@fidonet
@REPLYADDR brad@looking.clarinet.com
@REPLYTO 2:50/128.0@fidonet
X-RealName: Brad Templeton
Keywords: topical, funny, usenet
Approved: funny@clarinet.com
Q: Emily, how can I put out my billboard on the information superhighway?
A: The best way to do it is to perform a spam. It's called that because
everybody loves it as much as the customer in the Monty Python "Spam"
sketch loves his spam.
The best way to do this is to find some naive programmer and ask it to
write a script that posts your message to every newsgroup. You'll start
by getting as big a list of newsgroups as you can find. The members of
USENET, hoping to see your ad, have prepared these lists just for you.
It doesn't really matter what your product is. If people on the net might
use it, they'll be happy to read about it in every group.
Now create a message promoting yourself. Be bold, be daring, and be
sure to provide info on how to contact you in ways that people on the
net can't shut off. (More on that later.)
Because the reaction is going to be so overwhelming, be sure to take
the following steps:
a) Unlist your phone number. The networking public is going to want
to contact you so much to talk about your product or service that they'll
even try to call you at home. If they get your home phone or address,
they'll be sure to share it with all the other people seeking to send
you their admiration, and your fame may prove too much. You want business,
of course, but do you want to take orders all night?
b) Get an account with some other internet account providers. For
reasons not quite certain, your provider probably has a clause in
their contract with you saying not to do this. Even if they don't,
they will probably delete your account a few hours after you announce
your product, so be sure to get other accounts under assumed names
so you can follow what's going on. This is the reason that expecting
E-mail replies to your ad won't work.
c) Be sure you've led a clean life. You and your product are going
to become as famous as Gary Hart and O.J. Simpson! But, as you know,
such fame has its downsides, as your eager fans research every tawdry
episode from your past history. So be sure there are no skeletons in
your closet. (Unless your product is skeletons!) Of course, since
you're no net-communist, you probably have had a clean life.
d) Due to the Brady Bill, you may want to file your firearms acquisition
permit a few days in advance of your ad. Soon you're going to be rich,
and you'll need to protect that wealth.
e) Load plenty of fax paper in your fax machine. Hire extra staff to
load the rolls. There may be orders in all the faxes you will get.
f) Resign any memberships you may have in any professional associations
you may have joined relating to your business that might have something
as pesky as a code of ethics. Why put them through the trouble of handling
all the calls from your adoring fans, looking for somebody to talk with
about you.
Ok, now you're ready. Unleash the posting program. Have it send your
message once to every group. There are thousands. Now picture in your
mind the prospective customer. She starts her day, perhaps, reading
a group about her hobby. And right there is your ad! The title is
curious so she reads it. Your name is now inserted into her mind -- you've
got mindshare. It's true your product didn't have anything to do with
her hobby, but the net is there to find customers for you, not for
people to share their thoughts.
Then she goes to her next group, perhaps about her brand of computer.
There's your ad again! You've sneaked into the great demographics of the
high-tech world. As she goes on, she sees your ad again and again.
Imagine her joy as she sees your now familiar headline everywhere she
goes. "Wow, they must be really big and important," she'll think.
"They're as famous as IBM." Soon that joy will be so much that she'll
be ready to buy, buy, buy.
Now comes the bad news. USENET is unreliable, and postings don't always
work. So, for unknown reasons, a few hours after you make your postings
they will all have disappeared. Normally you would just post them again,
but by this time your internet mail access will have been deleted, as I
said above, so you'll have to just sit back and bask in the adulation and
orders. There is a theory that some people, who don't like your ad,
will have a smarter program than your posting program root around the net
and stamp it out, but I hardly think it's likely anybody would do that.
There will be some people annoyed, it's true. But the net has at least
10 million people on it, and you'll probably only *really* annoy perhaps
3 to 4 million of them -- a minority!
Others who have tried this have reported not only that a mere minority
show displeasure, but that vast numbers of people take the time to send
back inquiries and orders just so you can have more to read. Unfortunately,
they rarely actually pay. Some theorize that those in the vocal minority
who don't like you are sending in pretend positive responses, to waste your
time. Who would bother to do that? Perhaps just 1% out of the 3 to
4 million annoyed people, at most. That shouldn't bother you too much.
A similar percentage may try to phone you, or fax you, or send bricks
postage due, or subscribe you to magazines. Ignore them. They're just
40,000 or so of the lunatic fringe, communist element you find on the net.
They're just upset because you're making money and they're not. In fact,
suckers that they are, they actually ended up paying to transmit your
ad everywhere. Learn to ignore them. (That's not advice, it's just
something you'll have to do.)
Now at this point you probably have to stop answering your phone, but keep
those faxes coming in, and of course get ready for the mail. If you
ever do get to see some of the E-mail you got sent -- wow, what a flood!
When it settles a bit, threaten to sue anybody who didn't like you. That
should put some fear of God into them. They should have known better than
to build a system so open. Sure, they built the network as a cooperative
effort, but if they didn't want your ads, why didn't they put in protections
against them or enact laws to stop them? What you did was probably legal,
so what's their complaint? They're like people who leave their keys in
their cars and whine when they get stolen. Really, like they didn't
deserve it. They just don't see the wonderful new purpose to which their
network can be put, to help small, exciting firms like yours get famous.
That's the American dream, after all, and you're living it, or will, when
the time comes to come back out of your bunker and reconnect your
phones.
-Emily Postnews
[ Ok, so this is more satire than pure sarcasm, the way my original
Emily Postnews was. Sue me. (*) ]
[ (*) Above remark not addressed to Canter and Siegel. ]
--
Brad Templeton, publisher, ClariNet Communications Corp. | www.clarinet.com
The net's #1 Electronic newspaper (circulation 70,000) | info@clarinet.com
--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner. MAIL your joke to funny@clarinet.com.
Attribute the joke's source if at all possible. A Daemon will auto-reply.
If you don't need an auto-reply, submit to rhf@clarinet.com instead.
-+-
+ Origin: (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Privetstvuyu tebya, o Mikel!
4 h.f.? :)
With best regards Saruman the White
// The Hitch-Hiking Z0ne // Fire Wheelz Gr0up
-+- GoldED 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: ²±° Orthank ch (095)PRI-VATE ch THZ RHQ ch 14400 °±² (2:5020/306.1)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42.gamma
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
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Msg : 45 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 14 Oct 94 21:05:16
To : All 15 Oct 94 23:08:36
Subj : 4 chast' o komp. zhitelyah
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Dmitry Kucherenko, 2:464/6.50 (Wednesday October 12 1994 23:06)
* To : All
* Subj : 4 chast' o komp. zhitelyah
=============================================================================
Vsem privet!
Ogromnaya pros'ba - esli komu ne ponravilos', napishite pochemu, tak kak
pisatel' ya nachinayushchij. :-)
------------------------------------------------>8===========================
Ocherki iz zhizni
komp'yuternyh obitatelej
(c) Dmitrij Kucherenko
1. ZHizn' na derev'yah
Komp'yuternyj mir chem-to napominal les - v nem krugom rosli derev'ya, a
mezhdu nimi, kak pautina, byla natyanuta set'. Dostatochno bylo zaglyanut' na
disk, chto by uvidet', kakim gigantskim ispolinom raskinulos' derevo S. A vot
sboku k nemu pritulilsya kustik A. Vot Zap rubit pod koren' derevo D...
Set', oputyvavshaya s kazhdym dnem vse bol'she derev'ev, byla sushchestvom ne
odushevlennym. Ona tak i nazyvalas' - NeTvar'. Sushchestva zhe odushevlennye zhili
na derev'yah. Pochti u kazhdogo bylo svoe gnezdo na otdel'noj vetke, no
nekotorym zhitelyam prihodilos' ustraivat' obshchagi. Sanitar AidsTest pridirchivo
proveryal vseh vnov' pribyvayushchih. A chtoby poluchit' personal'noe gnezdo, nado
bylo projti dlitel'nuyu proceduru propiski i otvetit' na kuchu unizitel'nyh
voprosov:
-Na kakom dereve zhelaete obitat'?
-Kak zhelaete nazvat' gnezdo?
-Kakoj televizor predpochitaete?
-Budete li slushat' muzyku?
-Kogo hotite propisat' vmeste s soboj? i t.d.
No i posle etogo zhiteli vybrannogo dereva mogli vozmutit'sya:
- K nam ne lez'! U nas i tak mesta malo!
I togda proceduru propiski prihodilos' povtoryat' s samogo nachala...
2. V zasade
- |j! Ty chego spryatalsya? - sprosil komandir Norton Adinfa - I zachem imya
pomenyal?
- A ty "system" ili "hiden" - prodolzhal pristavat' k Adinfu
komandir Norton.
- Da otstan' ty! Ne vidish' - virus lovlyu!
3. Duel'
Komandir Norton bezumno lyubil svoe triinfo i ochen' im gordilsya. Esli ono
vdrug propadalo, on obhodil vse derevo v ee poiskah. Vot i opyat' brodil on,
kak zapom pribityj, i zaglyadyval v samye dal'nie ugly.
- A ty Fifi poprosi - uchastlivo posovetoval emu t.Komandkom - ona tebe
iskat' pomozhet.
V konce-koncov triinfo nashlos' v arhive P.K.Zipa
- Vor! - rugalsya komandir Norton - Prisvoil sebe moe novoe triinfo!
- Ne brosaj gde popalo! - ogryzalsya lejtenant P.K.Zip - Sam gde zhivesh'? A
gde ono u tebya valyaetsya?
Kak lyudi voennye, reshili oni strelyat'sya... Komandir Norton vzyal sebe v
sekundanty Klock, a lejtenant P.K.Zip - Alarm. ZHrebij kidal Rand. Sudil otec
Vindouz - on vydal kazhdomu po okoshku. Pervym nachinat' vypalo P.K.Zipu. On
srazu brosilsya v rukopashnuyu i nachal pakovat' komandira Nortona. Komandir
Norton ne rasteryalsya, on hladnokrovno pricelilsya i nazhal F8. No umiraya
P.K.Zip vse zhe uspel zapakovat' Nortona. Tak oni oba i pogibli. Unerez,
pravda, pytalsya podarit' lejtenantu P.K.Zipu vtoruyu zhizn', no ne nashel ego
mogilki. I komandir Norton tak do sih por i lezhit upakovannyj.
4. Gnusnyj namek
Polez t. Komandkom, za chem-to na derevo "A" i ne nashel ego. :-(
- Nu, chto babushka delat' budem? Abort ili eshche raz povtorim?
- A delaj, chto hosh'! Mne davno vse ignore.
5. Otlozhennaya pisanina
- Kesh, a Kesh? Ty kuda speshish'?
- K Vintu, mozhet uspeyu eshche...
- A chto sluchilos'?
- Otdat' koe-chego nado. M.S.Dos opyat' povesilas'.
- Kak, opyat'??? Ee zhe tol'ko-tol'ko iz petli vynuli!
U Kesha byla gadkaya privychka - vse prosit' vzajmy. Samoe interesnoe, chto
emu pochti nikto v etom ne otkazyval. Hotya vse znali, chto brat'-to on beret, a
otdaet ne vsegda. Ili otdast ne to, ili ne tomu. Byvaet hozyaina uzhe i net -
pomer ne dozhdavshis', a on kak raz vozvrashchat' prishel...
- Kesh, a Kesh? Ty na derevo "A" segodnya lazil?
- Lazil.
- A bral tam chego-nibud'?
- Bral.
- Tak nazad polozhi! Pora uzhe! Skol'ko raz tebe povtoryat', chto by ty tam
nichego ne bral! A esli vzyal - srazu i polozh. Stoj! Stoj-j!! Kuda kladesh'??
|to ne tot "A"!!!
6. Proshchaj dorogoj drug
Ne dolgo provalyalsya Komandir Norton po rukam i nogam upakovannyj - ka
vsegda postaralsya Kesh. On chto-to naputal v fate i komandir Norton stal ne
transportabelen.
- Pustite menya, ya ego vylechu! - plakal i krichal Doktor H.D. - |to mne,
chto dva bajta pereslat'!
No ego ne pustili. Eshche svezho bylo predanie, kak on vykosil paru derev'ev
pytayas' ostanovit' epidemiyu.
Dobit' kom.Nortona poruchili ego molodomu potomku iz 4-go pokoleniya, pri
molchalivom soglasii kom.Volkova i Dos Nafigatora. A chto by Unerez ne
poryvalsya ego reanimirovat', pozvali SpiDisk. I ona ustroila kom.Nortonu
dolgie provody s muzykoj v finale. A fotograf Grafiks shchelkal printskrinom
snimaya kadr za kadrom etot process...
7. Ne vzyali
Den' vydalsya chudesnyj. Basik, Si i Pascal' zateyali igrat' v klassy.
Assembler grustno nablyudal za nimi sidya na lavochke.
- CHto, starichok, zagrustil?
Nichego ne otvetil Assembler, tol'ko zaburchal sebe pod nos "Tancuj poka
molodoj".
8. Prervannyj spor.
Delo bylo vecherom,
Delat' bylo nechego.
A.R.Dzhi klyuchi schital,
Norton zvezdy risoval.
Vindovz fortochkami hlopal
I okoshki raskryval.
- CHto ty tam vse s klyuchami vozish'sya? Luchshe smotri kakie u menya zvezdy
krasivye! - skazal komandir Norton dyadyushke A.R.Dzhu.
- Tyu, zvezdy! |ka nevidal'. Zato u menya klyuchej bol'she vseh!
- Podumaesh' klyuchi! Da ya za minutu zvezd bol'she narisuyu! Esli menya
otvlekat' ne budut.
- A ya povisnut' mogu. - Ni s togo, ni s sego proiznes vdrug Vindovz.
I dejstvitel'no - povis...
Dnepropetrovsk, sentyabr' 1994
==============================8<--------------------------------------------
Dmitrij.
=== GolDed 2:40
+ Origin: Idet-gudet zelenyj shum! (2:464/6.50)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 52 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 14 Oct 94 21:54:12
To : All 15 Oct 94 23:08:44
Subj : for HF?
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : BORIS_IN (Incoming mail)
* From : Mikel Lavrentyev, 2:5020/35.1 (Friday October 14 1994 13:23)
* To : Boris Paleev
* Subj : for HF?
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Mikel Lavrentyev (2:5020/35.1)
* Area : hnetmail (*****: 35.1 personal mail)
* From : Max Grushansky, 2:5026/1.10 (12 Oct 94 20:09)
* To : Mikel Lavrentyev, 5020/35.1
* Subj : for HF?
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Received: by ddt.demos.su id MAA11213;
(8.6.9/D) Thu, 13 Oct 1994 12:28:00 +0301
Received: from p10.f1.n5026.z2.fidonet.org by f400.n5020.z2.fidonet.org
with FTN (ifmail v.2.6) id AA11212; Thu, 13 Oct 94 12:28:00 +0300
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Max Grushansky (2:5026/1.10)
* Area : IV.GENERAL (IV.GENERAL)
* From : Dmitriy Zykov, 2:5026/6 (12 Okt 1994 (Sr) 04:12)
* To : Andrew Spiridonov
* Subj : Bitva v ZMH
=============================================================================
Hi Andrew!
In a msg of <11 Oct 94>, Andrew Spiridonov writes to Michael Kirshtein:
[...]
AS> malen'kih gigantov, to slabo perechislit', kogo ty imel v vidu? Poimenno.
AS> Esli ya, pache chayaniya, okazhus' v etom skorbnom spiske - ishchi sebe sekundanta.
AS> Vybor oruzhiya za toboj.
Srazites' na mejlerah... Nu tam, bomby vsyakie pokidajte... A svodki s polej
srazhenij shlite mne - ya sdelayu dajdzhest navrode:
ZA CHAS DO RASSVETA
ili
Bitva v ZMH.
Predrassvetnye sumerki. Legkij tuman nad pozheltevshej osennej listvoj,
mercayushchie v nebe zvezdy i sonnye montery na gorodskoj ATS - nichto ne predveshchshchaet
Velikoj Bitvy dvuh nevidimyh imperij. Istoriya ne sohranila slavnyh imen
polkovodcev. Poetomu v nashem povestvovanii nazovem ih po cvetu korpusov modemov
- belye i serye.
V telefonnyh provodah eshche tiho. Tol'ko otdalennoe shipenie zapozdalogo
frekal'shchika narushaet utrennyuyu tishinu. No i tot, poluchiv svoi zhelannye "*.*",
bystro ischezaet... Do nachala ZMH ostaetsya ne bolee desyati minut.
Peredovye posty seryh obnaruzhivayut lazutchika - pri popytke otformatirovat'
vinchester zaderzhan yuzer s yavno levym adresom. Bditel'nost' seryh voznagrazhdena
- formatirovanie pustogo virtual'nogo diska ne prineslo kakogo-libo ushcherba.
Pyat' minut do ZMH. Imenno v etot moment predrassvetnaya tishina vzryvaetsya
artpodgotovkoj v vide nepreryvnogo pollinga nomerov protivnika. Dozvonit'sya ne
udaetsya nikomu. Logi zapestreli slovami BUSY i NO CARRIER.
Nastupil ZMH. Belye nachinayut shirokomasshtabnuyu nastupatel'nuyu operaciyu,
zaroutiv cherez vseh aplinkov protivnika po tri raspakovannyh kopii davno
projdennogo ep4b.wad-a. Linki pali smert'yu hrabryh, zasloniv soboj "seruyu" nodu.
Vospol'zovavshis' kratkovremennoj pauzoj, serye pereshli v kontrnastuplenie,
udariv po nomeru protivnika direktom iz vseh pojntov srazu. (Da, ne polenilsya
boss sobstvennoruchno nastroit' im mejlery dnem ran'she!).
U belyh na ATS sgoraet stojka. Pereklyuchivshis' na na zapasnuyu liniyu, oni
uspevayut podpisat' svoih protivnikov na vse svoi ehi srazu, mgnovenno
likvidirovav svobodnoe prostranstvo na vrazheskom vinchestere. Serye menyayut vint,
otbivayas' ot nasedayushchej pochty, sbrasyvaya ee na diskety.
Vnezapno na pole bitvy poyavlyaetsya NC, razmahivayushchij belym flagom s nadpis'yu
"Hold". No, poluchiv srazu s dvuh storon po arkmejlovoj bombe, speshno uhodit v
down.
Serye, izrashodovav vse diskety, primenyayut tonkij strategicheskij hod.
Zapustiv ZFAX v voice-mode, oni rassylayut sosedyam protivnika (vyyavlennym
nakanune po telefonnomu spravochniku) dvusmyslennye pozdravleniya s dobrym utrom
"iz kvartiry 47". Spustya 5 minut u etoj kvartiry otkryvaetsya Vtoroj front.
Belye, ne ozhidavshie takogo kovarstva, upuskayut iniciativu i uhodyat v gluhuyu
oboronu, pominutno menyaya paroli i kidayas' v sosedej tleyushchimi UART-ami.
ZMH na ishode. Serye likuyut - im udalos' freknut' konfigi skvisha i goldeda.
Oni pereimenovyvayutsya drug v druga i zabrasyvayutsya obratno. Belye, ispustiv
poslednij poll, kapituliruyut, poslav na proshchanie vragam po faksu speshno nabityj
v "Leksikone" shestiznachnyj schet za mezhgorod. Nastupaet dolgozhdannyj final.
Telefony zamolkayut, montery otpravlyayutsya na perekur, s vinchesterov ubirayutsya
nedoslannye attachi i ostanki bityh paketov.
Rascvelo. Nachalsya novyj trudovoj den'. Lish' dymyashchiesya lopasti ventilyatorov v
blokah pitaniya da obuglennye telefonnye rozenki napominayut o proshedshej bitve.
Do novogo ZMH ostalos' 23 chasa...
Good Luck! :)mitriy
-+- GEcho 1.00
+ Origin: 27% . 24% . 21% . $##$%!!! . 5% . 2% <> (2:5026/6)
=============================================================================
Privet, Mikel!
Max 12 Okt 1994 (Sr), 20:09
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
=== GoldED 2.42.gamma
+ Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)@Via
2:5020/35.0@fidonet @19941014.133048 BPack 2.15.00b/Unr
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 53 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 14 Oct 94 21:50:56
To : All 15 Oct 94 23:08:46
Subj : .oj ulet iz .oskvy :)))
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : BORIS_IN (Incoming mail)
* From : Mikel Lavrentyev, 2:5020/35.1 (Friday October 14 1994 13:19)
* To : Boris Paleev
* Subj : Moj ulet iz Moskvy :)))
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Mikel Lavrentyev (2:5020/35.1)
* Area : hnetmail (*****: 35.1 personal mail)
* From : Dimitri Martemianov, 2:5020/306.1 (13 Oct 94 10:27)
* To : Mikel Lavrentyev, 5020/35.1
* Subj : Moj ulet iz Moskvy :)))
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
ZHDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
º Forwarded by Dimitri Martemianov (2:5020/306.1)
º Area : PVT.CLUB
º From : Eugene Muzychenko, 2:5000/14 (Voskresen'e Oktyabrya 09 1994 00:42)
º To : All
º Subj : Moj ulet iz Moskvy :)))
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM¾
-=> Note:
Copied (from: 268.PVT) by Eugene Muzychenko using timEd.
Vsem privet!
Nakonec-to doshli puki rasskazat' pro subj :) Hohma zaklyuchalas' v tom, chto
v Moskvu i obratno ya letal voennymi samoletami pri pomoshchi druga-oficera :)
Iz Novosibirska v Moskvu my pereleteli bez problem, no vot obratno...
Istoriya primerno takova:
Utro. 11 chasov. YA, nedavno prosnuvshis', obdumyvayu plany: kuda shodit', s
kem povidat'sya... Telefonnyj zvonok. "Privet! A y nas segodnya v 21.00
samolet :) Na aerodrome (Kubinka) nado byt' okolo vos'mi, tak chto v pyat'
chasov vstrechaemsya na vokzale y elektrichki". Oshchushcheniya trudnoopisuemy s
uchetom togo, chto nuzhno eshche s®ezdit' v kontoru i zabrat' tam platy iz
remonta :) S dikimi matami na beshenoj skorosti pakuyu sumki, mchus' v
kontoru, tam s ne menee dikimi matami vykolachivayu platy, vozvrashchayus' za
sumkami, mchus' na vokzal, vprityk uspevaya k elektrichke. Vse zdorovo, edem
na Kubinku, dobiraemsya do aerodroma, nahodim samolet, sidim, zhdem :) Minut
cherez dvadcat' nas nachinayut oburevat' somneniya - vse tiho, nikogo net, nikto
nikuda ne letit :) CHut' pozzhe podhodyat kakie-to muzhiki, interesuyutsya, chto i
kak, i nedoumenno govoryat, chto _etot_ samolet nikuda ne letit, da i voobshche
y nih tut nikto ne letaet i ne sobiraetsya :) Idem k dispetcheru, i tut nas
raduyut: nash samolet blagopoluchno uletel eshche do nashego poyavleniya :))) Poka
sud da delo, vremya k odinnadcati, i vopros stoit uzhe o tom, chtoby uspet'
na poslednyuyu elektrichku v Moskvu :))) Rys'yu mchimsya obratno (y kazhdogo v
pukah kilogrammov po tridcat' :), na hodu prikidyvaya, chto nadezhnee -
pytat'sya uspet' k elektrichke ili nabit'sya na noch' k devochkam, v izobilii
gulyayushchim po gorodku :) Somneniya v seksual'noj privlekatel'nosti dvuh zlyh
i vzmylennyh muzhikov s vorohom sumok perevesili, i my uspeli na elektrichku :)
Moe poyavlenie y Morozovskogo okolo chasa nochi vyzvalo zametnoe ozhivlenie :)))
CHerez dva dnya snova zvonok: "Samolet segodnya v vosem' vechera". Aga, my uzhe
uchenye - dogovarivaemsya vstrechat'sya na vokzale v tri chasa. Provody prohodyat
v shutlivoj forme, s prigovarivaniem "Hy my vecherom tebya zhdem" :))) Edem na
Kubinku, vylet zaderzhivaetsya, sidim, skuchaem. Okolo desyati dayut dobro na
vylet, no letim cherez CHkalovskij aerodrom - za gruzom. Priletaem tuda, gruz
ne gotov, vylet stavitsya v plan na zavtrashnij vecher. Vremya za polnoch', vse
elektrichki konchilis', nochuem na podokonnikah. V pyat' utra kakoj-to urod
nachinaet vseh budit' i sprashivat', y kogo tol'ko chto igrala muzykal'naya
zazhigalka :))) Potom prihodit v sebya i nachinaet sprashivat' pro vypivku :)
Edem v Moskvu, na /268 vidny slabye probleski udivleniya - raz ya ne vernulsya
vecherom, vse schitali, chto ya vse zhe uletel :)
K vecheru snova sobirayus' :) So mnoj uzhe nikto ne proshchaetsya - ocherednoj
ot®ezd vosprinimaetsya ne inache, kak prikol :))) Na aerodrome vyyasnyaetsya,
chto tam zhutko strogaya sistema ucheta i kontrolya, nachinayut proveryat' vse
dokumenty, na hodu pridumyvaetsya istoriya pro moj prizyv iz zapasa i ne
oformlennoe eshche udostoverenie (ya tam prohodil v chine kapitana :))) - v
konce koncov global'nyj oblom. YA nastraivayus' na ocherednoe vozvrashchenie i
moral'no gotovlyus' vybirat'sya poezdom, kogda vyyasnyaetsya, chto etot chereschup
strogij major, zarezavshij menya, pytalsya posadit' bez dokumentov kakih-to
levyh lyudej, na chto komandir ekipazha ego poslal, i zayavil, chto skoree
voz'met menya i eshche odnogo "zarezannogo", na chto major otvetil, chto lichno
osmotrit samolet pered vyletom :) Eshche polchasa my pod pokrovom temnoty shli
k samoletu i edva ne byli zastreleny p'yanoj ohranoj :) Potom eshche minut
sorok sideli v kabine strelka, chto v hvoste, poka merzkij major sharilsya
po salonu i gruzovomu otseku :) V konce koncov poleteli :) Odnako ne v
Novosibirsk, a v Barnaul :) Tam byl sil'nyj veter, i pri posadke my chut'
ne sleteli s polosy :) A kogda ya k obedu dobralsya do doma i pozvonil
Morozovskomu, y menya bylo oshchushchenie, chto on ne srazu poveril tomu, chto ya
uzhe v Novosibirske... :)))
Vot tak: s shutkami, pribautkami - i letayut novosibirskie fidoshniki v
gosti k moskovskim... :)))
Vsego dobrogo!
Evgenij
-+- timEd-B11
+ Origin: Fox Tracks, Novosibirsk, Russia (2:5000/14)
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM
Privetstvuyu tebya, o Mikel!
4 h.f.? :)
With best regards Saruman the Ruler of Twelve's Community
// The Hitch-Hiking Z0ne // Fire Wheelz Gr0up
-+- GoldED 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: ²±° Orthank ch (095)PRI-VATE ch THZ RHQ ch 14400 °±² (2:5020/306.1)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
=== GoldED 2.42.gamma
+ Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)@Via
2:5020/35.0@fidonet @19941014.133048 BPack 2.15.00b/Unr
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 54 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 14 Oct 94 21:06:48
To : All 15 Oct 94 23:08:46
Subj : .ervyj kurs ...Ra
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Alexey Kulentsov, 2:5020/216.6 (Thursday October 13 1994 18:12)
* To : GLYUK
* Subj : Pervyj kurs SAPRa
=============================================================================
Hello GLYUK!
Saturday October 08 1994, GLYUK writes to Alexey Kulentsov:
KT>>> + Origin: Na stene otkrylsya lyuk - ne pugajsya - ya prishel...
AK>> Da prebudet s toboj sila, Glyuk!
G> Kto tut samozvannichaet? A, on programmist, nu ladno, v takom sluchae on ne
G> vret.
A, znachit, verno, chto vse programmisty poshli s planety Glyukerra? Ona
vrashchaetsya vokrug Al'fy Glyukasa. Osnovnuyu chast' planety zanimaet kontinent
Glyukana, uslovno razbityj tamoshnimi glyukografami na dve chasti sveta - Severnuyu
Glyukanu i Vostochnuyu Glyukanu. Pochemu vostochnuyu? A fig ih znaet. Mestnye glyukoriki
govoryat, nacional'naya specifika. Strana tam vsego odna- Glyukandiya. Zato stolic
mnogo- tut tebe i Glyukaltaun, i San-Glyukalo, i Glyukograd. Byl ya v Glyukograde
kak-to proezdom. Letel na kosmolete kompanii "Interglyuk", a u nih pri podlete k
Al'fa Glyukasa vsegda giperglyukin konchaetsya pochemu-to. Kogda mimo Bety proletaem,
tozhe, no rezhe. Na etot sluchaj tam glyukorbital'naya stanciya visit s bol'shoj
cisternoj giperglyukina. Hoteli na mestnoj planete sdelat', to tam glyukangi
vodyatsya. Nikakoj zhizni ot nih net. Dazhe glyukologi dolgo ne vyderzhivayut, cherez
mesyac menyayutsya. |to vam ne glyukastiki, ne glyukondory i ne dazhe ne glyukopotamy,
kotorye i glyukorojku ne obidyat. A, tak o chem eto ya? Da, pro poseshchenie
Glyukograda. Poka kosmolet giperglyukinom zaryazhali, nas na glyukerkah po gorodu
vozili na ekskursiyu. Osobenno mne ponravilsya mestnyj glyukovedcheskij glyukej, gde
byla predstavlena glyukoriya i glyukura mestnogo naroda. Tut tebe i kiberneticheskij
glyukyn na glyukaslyah igraet, i turnir glyukirej demonstriruetsya, gde dvoe zhestyanyh
glyukirej na glyukineticheskoj osnove v boyu sshibayutsya i so strashnymi glyukami
razletayutsya v raznye storony. I glyukarnya drevnyaya predstavlena, a ryadom glyukotron
na superglyukine, kak simvol progressa i procvetaniya. A menya zainteresoval zal,
gde doglyukavaya istoriya opisana. Est' tam odna glyukenda, pervobytnym
glyukopisatelem zapechatlennaya. Do togo ploho napisana, chto i prochest' nevozmozhno.
Potomu chto glyukandovoj palochkoj na doshchechke vycarapana byla. No sidyashchij tut zhe
drevnij smotritel' glyukeya vse mne podrobno poglyukal. I uslyshal ya odnu iz samyh
drevnih glyukend pro to, otkuda narod glyukerov narodilsya. I govorila eta glyukenda
pro to, chto byla v davnie vremena Glyukerra ne kvadratnoj, kak sejchas, a
sharoobraznoj. I zhil na nej drevnij, kak sama Vselennaya, rod, programmistami
nazyvaemyj. A mozhet, i eshche drevnee, potomu kak esli Vselennuyu edinym vzorom
okinut', ochevidno stanovitsya, chto ne inache kak programmisty ee sozdali-
nastol'ko ona razmerami velika, neuklyuzha i medlenna v svoih proyavleniyah. I
zanimalis' eti programmisty rabotoj i razvlecheniyami, i gorya ne znali, poka ih ne
stalo slishkom mnogo. A vse delo bylo v tom, chto chto by programmisty ne delali,
vremya ot vremeni oni glyukali. Nikto ne znaet, chto eto takoe i zachem im
trebovalos', odnako zhe glyuki ih nakaplivalis', i v konce- koncov narodilsya sam
soboyu iz nih Bol'shoj Proglyuk. I byl on neobrazovan, strashen i dejstviyah svoih
nerazumen. Perepugal on programmistov, i reshili oni s nim borot'sya, daby
neuklyuzhest'yu svoej sooruzhenij ne lomal i detej- programmistikov svoim vidom ne
pugal. I popytalis' ego nahrapom vzyat', inkapsulirovat' da v vechnyj cikl i
zasunut'. No ne tut-to bylo. Proglyuk zhivuchim okazalsya, potomu kak iz raznorodnyh
glyukov sobran byl. Izvestno, chto kazhdyj programmist tol'ko chuzhie glyuki okom
zrit. I nauchilsya Proglyuk povorachivat'sya tak, chto atakuyushchie ego programmisti
stali tol'ko dyrku videt', po krayam mercayushchuyu, i dumat', chto eto navodka ili v
krajnem sluchae dyrka na diskete. Teryalis' oni ot etogo i ne mogli nichego
podelat'. Togda reshili oni Proglyuka na chistuyu vodu vyvesti, a chtoby proshche bylo,
planetu svoyu v bol'shuyu shahmatnuyu dosku prevratili. Nelegko, konechno, bylo, no i
delo ser'eznoe! Zato ukryt'sya negde, vse do drugogo kraya prosmatrivaetsya, a
programmisty eto lyubyat. I popytalis' oni pojmat' zlostnogo Proglyuka na etom
pole, da ne uchli oni, chto na etot sluchaj procedury uzhe gotovye est', umnejshimi
programmistami pridumannye i berezhno na perfolentah sohranyaemye. I eshche ne uchli
oni, chto ezheli gotovaya programma uzhe est', to novuyu vo sto krat trudnee
napisat'. I razmotalis' perfolenty, i poveli boj programmisty soglasno im. No
bedoyu ih bylo to, chto lovili oni ne kogo-nibud', a Proglyukina, nikakih zakonam
ne podchinyayushchegosya i kak ugodno po doske prygayushchego. I bili mimo otravlennye igly
i lazernye luchi iz boevyh printerov, a perforatory proletali tak daleko, chto
tol'ko sredi samih programmistov paniku navodili da za kraj doski vypadali- a
eto deficit. I dazhe ne eto glavnoe bylo, a to, chto boryas' s Proglyukom,
programmisty vremya ot vremeni ispravno glyukali, i vse glyuki tut zhe podbiral
Proglyuk, blago doska ploskaya i kusok glyuka na nej izdaleka viden. I uvideli
programmisty, chto oni obessileli i v chisle umen'shilis', a Proglyuk ne postradal i
dazhe v razmerah uvelichilsya, potomu kak ochen' uzh aktivno oni dejstvovali, i
proizveli stol'ko glyukov, chto za vsyu predydushchuyu istoriyu stol'ko ne bylo. Sobrali
oni sovet s stali dal'she dumat', chto delat'. I skol'ko ne dumali- nichego
horoshego ne poluchalos', potomu kak chto ne delaj, a Proglyuku tol'ko luchshe. I
reshili oni sozdat' vse zanovo, postroili korabl' i uleteli. A naposledok
skazali, chto reshili etu planetu ne stirat' i ostavit' ee kak bakap. Proglyuk ih
vse ravno ne ponyal, potomu kak byl neuchenyj, k tomu zhe on hodil vokrug i
podbiral vse dlya sebya s®edobnoe, v chem nedostatka ne bylo posle postrojki takoj
slozhnoj shtuki, kak kosmicheskij korabl'. I ostalsya on tam odin, I doel vse, chto
tam bylo, a kak trudno stalo, nachal dumat', hot' i trudno ponachalu bylo, i
nadumal, chto nado by delit'sya, kak vsyakij uvazhayushchij sebya organizm, kotoryj
slishkom bol'shim sebya chustvuet. Da i odinoko emu stalo, kak dumat' nachal, potomu
chto eto svojstvo lyubogo organizma, kotoryj dumaet, bud' to programmist ili glyuk.
I podelilsya, a potom eshche, i eshche, i tak proizoshel ot nego narod glyukerov.
Slushaya eto glyukendu, ya chut' ne propustil glyukerku na glyukodrom. Poblagodariv
starika, ya udalilsya iz glyukeya, a potom na korable zapisal vse eto v bloknot,
blagodarya chemu i smog rasskazat' vam stol' neveroyatnuyu i potryasayushchuyu istoriyu.
S uvazheniem,
Kulencov.
=== GoldED 2.42.G1121
+ Origin: -=:Akul:=- (2:5020/216.6)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 5 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 19 Oct 94 23:11:12
To : All 20 Oct 94 22:04:06
Subj : New echo
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : 41.ECHO (41.ECHO)
* From : Dmitry Orel, 2:5020/139 (Wednesday October 19 1994 00:48)
* To : All
* Subj : New echo
=============================================================================
@MSGID: 2:5020/139 2ea4be8f
* Crossposted in RU.BARDAK
* Crossposted in MO.ECHO
* Crossposted in SUPER.TORMOZ
* Crossposted in COMMONPLACE
* Crossposted in EAGLE'S.ECHO
* Crossposted in INFO.LINK
* Crossposted in NO.CARRIER
* Crossposted in PVT.CLUB
* Crossposted in 41.ECHO
Hi All!
VNIMANIE!!! Sozdana novaya universal'naya eha TYT.BCE.HACPEM. Poka dostupna na
uzle 2:5020/139 i gotova k dal'nejshemu rasprostraneniyu minuya bekbon. Uzly
zhelayushchie poluchat' dannuyu ehu v kachestve "assenizacii" ostal'nyh eh, mogut
obrashchat'sya na moj uzel. |hu ni komu ne zakidyvayu i razdayu tol'ko po zayavkam v
svyazi s ee osoboj elitarnost'yu! Moderatora v dannoj ehe net vsvyazi s ee
specifikoj. Itak dlya chego sozdana eta eha?
Pravila pIsaniya v ehu TYT.BCE.HACPEM
|ha elitnaya i privatnaya, no tuda priglashayutsya lyudi obozhayushchie gadit' v razlichnyh
ehah, kak to Rubchinskij i emu podobnye tovarishchi. Luchshe pIsat' v ehu, chem v
rakovinu, ne pravda-li?
V dannuyu ehu rekomenduetsya pIsat' v stadii alkogol'nogo op'yaneniya. Esli Vy na
ocherednoj fidopojke napilis' i vam neobhodimo kuda-to vyplesnut' svoyu energiyu,
to milosti proshu Vas pIsat' v dannuyu ehu svoi nechlenorazdel'nye vopli, pover'te
|TO INTERESNO MNOGIM v etoj ehe. A tak zhe rasskazhite v etoj ehe skol'ko vodki vy
vyzhrali za vecher, kak prikol'no bylo zasunut' kogo-libo v prud i properet'sya s
etogo dejstva.
V dannoj ehe mozhno vsem prisutstvuyushchim rasskazat' o tom, kak kto-libo s®ezdil v
Izrail' ili kakuyu-libo druguyu stranu. Esli vas vnezapno snyali na videokameru, to
ob etom nemedlenno nuzhno soobshchit' v TYT.BCE.HACPEM - eto interesno vsem!
Odno pis'mo rekomenduetsya dublirovat' ot treh do desyati raz, vmesto togo, chtob
krosspostit' vo vse ostal'nye ehi - eto bolee ekonomno, i vy ne budete
razdrazhat' svoim povedeniem orla i emu podobnyh nehoroshih lyudej.
Molodye "poruchiki" lyubyashchie uprazhnyat'sya v skvernoslovii, priglashayutsya v
TYT.BCE.HACPEM ibo v COMMONPLACE vas mozhet ne ponyat' zlobnyj moderator.
Esli vas ne ustraivaet moderator kakoj-libo ehi, to vy mozhete vyskazat' emu vse,
chto vy o nem dumaete v TYT.BCE.HACPEM.
Esli vam 15-17 let, no vam ochen' hochetsya pokazat' na chto vy sposobny, to milosti
prosim v TYT.BCE.HACPEM - tut vas vsegda pojmut i budut vam rady.
Esli vy elitarny i podpisyvaetes' kak nibud' tipa
tHe MoTOrHUnTER Of FiGi, to svoyu elitarnost' vam rekomenduetsya pokazyvat' v ehe
TYT.BCE.HACPEM - tam vas pojmut i odobryat. Tam zhe mozhno publikovat' ob®yavleniya o
SuPEr BBs s gigazami varezov onlajnu, no s telefonami 095-PRI-VATE. Imenno v
TYT.BCE.HACPEM vam nado kriknut' LAMMMMMERZ MUST DIE! Dlya bolee chetkogo
opredeleniya vashej elitarnosti, ya rekomenduyu vam ispol'zovat'sya v oridzhine
nadpisi tipa: 100000 GiGAZ On-LInE / NO FiDO LaMErZ / PISYA BOARD. V kachestve
adresa ispol'zujte tol'ko adres 666:666/666 - togda ni kto ne usomnitsya v tom,
chto vy nastoyazhaya |LITA!
Lyubitelej anekdotov pro kurochku ryabu, sadyuzhek, shkol'nyh istorij i prochih
nesomnenno smeshnyh veshchej proshu pokinut' RU.ANEKDOT, SU.HUMOR i soputstvuyushchie ehi
svyazannye s yumorom i perejti v TYT.BCE.HACPEM - takoj tonkij yumor mogut ponyat'
tol'ko v etoj elitarnoj ehe.
|hu SU.POL celikom mozhno perenesti v TYT.BCE.HACPEM ibo zachem plodit' 2-e
odinakovye po suti ehi? Lyubiteli tovarishcha Zyuganova i gospodina Gil'by mogut
vcepit'sya v glotku poganym "el'cinoidam" i prochim tvaryam. A te v svoyu ochered',
nesomnenno zahotyat polit' der'mom krasno-korichnevyh paranoikov.
V TYT.BCE.HACPEM mozhno naehat' na Boryu Tyshkevicha, za to, chto on prikryl halyavnyj
Mobil' i teper' varit babki na bednyh fidoshnikah.
V dannuyu ehu priglashayutsya vse nenavistniki yazyka Paskal' i lyubiteli yazyka Si i
naoborot. Imenno v etoj ehe vy smozhete nakonec reshit' kakoj iz etih dvuh yazykov
luchshe, a kakoj huzhe.
Imenno v TYT.BCE.HACPEM lyubiteli mejlera imenuemogo v narode Bink mogut naehat'
na lyubitelej mejlera imenuemogo v narode Tmylo. A lyubiteli Tmyla mogut provesti
v dannoj ehe protivopolozhnuyu po smyslu diskussiyu s lyubitelyami Binka.
Lyubiteli ehoprocessora Skvishsh' mogut v etoj ehe vsemu miru rasskazat', chto
ehoprocessor Skvishshsh' samyj |HO processor v mire, a vse ostal'nye ehoprocessory
takoe der'mo i imi pol'zuyutsya tol'ko duraki!
Lyudi schitayushchie, chto "poganye Vinduza" eto der'mo mogut vstretitsya s lyubitelyami
etoj sistemy v TYT.BCE.HACPEM i vyskazat' im svoe mnenie ob etoj sisteme, nu a
lyubiteli Fortochek nesomnenno mogut oprovergnut' vse imi skazannoe i skazat', chto
poka ih OSX razdelena popolam - eto NE SISTEMA voobshche!
V TYT.BCE.HACPEM mozhno pokazat' pal'cem na cheloveka ispol'zuyushchego modem "Zyuhel'"
i gromko zakazat' "Fuuuuuu!". Nu a dannyj chelovek nesomnenno mozhet pokazat'
pal'cem na vladel'ca modema "US Robotiks" i skazat' emu "Fiiiii!", a zatem oni
oba mogut pokazat' pal'cem na cheloveka, kotoryj ispol'zuet modem
CALPAK i skazat' "Nu ty tooooooormoz!"
Esli vam ne nravitsya firma "Variant" torguyushchaya modemami sistemy "Zyuksel'", to
vym neobhodimo v srochnom poryadke podpisat'sya v TYT.BCE.HACPEM i obil'no polit'
isprazhneniyami dannuyu firmu! |to-zhe otnositsya k lyubym drugim firmam gde vam libo
nagrubli, libo prodali "glyuchnoe" zhelezo, libo prosto ne upali k vam v nogi,
kogda vy soizvolili yavit'sya v offis firmy za pokupkoj.
Dlya lyubitelej muzyki v TYT.BCE.HACPEM vsegda najdetsya mesto. Lyubiteli staryh
diskov gruppy Pink Floyd mogut naehat' na lyubitelej novyh diskov i obozvat' vse,
chto oni slushayut strashnym slovom "Gilmoryatina". Fanaty i fanatki gruppy
"Mal'chishnik" mogut naehat' na lyubitelej gruppy "METALLICA" i obozvat' ih
dlinnovolosymi nedoumkami, a te v svoyu ochered' veroyatno zahotyat nazvat' nazvat'
obidchikov "pedikami" vne zavisimosti ot ih pola. Lyudi uvazhayushchie pesni Iosifa
Kobzona nesomnenno zahotyat podiskutirovat' s fanatami gruppy "HUJ ZABEJ"
i postavit' pod somnenie fakt vyhoda ih kompakt diska na firme "Popa begemota"
Diskussiyu o krivom hozhdenii pochty cherez /400 nodu nesomnenno tozhe mozhno
perenesti v TYT.BCE.HACPEM, a Vishnevskogo ob®yavit' Relkomovskim diversantom,
oblit' isprazhneniyami i posadit' na virutal'nyj kol v dannoj ehe.
Esli NEC/REC/etcC po kakoj libo prichine ne otvechaet vam na zapros o poluchenii
nody ili na kakoe libo oficial'noe pis'mo, to vy v dannoj ehe obyazany soobshchit'
vsem prisutstvuyushchim ob etom i nesomnenno pripravit' svoe soobshchenie brannym
slovom v ego adres. V drugoj ehe vam by skazali "Fi!", a v TYT.BCE.HACPEM vas
pojmut pravil'no.
|ta eha razreshena dlya gejta v drugie seti, a poetomu nenavistniki "poganogo
Relkoma", priglashayutsya dlya polivaniya der'mom nenavistnyh relkomovcev. Imenno v
TYT.BCE.HACPEM vy mozhete vyskazat' vse svoe prezrenie etim parazitam!
V dannoj ehe razreshena LYUBAYA kommercheskaya reklamma. Razreshena ona dlya togo, chtob
pobornikam FIDO policy ne sozdaval diskomforta tot fakt, chto im prihoditsya
vyiskivat' pis'ma soderzhashchie hot' kakoj-to namek na reklammu. Osobo
rekomenduetsya prodavat' v dannoj ehe krupnye partii ryby, uglya, nefti, gaza i
prochih nashih bogatstv, daby mozhno bylo voskliknut' "Vsyu stranu rasprodali,
podonki, da eshche v FIDO so svoej reklamoj lezut'!"
Izlishnee citirovanie privetstvuetsya, daby te lyudi, kotoryh eto razdrazhaet mogli
naehat' na lyubitelej citirovat' i obozvat' ih neprilichnym slovom! Ili hotyaby
skazat' im "Ty sho! Ofigel SEENBY kvotit'?" I pobol'she vsyakih dopolnitel'nyh
kludzhej vstavlyajte v svoi pis'ma - eto tozhe povod dlya ozhivlennoj besedy!
-
Na etom ya prekrashchayu rasskazyvat' o tom, chto mozhno pIsat' v ehu TYT.BCE.HACPEM -
ya dumayu te na kogo eha NE raschitana sami ponyali, chto ya hotel skazat' sozdaniem
dannoj ehi. Nu a te, dlya kogo sozdana dannaya eha milosti prosim GADITX!
My vsegda budem vam rady! Gad'te so smakom i na zdorov'e! V dobryj chas!
Uvazhaemye kollegi!
Gruppa ufologov iz Moskovskogo Univermaga provodit issledovanie vysshej
nervnoj deyatel'nosti pol'zovatelej komp'yuternyh setej. Obrashchaemsya k Vam
s pros'boj otnestis' ser'ezno k predlagaemym voprosam i potratit' Vashe
rabochee vremya na otvety na nih. Rezul'taty oprosa budut vyvesheny na
stengazete sekcii "CHulki-noski" Moskovskogo Univermaga.
Prosim otvetit' na vse voprosy. Ne pereutomlyajtes', vybiraya
edinstvennyj variant otveta, mozhete prervat'sya, perekurit', poobedat'
za kulisami sekcij "CHulki-noski" i "La-fajett" Moskovskogo Univermaga.
Vybrannyj otvet otmechaetsya znakom "Pi", chto daet Vam priblizitel'no
3,14159 balla. Esli Vashe mnenie otlichaetsya ot punktov menyu, Vy mozhete
vyskazat' ego v svobodnoj forme zaveduyushchej sekciej "CHulki-noski"
Moskovskogo Univermaga Raise Grigor'evne Blyu.
Otvety napravlyajte po adresu:
gorod Moskva, shtat Moskva,
territoriya byvsh. SSSR, kvadrat 74-02,
R. G. Blyu.
======================================================================
Q1. [BOO] Vy podderzhivaete svyaz' s Silami Kosmosa?
1) mnogo raz v den'
2) kazhdyj den' za 30 min. do edy i cherez 30 min. posle pit'ya
3) ezhednevno
4) kazhdye neskol'ko dnej
5) ezhenedel'no
6) 2-3 raza v mesyac
7) voobshche-to ya - Napoleon
Q2. Na kakie telekonferencii (ili newsgroups, eho-konferencii i t.p.)
Vy podpisany?
1) kommercheskie
2) antikommercheskie
3) yumor, hobbi
4) bugi-vugi
5) konferenciya "Karty zimnih migracij nozhek Busha"
6) nervno-politicheskie, psihicheskie, slezotochivye (napr., abcdef.qwerty)
7) uchebno-podstrekatel'nye
8) antisepticheskie
9) prosto cheskie
10) ne znayu
11) sdayus'
Q3. Vash stil' uchastiya v telekonferenciyah (newsgroups, eho-konferenciyah
i t.p.) - eto
1) regulyarno chitat' postupayushchie soobshcheniya
2) chitat' ih zapoem
3) izredka vypivat'
4) chasten'ko vypivat'
5) inogda napivat'sya kak svin'ya
6) nichego ne pit'
7) mozhete ne otvechat'
8) a kto budet otvechat'?
Q4. Komp'yuternye seti Vam nuzhny v osnovnom dlya
1) prikola
2) bol'shogo prikola + kak opravdanie traty rabochego vremeni
3) peredachi sluzhebnoj sekretnoj informacii
tret'im, pyatym i sed'mym licam
4) vedeniya mezhdunarodnogo terrorizma
5) zavyazyvaniya, osemeneniya, pochkovaniya i opyleniya
6) polucheniya i peredachi vzyatok
7) prosto tak
8) ne prosto tak, a v kommercheskih celyah
9) podgotovki odnih i otpravki po oshibke drugih publikacij
10) izvlecheniya begayushchih bajtikov iz arhivnyh fajlov
11) vypolneniya funkcij administratora ili konferans'e
12) vypolneniya funkcij spasayushchego ili utopayushchego
13) vypolneniya funkcij SUM i AVERAGE (SUMM i SREDN dlya
russkoyazychnyh versij)
14) otpravki estestvennyh potrebnostej
15) poiska utrachennyh deneg v MMM
16) uchastiya v professional'nyh telekonferenciyah v kachestve massovki
17) a zachem vam?
18) dinamicheskogo obmena dannymi kak klient firmy Microsoft
ili kak server OLE 2.0
Q5. Vy pishete i poluchaete soobshcheniya
1) na russkom yazyke
2) na nastoyashchem $^#$%& russkom yazyke
3) na ivrite
4) na anglijskom yazyke
5) in English
6) sorry, I don't understand
7) General Protection Fault in module BRAIN.EXE segment 0000:ZZZZ
Q6. Naskol'ko Vy udovletvoreny rabotoj v komp'yuternyh setyah?
1) chrezvychajno dovolen
2) ochen' horosho, priyatno
3) esli na stole, to mne, v obshchem, nravitsya
4) esli levaya noga na urovne shei, to ya poluchayu udovol'stvie
5) v poze "064-32-s lezha" uchebnika "K. Sutra", M., Uchpedgiz, 1917, s.1206
Q7. Posredstvom elektronnoj pochty Vy priobreli
1) postoyannyh delovyh partnerov
2) horoshih tovarishchej
3) dobryh druzej
5) Tan'ku
6) rebenka ot Tan'ki
7) sploshnye razocharovaniya
8) krushenie nadezhd i skovorodkoj po golove
Q8. Intensivnost' Vashej raboty v komp'yuternyh setyah zavisit ot
1) zagruzhennosti delami
2) nastroeniya
3) zapoev
4) zapoev delovyh partnerov
5) esli u Mar'ivanny opyat' Leksikon ne zagruzitsya,
to do vechera ne syadu
Q9. Vy sklonny dumat', chto chelovecheskie kontakty, osushchestvlyaemye s
pomoshch'yu komp'yuternyh setej, - eto
1) vysshaya forma obshcheniya
2) polnocennoe obshchenie
3) normal'noe obshchenie bez ispol'zovaniya protivozachatochnyh sredstv
4) poleznoe dopolnenie k istinnomu obshcheniyu s ispol'zovaniem
protivozachatochnyh sredstv
5) v chem-to nenastoyashchee obshchenie
6) krajne nedostatochnaya forma obshcheniya
7) voobshche ne obshchenie
8) opasnaya zamena nastoyashchego obshcheniya
9) ya eshche molod, chtoby dumat' ob etom
Q10. Poisk v udalennyh istochnikah informacii - eto dlya Vas
1) neobhodimost'
2) i udovol'stvie, i neobhodimost'
3) skoree udovol'stvie
4) pustaya zabava, no priyatno
5) ne govorite mame
6) ya etim ne zanimayus'
7) predpochitayu nastoyashchee obshchenie
Q11. Zaprashivaya informaciyu (v bankah dannyh ili zadavaya voprosy drugim
pol'zovatelyam seti), Vy poluchaete nuzhnye svedeniya?
1) nu kak vam skazat'?
2) v obshchem, inogda
3) inogda poluchayu, chashche net
4) chto-to poluchayu, no to li eto
5) na moi zaprosy pochemu-to voobshche net otvetov
6) ya tut poslal odno, a poluchil takoe...
7) HELP! Vord 6 ne pechataet po-russki!
Q12. Nachinaetsya li nazvanie Vashej organizacii s bukvy A?
1) da
2) net
3) ran'she nachinalos', teper' net
4) ne znayu
5) russkoj ili latinskoj?
Q13. Prosim proshcheniya za nedelikatnyj vopros, no skol'ko Vam let?
1) 16 ili menee
2) 16-32
3) 32-64
4) 64-128
5) 128-256
6) S000H
7) sejchas 8, no cherez nedelyu mne rasshiryat do 16
8) nu, ya ne takoj vezuchij - 640 mne let
Q14. Davno li Vy boltaetes' v komp'yuternyh setyah?
1) menee treh mesyacev
2) 3-6 mesyacev
3) uzhe god, pora by vam i vytaskivat'
4) ya del'fin, menya otpustyat
5) ot polutora do dvuh let
6) bolee 2 let
7) tri goda s konfiskaciej
8) desyat' let s obshchestvennym poricaniem, lisheniem
voditel'skih prav i uhodom zheny s krikami "Ty na kom
zhenilsya? Na mne ili na etoj chertovoj zhelezke?!"
Q15. Nazovite osnovnoj rod Vashih vojsk...
Vprochem, luchshe ne nado.
Budu priznatelen avtoram originala ankety, esli oni ne obidyatsya
na avtora.
Roma Voronezhskij
-+-
+ Origin: Economics Departament RAO (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
Dmitry
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 73 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 20 Nov 94 13:02:06
To : All 21 Nov 94 09:12:30
Subj : .amyatnik komp'yutershchiku
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Timur Evdokimov, 2:5020/243 (Wednesday November 16 1994 23:33)
* To : All
* Subj : Pamyatnik komp'yutershchiku
=============================================================================
Hello, All!
Tut vot ugorazdilo menya prostudit'sya-zabolet', temperatura >39, v obshchem pochti
trupak. I vot v gosti zahodit menya provedat' moya... e-e-e... horoshaya znakomaya. I
my s nej tak vot eto po hodu obsuzhdaem problemu moih pohoron :) A ona i govorit
- ya mol znayu, kakoj ya tebe pamyatnik zakazhu. YA - nu? Klaviatura, govorit, a iz
nee torchit ruka, derzhashchaya butylku piva. Pryamo v duhe |rnsta eizvestnogo
poluchitsya pamyatnik. Nu da, a eshche snizu pripisat' [(s) ne moj] CONNECT 1974 - NO
CARRIER 1994.
I vse.
Timur
=== GoldED 2.50.B0822+
+ Origin: DataForce/Pvt BBS y Zelenograd/Moscow/Russia (2:5020/243)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 81 of 100
From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 21 Nov 94 20:43:02
To : All 22 Nov 94 04:28:26
Subj : Software Airlines
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Igor Kaminskiy (2:5005/18)
* Area : KIEV.ANECDOT (KIEV.ANECDOT)
* From : Andrey Ganin, 2:463/52.33 (18 Nov 94 05:39)
* To : All
* Subj : Software Airlines
=============================================================================
Privetstvuyu, All!
Vot, nashel segodnya na gofere na GU -- mozhet, budet komu interesno moj
skromnyj perevod pochitat'... ;)
---------- 8< ------------ 8< ------------ 8< ---------------------
Esli by firmy, zanimayushchiesya programmnym obespecheniem,
soderzhali avialinii...
(Otforvardzheno iz seti JunkFAX firmy National Semiconductor)
Avialinii DOS
Passazhiry tolkayut samolet po vzletnoj polose do teh por, po-
ka on ne vzletit, zatem zaprygivayut na nego i letyat, poka on sno-
va ne opustitsya na zemlyu. Zatem vse povtoryaetsya snachala.
Avialinii QEMM
Polnost'yu analogichny avialiniyam DOS, no v polete u vas
bol'she mesta dlya nog.
Avialinii Mac
Vse styuardy, styuardessy, piloty, kassiry i tehnicheskij per-
sonal vyglyadyat odinakovo, govoryat odinakovo i dejstvuyut odinako-
vo. Kazhdyj raz, kogda vy interesuetes' kakimi-libo detalyami, vam
ob®yasnyayut, chto vy eto ne obyazany znat', chto vy etogo ne hotite
znat', chto vse budet sdelano bez vashego uchastiya i voobshche prosyat
vas zatknut'sya.
Avialinii OS/2.
Dlya togo, chtoby popast' v samolet, vy dolzhny postavit' na
svoem bilete 10 raznyh pechatej, prostoyav dlya etogo v desyati raz-
nyh ocheredyah. Zatem vy zapolnyaete anketu, v kotoroj ukazyvaete,
gde imenno vy hotite sidet', a takzhe soobshchaete, kak dolzhen vyglya-
det' samolet -- kak okeanskij lajner, kak passazhirskij poezd ili
kak avtobus. Esli vam vse-taki udaetsya okazat'sya na bortu, a sa-
moletu udaetsya vzletet', to vashemu poletu nichto ne ugrozhaet za
isklyucheniem teh momentov, kogda ruli vysoty i zakrylki zaedayut v
odnom polozhenii -- v etom sluchae u vas ostaetsya dostatochno vreme-
ni, chtoby pomolit'sya i zanyat' polozhenie dlya avarijnoj posadki.
Avialinii Windows
Aeroport krasiv i prekrasno blagoustroen, kassiry i styuar-
dessy privetlivo ulybayutsya, popast' na bort samoleta proshche pros-
togo, a vzlet prohodit bez suchka bez zadorinki. Zatem v polete
samolet vnezapno vzryvaetsya bez vsyakogo preduprezhdeniya.
Avialinii Win NT
Passazhiry stroem vyhodyat na vzletnuyu polosu, horom proizno-
syat parol' i vystraivayutsya, obrazuya kontur samoleta. Zatem vse
sadyatsya na zemlyu i izdayut gudyashchij zvuk tak, chto sozdaetsya vpechat-
lenie, chto vse letyat.
Avialinii UNIX
Vse passazhiry priezzhayut v aeroport s sobstvennymi detalyami
ot samoleta, zatem sobirayutsya na vzletnoj polose i nachinayut
ego stroit', ni na sekundu ne perestavaya sporit' o tom, kakogo zhe
imenno tipa samolet oni stroyat.
Avialinii Mach
|to avialinii novogo pokoleniya (NeXT generation ;) Samolet
kak takovoj otsutstvuet. Passazhiry sobirayutsya vmeste i horom ego
zovut, zatem zhdut, zhdut, zhdut, zhdut i zhdut. Zatem prihodit dru-
gaya gruppa lyudej, kazhdyj iz nih prinosit s soboj kusok samoleta.
Oni ustraivayutsya na vzletnoj polose i nachinayut etot samolet sobi-
rat', ni na sekundu ne perestavaya sporit' o tom, kakoj imenno sa-
molet oni sobirayut. Zatem samolet vzletaet, a passazhiry ostayutsya
na vzletnoj polose i zhdut, zhdut i zhdut. Kogda samolet blagopoluch-
no prizemlyaetsya, pilot zvonit po telefonu v aeroport otpravleniya,
chtoby soobshchit' passazhiram o tom, chto vse oni blagopoluchno dobra-
lis' do mesta naznacheniya.
Avialinii Newton
Vy pokupaete bilety za 18 mesyacev do dnya vyleta i v nazna-
chennyj den' okazyvaetes' na bortu samoleta. Odin iz chlenov ekipa-
zha interesuetsya vashim imenem. Pravil'no eto imya rasslyshat' emu
udaetsya tol'ko s chetvertogo raza, posle chego on pozvolyaet vam za-
nyat' svoe mesto. Kak tol'ko vy usazhivaetes', styuardessa soobshchaet,
chto process posadki neobhodimo povtorit', tak kak samolet pere-
polnen i passazhirov neobhodimo zanovo pereschitat', osvobodiv mes-
to dlya novyh.
--------- 8< ----------- 8< -------------- 8< -------------------
Prizrachno vash, -- A. G. {* andrey@frontline.kiev.ua *}
ch Why do you look so sad and forsaken ?
-+- Dread 2.42.G0214+
+ Origin: * Babylon Frontline * (2:463/52.33)
=============================================================================
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
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Msg : 83 of 100
From : Dmitry Rusak 2:5030/192.17 20 Nov 94 20:57:30
To : All 22 Nov 94 10:21:54
Subj : Korki
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Hello, All!
Vot nashlis' y menya! Hotya vrode oni starye,no esli chto YA-Ne Vinovat!
Vo,BlinZ!
Korotkie istorii, uslyshannye v MIR|A v bufete
"U pogibshego programmista" ( korpus G )
1. Rasshifrovka zapisi v zachetke:
OTL - Obmanul Tovarishcha Lektora
HOR - Hotel Obmanut' - Raskusili
UD - Ushel Dovol'nyj
EUD - aznachena E... U Dekana
2. Esli Vas upreknut v otsutstvii morali, zayavite, chto u Vas ih dazhe dve...
3. e tyanite za hvost, esli ne znaete, chto na drugom konce !
4. Esli balans srazu ne soshelsya, znachit v nem est' oshibka. Sledstvie: esli
balans soshelsya - oshibok dve.
5. Vyrazhenie: ushel v podprogrammu...
6. Kto takoj intellegentnyj chelovek ? Intellegentnyj chelovek, eto tot, kto
mozhet otlichit' Gogolya ot Gegelya, Gegelya ot Bebelya, Bebelya ot Babelya,
Babelya ot kabelya, kabelya ot kobelya, kobelya ot suki, a suku ot sumki.
Sledstvie: intellegentnym chelovekom my nazyvaem vsyakogo, kto otlichaet
Gogolya ot sumki.
7. Pipls, proklocivajte vashi tikety ! e proklocennyj tiket - eto stremno,
pipls: on umen'shaet vash prajs na desyat' yuksov i vedet k gnilomu bazaru.
A proklocannyj tiket - eto klevaya otmaska ot mentov, kontry i prochego
steba.
8. Vyrazhenie: krutoj, kak front pryamougol'nogo impul'sa...
9. a ekzamene v MIR|A lektor govorit:
- Tovarishchi studenty, poslushajte, po kakim kriteriyam budut ocenivat'sya
vashi znaniya na etom ekzamene: vopros na trojku - kakoj predmet vy prish-
li sdavat', vopros na chetverku - kakogo cveta oblozhka u vashego uchebni-
ka, nu i vopros na pyaterku - kto iz prisutstvuyushchih zdes' prepodavatelej
vash lektor...
Vopl' iz auditorii:
- Rezhut, bezbozhno rezhut !!!
10. Snesla kurochka Ryaba dedu Matveyu yaichko... achisto snesla, okoyannaya !
11. Kroshka syn k otcu prishel
I skazala kroha:
- Schas by babu horosho...
- Da, synok, neploho !
12. Ob'yavlyayu strogij vygovor s zaneseniem v grudnuyu kletku...
13. - A u nas est' teleglaz, a u Vas ?
- A u nas est' mikrofon: von, von i von...
- A iz nashego okna - ploshchad' Krasnaya vidna,
YA v opticheskij pricel
Gorbacheva razgledel !
14. |kzamen. K ekzamenatoru podhodit student, kotoryj ele stoit na nogah ot
cherezchur bol'shoj dozy prinyatogo spirtnogo.
- Tovarishch prepodavatel', primite ekzamen u p'yanogo studenta !
- Da vy chto !!!
- u tovarishch prepodavatel', pozhalujsta, sessiya gorit !
- Molodoj chelovek, idite domoj i kak sleduet prospites'...
- u ya vas ochen' proshu !
- Ladno, sadites'.
- Sekundochku. |j, r-p-rebyata, z-zanosi !!!
15. SHtirlic, kogda byvaet v plohom nastroenii, b'et tol'ko navernyaka. Bednyj
avernyak !!!
16. Voprosy v ankete dlya pervogo otdela:
- byli li Vy v detstve evreem ?
- vyezzhali li Vy za granicu, i esli da, to pochemu vernulis' ?
17. Kakoe zhivoe sushchestvo izmenyaet svoj ves v techenii dnya ot 300 kg do 3-h
gramm ?
Otvet: muzh. S utra ego zhena budit: - Vstavaj, begemot !
Dnem, shvyryaya na stol tarelku s supom: - ZHri, sobaka !
Vecherom, lozhas' v postel': - Idi ko mne, myshenok !
18. Vopros: chto takoe cioner ?
Otvet: cioner - eto etalon, oboznachayushchej kolichestvo intellekta, zaklyu-
chennogo v odnoj platievo-iridievoj taburetke, hranyashchejsya v Palate Mer i
Vesov vo Francii.
A teper' po analogii: a chto takoe milicioner ???
( vspomnim: milligramm, millimetr... )
19. Kakoj dolzhna byt' ideal'naya zhena ?
Ideal'naya zhena dolzhna byt' horoshej b., imet' bol'shuyu zh. i krepko derzhat'
h.
Primechaniya:
b. - babushkoj
zh. - zhilploshchad'
h. - hozyajstvo
P.S. A esli ona obladaet eshche i tem, o chem ty podumal - ...
20. Neskol'ko novyh znachenij horosho izvestnyh Vam slov...
KOTOMKA - pribor dlya izmereniya soprotivleniya koshki postoyannomu toku;
POTECIOMETR - pribor dlya izmereniya velichiny lyubvi u muzhchin;
SPIDOMETR ( med. ) - ekspress-analiz na AIDS;
SPIDVEJ ( prostonar. ) - zhenshchina, zabolevshaya SPIDom;
NABALDASHIK ( obshcheizv. ) - shlyapa;
KABAN - papa porosenka. Mama ego, hotya nam i ne priyatno obizhat' reben-
ka - svin'ya !
OTVERTKA ( stud. ) - otvet ne po sushchestvu;
ZUBROVKA ( stud. ) - podgotovka k ekzamenam;
KREMIROVATX ( zhensk. ) - mazat' lico kremom ( na noch' );
POTASKUHA ( obshchenar. ) - gruzchik v magazine;
21. Dialog v aeroportu:
- Molodoj chelovek, hotite "styuardessu" ?
- et, spasibo, u menya "opal" !
- Izvinite, ya ne pro to...
- YA tozhe.
22. Iz lekcij Krylova Grigoriya Olegovicha
... razrabatyvat' programmu nuzhno tak zhe, kak nachinat' stroit' dom - s
koles...
... krasnyj vektor - eto zelenyj svetofor na doroge k zachetu... ( P.S.
zlye yazyki utverzhdayut, chto na sleduyushchij den' posle etogo zayavleniya on
proehal na krasnyj svet i razbil vdrebezgi svoyu mashinu. )
Idet dozhd'. Gruppe studentov vo glave s Krylovym neobhodimo projti v
drugoj korpus instituta. Krylov govorit: - CHtoby ne mochit'sya, my s vami
projdem koridorami...
23. Iz zhizni gruppy AP-3-88
- Felikson, ne gundos', i tak holodno !
24. Idet student MIR|A, emu navstrechu muzhik - tozhe v dosku p'yanyj...
25. CHto takoe MIR|A ? |to Moskovskij Institut po Rasprostraneniyu |pidemii
Alkogolizma.
26. Otryvki iz kursovyh proektov, uspeshno sdannyh prepodavatelyam kafedry
SA i PO ASU ( zav. kafedroj Krylov G.O. ):
- pechatayushchee ustrojstvo ( dalee PU ) mozhet vyvodit' informaciyu na lis-
tovuyu i rulonnuyu bumagu, termochuvstvitel'nuyu bumagu, doski, truhlyavye
pni i prochie istochkiki cellyulozy ( ikolaev I.V. Ocenka kursovogo: 5 )
- Ronya, ne meshaj rabotat', a to ya tebya sejchas perforatorom po golove
stuknu... ( ikolaev I.V. Ocenka za kursovoj: 5 )
- tomu, kto dochitaet do etogo mesta, stavlyu butylku kon'yaka... ( Imya
avtora uteryano, no nekotorye utverzhdayut, chto posle neskol'kih let hra-
neniya v arhive, kakoj-to dotoshnyj prepodavatel' dochital vse-taki do
etogo mesta, no ne potreboval svoj chestno zarabotannyj kon'yak, a ustro-
il bol'shoj skandal. )
27. Nadpis' na stole v auditorii:
- YA tupeyu ot tebya, matan !
Student
- YA tupeyu ot tebya, student !
Matan
- A ya - ot vas oboih !!!
Dekan
28. CHem otlichaetsya mat ot diamata ? Vse delayut vid, chto diamat znayut, no
nikto ne ispol'zuet, a mat nikto ne znaet, no kak on populyaren !
29. SHtirlic bil navernyaka. avernyak snachala gromko oral, no potom rasslabil-
sya i upal navznich'. avznich' dolgo korchilsya, no vskore vse-taki poteryal
soznanie. "|to konec" - podumal SHtirlic, sunuv pravuyu ruku v karman shta-
nov, - no gde zhe pistolet ? " Kak on uznal, chto eto ya ? " - udivilsya Ko-
nec. " e tvoe sobach'e delo " - podumal doblestnyj sovetskij razvedchik.
Vdrug on uslyshal pronzitel'nyj vizg svinca. SHtirlic sdelal shag v storonu.
Svinec s vizgom i hryukan'em promchalsya mimo. "CHego eto oni vse tak vspo-
loshilis'" - zainteresovalsya Isaev. Posle poluchasovogo razdum'ya on ponyal,
chto oni, veroyatno, dogadalis', chto on - sovetskij razvedchik. " Interesno,
chto zhe menya vydalo" - podumal SHtirlic i popraviv na grudi nedavno polu-
chennyj orden "Geroj Sovetskogo Soyuza" napravilsya v rejhskancelyarskij bu-
fet. Po doroge tuda on oglyanulsya: parashyut vse takzhe volochilsya za ego spi-
noj. "Sadisty" - podumal Isaev, - " zastavlyat' agentov taskat'sya za mnoj
vtorye sutki bez obeda i baby - eto nastoyashchij sadizm !"
30. Pravilo Merfi: Esli nichego drugoe ne pomogaet, prochitajte, nakonec, inst-
rukciyu. Sledstvie: Esli zachet ne sdaetsya, prochitajte, nakonec, konspekt !
31. Govoryat, chto MS-DOS - operacionnaya sistema !!!
32. Ne hvatajtes' mokrymi rukami za ogolennye provoda - oni mogut zarzhavet' !
33. SHtirlic i Myuller strelyali po ocheredi. Ochered' redela, no ne rashodilas'.
34. Tvoya taktovaya chastota nizhe, chem u processora...
35. V temnom parke ugolovnik-recedivist napal na malen'kuyu devochku.
- ZHit' - hochesh' ? - ugrozhayushche sprosil on.
- S toboj, chto-li, staryj kozel, - prezritel'no otvetila devochka.
36. Devushka - kak parashyut, luch'she vsegda imet' zapasnoj.
37. Ob'yavlenie: "Kompiliruyu programmy i dvigayu kursor. Obrashchat'sya pro vekto-
ru 21h posle 23332 tika s momenta zagruzki."
Versiya ot 14-Jan-92
Kommentarii i dobavleniya proshu ostavlyat' v lyuboj moskovskoj BBS na imya Harry
Nikolayev.
Truely Yours,
Dmitry.
20 Nov 94, 15:42
--- Golyj CHel 2.40+
* Origin: ZitZ'z House of Horror (2:5030/192.17)
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Msg : 86 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 22 Nov 94 11:53:24
To : All 22 Nov 94 19:04:52
Subj : [alt.music.filk] Filkers: MAKE.MONEY.FAST!
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º Forwarded by Dimitri Martemianov (2:5020/306.1)
º Area : ALT.HUMOR.BEST-OF-USENET
º From : steve-b@access.digex.net, 2:50/128 (Sreda Noyabrya 09 1994 03:14)
º To : All
º Subj : [alt.music.filk] Filkers: MAKE.MONEY.FAST!
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM¾
X-RealName: Steve Brinich
From: Eli Brian Goldberg
Newsgroups: alt.music.filk
Subject: Filkers: MAKE.MONEY.FAST!
[If people are going to post this MAKE.MONEY.FAST drivel on
alt.music.filk, they could at least tailor it to their audience. But,
in the interests of Truth, Justice, and Blowing Off Homework, the
following...]
Dear Fans,
My name is Joe Bozo. In September 2044, my starship was repossessed,
and Starfleet command was houding me like you wouldn't believe. I was
ejected into hyperspace, and my oxygen supply was turned off. The
only escape I had from the pressure of gravity was my guitar, my filk
books, and my DAT recorder. I longed to turn my advocation into my
vocation. This January 2045 my family and I attended the Universal
Science Fiction Convention [UnCon] by FTL transport in the Gates
Quadrant, and bought everything in the dealer's room and art show.
I am currently building a home (largely 'cause I don't have anywhere to
put the stuff I bought from UnCon) on Alpha Centaura, with a private
starship launching pad, and my own virtual harem. I will never have to
work again! Today, I am rich! I have earned well over 5 billion
credits (5,000,000,000, in case you can't read), and will have over a
trillion before Microsoft Galactic Enterprises finally releases their
version of Windows with pre-emptive multitasking that really works!
This money making program woorks every time, 100% of the time (unlike
Windows ;-). I have NEVER failed to earn more than 3 million credits or
more whenever I wanted. Best of all, you never have to leave your
computer room, except to clean off your satellite dish.
In October 2043, I received a letter in my E-mail box telling me
how --- through the miracle of "filk" I could earn 3 million credits
dollars or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical and
put the message back in my E-mail queue. I mean, who would trust a bozo
who can't even spell "folk" correctly??! It's funny though, when you are
desperate, running Windows, your mind does crazy things. Almost as
badly as your computer does. I spent a frustating day looking through
the on-line want ads for a job with a future. The pickings were sparse
at best. That night I tried to unwind by logging into Microsoft's
Intergalactic Network & Windows Technical Support system. I read several
of the message posts and than glanced at the E-mail message, still in
the queue. All at once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams ---
and my right hand wasn't even necessary! I realized that with the power
of my guitar I could expand and enhance this money making formula into
the most unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever been created.
Since I know you must be a real s/u/c/k/e/r bright person to be reading
alt.music.filk, I have the secret to my success here for you to share.
Sincerely yours,
Joe Bozo
INSTRUCTIONS
Follow these instructions EXACTLY, and in 50-60 epicycles, you will have
received well over 3 million credits cash, all yours. This program has
remained successful because of the HONESTY and INTEGRETY of the
participants. Please continue its success by carefully ADHERING TO
THE INSTRUCTIONS.
Welcome to the world of filk parodies! This little business is a little
different from most song writing, because we don't actually need any
talent. (although it doesn't hurt) Your product is not solid and
tangible, but rather, a disservice. You are in the business of
parodying filksongs. Many fans are happy to pay big bucks for quality
parodies.
Under the Limbaugh/Clinton parody ruling of 1996, people must obtain
permission from a song's author in order to publish a parody. This rule
includes parodying parodies.
(The credits earned from album royalties are secondary to the income
which is made from people like yourself requesting permission to parody
your song.)
1) Go through your filkbooks. Immediately parody the first 5 songs that
you see. Send them off to Galactic Xenofilkia with a letter saying,
"Hi, Lee! Would you like to put these in the next issue of Xeno?
Here's $3 for the back issues I unfortunately missed." (This is
a legitimate service, and you are paying $3 for it --- and well
worth it, too [plug, plug. Sorry...SLAP!])
2) Remove the song that appears #1 on your list. Parody another song.
Send it off to Xenofilkia.
3) Sing your songs at a few conventions, and make sure that as many of
the following people are in the room: Tom Smith, Mark Osier, Lynn Gold,
Lee Gold, Bob Kanefsky, Rennie Levine, Mike Brown, Nancy Freeman,
and Gary Ehrlich. Be sure to declare your songs unfilkable, and dare
anyone to try it as loudly as possible.
4) Within 60 days, you will receive well over 3 MILLION CREDITS in
album & songbook royalties from the exponentially increasing number of
parodies of your filksongs. [It's even enough to afford your own site
license for Windows for Intergalactic Workgroups!] Keep copies of your
filksongs sitting around, as to allow yourself to sue anyone who
publishes parodies of your songs without permission.
The following letters were written by participating members in this
program.
To Whom It May Concern:
About 30 epicycles ago, I received Joe's letter. I ignored it,
'cause my computer crashed and lost the message. I received
it again in two weeks, because the Microsoft Mail Server is
still totally messed up. I was tempted to follow through with
it and dreamed of being able to pay off 4,000
Made by Magic: The Gathering playing cards, but I was too busy
playing Magic. About 3 weeks later, the damned mail server
sent me the same message again --- 2,000 copies of the same
message, in fact! I knew that it was a miracle of fate, as I
spent 2 weeks deleting every single message, and forgot to
leave the last one to actually read.
I liked the idea of writing song parodies; after all, if anyone
had enough taste to actually listen to them, why should I care
if I was ripping them off? This week, I thought I'd give it
a try. And, I parodied Tom Smith, and dared him to follow up
on it! Within weeks, I received thousands of credits in royalties
to _Don't use your E-mail for a brain_, and all the ensuing parodies
(such as _Don't use your female for a brain_, _Using all this
E-mail is a pain_, _Commodore Amigas are so lame_, and so forth)
It was great!
Please send thousands of copies of this letter to anyone stupid enough
to actually read this far so together we can convince people who are
skeptical that it really works!
Good Luck,
I. Filked Up
Another letter:
-+-
+ Origin: best of usenet humor (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 87 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 22 Nov 94 11:54:52
To : All 22 Nov 94 19:07:32
Subj : [ccs.systems.help] Re: Really Bad Thing(tm)
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º Forwarded by Dimitri Martemianov (2:5020/306.1)
º Area : ALT.HUMOR.BEST-OF-USENET
º From : gregs@ccs.neu.edu, 2:50/128 (Sreda Noyabrya 09 1994 03:26)
º To : All
º Subj : [ccs.systems.help] Re: Really Bad Thing(tm)
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM¾
X-RealName: Gregory T Sullivan
From: gregs@delphi.ccs.neu.edu (Gregory T Sullivan)
Newsgroups: ccs.systems.help
Subject: Re: Really Bad Thing(tm)
>>>>> "Mike" == ***** <****@everest.ccs.neu.edu> writes:
>> dk
>> Really Bad Thing(tm)
Mike> I believe Rat also said "REALLY BAD THING(TM)". Who's the trademark
Mike> holder or what's this all about?
I think Microsoft(tm) acquired the(tm) trademark to Really Bad Thing(tm)
recently in a complicated stock-for-free-software(tm) deal with the(tm)
Department of Justice (discussed recently on another newsgroup).
It(tm) so happened that the(tm) Director of the(tm) U.S.(tm) Office of
Trademarks and Copyrights was at the(tm) same meeting and remarked that she
was several versions behind with Word(tm) for Windows(tm) and Excel(tm) for
Windows(tm). Mr. Bill, President of Microsoft (tm), offered "free upgrades
for you and all your friends" in exchange for certain trademarks, and the(tm)
rest is history. So, be very careful when using the following trademarked
words(tm) or phrases:
Bad Thing(tm),
Really Bad Thing(tm),
Good Thing(tm),
Really Good Thing(tm),
Wicked Good Thing(tm),
United States(tm),
software(tm),
the(tm),
it(tm),
:) (tm)
To prevent legal recrimination by Microsoft(tm)'s large legal force (42.25% of
all practicing lawyers work for Microsoft(tm)), it(tm) is recommended that you
include a check for 1 dollar per unlicensed use of any of Microsoft's
trademarks.
You can include your check with your next upgrade order.
--Greg, who now realizes how useful winks, nudges, and chuckles are for
conveying humor.
wink, wink, nudge, nudge :) (tm).
chuckle, chuckle.
-+-
+ Origin: best of usenet humor (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 88 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 22 Nov 94 11:56:00
To : All 22 Nov 94 19:07:34
Subj : . ...... .....!
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ZHDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
º Forwarded by Dimitri Martemianov (2:5020/306.1)
º Area : REL.ARTS.QWERTY
º From : bpv@angel.energy.msk.su, 2:50/128 (CHetverg Noyabrya 03 1994 09:34)
º To : All
º Subj : S DOBRYM UTROM!
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM¾
X-RealName: "Baberdin Paul"
S DOBRYM UTROM
Sveti, yachsmit', sveti. Leti fyva, leti. Katis', proldzhe, katis'. Gori,
jcukeng, gori. Nad sinim ognem restorana plavayut krasnye lica. Pod
bystrym nadduvom zyujd-vesta bolit moya poyasnica. Begi, moj jcukeng,
begi. Begi vdogonku slovam. Pod bystrym nadduvom nord-osta rushitsya
moj vigvam. Vrashchajsya, moj proldzhe, sil'nej. Vrashchajsya vokrug sebya. Tak,
chtoby stolbiki bystro. Tak, chtoby zuby skripya. Letaem, letaem, vigvam.
Letaem vokrug sebya. Tak, chtoby kust pronosilsya. Tak, chtob snezhinki
dozhdya. Vot moj stoit dom. Stoit on na treh shtyr'kah. CHetvertyj
postavit' vlom. Prozhit' by na treh shtyr'kah. Vot moj visit portret.
Visit na odnom gvozde. Skol'ko mne bylo let, skol'ko ih bylo vezde.
Koliki moj zhivot. Skleroz moi mozgi. Rzhavchina moj kapot. Begi, moj
fyva, begi. Krasnyj vyhodit shar. Sinij vlezaet kub. Libo ty ochen'
star. Libo ty strashno glup. YAshchik, yashchik, skazhi, kakoj zavtra gradus
nadet'? Kakoj mne dollar kupit'? Kakim bensom lit' na sned'? Vopros
visit kak tryukach v vozduhe, kak strekoza. Leti, moj yachsmit', kak grach.
Stekla moi glaza. Gips i ruka, i noga. CHih nosoglotka moya. Moj
pozvonochnik duga. SHeya moya zmeya. Pshik - razdaetsya vdoh. Bul'k - razdaetsya
glotok. Vstavat' rano utrom - oh. Palec iz uha - chpok. Vo mne materitsya
len'. Kosti moi - krendelya. Rascvetaet nervno siren'. Na rabotu mne
ehat' - blya.
Roma Voronezhskij
-+-
+ Origin: Economics Departament RAO (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 98 of 100 - 89
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 23 Nov 94 01:34:28
To : All 23 Nov 94 09:39:22
Subj : 4 h.f.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Nikolay Baranov (2:5020/28.4)
* Area : RU.AVIATION (RU.AVIATION)
* From : Andrew Firsov, 2:5020/22.22 (21 Nov 94 15:17)
* To : All
* Subj : Hohma
=============================================================================
Vse nizhajshee!!!
Tut v rodilsya novyj zhurnal na ruinah "Aviacii i Kosmonavtiki".
azyvaetsya "Aviaciya-Kosmonavtika", a izdan v CAGI (i v stile CAGI). a
moj vzglyad interes predstavlyaet pervaya stat'ya - otryvok iz
knigi "Proektirovanie samoletov", izdaniya 1940 g. (vstuplenie)
"Uproshchennye metody proektirovaniya samoletov"
K.Vud
Proektirovanie i proizvodstvo samoletov mnogie predstavlyayut kak nechto
tainstvennoe, prichem takoe mnenie slozhilos' ne tol'ko u shirokoj
publiki, no i u lic, imeyushchih otnoshenie k aviapromyshlennosti. Mnogie ne
imeyut nikakogo predstavleniya, pochemu dlya odnogo tipa samoleta
ispol'zuetsya biplannaya shema, v to vremya kak dlya drugogo - monoplannaya.
Schitaya, chto nashim chitatelyam budet interesno, my sprosili u nekotoryh
opytnyh konstruktorov, kakim obrazom oni sozdayut novyj samolet. Oni
ohotno udovletvorili nashe lyubopytstvo i nizhe my privodim s ih slov
opisanie processa sozdaniya obychnogo samoleta - ot chertezhnoj doski do
aerodroma.
Tak kak luchshie chertezhniki zanyaty izgotovleniem reklam dlya torgovogo
otdela, to glavnyj konstruktor s neudovol'stviem uznaet o tom, chto
chertit' budet neopytnyj chelovek, a raschety i vychisleniya budet delat'
on sam.
Konstruktor zadaetsya razmahom 37,5 funta. CHertezhnik ne razbiraetsya v
ego pocherke i delaet chertezh samoleta s ploshchad'yu kryla 375 kv.funtov.
Pervonachal'no namechaetsya monoplan. o proishodit smena rajonnyh
inspektorov Departamenta torgovli. ovyj inspektor predpochitaet
biplany, poetomu konstrukciya izmenyaetsya sootvetstvuyushchim obrazom.
Prezident AO soobshchaet, chto v nastoyashchee vremya osnovnym pokazatelem vseh
novyh samoletov yavlyaetsya skorost'. Sootvetstvuyushchim obrazom izmenyaetsya
konstrukciya.
Partner glavnogo inzhenera po igre v gol'f vladeet motornym zavodom.
|to obstoyatel'stvo okazyvaetsya reshayushchim faktorom v vybore motora.
Konstruktor vozmushchaetsya. Glavnyj inzhener nachinaet huzhe igrat' v gol'f,
i partner postoyanno obygryvaet ego. Togda on predlagaet konstruktoru
vzyat' luchshij motor drugoj firmy. Konstruktor snova ozadachen: on ne
znaet, chto emu delat' s novym motorom.
Prezident akcionernogo obshchestva predpisyvaet maksimal'no vozmozhnoe
snizhenie sebestoimosti i ekspluatacionnyh zatrat. Konstrukciya
sootvetstvuyushchim obrazom izmenyaetsya.
Konstruktor uznaet, chto samoletnaya firma H proektiruet samolet s
krylom tipa "chajka". On nemedlenno stiraet vse nacherchennoe i nachinaet
razrabatyvat' novoe krylo tipa "chajka". V eto vremya konstruktor firmy
H stiraet svoi chertezhi i nachinaet nabrasyvat' krylo tipa "babochka",
tak kak on uznal, chto firmy U sozdaet krylo etogo tipa.
Prezident AO vozvrashchaetsya iz poezdki po strane i rassylaet cirkulyar, v
kotorom pishet, chto samym glavnym kachestvom samoleta v dannyj moment
yavlyaetsya uluchshenie obzora pilota i dlya dostizheniya etoj celi nado
zhertvovat' i desheviznoj konstrukcii, i skorost'yu. Konstrukciya
sootvetstvuyushchim obrazom izmenyatsya.
Ceh delaet oshibku i ukorachivaet fyuzelyazh na odin fut. Tak kak pered
etim ceh pokryl odnu iz oshibok konstruktorskogo otdela byuro, to po
principu "ruka ruku moet" konstruktor napisal dlinnyj doklad glavnomu
inzheneru, dokazyvaya, chto nablyudaetsya tendenciya k bolee korotkim
fyuzelyazham, a poetomu sleduet ukorotit' fyuzelyazh na celyj fut. Glavnyj
inzhener, ne uloviv smysla tumannyh vychislenij konstruktora,
rasporyazhaetsya ukorotit' nos fyuzelyazha. Konstruktor i nachal'nik ceha
obsuzhdayut etot vopros, reshayut ukorotit' nos fyuzelyazha na odin fut i
schitayut vopros ischerpannym.
akonec, pribyvaet motor. Okazyvaetsya, chto firma postroila
devyaticilindrovyj motor vmesto semicilindrovogo, a podmotornaya rama
rasschitana na semicilindrovyj motor. Posle dlitel'noj bezrezul'tatnoj
perepiski mezhdu obeimi firmami o tom, chto delat' - zamenit'
podmotornuyu ramu ili snyat' dva cilindra - podhodyat k resheniyu brosit'
monetu ("orel ili reshka"). Zamenyaetsya podmotornaya rama.
Posle ustanovki motora okazyvaetsya, chto karbyurator zadevaet za shassi.
Motor otsylayut obratno na zavod, chtoby peredelat' karbyurator. Kogda
motor vozvrashchayut, obnaruzhivaetsya, chto novyj karbyurator zadevaet za
maslyanyj bak. Motor snova otpravlyayut na zavod dlya peredelki na
neposredstvennyj vprysk.
i odin iz rabochih, zanyatyh na obtekatelyah, ne znaet anglijskogo
yazyka, poetomu inzhener-konstruktor ob®yasnyaet na pal'cah, kakogo tipa
kryl'evye zalizy nado sdelat'. Dumaya, chto on govorit o kapotah motora,
oni delayut novyj tip kapota pod motor, inzhener-konstruktor
razrabatyvaet sootvetstvuyushchij chertezh i posylaet glavnomu konstruktoru
s ukazaniem, chto ego novyj proekt dolzhen dat' uvelichenie skorosti na
chetyre mili v chas.
SHassi bylo rasschitano na kolesa bol'shogo diametra. Kto-to izobrel
kolesa malogo diametra i prodal ih agentu po snabzheniyu firmy. Posle
ustanovki ih okazalos', chto zazor mezhdu vintom i zemlej slishkom mal.
Inzhener-konstruktor schitaet, chto nado postavit' trehlopastnyj vint,
tak kak okruzhnaya skorost' koncov lopasti slishkom velika.
Vo vremya sborki samoleta obnaruzhivaetsya, chto verhnee krylo upiraetsya v
potolochnuyu balku ceha. Posle sravneniya stoimosti potolochnogo pokrytiya
ceha i odnogo nabora stoek samoleta vysotu korobki biplana resheno
umen'shit' na shest' dyujmov.
Posle pervogo vzveshivaniya vyyasnyaetsya, chto centr tyazhesti samoleta
sil'no smeshchen. Dlya polucheniya nuzhnoj centrovki izgotovlyaetsya novoe
verhnee krylo s rezko vyrazhennoj strelovidnost'yu v plane. Glavnyj
inzhener pishet prezidentu firmy, chto svyazannaya s etim zaderzhka
opravdyvaetsya uluchsheniem obzora pilota.
Pri vytaskivanii samoleta iz vorot angara oblamyvayut konec levogo
kryla razmerov v odin funt, druguyu storonu takzhe ukarachivayut na odin
funt, a koncy zakruglyayut.
Samolet prohodit skorostnye ispytaniya, prichem maksimal'naya skorost'
okazyvaetsya na pyat' mil' v chas vyshe ozhidaemoj konstruktorom, no na
pyat' mil' v chas nizhe toj, kotoruyu on ukazal v predvaritel'nyh
tehnicheskih usloviyah. |ta skorost' na 10 mil' v chas bol'she toj,
kotoruyu ozhidal poluchit' inzhener-raschetchik, i na 10 mil' v chas men'she
toj, kotoruyu on obeshchal prezidentu firmy. Ona na 15 mil' v chas bol'she
ozhidaemoj upravlyayushchim tortovym otdelom, no na 15 mil' v chas men'she
ukazannoj im v reklame.
Imenno etu skorost' i nadeyalsya poluchit' prezident firmy, horosho
znakomyj so svoim predpriyatiem.
Vsem privet!
-+- GEcho 1.10
+ Origin: [White Bear BBS] Moscow, Russia, 7-095-932-8465 (2:5020/22)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 57 of 100
From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 22 Nov 94 21:48:30
To : All 24 Nov 94 01:06:58
Subj : citata: .bornik reklamnyh ob®yavlenij za 15/11/94
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hello All.
I think, this message from area REL.HUMOR seems to be interesting:
--------------------------- Start Cut -------------------------
From : UUCP, 2:50/128 (20 Nov 94 15:01)
To : All
Subj : citata: Sbornik reklamnyh ob®yavlenij za 15/11/94
---------------------------------------------------------------
X-RealName: "Dmitry S. Kohmanyuk"
[...]
>****
>Prodam Vitaminno-mineral'nuyu smes' dlya sobak rossijskogo
> proizvodstva.
> tel. /044/ 272-96-68
interesno, skol'ko tut smyslov? ;-)
--
;; Geometry of crowbar in crystal backspaces ...
-+-
+ Origin: Animals Paradise Farm (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
Dmitry
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 58 of 100
From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 22 Nov 94 21:51:06
To : All 24 Nov 94 01:06:58
Subj : .nekdot pro malen'kij ....!
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hello All.
I think, this message from area REL.HUMOR seems to be interesting:
--------------------------- Start Cut -------------------------
From : lerik@express.tunis.tver.su, 2:50/128 (21 Nov 94 07:38)
To : All
Subj : Anekdot pro malen'kij MOLX!
---------------------------------------------------------------
X-RealName: "Lerik"
Sidyat mama-MOLX i ee malen'kij synok-MOLENOK v shkafu i
edyat shubu.
Molenok sprashivaet:
- Mama! Mozhno ya poletayu?
- Net! Luchshe esh' shubu!
- ZHalko! A ya vchera letal, mne tak aplodirovali!
Best,
Lerik
-+-
+ Origin: Express (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
Dmitry
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 59 of 100
From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 24 Nov 94 12:35:14
To : All 24 Nov 94 15:42:02
Subj : [monash.test] Honours Rhapsody - 4hf
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hello All.
I think, this message from area L.DZ seems to be interesting:
--------------------------- Start Cut -------------------------
From : Serge Wizgounoff, 2:5020/54 (22 Nov 94 14:30)
To : Dmitry Zavalishin
Subj : [monash.test] Honours Rhapsody - 4hf
---------------------------------------------------------------
Peremestil Serge Wizgounoff (2:5020/54)
Oblast' ALT.HUMOR.BEST-OF-USENET (ALT.HUMOR.BEST-OF-USENET)
Ot bromage@mdw088.cc.monash.edu.au
K All
Tema [monash.test] Honours Rhapsody
What with Honours theses due in a little under 24 hours, I thought I'd get
totally bored and write a song parody.
HONOURS RHAPSODY
By Tim Pickett and Scott Thomson
Is this the real world?
Is this just fantasy?
Caught in a LAN-slide
No ESC to reality.
open(2) your files,
Look after your while()s
In C;
I'm just a cheap boy
I can't buy Symphony(tm)
Because I've wheezy cough, noisy beep
Little cash, little sleep
Anything but Windows(tm),
Nothing beats full adders to me,
To me.
Mama,
Just killed a RAM
Put DECstatic on its pins,
Now I don't see /usr/bin,
Mama,
vi had just been run,
But now I've got to throw it all away
Mama, ooooooh,
Didn't mean to make it fry
If I've no stack to overflow tomorrow,
Carry one, carry one,
'Cause there's nothing like full adders.
Too late,
My time(2) has come
Send lightning down my line
Stop my make(1)ing all the time
Goodbye, everybody,
I've got to know,
Gotta leave you all behind and read Knuth.
Mama, ooooooh, (Anything but Windows(tm))
I don't want to *sigh*
I sometimes wish I'd never known Bourne at all.
I see a little silhouetto of a man(1),
Farramouche, Farramouche, will you do the test question?
Thunderbolt and lightning,
Blowing up my modem, me.
Coniwayo, Coniwayo,
Coniwayo, Coniwayo,
Coniwayo Ronald Pose.
Maurice Castro (oh oh oh oh)
I'm just a cheap boy, nobody sells to me
He's just a cheap boy from a cheap company
Spare him his life from this Honours degree!
Wheezy cough, noisy beep,
Will you let me sleep?
Chriswallace! GNU! We will not let you sleep!
(let me sleep!)
Chriswallace! GNU! We will not let you sleep!
(let me sleep!)
Chriswallace! Will not let you sleep (let me sleep!)
Will not let you sleep (let me sleep!)
Will not let you sleep (let me sleep!)
GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU, GNU GNU!
Oh Mama mia, mama mia,
Mama mia, let me sleep!
Beelzegates has a widget put beside my tree,
my tree,
my tree!
So you think you can clone me and take all my lives?
So you think you can love me and leave me no drives?
Oh, baby,
Can't do this to me baby,
Just gotta c-out, just gotta get write(2) out of here.
Nothing beats full adders,
Anything in C,
Nothing beats full adders,
Nothing beats full adders to me.
Anything but Windows(tm).
-+-
+ Origin: best of usenet humor (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
|to polnyj otpad ;-)))
... "Don't take Life seriously. You'll never get out alive." - B. Bunny
-+-
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
Dmitry
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 62 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 24 Nov 94 01:27:14
To : All 24 Nov 94 16:59:30
Subj : .pravka..
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Forwarded by Igor Buchanov (2:5030/53)
* Area : SPB.HUMOR (SPB.HUMOR)
* From : Igor Buchanov, 2:5030/53 (22 Nov 94 12:21)
* To : All
* Subj : Spravka..
=============================================================================
Hello All!
D
> |SHCH SHSHSHSHSH|
>CHSHSHCH SHSH ®SHSH Sankt-Peterburgskij Regional'nyj Centr AB INKOMBANK
>CHSHSHCH SHSH| SHSHCH Otdelenie "Novoizmajlovskoe" S.-Peterburg, Leninskij pr.,151
> ®SH| SHSHCH CHSH Tel.:(812)290-6459 Dannye:(812)290-6459 Iskra-2:8(852)06-277
> ®®®® ®
P R O T O K O L
obshchego sobraniya kollektiva pochtovoj stancii 2:5030/212
>PRISUTSTVOVALI:
ot otdela programmnogo obespecheniya:
Bink Plyus 3.0 #24 starshij (osnovnaya liniya);
Bink Plyus 3.0 #24 srednij (dopolnitel'naya liniya);
Bink Plyus 3.0 #24 mladshij (liniya Iskra-2);
Skvish DOS 1.10 (rabota s korrespondenciej);
SkvaFiks DOS 0.96a (rabota s podpischikami);
Allfiks 4.30 DOS reliz (rabota s fajlami);
GoldED 2.42.G0214+ (mashinopisnye raboty);
KvarteDesk DeskoV'yu 2.63 (obshchee rukovodstvo);
(a takzhe sotrudniki otdelov zagruzki, upakovki i komandnyh fajlov).
ot otdela apparatnogo obespecheniya:
1BM PC AT 386DX-40 (pochtovyj server);
Tanzhent Kontuper (fajlovyj server);
Kompak Prolinea (fajlovyj server);
YUS Robotiks Kur'er 16800 HST DS (modem osnovnoj linii);
Motorola 3260 Fast Kodeks (modem dopolnitel'noj linii);
Ziksel' 1496 Plyus (modem linii Iskra-2).
>POVESTKA DNYA:
Vydacha spravki g-nu (g-zhe) Eugene Agapov, prislavshemu svoe pis'mo,
datirovannoe Monday November 21 1994 16:35, i pozhelavshemu poluchit' podtverzhdenie
o fakte prochteniya pis'ma Sistemnym Operatorom Dmitry Sofronov stancii
2:5030/212.
>SLUSHALI:
Otchet Binkov i Skvisha o prodelannoj rabote.
Doklad redaktora GoldED o tom, chto sistemnyj operator Dmitry Sofronov prochital
(prosmotrel, prolistal) pis'mo na temu "Pro fajly." ot g-na (g-zhi) Eugene Agapov
v 21:46 po moskovskomu vremeni.
Predlozhenie pochtovogo redaktora GoldED o neobhodimosti otpravki pis'ma s
podtverzhdeniem fakta prochteniya pis'ma. Takoe pis'mo, po utverzhdeniyu GoldED'a,
dolzhno byt' otpravleno vsegda, kak tol'ko u vhodyashchego pis'ma budet obnaruzhen
flag zaprosa fakta prochteniya pis'ma.
Skvish vo vremya obsuzhdeniya voprosa zametil, chto emu v obshchem vse ravno - esli i
napishut takoe pis'mo, to on ego upakuet i peredast dlya otpravki brat'yam Binkam v
obshchem poryadke.
Sobranie takzhe pozhelalo otmetit', chto Kompak Prolinea (vidimo po molodosti)
nedostatochno aktivno uchastvoval v obsuzhdenii, postoyanno otvlekayas' na
montirovanie ocherednogo CD-ROM diska, i pokazyvaya vsem svoim vidom procent
utilizacii vplot' do 99-100%.
>POSTANOVILI:
V kachestve podtverzhdeniya fakta prochteniya pis'ma otpravit' adresatu (g-nu
(g-zhe) Eugene Agapov) dannyj protokol sobraniya s prilozheniem v vide spravki.
Prinyat' mery k SisOpu Dmitry Sofronov stancii 2:5030/212, s ukazaniem togo
fakta, chto dlya g-na (g-zhi) Eugene Agapov uzhe otpravleno pis'mo na adres
2:5030/41 o fakte prochteniya Dmitry vysheukazannogo pis'ma.
Poruchit' GoldED'u prokontrolirovat' vypolnenie resheniya obshchego sobraniya
kollektiva stancii sisopom stancii, Skvishu aktivno upakovat' dannyj protokol
(vklyuchayushchij spravku) i, brat'yam Binkam Plyus proizvesti otpravku dannogo
dokumenta zainteresovannomu v nem licu (konkretno eto Eugene Agapov) s
attributom Kresh s ispol'zovaniem standartnogo routinga cherez odnogo iz aplinkov
stancii 2:5030/212.
Predsedatel' sobraniya DesqView Kvartedesk DeskoV'yu
Sekretar' sobraniya GoldEd Gold Editor
Monday November 21 1994 21:46
M.P. (Kruglaya pechat')
PRILOZHENIE 1
S P R A V K A
Nastoyashchaya spravka vydana dlya Eugene Agapov v tom, chto ego pis'mo ot Monday
November 21 1994, napisannoe im sobstvennoruchno v 16:35, na temu "Pro fajly."
bylo prochitano Monday November 21 1994 Sistemnym Operatorom Dmitry Sofronov
stancii 2:5030/212 v 21:46, i na nego budet otvecheno, kak tol'ko vysheukazannyj
Dmitry Sofronov soizvolit otorvat'sya ot tekushchih povsednevnyh del (obucheniya
sotrudnikov, bor'by s fajl-serverami i |jzernetami, produvaniya gluhih telefonnyh
linij, chteniya pochty i t.p.) i brosit svoj svetlyj vzor na odno iz okoshek
DeskoV'yu, v kotorom v dannyj moment rabotaet pochtovyj radaktor GoldED, i uvidit,
chto sredi mnogochislennyh poslanij poyavilos' i eto, chto v itoge, vozmozhno,
zastavit ego otvetit' i na nego.
Uchityvaya slozhnost' postavlennoj zadachi i zagruzhennost' SisOp'a vse
vysheperechislennoe, vozmozhno, proizojdet ne srazu posle fakta prochteniya pis'ma.
Dannaya spravka, odnako, ne garantiruet, chto Sistemnyj Operator Dmitry Sofronov
voobshche otvetit na Vashe vhodyashchee pis'mo, odnako ona daet pravo schitat', chto on
vse-taki videl eto pis'mo, i po vozmozhnosti otvetit na nego.
Predsedatel' sobraniya DesqView Kvartedesk DeskoV'yu
M.P. (Kruglaya pechat')
--- Otvetstvennyj ispolnitel': Gold E.D. 2.42.G0214+
+ Origin: * GOST 6.38-72 * Obshchie trebovaniya k oformleniyu delovyh bumag * ;) *
V kajf!!!
Igor
-+- GoldED 2.50.B0822+
+ Origin: Eye of the PETROBANK -SPB- (+7-812-110-1274) 2:5030/53 (2:5030/53)
=============================================================================
Hello Boris!
Otfil'truj...
Razreshenie avtora polucheno..
S uvazheniem
Igor
=== GoldED 2.50.B0822+
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 64 of 100 - 12
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 24 Nov 94 01:28:48
To : All 24 Nov 94 16:59:32
Subj : 4 hf?
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Dmitry Valdov (2:5015/2)
* Area : NINO.006.ECHO (NINO.006.ECHO)
* From : Anatoly Korsakoff, 2:5015/6 (Wednesday November 23 1994 10:00)
* To : Elijah Languev
* Subj : Adinf and Int 13H
=============================================================================
Hello Elijah!
Wednesday November 23 1994 09:26, Elijah Languev wrote to Dmitry Valdov:
EL> ne ponyal? ya vrode dumal, chto AMISETUP lish' v CMOS pishet - chitaet? ili
EL> virus, kak i OS/2, pri ustanovke tachku desyat' raz rebutit' budet ;))
ugu, i kak QEMM
DEVICE=C:\VIRUS\VIRUSHIGH.SYS /Stealth:3 /high=yes /umb=true /no_remap=no
DEVICE=C:\VIRUS\VIRUSBIOS.SYS /chipset=UM82C /chipsubmobel=481BF
DEVICE=C:\VIRUS\VIRUSENVADE.SYS /.exe=yes /.dll=yes /.sys=yes /kernels=yes
DEVICE=C:\VIRUS\VIRUSSCSI.SYS /type=aha /model=1540B /bios_revision=420412-00
Begin the optimization process? Your PC 'll go reboot now...
OOps.. This program needs a pentium or higer to run...
EL> Elijah
Anatoly
-+- FMail/386 0.98
+ Origin: 2:5015/6 (2:5015/6)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Vot takie razgnovory... A nachalos' vse s obsuzhdeniya virusa, rabotayushchego v V86 i
emuliruyushchij BIOS..
Dmitry
=== GoldED 2.50.B1016+
+ Origin: CRC Error MO Node (FidoNet 2:5015/2)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 66 of 100
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/140 24 Nov 94 14:41:58
To : All 24 Nov 94 22:14:50
Subj : .ytie nashe... (fwd)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/140)
=============================================================================
Forwarded message:
From ire.phys.msu.su!postmaster Wed Nov 23 22:18:29 1994
Newsgroups: news.unix
From: Fedor Andreyev
Hello, All!
I byl den' pervyj. I byli Dnepr i Minsk. I pisalos' vse na Fortrane.
I byl den' vtoroj. I byli ES, SM, M6000 i Vaks. I bralos' napisannoe v den'
pervyj i k nemu dopisyvalos' na Fortrane.
I byl den' tretij. I byli RS. I bralos' vse napisannoe v den' pervyj i den'
vtoroj peredelyvalos' pod Fortran 4 i 5 Microsoft i linkovalos' s Microcoft C
pod MS DOS. Popytki ispol'zovat' Borland C uspehom ne uvenchalis'. Ne hotel on
linkovat'sya s Fortranovskimi modulyami.
I nastupaet den' chetvertyj. I voshodit na gorizonte solnce pod imenem UNIX
(SCO ?). I ochen' hochet'sya pod ego teply luchiki. No vstaet vopros - a pustyat li
grehi nakoplennye v dni pervye i ot kotoryh nikuda ne det'sya, v raj?
WBW, Fedor.
-+- GoldED+
+ Origin: . (Logica, Nikolaev 2:466/10.26)
=============================================================================
Hi, All!
Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)
--- GoldED 2.41
* Origin: And our origin has been struck by lightning (2:5020/140)
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Msg : 67 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 25 Nov 94 02:14:00
To : All 25 Nov 94 15:22:20
Subj : .nevmaticheskij pistolet.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : SURVIVAL.GUIDE (SURVIVAL.GUIDE)
From : Seaman R.Heaterer (2:5020/139.15), Tuesday November 22 1994 12:16
Subj : Pnevmaticheskij pistolet.
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
[]
Z.Y.Proshlyj 2-uh letnij opyt torgovli gaz.pistoletami\revol'verami pokazal , chto
samue effektivnye iz nih - te kotorymi vzyavshis' za stvol mozhno po bashke molotit'
, ne boyas' ego polomat' , a vsyakuyu meloch' poluplastmas. lyudi s intensivnost'yu
raz\dva v mesyuc pokupayut :) CHelovek kupivshij rev.Magnum , za patronami ne
obrashchalsya polgoda - pri vstreche , skazal , chto luch'shej poBashke davalki - v zhizni
ne videl :)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
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Msg : 68 of 100
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 24 Nov 94 11:43:02
To : All 25 Nov 94 17:57:30
Subj : 7-oj ....!
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
.TID: GE 1.1+
* Forwarded by Mikel Lavrentyev (2:5020/35.1)
* Area : 268.PVT (*local.268.pvt)
* From : Max Skibinsky, 2:5020/296 (24 Nov 94 02:30)
* To : All,
* Subj : 7-oj GOST!
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Good day/night All!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Vvedenie.
Spasibo, chto vy priobreli distributiv uvlekatel'nejshej igry "7-oj GOST!"
V koplekt vhodit:
Dva nabora perfokart - pervyj i vtoroj tom.
Opisanie igry.
Korobka dlya perfokart.
Dlya ustanovki igry na vashu B|SM-8086 sdelajte sleduyushchee:
1) Vklyuchite ustrojstvo vvoda.
2) Vklyuchite priemnik perfokart.
3) Vstav'te perfokartu s nadpis'yu "Ustanovka-0"
4) Zapustite priemnik perfokart.
5) Vyberete tip vashego ustrojstva vyvoda -
mozaichnyj 25*25,
tekstovoj 10*10,
romashkovyj printer.
Vybereti tip muzykal'nyh effektov -
stuki ustrojstva peremotki bobin,
emulyaciya golosa molotochkami romashkovogo printera,
bazovaya muzyka vibracie ventilyatorov nizhnego zala.
6) Zasun'te ostal'nye 578 perfokart pomechennyh kak "Ustanovka". Igra
inicializiruetsya na vashu magnitnuyu lentu.
7) Nazhmite knopku "Zagruzka s lenty"
Itak nachinaem igru!
Syuzhet.
Sotrudnik instituta, razrabatyvayushchego standarty GOST, ubivaet v lar'ke
kooperatora, kotoryj ne soblyudal standart na intensivnost' sveta lampochki pod
uglom 67% k gorizontu. CHerez nekotore vremya sotrudniku prihodit videnie
sovershenno potryasayushchego standarta na dlinnu zabornyh planok dlya zagordnyh
uchastkov, nahodyashchihsya za predelamii 80-ti kilometrovoj zony. Za razrabotku etogo
standarta on poluchaet post nachal'nika otdela i povyshenie zarplaty. Tak
nachinaetsya ego prodvizhenie po sluzhebnoj lestnice. Emu prodolzhayut prihodit'
vedeniya - standart na shirinu rastoyaniya mezhdu provodami koaksial'nogo kabelya
zazemeleniya 5ti etazhnyh domov, ugola naklona zubnoj shetki k otnosheniyu
bissektrisy ee shchetiny, otnosheniya dlinny bolta k shirine ego golovki, v krepezhe
zapasnogo kolesa mashiny "Zaporozhec" vyposka s 67 po 73 god. V konce koncov on
stanovitsya direktorom instituta, nagrazhdaetsya gosudarstvennymi premiyami - v to
vremya kak lyudi pol'zuyushchiesya veshchami s ego standartami odin za drugim pogibayut pri
strannyh obstoyatel'stvah. V konce koncov proishodit strannoe - direktor
ustraivaet v institute vecherinku dlya neskol'kih sotrudnikov - no na stenah
razveshanny razlichnye formaty i formulyary gosta, prichem imyutsya bazovye 7
formulyarov GOSTA (yasnoe delo po vsem sem osnovnym oblastyam sel'skogo hozyajstva)
prichem kazhdyj iz nih otkryvaetsya tol'ko pri reshenii vseh bolee prostyh GOST-ov
dannoj oblasti. Direktor obeshchal kazhdomu iz sotrudnikov v sluchae esli oni dohodyat
do konca vypolnenie sovershenno lyu'ogo ih zhelaniya - t.e. pribavki 50 publej k
zarplate i prodvizhenie na 5 mest vpered v ocheredi na kommunal'nuyu kvartiru. V
sluchae zhe neudachi proigryvshih ozhidaet strashnaya uchast' - oni pervodyatsya v otdel
standartov na myaso-drevesnye izdeliya.
Vashchej zadachi budet permeshchat'sya po dannym GOSTAM i reshat' ih odnogo za
drugim. Teksty GOSTA budut poyavlyatsya na vybrannom vami ustrojstve vyvoda,
nazhimaejte knopku "Sleduyushchij modul' zagruzki" dlya perehoda k sleduyushchemu GOSTU, y
vas est' vozmozhnost' spasat' situaciyu na perforator, i naslazhdat'sya prekrasnoj
muzykoj i effektami podobrannymi po teme k kazhdomu GOSTu. Itak, priyatnoj igry, i
vpered do 7ogo GOSTA!
Dopolnenie.
Dlya igry rekomenduetsya processor ne huzhe chem na geterodinnyh lampah, klaviatura
kak minimum s 10 raznymi klavishami, i perforator s skorost'yu po krajne mere
50 dyrochek v sekundu.....
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
;) Vot - prishla kreza v golovu - a ya - chto? - durak chto li, chto by byt' umnym i
molchat'? Neeee - ya vzyal i vse srazu nabil......;)
Always at your service: Max Skibinsky
-+- Blagorodnyj rycar' v zolotom - ser Gol D'|d 242g+
+ Origin: Znanie - sila. A sila est' - uma ne nado (2:5020/296)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
---
* Origin: authorized Arvid dealer, informaciya po zaprosu (2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 69 of 100
From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 25 Nov 94 14:47:04
To : All 26 Nov 94 04:02:36
Subj : fun with english
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hello All.
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Anthony Guetmansky (2:5030/6)
* Area : NETMAIL (FastEcho Netmail Area)
* From : polk@ece.nps.navy.mil, 2:5030/6 (08 Nov 94 23:09)
* To : Anthony Guetmansky
* Subj : fun with english
=============================================================================
Tony,
Here is a fun message that I received from a friend. (smile)
Brad
In an Australian hardware shop:
Special Offer - a free ride in a police car if you steal anything
from this shop.
-----------------
Subject: From an Air France bulletin... This is real!
In a Tokyo Hotel:
Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a
person to do such thing is please not to read notis.
In a Bucharest hotel lobby:
The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we
regret that you will be unbearable.
In a Leipzig elevator:
Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.
In a Belgrade hotel elevator:
To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin
should enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor.
Driving is then going alphabetically by national order.
In a Paris hotel elevator:
Please leave your values at the front desk.
In a hotel in Athens:
Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
9 and 11 A.M. daily.
In a Yugoslavian hotel:
The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the
chambermaid.
In a Japanese hotel:
You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where famous Russian and
Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
In an Austrian hotel catering to skiers:
Not to perambulate the corridors in the hours of repose in the boots
of ascension.
On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.
On the menu of a Polish hotel:
Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy dumplings
in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in
the country people's fashion.
Outside a Hong Kong tailor shop:
Ladies may have a fit upstairs.
In a Bangkok dry cleaner's:
Drop your trousers here for best results.
Outside a Paris dress shop:
Dresses for street walking.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:
Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute
customers in strict rotation.
Similarly, from the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Arts by 15,000 Soviet Republic
painters and sculptors. These were executed over the past two years.
A sign posted in Germany's Black forest:
It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site that
people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one
tent unless they are married with each other for that purpose.
In a Zurich hotel:
Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite
sex in the bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.
In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.
In a Rome laundry:
Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a
good time.
In a Czechoslovakian tourist agency:
Take one of our horse-driven city tours - we guarantee no
miscarriages.
Advertisement for donkey rides in Thailand:
Would you like to ride on your own ass?
In a Swiss mountain inn:
Special today -- no ice cream.
In a Bangkok temple:
It is forbidden to enter a woman even a foreigner if dressed as a
man.
In a Tokyo bar:
Special cocktails for the ladies with nuts.
In a Copenhagen airline ticket office:
We take your bags and send them in all directions.
On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
If this is your first visit to the USSR, you are welcome to it.
In a Norwegian cocktail lounge:
Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
In a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have any suitable food, give
it to the guard on duty.
In the office of a Roman doctor:
Specialist in women and other diseases.
In an Acapulco hotel:
The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
In a Tokyo shop:
Our nylons cost more than common, but you'll find they are best in
the long run.
From a Japanese information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner:
Cooles and Heates: If you want just condition of warm in your room,
please control yourself.
From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo:
When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him
melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him
with vigor.
Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
- English well talking.
- Here speeching American.
=============================================================================
Hello Dmitry!
_______
|ony
> Team OS/2
-+-
+ Origin: (2:5030/6)
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 70 of 100
From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 25 Nov 94 14:50:30
To : All 26 Nov 94 04:02:38
Subj : 4HF ?
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hello All.
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Vsevolod Shabad (2:5020/202)
* Area : RU.UNIX (RU.UNIX)
* From : Alexander Pevzner, 2:5020/59.9 (23 Nov 94 23:02)
* To : Fedor Andreyev
* Subj : ytie nashe...
=============================================================================
Hello, Fedor!
FA> I byl den' pervyj. I byli Dnepr i Minsk. I pisalos' vse na
FA> Fortrane.
FA> I byl den' vtoroj. I byli ES, SM, M6000 i Vaks. I bralos'
FA> napisannoe v den' pervyj i k nemu dopisyvalos' na Fortrane.
FA> I byl den' tretij. I byli RS. I bralos' vse napisannoe v
FA> den' pervyj i den' vtoroj peredelyvalos' pod Fortran 4 i 5
FA> Microsoft i linkovalos' s Microcoft C pod MS DOS. Popytki
FA> ispol'zovat' Borland C uspehom ne uvenchalis'. Ne hotel on
FA> linkovat'sya s Fortranovskimi modulyami.
FA> I nastupaet den' chetvertyj. I voshodit na gorizonte solnce
FA> pod imenem UNIX (SCO ?). I ochen' hochet'sya pod ego teply
FA> luchiki. No vstaet vopros - a pustyat li grehi nakoplennye v
FA> dni pervye i ot kotoryh nikuda ne det'sya, v raj?
YA gde-to na yuzenete videl pis'mo. Muzhik rasskazyval, byla u nego
kogda-to personalka, Robotron 1715, na Z-80 pod
CP/M. I zhila v etoj personalke programma, spredshit kakoj-to.
Potom poyavilis' PC. No dlya PC on ne smog najti
programmu, kotoraya delala tozhe samoe. Togda on vzal emulyator Z-80, i v nem gonyal
svoyu lyubimuyu programmu.
Potom u nego zavelas' 386-ya s unihom. Istoriya povtorilas', i teper' on
krutit pod unihom emulyator dosa, v virtual'nom dose - emulyator Z-80, a v nem -
svoyu lyubimuyu programmu.
Rezyume: Pod unihom est' dosovskie emulyatory :-)
Sincerely, Pzz aka pzz@pzz.msk.ru
-+- timEd 1.01.g1+
+ Origin: <> (2:5020/59.9)
=============================================================================
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 71 of 100 + 74
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 25 Nov 94 01:58:56
To : All 26 Nov 94 22:53:46
Subj : 4hf?
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : .LVM.NETMAIL (Personal netmail)
From : Pavel Grodek (2:5020/214.4), Thursday November 24 1994 03:05
Subj : 4hf?
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Pavel Grodek (2:5020/214.4)
* Area : DOOM (DOOM)
* From : John Ester, 2:255/82 (Tuesday October 25 1994 02:20)
* To : All
* Subj : KILLING PEOPLE
=============================================================================
@RFC-Path:
ddt.demos.su!f400.n5020!f3.n5026!f2.n51!f8.n5100!f24.n24!f80.n441!f1.n255!f101.
n255!f82.n255!not-for-mail
Killing people is wrong, unless there is good reason such as they are violently
and criminally insane. In the latter case a choice of death should be offered
to relatives of the offender. The actual extermination should be shown live on
all channels so everybody gets the chance to see it. In fact maybe a
competition should be run on the internet with the winner being the person whm,
by modem gets to throw the switch if an offender has been assigned death by
electric chair. Surely the computer network is wide enough and capable enough
to offer this service to it`s users.
Doom is a game all about killing people, with a gun, without any regard for the
"Enemy approaching" The game does not offer any function to sit down and have a
cup of tea and a chat with the opposing gunman, which gives up any last
opportunity for a peaceful settlement to be found. I therefore find the game
unsettling and certainly would not reccomend it to children under the age of
three.
To kill people with a gun is not clever, it`s not a game. These icons
actually die, and I`m flabbergasted to hear they have no legal rights to oppose
this obvious abuse of power. A GAME should be fun, fulfilling and educational.
I cannot understand that talented gameswriters spend so much time writing @Shoot
them up@ trash when they could write a nicer game, such as how to get Jack up
the hill to meet Jill without spilling the water. Instead of dieing the worst
that can happen in the game is that he gets a bit wet, and then due to seasonal
factors dies of frostbite in icy conditions, or cut becomes full of gangrene
so that limb amputations occur with eventual death from an unsuspected brain
hemmorage. Surely such family oriented games will be a boom seller.
Any comments?
-+- GEcho 1.02+
+ Origin: Top-Range BBS, BRISTOL (2:255/82)
=============================================================================
Hello Leo!
Porylsya v staryh svalkah, i obnaruzhil takoj prelestnyj opus ;) Vsya eha DOOM na
nego kupilas', krome dvuh-treh chelovek! Nesmotrya na poslednij abzac! Nu i tupy
eti burzhui...
Sincerely Yours,
Pavel
DDD GoldED 2.42.G0614+
. Origin: With best wishes/regards/anything you wish (2:5020/214.4)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
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Msg : 74 of 100 - 71
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 11:59:14
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:42
Subj : 4hf?
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Alex Zhilyakov (2:5051/13.2)
* Area : DARK.MAD
* From : Moderator, 2:5051/13.3 (Tuesday November 22 1994 07:59)
* To : All
* Subj : Pravila povedeniya v DARK.MAD versiya 1.4
=============================================================================
>Neobhodimoe predislovie. Vagabondo - eto Michael Alekseyev, nash neschastnyj
>boss /13.
Pravila povedeniya v DARK.MAD
Vvedenie. Snachala bylo slovo. I slovo bylo u Mishi Alekseeva. I slovo bylo:
"Vagabond".
I bylo mesto, gde ono obitalo. I nazyvalos' sie mesto DARK.PUB, chto v
perevode oznachalo "mesto dlya chernyh mess". No zmej-iskusitel' (SHura ZHilyakov)
stal podbivat' Vagabondu k velikim deyaniyam, i vot chto vyshlo...
V pervyj den' sotvoril Misha DARK.TESTING. I so slovami "Idite i
proveryajtes'" vpustil tuda vseh svoih zlyh duhov i dobryh angelov. I stali
oni proveryat'sya. I uvidel Misha, chto eto horosho.
Vo vtoroj den' sotvoril on DARK.INFO, tochnuyu kopiyu DARK.PUB, tol'ko
zelenuyu. I reshil skladyvat' tuda vse sluzhebnye bumagi. I uvideli vse, chto i eto
neploho, kol' skoro zadolbali oni vseh v DARK.PURe...
Na tretij den', po naushcheniyu zmeya-iskusitelya, kotoromu russkij yazyk
pokazalsya slishkom moguchim, byla sozdana DARK.ENGL, dlya obstoyatel'nogo izucheniya
yazyka veroyatnogo protivnika, no zagnulas' ehooblast' siya ibo lennost' ovladela
umami.
V chetvertyj den' on otdyhal.
V pyatyj den' on tozhe otdyhal.
V shestoj den' - sm. predydushchij abzac (nu, lenivo emu bylo).
I, nakonec, na sed'moj den' bylo sozdano samoe velikoe tvorenie ego. I
sozdano ono bylo dlya togo, bez chego zhit' nel'zya - dlya rugani po povodu i
bez povoda, po adresu i bez adresa i t.p.
*Osnovnaya chast'*
> [...skipped...]
Moderatorom DARK.MAD yavlyaetsya Oleg Kopcev (2:5051/13.3), chto v perevode
oznachaet Oleg Kopcev (8-842-2??-????).
S uvazheniem. Oleg Kopcev, moderator DARK.MAD.
---
* Origin: Barbar's station (2:5051/13.3)
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Msg : 75 of 100 + 92
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:00:00
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:44
Subj : 4.h.f.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by MaX Brashenko (2:5000/47)
* Area : RU.OS.CMP (RU.OS.CMP)
* From : Alex Tutubalin, 2:5020/96 (Tuesday November 15 1994 18:04)
* To : All
* Subj : 9 tysyach yuniksov....
=============================================================================
Dear All!
Potryasayushchaya reklama santehniki v Kommersante za segodnya. Osobenno potryasla
takaya fraza (podcherkivanie moe):
"Sotrudnichaya s SUN, Vy mozhete rasschityvat' na pomoshch' bolee 16 tysyach
UNIX-ekspertov. V vashem rasporyazhenii budet bolee 9 tysyach _versij_UNIX..."
"Kommersant®" za 15 noyabrya, stranica 65.
Vot ya sizhu i dumayu.... skol'ko nuzhno mesta na diske dlya 9 tysyach versij yuniksa i
kakuyu hibaru mne pridetsya pristroit' k svoej komnate, chtoby v nej pomestilis' 16
tysyach yuniksnyh guru...
S uvazheniem,Alex Tutubalin
-+- GoldED 2.42.G1114
+ Origin: Vashi problemy stanut nashimi, esli vy stanete nami (2:5020/96)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 76 of 100 - 61 + 79
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:02:24
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:44
Subj : 4hf
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : BORIS_IN (Incoming mail)
* From : Alex Iliynsky, 2:5020/23 (Friday November 25 1994 08:55)
* To : Boris Paleev
* Subj : 4hf
=============================================================================
*** Answering a msg posted in area HUMOR.FILTERED (HUMOR.FILTERED).
Hi Boris!
Boris Paleev at 2:5020/113 wrote to All (Thursday November 24 1994)
BP> Lyudi rasskazyvali korku pro to, chto y kogo-to EPSON vydergival vilku.
BP> Oni k golovke printera privyazyvali verevochku i pechatali CR :-))))
Kogda-to, ochen' davno, ya rabotal v Baumanke, to spal pryam tam, na naduvnom
matrase. I nashe molodoe pokolenie prikola radi, reshilo napisat' programm
dlya D-100 (eto takoj printer pol'skij - kilogramm 12 vesu i s ochen' moshch'nym
barabanom), kotoraya by cherez opredelennoe vremya nachinala slat' na printer
CR, kotoryj v sovyu ochered' krutil by baraban, k kotoromu byla privyazana
verevka, privyazannaya k klanapnu matrasa. U nih ochen' udachno poluchilsya kod
s promotkoj printera, no s tajmerom byli problemy, i ya prosnulsya ot postoyannoj
raboty printera. Vmeste napisali tajmer i ya leg spat' dal'she. No tajmker
pochemu-to ne srabotal.... :(
Starder
===
+ Origin: (C) Starder. From Home (%TEMP%) (2:5020/23)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 77 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:08:02
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:44
Subj : .ro modemov registraciyu - ideya est'.
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Andy Timashev (2:5020/68.4)
* Area : RU.FREAKS
* From : Dmitry Rechkin, 2:5020/336 (22 Nov 94 21:27)
* To : Sanches Militsky
* Subj : Pro modemov registraciyu - ideya est'.
=============================================================================
Hello Sanches!
Monday November 21 1994 15:12, Sanches Militsky wrote to All:
AD>> Analogichnyj variant. Zapisat' na avtootvetchik otvet modema,
AD>> proverit' chto mozhno konnektitsya s avtootvetchikom, i
AD>> demonstrirovat' eto na ATS. "Avtootvetchiki eshche ne zapreshcheny, a ya
AD>> vot takoj strannyj". Interesno, eto vozmozhno? (V smysle zastavit'
AD>> modem retrejnit'sya s avtootvetchikom prodolzhitel'noe vremya, esli
SM> SHCHA!!! Zapreshcheny lyubye ustrojstva, nesankcionirovanno podklyuchennye k
SM> telefonnoj linii i ne imeyushchie sertifikatov Minsvyazi. A sankcionirovanno
SM> podklyuchaetsya tol'ko telefonnyj apparat (i to ne vsyakij, a "imeyushchij
SM> sertifikat"). A mnogie-li avtootvetchiki (i telefony) imeyut sertifikat
SM> Minsvyazi na ih ispol'zovanie na nashih setyah.
Kogda-to, kogda zamechatel'nyj uchenyj i otlichnyj sem'yanin L.P.Beriya zanimal odin
iz otvetstvennyh postov v gosudarstve, vse radiopriemniki delilis' na dve
kategorii. K odnoj byli otneseny chernye reproduktory, vysevshie v kazhdoj
kommunalke na obshchej kuhne, i periodicheski ispuskavshie to muzyku, to
okonchatel'nye izvestiya, a to i osnovopolagayushchie rechi Otca Narodov... Nazyvalis'
oni "abonentskimi radiotochkami". K drugoj otnosilis' lyubye drugie, imevshie
kondensator nastrojki. Tak vot, v dokumentah na staryj-staryj lampovyj priemnik
"V|F" (yashchik takoj, s kryshkoj i lampochkami... posle poluchasa raboty teplyj i
uyutnyj) v dokumentah byl i talon na registraciyu (sic!) etogo priemnika v
special'noj kontore, v techenie nedeli so dnya pokupki... Pochemu-to poluchilos'
tak, chto etot talon ne byl ispol'zovan (pokupali banduru uzhe v 1956 godu)...
Tak chto, teper' malo sootvetstviya imeyushchemusya GOSTu kuplennogo oborudovaniya, i
oblozhennogo poshlinoj na osnovanii etogo GOSTa i tarifov pri vvoze? Nado eshche i
topat' v "kompetentnye organy" i samomu na sebya stuchat'?
V takom sluchae...
V sootvetstvuyushchie organy
ot sisopa nody 2:5020/336
Zayavlenie
YA, gad, merzavec i parazit, v celyah sodejstviya inostrannym razvedkam v ih podlom
dele iskoreneniya otechestvennyh relejnyh ATS, kupil v chastnoj lavke paskudnoe
ustrojstvo modem, i teper', kazhduyu noch' s 5:30 do 7:30, imeya cel'yu potakanie
zaokeanskomu obrazu zhizni, v korne chuzhdomu nashemu narodu, podklyuchayu ego k
telefonnoj linii, chem vyzyvayu zakonnuyu nenavist' trudyashchihsya, i bez togo
utomlennyh inflyaciej, pofigizmom, alkogolizmom, demokratiej, plutokratiej,
korrupciej, pollyuciej, i vystupleniyami v Gosdume g-na ZHirinovskogo... S drugoj
storony, ya nikogda ne priznaval rasprostranennoj v nashem narode tradicii
podklyuchat' s pomoshch'yu samodel'nyh "soplej" k telefonnoj rozetke, kuplennoj mnoyu
za 1500 rub. v magazine, i poetomu yavlyayushchejsya sobstvennost'yu ATS, ni utyug, ni
holodil'nik, ni torsher ili vibromassazher. Nepravomerno privatizirovannyj mnoj
kondensator 1.0 mkf, obnaruzhennyj pri samovol'noj razborke rozetki pri ustanovke
ee na liniyu, obyazuyus' sdat' "kuda nado" pri pervom zhe obyske moego zhilishcha,
zabitogo "pod zavyazku" nezakonno poluchennoj informaciej v vide arhivov pisem
E.Gil'bo i Dm.Orla v MO.ECHO i RUSSIAN.FREEDOM.ANEKDOT...
Proshu prinyat' ko mne sootvetstvuyushchie mery, daby moya sud'ba stala nazidaniem dlya
vseh, kto eshche ne ponimaet otchetlivo, chej (narodnyj, tovarishchi!) hleb on est, i na
ch'ej zemle zhivet, otravlyaya samyj vozduh svoim zlovonnym dyhaniem.
V pros'be proshu ne otkazat'...
Best regards,
Dmitry
-+- GoldED 2.50.B1016+
+ Origin: Unplugged CPU makes no errors! (2:5020/336)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 78 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:09:28
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:44
Subj : Don't torture your software
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : BORIS_IN (Incoming mail)
* From : Harry Bush, 2:51/2 (Friday November 25 1994 15:32)
* To : Boris Paleev
* Subj : Don't torture your software
=============================================================================
Hello Boris!
4 HF? ;-)
Best wishes, Harry
Friday November 25 1994 15:31
* From Area: LV.PEARLS (LV.PEARLS)
From the Internet:
SEVEN SOFTWARE COMPANIES ADDED TO "WATCH LIST"
New York, NY, Sept. 24 -- People for the Ethical Treatment of
Software (PETS) announced today that seven more software companies
have been added to the group's "watch list" of companies that
regularly practice software testing.
"There is no need for software to be mistreated in this way so that
companies like these can market new products," said Ken Granola,
spokesperson for PETS. "Alternative methods of testing these
products are available."
According to PETS, these companies force software to undergo lengthly
and arduous tests, often without rest for hours or days at a time.
Employees are assigned to "break" the software by any means necessary,
and inside sources report that they often joke about "torturing" the
software.
"It's no joke," said Granola. "Innocent programs, from the day they are
compiled, are cooped up in tiny rooms and 'crashed' for hours on end.
They spend their whole lives on dirty, ill-maintained computers, and are
unceremoniously deleted when they're not needed anymore." Granola said
the software is kept in unsanitary conditions and is infested with bugs.
"We know alternatives to this horror exist," he said, citing industry
giant Microsoft Corp. as a company that has become extremely
successful without resorting to software testing.
* Qwkit 1.0b * Breeding rabbits is a hare raising experience.
-+- SLMAIL v3.5C (#1540)
+ Origin: Robotech ch Lake City's Music*Demo BBS ch [904] 758*9477 (13:205/1)
=== GoldEd/2 2.50.B1016+
+ Origin: Info-Shelter (2:51/2)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 79 of 100 - 76 + 93
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:10:18
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:46
Subj : 4HF
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Vsevolod Shabad (2:5020/202)
* Area : 68.PVT (68.PVT)
* From : Max Klochkov, 2:5020/99 (24 Nov 94 22:23)
* To : Yuri Safronov
* Subj : Ispugalis'? A ya ne pro teatr...
=============================================================================
Hello Yuri!
Happy to contact you!
Thursday November 24 1994 10:59, Yuri Safronov wrote to Anton Tsarevsky:
AT>> Soglasen. Bolee togo, gotov eto vse prodelyvat' v gigienicheskih
AT>> usloviyah - to est' dazhe ne razbivat' a torzhestvenno vylivat' v vannu
AT>> ili eshche kuda,
YS> Idet! Vylivat' bum v rot. :)
CHto-to ty proyavlyaesh' povyshennyj interes k sud'be eshche ne kuplennogo piva i
ochen' opasaesh'sya togo, chto ego pronesut mimo tvoego rta - ne inache lechit' nado.
Po etomu povodu vspomnilas' mne odna staraya istoriya, goda tak 1992-go. Est', kak
izvestno, metod mnimogo kormleniya sobak myasom po professoru Pavlovu
(ispol'zuetsya dlya polucheniya zheludochnogo soka). Tak vot, v upomyanutom vyshe 1992
godu byl izobreten metod mnimogo poeniya pivom po professoru Paleevu (kto ne
znaet, eto /113). |tot metod ispol'zuetsya dlya lecheniya ot pivnogo alkogolizma.
Sut' ego v sleduyushchem: beretsya bol'shaya cisterna piva (odnoj tonny hvatit) i
moshchnyj nasos. Zatem beretsya pivnoj alkogolik, podlezhashchij izlecheniyu, kladetsya na
kushetku, i priglashayutsya Gosha Zafievskij i Aleks YAng (ili eshche kto-nibud' razmerom
so srednej velichiny shkaf), s tem chtoby odin sel na pacienta okolo golovy, vtoroj
okolo nog, takim obrazom pacient nikuda uzhe ne denetsya. Zatem shlang ot cisterny
podsoediyaetsya k nasosu, shlang ot nasosa zavoditsya pacientu v rot, i eshche odin
shlang vvoditsya pacientu v anal'noe otverstie i opuskaetsya obratno v cisternu.
Zatem nasos vklyuchaetsya, i vyklyuchaetsya posle togo, kak koncentraciya alkogolya v
cisterne umen'shitsya primerno na poryadok. V rezul'tate teoreticheskih izyskanij
byl sdelan vyvod, chto posle takogo lecheniya pacient do konca zhizni ne smozhdet
dazhe smotret' na pivo.
Po sravneniyu s metodom lecheniya po Paleevu nash s Carevskim metod otlichaetsya
gumannost'yu, i gorazdo men'shej effektivnost'yu, krome togo, on ostavlyaet za
pacientom svobodu vybora.
Sincerely yours, Max
-+- Edlin for Windows 2.42.G0614+
+ Origin: Nam ne strashen 37, 37, 37 (2:5020/99)
=============================================================================
Hello Boris!
Hm. Ne govorya uzh o soderzhimom, sabdzhik-to kakov! ;-))))
Best regards,
Vsevolod
=== (C) 1994 Vsevolod Shabad
+ Origin: Nikto, krome nas! (c) VDV (2:5020/202)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 82 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:12:36
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:46
Subj : .rivatizaciya FIDO
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========================================================================
* Forwarded (from: R50.SYSOP) by Dmitry Penzin using timEd 1.01.g3+.
* Originally from Konst Malanin (2:5020/60) to All.
* Original dated: Nov 15 '94, 13:27
Pozdravlyayu s nachalom privatizacii !
Dmitry Valdov -> Igor Belyakov (ot 12.11.94):
IB> Opyat' soglasen. Pochemu-to eha schitaetsya sobstvennost'yu moderatora.
!> A potomu, chto sozdatel' konferencii - ee hozyain. Tochka.
Obobshchaya princip, vydvinutyj g. Val'dovym (kak ya ponyal - posle prochteniya
ehopola), do "sozdatel' = hozyain", predlagayu :
1. Organizovat' AOZT "FIDONet Russia".
2. Akcionery - iz chisla FIDOshnyh veteranov i invalidov (v kachestve
kriteriya - znanie otchestva i podpisi Vlady Stavski).
3. Ustavnyj kapital - po 3 l piva s akcionera.
4. Ob®yavit® AOZT "FIDONet Russia" hozyainom seti FIDONet v Rossii.
5. Ostavit' v nodliste tol'ko akcionerov, ostal'nyh poslat' po
materi - pushchaj chitayut pochtu v on-lajne ili blyu-vavoj (za primernoe
povedenie). Pojntov davat' tol'ko za vydayushchiesya zaslugi.
6. Prisvoit' Val'dovu pochetnoe zvanie "pervyj privatizator FIDO" i
soorudit' pamyatnik iz tary, ostavshejsya posle oprihodovaniya
ustavnogo kapitala (sm p 3).
/ Konst Malanin.
___ ?PIP-W-Reboot !
- Origin: Doors_To_Montmartre (2:5020/60) (2:5020/60)
-+- timEd 1.01.g3+
+ Origin: Russia, Saint-Petersburg, dmitry@fish.spb.su (2:5030/167.6)
... U nego ne bylo volos, tak chto ryzhim ego schitali uslovno
-+- PPoint 1.86
+ Origin: Pochem? (2:5020/52.777)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 83 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 27 Nov 94 12:13:06
To : All 27 Nov 94 17:02:46
Subj : HF
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* Forwarded by Grigoriy Shpakov (2:5020/54.35)
* Area : RU.ANEKDOT (RU.ANEKDOT)
* From : Eugene Leskovets, 2:450/17 (v sredu, 23 noyabrya 1994 goda 13:24)
* To : All
* Subj : anekdot
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Raz vstrechayutsya moderatory RU.x i RU.y.
MRU.x: Ty slyhal, v magazin plyusy zavezli?
MRU.y: Nu i chto?
MRU.x: Kak chto? Nado pojti, ochered' zanyat'.
MRU.y: Da bespolezno! Borisov iz RU.ANEKDOT vse uzhe davno iz-pod prilavka
skupil.
Kak-to raz pishet moderator RU.z Borisovu:
"Tut v moej ehe odin zlostnyj narushitel' poyavilsya, a u menya plyusy konchilis'.
Ty ne prodash' parochku?"
B: "Da ty ko mne v ehu zahodi, ya tebe dazhe besplatno dam"
Bye!
Eugene
-+- timEd-g1+
+ Origin: + Blues Orphan at work + (2:450/17)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 85 of 100
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/50.40 28 Nov 94 01:27:30
To : All 28 Nov 94 04:04:40
Subj : (1) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
K sozhaleniyu opisannaya zdes' taktika chasto ispol'zuetsya ne tol'ko v sravnenii
razlichnyh sistem. :-(
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Lev Semenets (2:5060/88.3)
* From : timbol@netcom.com, 2:50/128 (Sunday November 13 1994 10:11)
* Subj : (1) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
=============================================================================
X-RealName: Mike Timbol
Beware. This is an example of what some people write when they have too
much time on their hands. If you lack a sense of humor (you know who
you are), you should probably skip this post. No offense intended to
Mr. Hodges, who wrote the original (serious) version. In fact, I encourage
people to read, since it brings up some good points, and also makes this
post easier to understand.
Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy
========================================
Over the past few years, long time OS/2ers have become aware that
the computer trade press doesn't give us much attention. Letter
writing campaigns to idiotic computer magazines have helped people
get a sense of how many intelligent and well-spoken OS/2 users
there are, but they still haven't turned the tide among the
Micro$oft boot-licking press. Fortunately, the "Electronic Press"
is one area where OS/2 has solid support. This is due to the fact
that we, the actual customers, are able to voice our opinions
directly to one another. Nobody is in direct control of the media
and what is "printed". Nobody has to justify the claims we make.
Say something enough, and people start to believe it. This is where
the grass roots OS/2 effort began. This is where Team OS/2 was born.
In following the discussions on usenet, I have noticed an important
trend: "The MS advocates here have been quite wrong - and the OS/2
advocates have been pretty much vindicated." While we OS/2 users have
a fine reputation for being right, even infallible in some cases,
we can always do better. I frequently see Windoze advocates being
drawn into arguments which go astray of the original point, or
degenerate into extended and pointless debates. This is great! Here
are some pointers on how to do it.
SOME "DOs AND DON'Ts" OF OS/2 ADVOCACY
--------------------------------------
1. BE OBNOXIOUS AND INSULTING.
There is nothing to be gained by taking a polite, courteous tone.
Hey, you're in an argument, right? If you're losing, start calling
the other people names. If you're winning, you can do the same thing.
Hey, some bozo is insulting your operating system! Don't stand for it!
Readers will see for themselves that you can't be pushed around.
2. EXPLAIN OS/2 ADVANTAGES -- USE SIMPLE EXAMPLES
Try to state in plain english what you like about OS/2. Use relevant,
real-world examples. For instance "I can download new WAD files for
DOOM while playing System Shock and X-COM in windowed DOS sessions!"
"I have 64 DOS boxes open! Do *THAT* in Windoze!" If you're running
out of ideas, just go back to the tried-and-true "I can format a
floppy disk in the background!" One gets the idea there is something
good here. Let them know exactly what it is.
3. NEVER ADMIT OS/2 WEAKNESSES
OS/2 is a great system and we love it. However, some people insist that
OS/2 has weak points. The nerve! If people point out advantages in
other systems that OS/2 doesn't have, quickly claim they aren't
advantages after all. Phrases like "Who would ever want to do that?"
and "What a useless feature!" address the issue nicely. If people post
about problems they *claim* to be having with Warp, just include a
simple followup that says "It works on my system. You must have shoddy
hardware" or perhaps "I have a real problem with people that for some
reason or another are unable to get OS/2 configured the way they want
calling what is more times than not THEIR lack of knowledge and
experience with the system a BUG in the software." Another tactic is
to downplay the problem: "Besides you, how many people do you really
think will encounter this bug?"
4. REGULARLY ARGUE WITH A "STRAWMAN"
Example: "Anyone remember the talk about a 'human-centric interface'?
If you can talk, you can use a computer........It's called 'vision'"
Windoze fanatics will probably mention delays in IBM's grand vision,
but these factors are irrelevant. This is the future of "portable"
OS/2 we're talking about! Windoze NT doesn't matter anyway.
5. GO FOR THE KILL
This is a standard tactic of negotiation. If you argue too
vehemently, what happens is the "other guy" becomes entrenched.
They can't change their mind on an issue without "losing face".
So, when you've aptly demonstrated that you are in all ways superior
to the "other guy", go for the kill. Insult his intelligence and
upbringing. Question his logical ability. Suggest he learn how to
read. Recommend a good psychiatrist. Ask if he understands
english. Pick on his spelling. Tell him to learn how to use his
editor. Talk about line length. For good measure, insult Bill Gates.
6. TRY TO KEEP SUBJECT TITLES POSITIVE
Many people just browse subject titles. Make sure what they see
looks interesting and inviting. "Winblows96 SUX ROX!" "OS/2 WARP
THE GREATEST OS *EVER*!!!!!!!" Now don't those look interesting?
Watch out for Windoze advocates introducing or changing subject
title to anti-OS/2 themes. For example, someone may post a thread
with the title "OS/2 performance disappointing?" I mean, really,
questioning OS/2's performance!? Obviously, this person is out to
get OS/2. Immediately change the subject to something like "OS/2
performance great!" If you have time, write a simple followup that
says "It works great on my system. You must have shoddy hardware."
(See point 3.)
7. RESPOND WITH OBVIOUS FLAME BAIT
Recent examples from usenet:
"You mean Windoze97?"
"Meanwhile people who use MS products wait...and wait...and wait."
These comments are worth their weight in gold. Note that the first
one points out valid flaws in Microsoft's operating system strategy.
What, they seriously think they can release Chia-pet OS 1.0 next
year!? Who are they kidding!?
The second simply points out valid problems with all Windoze users.
They'll appreciate an objective viewpoint, and the smart ones (if
there are any) will switch to OS/2. However, some of them may
disagree with you and claim that they're doing real work with their
computers right now -- after all, they are fanatics. Ignore these
responses. Why bother?
8. CONTINUE THREADS INDEFINITELY
It's easy to get bogged down in pointless debates that can't be
proven one way or the other. Predictions about the future, guesses
about installed base, sales of apps, etc. Hey, you can't be proven
wrong, so what have you got to lose? Insist that your view is right.
Insist that other people are wrong. They may try to politely disagree,
but they won't get away that easily. Use phrases like "You disagree,
but won't explain why." It doesn't matter if they've already explained
at great length; just claim they haven't. Then make some remarks
about their intelligence. (See point 1.)
9. SPREAD RUMORS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE
Occasionally, you see an anti-Windoze rumor that apparently comes
from nowhere and has no apparent basis in reality. For instance,
there was a recent one titled "Windoze 95 can't run DOS apps!"
Follow up on it. Assume it's true. "My God, Micro$haft must be
a bunch of morons! They can't even get DOS apps to run! Ha ha ha!"
If you don't do this, people might miss it. If someone posts an
anti-OS/2 news article, just blow it off. After all, the press is
just a bunch of Micro$oft boot-lickers. If they post a positive
article, spread it far and wide. When you see one, a followup
including the entire article and the phrase "I agree!" or "Well said!"
might be appropriate.
10. SHOOT FROM THE HIP
Why would you ever need to think about something a Windoze advocate
says? They use Windoze, so they must be wrong. Disagree immediately,
while it's still fresh in your mind. Do it publicly, so that they know
they've been nailed. (See point 5.)
OS/2 ADVOCATE TACTICS TO COPY
-----------------------------
o MEANINGLESS POINTS AND STATEMENTS
Try to use arguments that say nothing, but sound good. State them
as if they were obviously true. Make them sound like as much like
marketing hype as possible. It helps if you can get an account
at IBM to do this. Examples:
"The next release of OS/2 is more of the same if you say it builds on
what has gone before and offers people the best platform for the
future - today."
"It won't be perfect in everyone's eyes - your included, likely - but it
will be excellent in the eyes of a great number of people - and
deservedly so."
"IBM is deadly serious about OS/2 succeeding. When you see OS/2 Warp
running smoothly, reliably, quickly (and cheaply!) on your system, you'll
have some idea of what happens when IBM gets serious about something."
"Watch this newsgroup for reports of positive experiences using Warp.
The thing just works - and works well."
"This one will sell better than ever. The momentum continues. Yeah."
"IBM has got it pretty much right. Blow a fuse if you like. But that
is it in a nutshell."
"Finally, a version of OS/2 with NO rough edges!"
"OS/2 Warp. The ONLY Operating System."
o THE "WINDOZE FAMILY" MULTI-PRONGED ATTACK
This is a great one! Micro$oft can't do anything worth a damn, so
they have to come out with a whole slew of products just to compete
with OS/2! Attacking this "Windoze Family" concept is easy. It works
like this: Someone makes a "point" about a specific version of
Windoze, for example "Windows NT is more stable than OS/2." The
proper response is to switch the comparison to Windoze 3.1. "Oh yeah,
well OS/2 is more stable than Windoze 3.1!" When people talk about
the huge selection of Windoze apps, say "OS/2 has more than ten times
as many apps as Windoze NT!"
Here's a simple chart to help you out:
Issue being compared System to compare to
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Memory requirements Windoze NT
Applications available Windoze NT
User base Windoze NT
Windoze compatibility Windoze NT
Speed Windoze NT
Stability Windoze 3.1
Bundled drivers Windoze 3.1
Resources available to Windoze apps Windoze 3.1
Multitasking Windoze 3.1
Networking "TCP/IP is available for OS/2"
You get the idea. You can substitute Windoze 96 anywhere. It
won't be out for several years, so claim anything you want about
it. Nobody can disagree with you!
o THE MARKET MOMENTUM ARGUMENT
When Windoze advocates start talking about Windoze NT and the upcoming
Windoze 96, start talking about "market momentum". Installed base,
applications available, and developer support are the main issues.
OS/2 has ten times the installed base of Windoze NT, and more
applications and ISVs as well. The momentum is clearly with OS/2.
Windoze 96 has ZERO installed base, ZERO applications available, and
ZERO developer support. What chance does it have?
o INCONSISTENCY
Remember, the number of people who actually _contribute_ to advocacy
groups in places like usenet, Fidonet, CompuServe, Prodigy, AOL, etc.
is likely quite small compared to "lurkers" who may be interested
in OS/2 and silently tune in to get an impression of what OS/2 is
all about. These people probably will not spend a lot of time
following the debates. OS/2ers need to be aware of this and try to
take advantage of it as much as possible. Don't bother being
consistent -- most people won't notice you contradict yourself
anyway. Some examples:
Windoze luzer: "Well-written Windows apps multitask just fine."
OS/2 user: "The OS should handle this, not the app!"
Windoze luzer: "OS/2 apps can hang the message queue."
OS/2 user: "Not if they're written well!"
Windoze luzer: "Windows NT 3.5 runs quite well on newer hardware"
OS/2 user: "What about the millions of older machines?"
Windoze luzer: "I run Warp on a 486SX and it's slow."
OS/2 user: "God, what crappy hardware you've got!"
o RATIONALIZATION AND DISTORTION
A favorite tactic is to emphasize a minor point that might be
otherwise overshadowed by some other issue. The most important
subject in this class is word definitions. After all, it's vitally
important that we all agree on terminology before going forward.
Some examples:
Windoze luzer: "OS/2 lacks apps in many mainstream categories."
OS/2 user: "Define 'mainstream'!"
Windoze luzer: "OS/2 has few native apps available"
OS/2 user: "Define 'native'!"
Windoze luzer: "Windows NT is the best selling workstation-level
operating system."
OS/2 user: "Define 'workstation'!"
Windoze luzer: "Windows95 applications already exist"
OS/2 user: "Define a 'Win95 app'!"
o DIVERSIONARY TACTICS
Some clever OS/2 advocates are masters of changing the subject. This
even includes the subject title. Learn from them. Consider this
recent example:
Subject: FUD from MS advocates (was Re: IBM's lack of integration ...)
Notice that the original discussion of OS/2 was replaced with a
-+-
+ Origin: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261- (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Dlya vas, marginaly ;-)
Lev
-+-
+ Origin: Point of confusion (2:5060/88.3)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)
--- GoldED/2 2.42.G0214
* Origin: Edifying Cat's Nest (2:5020/50.40)
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Msg : 86 of 100
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/50.40 28 Nov 94 01:27:12
To : All 28 Nov 94 04:04:42
Subj : (2) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/50.40)
* Area : SU.OS2.MARGINAL (SU.OS2.MARGINAL)
* From : Lev Semenets, 2:5060/88.3 (25 Nov 94 11:23)
* To : All
* Subj : (2) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
=============================================================================
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Lev Semenets (2:5060/88.3)
* From : timbol@netcom.com, 2:50/128 (Sunday November 13 1994 10:11)
* Subj : (2) Guidelines for Ineffective OS/2 Advocacy :)
=============================================================================
X-RealName: Mike Timbol
negative for MS fanatics. There are a number of more subtle tactics
one needs to watch. Perhaps the most common one comes in discussions
of capabilities "in the box." Windoze advocates might be pointing out
that WFW has more device drivers than OS/2. Quickly point out that
OS/2 has more device drivers "in the box." When a Windoze advocate
replies that WFW has peer-to-peer networking in the box, subtly shift
the focus. Mention that OS/2 TCP/IP is available, and blows away
what WFW offers. When someone claims that OS/2 has poor ISV support,
mention the bundled Bonus Pack as being "much better than the crap that
comes bundled with Windows". If someone starts talking about Windoze NT
features, turn the discussion to the NFS add-on for Warp.
o ENDLESS FOLLOW UPS ON NEGATIVE SUBJECTS
Some OS/2 advocates stay up until the wee hours of the morning writing
about subjects negative to Windoze. This is incredible dedication!
By following up, you help the thread continue indefinitely. Examples:
"Microsoft Says it Will Shoot People!!!!!"
"Microsoft has been thinking of selling NT for the last 6 months."
Someone spent a long time writing articles on these points. Prolong
them as much as possible.
o RESPONDING TO THOSE WHO PAINT OS/2 USERS AT "NUTS" AND "FANATICS"
We've been insulted! Nail the bastard! Inform his sysadmin! Mailbomb
him! Shut down his account! We can't let him get away with this!
o GLOOM AND DOOM PREDICTIONS FOR WINDOZE
OS/2 Warp is here. Obviously, Windoze has no future. Inform
Windoze users that their OS is doomed. If they disagree, just
tell them they're ignorant. Eventually, they'll see the light, and
thank you for it.
__________________________________________________________________________
************************
* PAY FOR THIS ARTICLE *
************************
PLEASE DO NOT SEND THIS ARTICLE TO ANY ELECTRONIC MEDIA
WHERE OS/2 SUPPORTERS AND ADVOCATES ARE FOUND!
Note for the humor-impaired: This article is a joke. Do not take it
seriously. You can post a serious reply to this article, but then I'd
have to shoot you. Wait! That, too, was a joke! Look, a smilie -> :)
(Sadly, some people *still* won't get it...)
- Mike
-+-
+ Origin: NETCOM On-line Communication Services (408 261- (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Lev
-+-
+ Origin: Point of confusion (2:5060/88.3)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)
--- GoldED/2 2.42.G0214
* Origin: Edifying Cat's Nest (2:5020/50.40)
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Msg : 87 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 28 Nov 94 00:33:48
To : All 28 Nov 94 14:00:44
Subj : .erminy Windows
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ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : RU.ENGLISH (RU.ENGLISH)
From : Serge Miroshnichenko (2:5026/3.33), Sunday November 27 1994 17:44
Subj : Terminy Windows
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
TL> ps No samyj uzhas - eto perevod slova icon v russkih vindah. Znaete kak?
TL> "ZNACHOK" 8-() ;-)
|to eshche nichego. Vot u nashih yuzerov v mode knizhka Evgeniya Kozlovskogo "Norton
Commander 4.0" izd-va ABF, Moskva 1993. Knizhka kstati neplohaya, no napisana
fidoshnikom, chto li? :) ZHutkij fido-hakernyj zhargonishche, sovershenno neliteraturnyj
yazyk, i prednaznachena skoree kak pishet avtor v predislovii: "tol'ko dlya krutyh
yuzerov", delaya v posleslovie ogovorku: "Ispol'zuya komp'yuternyj zhargon, avtor
nazval by etot svoj opus Quick-knigoj".
Windows tam tak i nazyvaetsya - Fortochki. Keybar - ugadajte kak? Pravil'no --
Doska Klyuchej. Viewer - v'yuer. |to eshche slava bogu... A vot zapros NC4.0 o
arhivacii fajlov nazyvaetsya voobshche zamechatel'no - Prosil'nyj List. Funkciya Make
Directory nichtozhe sumnyashchesya nazvana Tvorilkoj! Kstati, vy mozhet ne podozrevaete,
no s klavishej Alt Tvorilka prevrashchaetsya v prevoshodnuyu Iskalku!
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
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Msg : 88 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 28 Nov 94 03:05:54
To : All 28 Nov 94 14:00:48
Subj : well, that's one way to come out...
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ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : .LVM.NETMAIL (Personal netmail)
From : Pavel Grodek (2:5020/214.4), Monday November 28 1994 01:31
Subj : well, that's one way to come out...
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Pavel Grodek (2:5020/214.4)
* Area : REC.HUMOR.FUNNY (REC.HUMOR.FUNNY)
* From : caius@titan.ucs.umass.edu, 2:50/128 (Friday November 25 1994 00:30)
* To : All
* Subj : well, that's one way to come out...
=============================================================================
@kiae @phantom @gate.phantom.ru 2:50/128.0@fidonet
@REPLYADDR caius@titan.ucs.umass.edu
@REPLYTO 2:50/128.0@fidonet
X-RealName: MICHAEL A PHIPPS
Keywords: funny, parents, sexual
Approved: funny@clarinet.com
I heard this story from a Unitarian minister, who swore up and
down that it was true. The young man in question is one of his
parishoners.
A young man, in the course of his college life, came to terms
with his homosexuality and decided to "come out of the closet". His plan
was to tell his mother first; so on his next home visit, he went to the
kitchen, where his mother was busying herself stirring stew with a wooden
spoon. Rather nervously, he explained to her that he had realized he
was gay.
Without looking up from her stew, his mother said, "You mean,
homosexual?"
"Well...yes."
Still without looking up: "Does that mean you suck men's penises?"
Caught off guard, the young man eventually managed to stammer an
embarrassed affirmative; whereupon his mother turned to him and,
brandishing the wooden spoon threateningly under his nose, snapped:
"Don't you *EVER* complain about my cooking again!"
--
Selected by Maddi Hausmann Sojourner with Brad Templeton. MAIL your joke
(jokes ONLY) to funny@clarinet.com. If you see a problem with an RHF posting,
reply to the poster please, not to us. Ask the poster to forward comments
back to us if this is necessary.
-+-
+ Origin: (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello Leo!
4hf
Sincerely Yours,
Pavel
DDD GoldED 2.42.G0614+
. Origin: With best wishes/regards/anything you wish (2:5020/214.4)
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--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
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Msg : 95 of 100
From : Leo V. Mironoff 2:5020/293 29 Nov 94 10:04:34
To : All 30 Nov 94 14:45:34
Subj : .en' blagodareniya v .ponii :)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
ZDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
Forwarded by Leo V. Mironoff (2:5020/293)
Area : .LVM.NETMAIL (Personal netmail)
From : Max Smolev (2:5020/141.45), Sunday November 27 1994 14:31
Subj : Den' blagodareniya v YAponii :)
YUDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDY
Hello Leo!
Tuta vot vychital - dovol'no milen'kie pis'ma vstrechayutsya v importnyh ehah
---------------
D Aziya (vsemirnaya, angloyazychnaya) (2:5054/3) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ASIAN_LINK
Msg : 48 of 112
From : Lois Culver 1:349/19 Tue 22 Nov 94 12:48
To : Bernie Burawski Sun 27 Nov 94 14:15
Subj : Tnksgiving in Japan
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
BB>Hello again everyone! I'm an American living in Japan and working
BB>with the United States Navy. It gets lonely around Thanksgiving and
BB>Christmas and was wondering if anyone in Cyber-land with be
BB>interested in exchanging Christmas Cards & letters. It would really
Hi, Bernie! Since this should get to you about Thanksgiving, I'll send
it along now to say I hope you have a good one!
Believe it or not - I spent a Thanksgiving in Japan (Yokota Air Base) in
1948! You'll have to admit that was a LONG time ago, and I really dont
remember very much about it except that I am sure we must have eaten at
the Officers' Club, because in those days not much was available which
looked like Thanksgiving dinner! Our "salads" were always cabbage
(cole slaw), as the lettuce and other vegetables were not grown to US
Standards until much later, since everything grown there used human
waste from the Japanese "honey buckets" for fertilizer. We even got
used to cabbage on our hamburgers, instead of lettuce!
The turkeys were probably frozen and came in from the US. I remember the
first chicken I got at the commissary. They advertised, as we came in
the door, "fresh chickens". I paid for one, and when I gave them my slip
as I left, they handed me a live chicken, tied by the feet, which had
been grown on the base. Yikes! I had NO idea what to do with a LIVE
chicken! I let it live in the back yard for months, rather than face
it. By that time, it had become a pet!
So, Bernie, I wish you a good Thanksgiving, and hope you will find
happiness that by NEXT year you'll be back in the US!
Hugs
Lois in Oregon
* OLX 2.2 * Age and treachery will always overcome youth and skill.
-+- Renegade v10-05 Exp
. Origin: Greetings from Magnetic Inx THE MACHINE (1:349/19)
--------------------------------------------------------------------
Vot tak-to. Kogda budesh' zakazyvat' cypochku utochnyaj, chto hochesh' ee zharenuyu :)
Best wishes, Do you know who've killed Laura?
Max A man from Twin Peaks...
DDD GoldED 2.42.G0214+
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--- copy con com3
* Origin: - The Endless Quest - (2:5020/293)
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Msg : 96 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 30 Nov 94 00:50:16
To : All 30 Nov 94 14:45:48
Subj : _-^-_ .oema ".mert' modema"
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
ZHDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD¿
º Forwarded by Dimitri Martemianov (2:5020/306.1)
º Area : REL.ARTS.QWERTY
º From : dime@kim.belpak.mogilev.by, 2:50/128 (Sreda Noyabrya 23 1994 06:42)
º To : All
º Subj : _-^-_ Poema "Smert' modema"
HMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM¾
X-RealName: Dmitri Puchko
Bonjour!
Pogib modem... Zamolk na meste,
SHCHelchok rele - i vse, gotov...
Ne poluchayu ya izvestij,
Ne slyshu "zanyato" gudkov,
Ne ostayus' ya vecherami,
CHtob pozvonit' na BBS,
I terminal'nye programmy
Ne probuzhdayut interes...
Ty byl mne bol'she, chem ustrojstvo.
Hot' vremenami i chudil,
I dostavlyal mne bespokojstvo,
No vse zhe ya tebya lyubil.
Na pamyat' ot tebya ostalsya
Lish' tol'ko staryj manual.
YA trizhdy, pomnit'sya, pytalsya,
No do konca ne dochital.
Uzh mne tvoej nevinnoj shutki
"Connection lost" ne ispytat',
I v pomutivshemsya rassudke
Tebya ob stenu ne shvyryat'.
Ne podmignesh' koshach'im glazom
Zelenyh lampochek svoih,
Ne obzovu tebya "zarazoj" -
Navek dinamik tvoj zatih...
Pojdu k nachal'stvu ya, i strastno
Na ZyXEL deneg poproshu,
I, ogorchennyj i neschastnyj,
Pro smert' modema napishu.
Au revoir!
dime@kim.belpak.mogilev.by
-+-
+ Origin: KIM (2:50/128.0@fidonet)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 98 of 100
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 30 Nov 94 00:52:32
To : All 30 Nov 94 14:45:50
Subj : 4 humor.filtered?
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* Forwarded by Dmitry Valdov (2:5015/2)
* Area : RU.SEX (RU.SEX)
* From : Oleg King, 2:5023/1.1 (Saturday November 19 1994 19:36)
* To : Sergey Dubrov
* Subj : menya hotyat poznakomit' s devushkoj ;-/ (hm-m-m...)
=============================================================================
Privet, Sergey!
Friday November 25 1994 16:40, Sergey Dubrov wrote to All:
SD> Drug naparu so svoej zhenoj ugrozhaet subj'em ;) A ya dazhe ne znayu kak k
SD> etomu otnestis' - vtoroj raz na grabli neohota nastupat'.... Da i ne byl ya
SD> ni razu v takih situacii. Kto cego skazhet po etomu povodu? Devushki samoj ya
SD> ne videl, no ej chego-to tam nagovorili pro menya ;)
Ty glavnoe ne bojsya. Mne tut v lokalke nashej kaluzhskoj regulyarno (gde-to
raz v mesyac) pytayutsya devushku najti. Do sih por tak i ne poznakomili. Ty
zhivi kak i zhil, sovsem ne fakt, chto devushke ty ponravish'sya i ona zahochet
tebya ohomutat'. YA tozhe snachala boyalsya, a potom privyk. U nas tam takie
bazary idut - snachala pro windows, potom pro poluos', potom pro Dianetiku,
potom kto-nibud' obrashchaet vnimanie na moj oridzhin, i tut vylezaet nash /2 i
vopit: "ZHENSHCHINU!! ZHenshchinu Kingu nadaaa!!!" i oni nachinayut iskat' mne devushku.
Da, a esli oni vse-taki tebya s nej poznakomyat - ty, glavnoe, ne pokazyvaj,
chto ochen' ispugan - devushki eto tolkuyut po svoemu. Esli ona budet tebya tashchit'
v postel' - obyazatel'no zamet' nenarokom: "Da, da, ya tozhe ochen' hochu spat'."
Ni v koem sluchae ne pej shampanskogo - luchshe spoi ego devushke. Oni ot nego obychno
shizeyut i nachinayut lovit' kajf. Vot. A tut glavnoe podsunut' im ne svoj kajf
(svoj kajf zhalko - esli on eshche ne vstal), a chto-nibud' drugoe, naprimer
tomik sochinenij Gete, ili pochitat' Russkie Narodnye Skazki (osobenno na bis
idet skazka pro seksual'nye pohozhdenie kurochki Ryaby. Nu, ona tam eshche potom
yajca zolotye nesti nachala). V obshchem, mnogo pridumat' chego mozhno. Esli budut
trudnosti - pishi, pomogu.
SD> RR·R·R Sincerely, Sergey
Oleg King :)
-+- GoldED 2.42.G0214+
+ Origin: Horosho byt' svobodnym.. no luchshe byt' nuzhnym. (2:5023/1.1)
=============================================================================
Hello All!
Best regards, Boris
--- Ruchka sharikovaya, cena 2.42.G0614+
* Origin: Minas Anor (2:5020/113)
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Msg : 100 of 100 - 93
From : Boris Paleev 2:5020/113 30 Nov 94 02:01:30
To : All 30 Nov 94 14:45:50
Subj : 4hf
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : BORIS_IN (Incoming mail)
* From : Rihards Ziedins, 2:5100/12.21 (Monday November 28 1994 14:02)
* To : Boris Paleev
* Subj : 4hf
=============================================================================
* Forwarded from area : SBC.JOKES (SBC.JOKES)
* From Jeff Hancock, 13:205/1 to *.*
Hi, Boris!
=) Digital Richie
> --- --- ---
I went out for a bit of a stroll a little while ago, and as I was wandering
by Doctor Debug's Laboratory, I heard some melodious tones coming out the open
window, so I had to stop it for a few minutes.
Here's the song they were singing:
Sung to the tune of the Flinstones theme:
Windows, MS-Windows,
Its the Stone Age look-and-feel GUI.
That's why Bill of Redmond,
Didn't win the desktop with NT.
Four-oh barely kept interest alive,
Now they call it Windows 95.
Do we wait for Windows,
Or have a yabba-dabba-do time,
An OS/2 time,
They'll never ship in tiiime.
Programmistskaya dokumentaciya
A. Fajsman, "Professional'noe programmirovanie na Turbo-Paskale", Info&E,
Tashkent, 1992
str 24-25
"Programmistam, predpochitayushchim Si, my vyrazhaem svoe glubokoe uvazhenie.
Turbo-Si tozhe horoshij yazyk. Sushchestvuet more prevoshodnoj literatury po Si. My
znaem mnogo horoshih programmistov, rabotayushchih na Si, i dazhe videli paru horoshih
programm, napisannyh na etom yazyke."
S e c u r e F i l e S y s t e m
Copyright Peter C.Gutmann, 1993
[...doc text skipped...]
Warranty
--------
1. Customer Obligations
1.1. Customer assumes full responsibility that this program meets the
specifications, capacity, capabilities, and other requirements of said
customer, and agrees not to bother the author if the program does not
perform as expected, or performs other than expected, or does not perform
at all.
1.2. Customer assumes full responsibility for any deaths or injuries that may
result from the normal or abnormal operation of this program. In the
event of casualties exceeding 1000 persons or property damage in excess of
$10 million, customer agrees that he or she has stolen the program and we
didn't even know he or she had it.
1.3. Customer agrees not to say bad things about the program or the author to
anyone claiming to be from "60 Minutes".
2. Very Limited Warranty and Conditions of Sale
2.1. For a period of 90 minutes, commencing from the time you first thought
about getting this program, we warrant that this program may or may not be
free of any manufacturing defects. It will be replaced during the
warranty period upon payment of an amount equal to the original purchase
price plus $10.00 for handling. This warranty is void if the program has
been examined or run by the user, or if the manual has been read.
2.2. This program is sold on an AS WAS basis. The author makes no warranty
that it is, in fact, what we say it is in our propaganda, or that it will
perform any useful function. We have no obligation whatsoever other than
to provide you with this fine disclaimer.
2.3. Some countries do not allow limitations as to how long an implied warranty
lasts, so we refuse to imply anything.
2.4. There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process
known as "tunnelling", this program may spontaneously disappear from its
present location and reappear at any random place in the universe,
including your neighbours computer system. The author will not be
responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
3. Limitation of Liability
3.1. We have no liability or responsibility to the customer, the customers
agents, our creditors, your creditors, or anyone else.
Polety avialajnerov po marshrutu N 666 vremenno otmenyayutsya,
v svyazi s kapital'nym remontom puti.
Menyayu motocikl na proezdnoj godovoj bilet.
Obrashchat'sya - travmotologicheskaya klinika, palata N 10.
Zavtra v dome N 24 po Malen'komu pereulku v 8 kvartire,
gde prozhivaet Margarita ZHuravleva, sostoitsya prezentaciya ee novogo muzha.
^-^
$ MolchiGin: Elgava Technical Lyceum (2:5020/128.0@fidonet)
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
Dmitry
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
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Msg : 86 of 96 + 90 K/s
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/50.40 10 Feb 94 08:48:02
To : All 11 Feb 94 00:07:58
Subj : .z "Novostej .skova"
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/50.40)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Evgeny Fartushny, 2:50/318.1 (Wednesday February 09 1994 20:55)
* To : All
* Subj : Iz "Novostej Pskova"
=============================================================================
@TID: FastEcho 1.30/g 1095975248
Hello All!
Predlagayu vashemu vnimaniyu stat'yu iz nashej mesnoj gazety
"Novosti Pskova"
"Posmeemsya nad Fil'kinoj gramotoj"
Vo vseh etih citatah ne izmeneno ni odnoj bukvy, ni odnoj
zapyatoj - vse oni v svoe vremya lozhilis' na stol milicejskogo
nachal'stva. Kak raskryvali prestupleniya drevnegrecheskogo nosa
i s®evshego desyat' rublej grabitelya,ne tak uzh vazhno.Raskryvali.
* Iz-pod slomannogo zamka nichego ne propalo, krome razbitogo
okna... Grazhdanin A. strelyal iz pistoleta,kotoryj v netrezvom
sostoyanii brodil po gorodu.
* Vysylaemaya na ekspertizu zhidkost' imeet zapah krepkogo samogona
i vkus drozhzhej.
* Fotografirovanie provodilos' s 24-h do chasu nochi pri dnevnom
osveshchenii.
* Prestupnik na meste proishestviya vypil butylku piva, s®el polkilo
konfet i 10 r. monety.
* Veshchestvennye dokazatel'stva sdany v ROVD dlya privlecheniya k ugolovnoj
otvetstvennosti.
* Na golovkah boltov imeyutsya sledy ot tupogo vozdejstviya tverdogo
veshchestva... Lomik,kotorym vzlomali dver',pognut, i imeet formu
neponyatnoj bukvy.
* Na stole stoit kastryulya razmerom: shirina - 15 sm, dlina - 17 sm,
vysota - 20 sm... Na polu spal'ni lezhit trup, a ryadom s nim sidit
trupova zhena i gor'ko plachet.
* Odezhda na poveshennom prilegala k telu ne tak kak na prostyh grazhdanah,
a boltalas' na vetru.
* Trup, vytashchennyj iz vody, byl teplyj, no posinevshij,poetomu priznakov
zhizni ne podaval.
* Na krovati lezhal poterpevshij po nacional'nosti russkij, sudya po zapahu
spirtnogo - hmel'noj,nos u nego razbityj,pohozh na drevnegrecheskij,
figura sredneaziatskaya, tak kak u nego shirokie plechi i uzkij taz.
* Pri osmotre obnaruzheny razlichnye predmety muzhskogo tualeta: botinok
s levoj nogi, rascheska, pustaya butylka iz-pod vodki i p'yanyj
traktorist, kotoryj sbil elektricheskij stolb. Ryadom traktor,
nahoditsya v tyazhelom podbitom sostoyanii.
* Sled pal'ca ruki obnaruzhen na poverhnosti ramy mezhramnogo prostranstva.
* Napravlyaem zamok na daktiloskopicheskuyu ekspertizu dlya ustanovleniya
obstoyatel'stv, kakim sposobom vzlomana dver'?
Publikaciyu podgotovil A.I.Rubis, odin iz starejshih
rabotnikov otdela kriminalistiki UVD oblasti.
Horoshego nastroeniya!
Evgeny.
-+-
+ Origin: ----> Default GoldED Origin <---- (2:50/318.1)
=============================================================================
Hi, All!
Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)
--- GoldED 2.41
* Origin: And our origin has been struck by lightning (2:5020/50.40)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 87 of 96 K/s
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 10 Feb 94 15:00:00
To : All 11 Feb 94 00:17:54
Subj : (4 h.f.) .oeha absurda. .ejstvie III, yavlenie VI...
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=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : MO.ECHO (MO.ECHO)
* From : Juri Krasilnikov, 2:5020/37.100 (Friday February 04 1994 18:48)
* To : All
* Subj : Moeha absurda. Dejstvie III, yavlenie VI...
=============================================================================
DO: Osmelyus' predstavit' tebe, GE, fidoshnoe semejstvo, hot' vmesto golovy u
tebya i #opa...
GE: Kak ya schastliv, sudari, chto imeyu v svoem rode udovol'stvie videt' stol'ko
@#$%kov srazu.
VP: Nam eshche bolee priyatno videt' takuyu osobu, nad kotoroj mozhno poprikalyvat'sya.
GE: Pomilujte, sudar', sovershenno naprotiv: mne eshche priyatnee nad vami stebat'sya.
NN: YA dumayu, vam posle Frankfurta voyazhirovka pokazalas' ochen' nepriyatnoyu.
GE: CHerezvychajno nepriyatna. Privykshi zhit', comprenez-vous, v svete, i vdrug
ochutit'sya v FIDO - gryaznaya rugan', mrak nevezhestva... Esli b, priznayus', ne
takoj sluchaj, kotoryj menya... (pishet ocherednoj messag) tak voznagradil za vse...
NGR: V samom dele, kak vam dolzhno byt' nepriyatno.
GE: (Pishet ocherednoj messag) Vprochem, v etu minutu mne ochen' priyatno. Da, FIDO
tozhe imeet svoi messagi, pakety... No, konechno, kto zhe sravnit s Frankfurtom!
Vy, mozhet byt', dumaete, chto ya tol'ko i delayu, chto syuda pishu; net, so mnoj sam
nachal'nik upravleniya Minoboronproma na druzheskoj noge. |dak udarit po plechu:
"Prihodi, bratec, prokonsul'tirovat'!" YA tol'ko na dve minuty zahozhu v svoj
centr "Modernizaciya", s tem tol'ko, chtoby skazat': "|to vot tak, eto vot tak!" A
tam uzhe tehnologi, etakie krysy, klavishami tol'ko - shchelk, shchelk... poshli
proektirovat'. Hoteli bylo dazhe menya opyat' deputatom sdelat', da, dumayu, zachem.
YA ne lyublyu ceremonii. Naprotiv, ya dazhe starayus' vsegda proskol'znut' nezametno.
No nikak nel'zya skryt'sya, nikak nel'zya! Odin raz menya prinyali dazhe za
glavnokomanduyushchego CHernomorskim flotom; matrosy vyskochili iz gauptvahty i
sdelali ruzh'em. Posle uzhe oficer, kotoryj mne ochen' znakom, govorit mne: "Nu,
bratec, my tebya sovershenno prinyali za glavnokomanduyushchego". S vidnymi politikami
znakom. Bol'shih uchenyh chasto vizhu. S samoj madam Lifshic na druzheskoj noge.
Byvalo, chasto govoryu ej: "Nu, chto, madam?" "Da tak, brat, - otvechaet, byvalo, -
tak kak-to vse..." Bol'shaya originalka.
NGR: Tak vy i analiticheskie materialy pishete? Kak eto dolzhno byt' polezno
obshchestvu! Vy, verno, i v zhurnaly pomeshchaete?
GE: Da, i v zhurnaly pomeshchayu. Moih, vprochem, mnogo est' sochinenij: astrofizika,
psihoanaliz, ekonomika, politologiya. Uzh i nazvanij dazhe ne pomnyu. I vse sluchaem:
ya ne hotel pisat', no Tret'yakov govorit: "Pozhalujsta, bratec, napishi
chto-nibud'". Dumayu sebe: "Pozhaluj, izvol', bratec!" I tut zhe v odin vecher,
kazhetsya, vse napisal v "NG", vseh izumil. U menya legkost' neobyknovennaya v
myslyah. Vse eto, chto bylo pro gravitaciyu, novoe oruzhie, nyneshnie vlasti... vse
eto ya napisal.
NN: Tak verno, i teoriya tyagoteniya vashe sochinenie?
GE: Da, eto moe sochinenie.
AT: Ah, tam napisano, chto eto gospodina |jnshtejna sochinenie.
GE: Ah da, eto pravda: eto tochno |jnshtejna, a est' drugaya teoriya, tak ta uzh moya.
YA, priznayus', literaturoj sushchestvuyu. U menya byl dom pervyj v Peterburge. YA
vsyakij den' v pravitel'stve. U nas uzhe i vist svoj sostavilsya: francuzskij
poslannik, anglijskij, nemeckij poslannik i ya. I uzh tak umorish'sya, chto prosto ni
na chto ne pohozhe. Kak vzbezhish' po lestnice k sebe v kvartiru bez mebeli -
skazhesh' tol'ko domrabotnice: "Na, Mavrushka, shinel'..." CHto zh ya vru - ya i
pozabyl, chto zhivu vo Frankfurte... A lyubopytno vzglyanut' ko mne v perednyuyu,
kogda ya eshche ne prosnulsya: deputaty i ministry tolkutsya i zhuzhzhat tam, kak shmeli,
tol'ko i slyshno: zh... zh... zh... Inoj raz i prem'er... Uzh u menya uho vostro!
Byvalo, kak prohozhu cherez Belyj dom - prosto zemletryasen'e, vse drozhit i
tryasetsya, kak list. O! ya shutit' ne lyublyu. YA vsem zadam ostrastku. Menya samo
Federal'noe sobranie boitsya. Da chto v samom dele? YA takoj! ya ne posmotryu ni na
kogo... ya govoryu vsem: "YA sam sebya znayu, sam". YA vezde, vezde. V sovmin kazhdyj
den' ezzhu. Menya zavtra zhe proizvedut sejchas v preziden...
q4=sP+OUef21*#mEprOE?Q*~Hl2w]&U.{+|EhoUJQ
Prochitano nedavno v nizhegorodskoj gazete "Ponedel'nik".
Dumayu, chto budet interesno prochest' :
Zabavnyj dokument nashelsya v ogromnyh arhivah izvestnogo sholohoveda
Konstantina Ivanovicha Prijmy. Znayushchij cenu yumora, sam lyubivshij ostroumnuyu
shutku, on ne mog, konechno, ne snyat' kopiyu s popavshegosya emu v arhivah
avtografa malyara Petrokova, kotoryj vzyalsya kogda-to vypolnit' vse remontnye
raboty v cerkvi Bogoyavleniya:
" SHCHET
Za malyarnye raboty, proizvedennye malyarom Petrokovym pri remonte cerkvi
Bogoyavleniya.
1. Uvelichit' nebesa i pribavit' pyat' zvezd - 5rub.
2. Dvum devam Mariyam sdelat' vnov' po mladencu - 3rub.
3. Podkrasit' guby svyatoj Varvare - 2rub.
4. Sdelat' boga Savaofa - 3rub.
5. Po odnomu razu pokryt' Dev mironosicej - 9rub.
6. Podkrasit' stertye mesta u devy Marii - 4rub.
7. Vosstanovit' vytertye chleny vsem svyatym - 8rub.
8. Uvelichit' kop'e Georgiyu Pobedonoscu - 2rub.
9. Vosstanovit' pero i hvost Svyatogo Duha - 1rub.
10. Opravit' odezhdu u Adama i Evy - 4rub.
11. Podmazat' kolesa Il'e Proroku - 5rub.
12. Odin raz pokryt' devu Mariyu i sdelat' Boga - 6rub.
13. ikolayu Ugodniku vykrasit' borodu - 1rub.
Itogo : 58rub.
malyar Petrokov."
a schete est' i rezolyuciya : "emedlenno vyplatit' semu duraku etu summu,
inache on vseh svyatyh perepoganit. Cerkovnyj starosta Kuz'michev. 21 avgusta
1889 goda".
MYSLI LYUDEJ VELIKIH,
SREDIH I PESIKA FAFIKA
Bassejn - eto nemnogo vody v chelovecheskoj
tolpe.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Mysh' - edinstvennoe zhivotnoe, k tomu zhe
mlekopitayushchee, mater'yu kotorogo byvaet gora.
(Gallyuksuvna)
Kak budet vyglyadet' polnost'yu avtomatizi-
rovannoe sovremennoe uchrezhdenie? Odin elekt-
ronnyj mozg budet zanimat' u drugogo 50 zlotyh
do zarplaty.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
e pozvolyaj intelligentnosti polnost'yu
zavladet' toboj. Perestanut zamechat' tvoi nogi.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Kak glupy lyudi: shtukaturyat steny, belyat
potolki, a hodyat po polu.
(Muha)
I. t. d. - psevdonim slov.
(Ramon Gomes de lya Serna)
ZHeneva - samyj bol'shoj iz malen'kih goro-
dov.
(Istina)
Kogda-to my prosto chego-to ne lyubili, a
segodnya u nas allergiya.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
|tot sluchaj s Evoj i Adamom byl, naver-
noe, v avguste ili sentyabre, kogda yabloki eshche
viseli na derev'yah.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
askol'ko ya znayu zhenshchin, Eva, s®ev yablo-
ko, pogladila zmeya po golove.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Za sem' dnej nel'zya nichego horoshego sde-
lat'. Primery: nash mir i ezhenedel'nye zhurnaly.
(Sirijskoe)
Pahnut' kolbasoj, imet' kolbasu, est'
kolbasu - tri raznye veshchi.
(Fafik)
CHitatel'! Ubedis', horosho li ponimaet te-
bya tvoya sobaka. Ved' sredi lyudej malo kto ume-
et pravil'no layat'.
(Fafik)
Sobaki ne krasneyut: net prichin. Lyudi ne
ot nih proishodyat.
(Fafik)
Priroda ne nadelila lyudej kryl'yami. am
ona po krajnej mere dala hvosty.
(Fafik)
Kto ne prygaet, ne pereprygnet.
(Fafik)
Luchshe starat'sya, chem rzhavet'.
(Didro)
Intriga vyshe talanta: ona umeet iz nichego
sdelat' chto-to.
(Bal'zak)
Kto ne byl rebenkom, tot nikogda ne sta-
net vzroslym.
(CHarli CHaplin)
Starost' - ne takoe uzh bol'shoe neschast'e,
esli prinyat' vo vnimanie druguyu vozmozhnost'.
(Heminguej)
Mnogie velikie istiny byli snachala ko-
shchunstvom.
(SHou)
Izvinite, ya vas ne uznal, no ya za posled-
nee vremya ochen' izmenilsya.
(Oskar Uajl'd - zhenshchine)
Vchera ves' vecher dumala. Pochemu? Televi-
zor isportilsya.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Govoryat, chto v Amerike izobreli lyzhi na
shpil'kah.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
e ponimayu, kak do izobreteniya telefona
lyudi dogovarivalis', vstrechalis', zhenilis',
imeli detej?
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Deti bystro rastut: nedavno eto byla de-
vochka v korotentkoj plissirovannoj yubochke, a
teper' eto uzhe vzroslaya zhenshchina v eshche bolee
korotkoj yubke.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Hvatit utverzhdat', chto "zhenshchine stol'ko
let, na skol'ko ona vyglyadit". Ej stol'ko,
skol'ko ona govorit.
(Lordova Gallyuks)
ZHenshchina otlichaetsya tem, chto, kogda zvonit
telefon, ona prezhde vsego beret stul, saditsya,
i tol'ko potom snimaet trubku.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Ah, emansipirovat' by sebch skoree ot etoj
zhenskoj svobody!
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Televizor - eto prekrasnoe prisposoble-
nie: ono pozvolyaet nas smotret' zrelishche, radi
kotorogo ne stoit vyhodit' iz doma.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Pravili vsegda skuchny, interesnymi byvayut
tol'ko isklyucheniya.
(Iz knigi "Vu")
Za porezy ne berem. et prejskuranta.
(Parikmaher)
Srednie lyudi - eto ne znachit skromnye.
aprotiv, oni gordyatsya tem, chto oni srednie.
(Sartr)
Konferenciya - eto sobranie, na kotorom
lyudi govoryat o veshchah, kotorye uzhe davno sledo-
valo sdelat'.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Esli zhenshchina nastol'ko umna, chto sprashi-
vaet soveta u muzhchiny, to vryad li ona byvaet
nastol'ko glupa, chtoby postupat' soglasno eto-
mu sovetu.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Esli budesh' slushat'sya sovetov, to vmesto
svoih oshibok budesh' sovershat' chuzhie.
(Ali ben Marabut)
Kto ustupaet totchas zhe, togo nazyvayut ve-
likodushnym. Kto ustupaet po razmyshlenii, togo
nazyvayut slabym.
(ZHan Rostan)
Lebed' - eto pochti to zhe, chto i gus', a
vse-taki lebed'.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Optimist govorit: butylka na polovinu
polnaya. Pessimist - butylka napolovinu pustaya.
(Ali ben Marabut)
V sushchnosti, den'gi mozhno upreknut' tol'ko
v tom, chto ih vsegda slishkom malo.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
e bud' suevernym: eto prinosit neschast'e.
(Magistr Kavusya)
ikogda ne spor'. Prosto povtoryaj svoi
dovody.
(Iz knigi "Vu")
YA s udovol'stviem by govorila po-anglijs-
ki, esli by ne nuzhno bylo uchit' yazyk.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Zrelyj vozrast - eto takoj vozrast, kogda
chelovek uzhe dostatochno star, chtoby osoznat'
sdelannye oshibki, no eshche dostatochno molod,
chtoby delat' novye.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Genetika - nauka, ob®yasnyayushchaya, pochemu ty
pohozh na svoego otca, esli pohozh, i pochemu ne-
pohozh na nego, esli tak poluchilos'.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Glupyj sumeet ponyat' i sdelat' to zhe, chto
i umnyj, no gorazdo, gorazdo, GORAZDO pozzhe.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Hozyain sozhaleet o tom, chto volk pohitil;
volk - o tom, chto ostalos'.
(Pol'skoe)
Esli u tebya net hvosta, vilyaj ulybkoj.
(Fafik)
e byvaet nepriyatnostej u togo, kto govo-
rit, s druz'yami tol'ko o svoej sobake.
(Fafik)
Konechno, ya tak zhe umen, kak i moj hozyain,
ne ved' eto eshche ne dokazatel'stvo uma.
(Fafik)
ikogda ne zabyvajte po vecheram vyvodit'
svoego hozyaina pogulyat'.
(Fafik)
Pravila neobhodimo narushat', inache oni ne
dostavlyayut nikakogo udovol'stviya.
(|.M.Remark)
Sleduet byt' legkim kak ptica, no ne kak
peryshko.
(Pol' Valeri)
Izverzhenie vulkana - eto avariya central'-
nogo otopleniya Zemli.
(Gomes de lya Serna)
Hudozhniki obyazany pokazyvat' nam, skol'
horosha zhizn'. Inache u nas poyavilis' by somne-
niya.
(Anatol' Frans)
Appetit prihodit vo vremya edy.
(Rable. Vy znali etu pogovorku i ran'she,
a teper' znaete, kto ee sochinil)
Sorok let - eto zrelyj vozrast molodosti.
Pyat'desyat - molodost' zrelogo vozrasta.
(Viktor Gyugo)
CHelovek redko byvaet dobrym, no ochen' lyu-
bit eto kachestvo u drugih.
(Iz knigi "Vu")
|legantno odetyj muzhchina - eto tot, u ko-
torogo na pal'ce net obruchal'nogo kol'ca.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Odni iz puteshestvij privozyat vospomina-
niya, drugie - tol'ko podarki.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Dusha dolzhna byt' hrustal'noj, a ne zer-
kal'noj.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Fortuna nichego ne daet navsegda, ona daet
tol'ko vzajmy.
(Iz knigi "Vu")
Delat' chto-libo - eto netrudno, trudno
tol'ko nachat'.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Dyrka v pal'to tem uzhasna, chto i zavtra
ona budet nahodit'sya tochno v tom zhe meste.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Prochno zapertymi byvayut imenno te dveri,
kotorye mozhno ostavit' otkrytymi.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Vypushcheno novoe programmnoe sredstvo iz serii "Zatkni dyru"
Predydushchie vypuski:
- drajver klaviatury, zamenyayushij nerabotayushchie klavishi
drugimi kombinaciyami klavish
- drajver printera dlya pechati kirillicej i zamenyayushchij soboj
bezobraznuyu rusifikaciyu printera
- drajver podderzhki dlya disket 720-800 Kb na "levom" BIOS
disket 1.2 Mb - pravda s poterej chitaemosti 1.2 Mb disket.
Osnovnoe ispol'zovanie - podderzhka "Double step" na 720 Kb
diskovodah.
New! - emulyator myshi, kotoraya otsutstvuet
Dannyj programmnyj produkt pozvolyaet rabotat' s programmnymi
sredstvami, obyazatel'no ispol'zuyushchimi mysh', pri otsutstvii
takovoj. Kursor myshi peremeshchaetsya po ekranu pri pomoshchi strelok.
Avtor sozhaleet, chto iz za nehvatki vremeni ne smog obespechit'
odnovremennoe peremeshchenie myshi po stolu, i nadeetsya v sleduyushchih
versiyah ustranit' etot nedostatok.
[skipped]
Teper' vy mozhete "taskat'"
okoshki iz Turbo Vision pri pomoshchi emulyatora stol'ko, skol'ko vam
vzdumaetsya (ili poka krysha ne poedet).
V sleduyushchih vypuskah:
v svyazi s poyavlenim klasterov, parazitiruyushchih na
poverhnostyah zhestkih diskov, vypusk programm iz serii "Zatkni
dyru" vremenno priostanavlivaetsya. Vozmozhno, v sleduyushchem vypuske
vyjdet emulyator zhestkogo diska iz disket emkost'yu 160 Kbajt.
Ob'yavlenie:
v svyazi s poterej dannyh ob®yavlyaetsya konkurs na zameshchenie
vakantnoj dolzhnosti BOOT-sektora.
(20.03) Samoe interesnoe, chto eto ne shutka - u 386 tachki
nakrylsya vint.
(23.03) - prichem ne tol'ko vint no i sama mashina, tak chto v
sleduyushchem vypuske budet emulyator rabotayushchej mashiny
na E rabotayushchej
Copyright (C) 25.03.1993 by SHamarokov Aleksej
Tel. Rab (095) 113-1411, Dom. (095) 339-7167
Gklu> Ispravlyayus' i v kachestve pervogo shaga v etom napravlenii
Gklu> predlagayu DOS, kotoryj postroil MAJK
Gklu> Vot DOS, kotoryj postroil Majk!
Gklu> A eto ASCII - tajnyh znakov tablica,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A eto NC v belosinem mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> Zabyli v nem russkuyu "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A vot rezidenty sinicami skachut,
Gklu> Iz nih hot' odin kak pit' dat' napartachit -
Gklu> Zaklinit NC v belosinem mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A eto vot fajl na vinchester posazhen,
Gklu> Kotoryj konechno zhe chem-to zarazhen,
Gklu> S nego rezident-to tot samyj i skachet,
Gklu> Kotoryj chego-nibud' tam napartachit,
Gklu> Kotoryj zaklinit Kommander v mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A vot AIDSTEST - slovno vazhnyj ministr,
Gklu> On fajl zarazhennyj vse hochet pochistit',
Gklu> Kotoryj k nemu na vinchester podsazhen,
Gklu> Kotoryj konechno zhe chem-to zarazhen,
Gklu> S nego rezident-to tot samyj i skachet,
Gklu> Kotoryj chego-nibud' tam napartachit,
Gklu> Kotoryj zaklinit Kommander v mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> Vot autoexec (tak ego nazyvayut),
Gklu> Kotoryj soboj AIDSTEST zapuskaet,
Gklu> Kotoryj pyhtit, slovno vazhnyj ministr,
Gklu> Kotoryj fajl hochet najti i pochistit',
Gklu> Kotoryj k nemu na vinchester podsazhen,
Gklu> Kotoryj konechno zhe chem-to zarazhen,
Gklu> S nego rezident-to tot samyj i skachet,
Gklu> Kotoryj chego-nibud' tam napartachit,
Gklu> Kotoryj zaklinit Kommander v mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A vot command.com, zarazhennyj bez mery,
Gklu> Ved' eto s nego pakostyat TSR`y,
Gklu> On autoexec pod soboj vypolnyaet,
Gklu> Kotoryj soboj AIDSTEST zapuskaet,
Gklu> Kotoryj pyhtit, slovno vazhnyj ministr,
Gklu> Kotoryj fajl hochet najti i pochistit',
Gklu> Kotoryj k nemu na vinchester podsazhen,
Gklu> Kotoryj konechno zhe chem-to zarazhen,
Gklu> S nego rezident-to tot samyj i skachet,
Gklu> Kotoryj chego-nibud' tam napartachit,
Gklu> Kotoryj zaklinit Kommander v mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
2. Stoyat chetyre monashki v ochered' na strashnyj sud. Vyzyvaet bog pervuyu.
- Pokajsya, sestra, imela ty v svoej zhizni delo s muzhskim chlenom?
- Da, my s monashkami odnazhdy mylis' v bane, a za stenkoj mylis' monahi.
YA ne uderzhalas' i v dyrochku podsmotrela.
- u ladno, von tam stoit miska so svyatoj vodoj - vymoj v nej glaza i
idi v raj.
Potom bog vyzyvaet vtoruyu.
- u, a ty imela delo s muzhskim chlenom?
- Da, my odnazhdy krestili mal'chika, ya ne uderzhalas' i potrogala rukoj.
- u lazhno, von tam stoit miska so svyatoj vodoj, vymoj v nej ruki i
idi v raj.
V eto vremya chetvertaya monashka s krikom ottalkivaet tret'yu i bezhit bez
ocheredi. Bog ee sprashivaet:
- Ty pochemu tret'yu ottolknula i poshla vpered nee?
- A ya ne hochu gorlo poloskat' v etoj svyatoj vode, posle togo, kak ona v
nej zadnicu vymoet.
9. V gluhoj derevne stoit pamyatnik neizvestnomu soldatu. Priezzhaet ekskursiya.
- A vy dejstvitel'no ne znaete, komu etot pamyatnik?
- Pochemu, znaem.
- Komu?
- Haimu Rabinovichu.
- A pochemu on nazyvaetsya pamyatnik neizvestnomu soldatu?
- A neizvestno, byl li on soldatom!
DS>Krasiva ty kak AjBi|mka,
DS>Tvoi glaza - svetodiod.
[skip]
Kak-to sidya na lekcii po "Mashinnoj grafike" i iznyvaya ot
skuki, moj sosed nakropal stishok:
YA vizhu u tebya v glazah
Displeya yarkij svet;
Tvoj rotik, slovno diskovod
ZHdet noven'kih disket.
V tvoem dyhanii slyshu ya
Zvuk obrashchen'ya k disku;
Kak dva trekbola grud' tvoya
I ruki kak dve myshki.
A nizhe ya nashel COM-port
Dlya svoego raz®ema,
Po nim ya dannye poshlyu -
Get Ready dlya priema!
Mazunin Vladimir
8.11.1993 okolo 10.40 am
aud.927 KazPTI, Almaty.
> * Origin: .... Marazm krepchal, derev'ya gnulis' .... (2:5020/124.19)
> * Origin: Nichto tak ne portit semejnuyu zhizn',kak lichnaya sekretarsh
> (2:5020/114)
> * Origin: Necropedophile (2:5030/90.34)
> * Origin: Program too small to fit in memory (2:5020/114)
> * Origin: Vintam - gajki! (2:463/80.16)
> * Origin: Vnutri kazhdogo yabloka, kak pravilo, lezhit ogryzok ... (2:5085/
> 13.3)
> * Origin: Volna obrushivalas' stremitel'nym domkratom (2:463/64)
> * Origin: Vot tebe raz,podumal SHtirlic..i napisal otvet na (2:5028/
> 52.10)
> * Origin: Vot tebe, babushka, i yurkni v dver'... (2:5000/33)
> * Origin: Vse lyudi brat'ya, vse baby sestry ! (2:463/22.7)
> * Origin: Dushit' detej - zhestoko, no nado zhe s nimi chto-to delat'
> (2:5020/165)
> * Origin: Esli u Vas net problem - znachit, Vy uzhe umerli (2:451/2)
> * Origin: Esli-b more bylo pivom,ya by byl bol'shim zalivom (2:452/1)
> * Origin: Za dozhdem poshel sneg, a za nim - dva duraka... (2:5051/5.8)
> * Origin: Zemla - eto nash dom. Ne nado musoryt !!! (2:5025/10.23)
> * Origin: Ispugal ezha Golym Dedom! (2:5020/78.21)
> * Origin: Konec,konec...koncy v vodu! (2:5020/50.6)
> * Origin: Luchshie igrushki - zhivye lyagushki... (c) Zolotoj Key (2:5051/
> 10.1)
> * Origin: Moya mechta nikchemna i pusta... (2:5020/28.6)
> * Origin: Odnazhdy lebed', rak da shchuka zadumali sygrat' KVARTET. (2:5020/
> 78.50)
> * Origin: Ot bezyshodnosti nasypal pesku v botinki i umer (2:5010/21)
> * Origin: O vkuse cianistogo kaliya vam soobshchat na tom svete ...(C)
> (2:5000/17)
> * Origin: Prusak est' odno iz naibolee nazojlivyh nasekomyh... (2:5020/
> 189.14)
> * Origin: Prrrodolzhaem rrrazgovor... (c) Karlson (FidoNet 2:5020/193)
> * Origin: Sredi slepyh odnoglazyj - korol'.... (2:5051/5.8)
> * Origin: Sadis' v nogah! Pravdy net! E-Mail exler@aha.msk.su (2:5020/
> 200.11)
> * Origin: Teplo li tebe, devica, teplo li tebe, sinyaya? 8:D (2:5005/
> 11.23)
> * Origin: Ty sam-to ponyal chego skazal? (FidoNet 2:5051/1)
> * Origin: Horoshie lyudi popishut-popishut, da i vyp'yut butylochku (2:5020/
> 193.4)
> * Origin: YA gvozd', torchashchij v Vashej prestupnoj zadnice!... (2:5010/
> 34.2)
> * Origin: YA uzhas... YA Connect 300/MNP5. :) (2:5020/14.19)
> * Origin: YA pil iz chashi Bytiya. Hotya kraya otgryz ne ya. (2:5020/168.16)
> * Origin: Esli vam kazhetsya, chto pro vas zabyli - nazhmite Return (2:463/
> 57.20)
> * Origin: Komp'yuterizirovannaya smert'. Vy lyubite progress? (2:5020/
> 215.5)
> * Origin: Planeta bibisyaka: piva net, FidoNet, naselena yuzveryami (2:463/
> 11.7)
> * Origin: PIVAHET - pervaya set' v exUSSR !!! (2:5010/23.9)
> * Origin: "Otsosite gornisty" (radioperedacha) (2:5010/34)
> * Origin: Kto pervyj vstal, togo i tapochki! (2:5020/68.30)
> * Origin: "Robot nikogda ne zamenit cheloveka!" (Lyudoed) (2:463/57.20)
> * Origin: |to GTS? Mozhno mne telefon otklyuchit'? (FidoNet 2:5002/8)
> * Origin: Ot vinta!!! (Vint: 250 Mb, 15 ms) (2:463/24.24)
Esli pozavchera tvoj muzh vernulsya domoj
vchera utrom, vchera vernulsya segodnya, to mozhesh'
byt' uverennoj, chto segodnya vernetsya zavtra.
(Iz poleznyh sovetov Kreti Patachkuvny)
Kogda beseduyut dvoe muzhchin, kazhdyj govo-
rit o sebe. Kogda beseduyut dve zhenshchiny, oni
govoryat o tret'ej.
(Iz sobstvennogo opyta Kreti Patachkuvny)
Intellektual - eto chelovek, kotoryj zaho-
dit v biblioteku dazhe togda, kogda ne idet
dozhd'.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Esli vdrug obnaruzhish', chto iz tvoej mashi-
ny ischezli baranka, tormoznaya pedal', pedal'
scepleniya, spidometr i pr., ne soobshchaj v mili-
ciyu srazu: snachala prover', ne sidish' li ty na
zadnem siden'e.
(Iz knigi "Bud' Karuzo baranki")
etrudno byt' sobakoj, netrudno imet'
bloh. Ochen' trudno ih vylovit'.
(Fafik)
Toshchie blohi kusayut osobenno bol'no. Tols-
tye - tochno tak zhe.
(Fafik)
Kompleks - eto chuvstvo sobaki bez hvosta
k sobake s hvostom.
(Fafik)
Ter'era tol'ko ter'er pojmet.
(Fafik)
Dobrye sovety napominayut kastorku: ih
znachitel'no proshche davat', chem prinimat'.
(Bernard SHou)
Zlo stanovitsya nevynosimym, kak tol'ko
zametish', chto ono nevynosimo.
(SHekspir)
|to nepravda, chto samolet letaet sam. Kak
pravilo, vnutri nahoditsya voditel'.
(Iz knigi "Bud' Karuzo baranki")
Esli nikak ne mozhesh' otvyknut' kurit',
otvykni po krajnej mere ot pokupki sigaret.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Esli by komplimenty byli pravdoj, eto by-
li by ne komplimenty, a informaciya.
(Iz knigi Kreti P. "Moya kibernetika")
Drozha nad kaplej, raspleskal vse ostal'-
noe.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Prosto potryasayushche, skol'ko mozhno sdelat',
esli na samom dele vzyat'sya za delo.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Kto vrashchaetsya sredi suka i chesnoka, ne
mozhet pahnut' vanilinom.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
ZHelanie - eto 1000 sposobov. Otsutstvie
zhelaniya - eto 1000 prepyatstvij.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Esli dlya tebya "odna lastochka ne delaet
vesny", znachit, ty po-nastoyashchemu ne soskuchilsya
po vesne.
(Kretya)
Lovkach predlagaet takuyu igru: "Orel - ty
proigryvaesh', reshka - ya vyigryvayu".
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Zevok - eto vid ocenki.
(Salyami Kozherskij)
Samaya luchshaya pamyat' vsegda huzhe samoj
plohoj sharikovoj ruchki.
(Vacus')
Vmesto togo, chtoby utopit' v zabvenii
odolevayushchie tebya nepriyatnosti, uchish' ih pla-
vat' na poverhnosti.
(Lordova Gallyuks)
Do togo, kak nachat' dumat', sdelaj glubo-
kij vdoh, - pust' v tvoih rassuzhdeniyah budet
nemnogo kisloroda.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Tak nazyvaemoe zolotoe sobach'e pravilo
glasit: nikogda ne umilyajsya soboj dol'she polu-
tora minut i ne chashche dvuh raz v kvartal.
(Fafik, ter'er)
Esli gospodin . sdelal glupost', govo-
ryat: kakoj etot . durak. Esli ZHuchka sdelala
glupost', govoryat: kak eti sobaki glupy.
(Fafik)
Budushchee trudno pochuvstvovat' - eto ne
kolbasa.
(Fafik)
Druzhba - eto molchalivoe soglashenie, v si-
lu kotorogo my obyazuemsya okazyvat' melkie us-
lugi tomu, kto nam okazyvaet bol'shie.
(Montesk'e)
Samaya bol'shaya bol' v mire - eto kogda u
slona bolyat klyki.
(Gomes de la Serna)
Lyubit' chto-to bol'she zhizni - eto sdelat'
tak, chtoby zhizn' byla chem-to bol'shim, chem
prosto zhizn'.
(ZHan Rostan)
Padaet tot, kto bezhit. Tot kno polzet,
tot uzhe ne padaet.
(Plinij)
Esli by zhenshchiny tak borolis' so svoimi
porokami, kak boryutsya s priznakami starosti,
oni stali by na 75% luchshe samih angelov.
(Gallyuksova)
ZHenshchina chuvstvuet sebya schastlivoj pri us-
lovii, chto u nee est' dve veshchi: dom, napolnen-
nyj mebel'yu, i muzh, kotoryj ee perestavlyaet.
(Priznanie zhenshchiny)
Esli by ty hotel vsyakij raz davat' pinok
vinovniku tvoih hlopot, to cherez mesyac ty ne
smog by sidet'.
(Istina, eshche ne proverennaya)
Pishi pis'ma takie, kakie tebe hotelos' by
poluchat'.
(Kretya)
V konce koncov kazhdyj dolzhen byt' kog-
da-nibud' molod. V kakom vozraste on na eto
reshitsya - ne imeet znacheniya.
(Salyami Kozherskij)
ZHena Fal'chaka tak ploho vodit mashinu, chto
miliciya vypisyvaet ej shtrafy na god vpered.
(ablyudatel'naya sosedka Fal'chakovoj)
Udochka - pribor dlya lzhi i vydumki.
(Salyami Kozherskij)
O! Esli b mir byl dzhemom, a ya lozhkoj!
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Samodovol'stvo byvaet v 99.9999999% slu-
chaev oshibochnym.
(Salyami)
Esli ya prizyvayu vas, dorogie brat'ya i
sestry, ogranichit' svoi trebovaniya do minimu-
ma, ya ne imeyu v vidu mini-yubki.
(Iz odnoj propovedi)
|to nepravda, chto chuzhie blohi menee ag-
ressivny, chem svoi sobstvennye.
(Fafik)
ikto ne nadeetsya, chto na ohote vse budut
strelyat'. ekotorym pridetsya layat'.
(Fafik)
Odna sobaka v dome delaet vesnu.
(Fafik)
Sobaka! - vosklicanie, kotoroe mozhet byt'
i oskorbleniem i komplimentom. Vse zavisit ot
togo, KTO voskliknul, KAKIM TOOM i, prezhde
vsego, S KAKOJ CELXYU.
(Fafik)
Stoit polyubit' togo, kto miritsya s ot-
sutstviem vzaimnosti. Ego, kak nastoyashchego ig-
roka, nikogda ne razocharuet proigrysh.
(Sara Bernar)
Est' periody v zhizni, kogda sud'ba, obs-
toyatel'stva i dazhe lyudi k nam blagosklonny. e
sleduet volnovat'sya. |to projdet.
(ZHyul' Renar)
Straus - zhirafa sredi ptic.
(Gomes de lya Serna)
S teh por, kak zhenshchiny stali nosit' mi-
ni-yubki, ya ponyal, pochemu oni ran'she prikryvali
kolenki.
(Obshchee mnenie)
Sredstvo ot kureniya: poselis' na fabrike
dinamita.
(Isprobovannoe)
U menya takoj malen'kij metrazh, chto mne
neobhodima vnutrennyaya zhizn'.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Sam fakt, chto ty dedushka, mozhno perezhit'.
o sovershenno nevynosimo soznanie togo, chto
tvoya zhena - babushka.
(Pochti dedushka)
U morskogo l'va tol'ko dve vozmozhnosti:
libo nauchit'sya zhonglirovat' i vystupat' v cir-
ke, libo stat' shubkoj.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Ah, kak dolgo tyanetsya etot den'! Bez edi-
nogo nedorazumeniya s muzhem!
(Gallyuksova)
Otec semejstva - eto chelovek, kotoryj po-
chesyvaet golovu chashche, chem ona cheshetsya.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Bylo vremya, ya mechtal o domike v derevne,
teper' mechtayu o garazhe v gorode.
(Sovremennyj chelovek, vzdyhaya)
CHihaj s chuvstvom horosho ispolnennogo dol-
ga.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Patachkuvna pokazyvaet svoi novye tufli
cherez dekol'te.
(Merilin alyabek)
Merilin alyabek poshla na koncert? S taki-
mi torchashchimi ushami?!
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Televidenie budushchego: cvet, shirokij ek-
ran, zapah, a vo vremya pomeh televizor razdaet
zritelyam krendeli.
(Patachkuvna)
Odin iz luchshih sposobov omolozheniya: v
prozrachnoj setke nosit' konspekty i uchebniki.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Lyudi, kak pravilo, dostatochno intelli-
gentny. edostaet im tol'ko neumeniya govorit'.
(Fafik)
Mahni na vse eto hvostom!
(Fafik)
Eshche nikto nikogda ne zametil, chtoby soba-
ka, slushaya Baha, vyla. Slushaya drugih kompozi-
torov - vsyakoe byvaet.
(Fafik)
Horoshij moryak vedet svoj parusnik nesi-
motrya na rvanye parusa.
(Seneka)
Esli kto-to otvergaet pravdu, to stradaet
ot etogo ne pravda, a on sam.
(Galilej)
Progress - eto luchshee, a ne tol'ko novoe.
(Lope de Vega)
Morskie svinki v laboratorii: "A ved' oni
ne posmeli by eto prodelyvat' s belymi medve-
dyami".
(Gomes de lya Serna)
Obychnyj chelovek - eto chelovek, kakogo
vstrechaesh' na kazhdom shagu, no ne zamechaesh' v
zerkale.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Tehnika, tehnika!... o ved' chashche vsego
byvaet isporchen lift, a ne lestnica.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Kosmetika omolazhivaet zhenshchinu, a brit'e -
muzhchinu. o lestnica vydaet vseh.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Paradoks - eto chetyrehugol'nyj treugol'-
nik.
(Salyami Kozherskij)
U nekotoryh lyudej ahillesova pyata naho-
ditsya pod shlyapoj.
(Rezul'tat nablyudenij)
ichto ne v izbytke.
(Sorokonozhka)
Teoriya otnositel'nosti |jnshtejna bolee
vsego opravdala sebya v ponyanii "ona moloda".
(Patachkuvna)
ZHenshchiny legche perenosyat bol', nezheli muzh-
chiny.
(Sapozhnik Malotufel'kovskij)
YA sovsem ne luchshe drugih. Prosto te, dru-
gie, neskol'ko huzhe.
(Kretya Pat.)
ichto tak ne povyshaet kvalifikaciyu vodi-
telya, kak edushchaya za nim milicejskaya mashina.
(Iz knigi "Bud' Karuzo baranki)
Istoriya mira poshla by sovsem po-inomu,
esli by u Kleopatry byl drugoj nos. YA videla
etot nos na fotografii. ikogda etogo ot nego
ne ozhidala.
(Gollyuksova)
Ochen' trudno chto-libo predvidet', osoben-
no na budushchee.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Byt' lyubimym neobhodimo sobakam, zhenshchinam
i mashinam.
(Iz knigi "Bud' Karuzo baranki")
e kritikuj chuzhuyu zhenu. Udovletvoris'
tem, chto ona chuzhaya.
(Vozmozhno, pogovorka)
CHem men'she nuzhno materiala na plat'e, tem
ono dorozhe. Zarplata ne mala, tol'ko ee sledu-
et chashche vyplachivat'.
("a etot raz ya dumala dvazhdy". Kretya Pa-
tachkuvna)
I eto nazyvaetsya remont s garantiej: ho-
lodil'nik poet "Traviatu", a priemnik pokryt
ineem.
(Gallyuksova)
Tri izmereniya: dlina, vysota i shirina?
Verno, no est' i chetvertoe - ves.
(Dama, zhelayushchaya pohudet')
Ochen' mozhet byt', chto rabota ne samaya
priyatnaya veshch' na svete. o ved' nuzhno zhe ku-
da-to hodit' po utram.
(YAn Kamychek)
Kul'turnyj chelovek tol'ko slegka obgryza-
et kosti, a potom brosaet ih pod stol.
(Fafik)
et nekrasivyh sobak, est' nelyubimye.
(Fafik)
Sobaka dazhe pered korolem ne stanet
po-drugomu vilyat' hvostom.
(Fafik)
Sfotografirujsya. Esli vyjdet, znachit, su-
shchestvuesh'.
(R. Gomes de lya Serna)
I budet tak gusto ot mashin, chto nastupit
zatmenie zemli.
(Prorochestvo R. Gomesa de lya Serna)
CHto vazhnee dlya uspeha - talant ili trudo-
lyubie? A chto vazhnee v velosipede - perednee
ili zadnee koleso?
(B. SHou)
ZHenis', nesmotrya ni na chto. Esli popadet-
sya horoshaya zhena, budesh' isklyucheniem, esli plo-
haya, stanesh' filosofom.
(Sokrat)
Vchera moj muzh zaupryamilsya, ne zahotel id-
ti v kino i nastoyal na tom, chtoby my poshli v
teatr. A fil'm okazalsya horoshij!
(ZHena. Podslushannoe)
Kolichestvo moih znakomyh, kotoryh sover-
shenno neobhodimo otpravit' na Lunu, uvelichiva-
etsya bystree, chem tehnicheskij progress.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Intelligentnost' devushki zavisit ot togo,
kak ona v etot den' odeta i prichesana.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
ZHenih vsegda govorit o serdce, muzh - o
pecheni.
(Gallyuksova)
a den'gi nado smotret' sverhu vniz, no
nikogda ne teryat' ih pri etom iz polya zreniya.
(Magistr Kavusya)
ikto i ne zhenitsya na sobstvennoj zhene.
ZHenyatsya na neveste, no to byla sovershenno dru-
gaya lichnost'.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Korotkie plat'ya? u i chto? Zachem stol'ko
shuma?! Prosto dekol'te neskol'ko v drugom mes-
te.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Druzhnye soroki mogli by pobedit' tigra.
Delo v tom, chto soroki nikogda ne byvayut druzh-
nymi.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Ot nasmorka i ot lyubvi lekarstva net. Sa-
mo prohodit.
(Brat'ya Roek)
Esli u tebya net vragov, znachit, ty v zhiz-
Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
A fool and his money are my two favorite people.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
I have a magnetic personality - keep me away from diskettes.
STATUS QUO is Latin for "the mess we're in."
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
The only perfect science is hindsight.
He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
ROM wasn't built in a day.
But soft, what bird through yonder window breaks?
A procrastinator's work is never done.
Welcome to Westworld, where nothing can go wornggg...
Never judge a book by its movie.
"Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?" - Worf
"Captain, I sense a million minds staring at my cleavage."
Call me Ishmael. I won't ANSWER, but...
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
Error opening CLINTON.LIE Cannot recover COUNTRY.USA
Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.
A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.
If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it.
"My God, it's full of stores!" - 2001: A Shopping Odyssey
WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann??
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes.
Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark?
Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.
I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
Don't walk through the screen door, you might strain yourself.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines...
A dirty book is seldom dusty.
Fish are so hard to toilet train.
Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
And they shall plow their swords into beach chairs.
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk-Bone shorts.
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
The upper crust is just a bunch of crumbs clinging together.
If you hear an onion ring, please answer it!
If you stand up to be counted someone will take your seat.
Pollytheism n.; the belief that God is a parrot.
If you ain't Moslem, you ain't Shiite.
Here I sit, in a tizzy - all my favorite boards are busy.
I'm not Canadian, although I tend to like their bacon.
I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it?
What fools these morals be?
"Old poets never die, they just ride off into the sonnet."
I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast and juice.
Psst, your file is open.
Computer illiteracy? You mean my computer's supposed to READ?
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Apathy error: Don't bother striking any key.
Will that be cache or chkdsk?
Ignorance is temporary; Stupidity lasts forever!!!
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
You've got to hand it to the IRS. If not, they'll come and take it.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
Money is the root of all evils. Send $20 for more information.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
We secretly replaced the dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals..
Editing is a rewording activity.
File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars...
V pervuyu ochered' hochu obratit'sya k molodym sisopam®. Kazhdyj sisop, kak
izvestno yavlyaetsya geroem nashego vremeni, kak Real GhostBusters, CHerepashki
Nindzya ili CHP. Kak izvestno ni odin uvazhayushchij sebya geroj ne obhoditsya bez
psevdonima. Nastoyashchim predlagayu udobnyj algoritm sostavleniya psevdonima.
Psevdonimy imeyut glubokie istoricheskie korni, vy navernyaka pomnite
geroev russkih skazok, nosivshih psevdonimy - Ivan Durak, Vasilisa Prekrasnaya
i real'no sushchestvovavshih Jack the Ripper (Dzhek Potroshitel', angl.), Ivan
Groznyj etc. Poskol'ku sredi nastoyashchih geroev naibol'shej populyarnost'yu
pol'zuyutsya sostavnye psevdonimy, vse chto vam neobhodimo sdelat', eto k
sAmomu, po vashemu mneniyu vyrazitel'nomu slovu iz levogo stolbca podberite
ne menee vyrazitel'noe iz pravogo.
Hex Dumper
Mother Fucker
Code Ripper
LPT1 Crasher
Escape Presser
Ghost Kisser
Widow Maker
Baud Rider
Screen Looker
Cock Sucker
Floppy Breaker
Bit Blitzer
Cunt Chaser
Trail Blaizer
Byte Mover
Char Recognizer
Last-modified: Tue, 30 Jun 1998 12:00:17 GMT