S L O V A R I A D A
Znat' kak obluplennogo -- poznakomit'sya na plyazhe
Podvesti bazu -- ne razgruzit' vagon s kar8tosh8koj
Sporit' s penoj u rta -- besedovat' v pivnom bare
Brat' s boem -- pokupat' yajca po snizhennoj cene
Sovrashchenie -- val's
Vesel'chak -- grebec
Skvernyj -- bul'varnyj
Sopenie -- duet
Peresheek -- gil'otina
Kompromiss -- skomprometirovannaya devushka
Dosada -- yasli
Vsadnik -- doshkol'nik
El'nik -- rot
ZHar-ptica -- ciplenok tabaka
Zakolka -- shpaga
Izverg -- vulkan
Kurzal -- pticeferma
Licemer -- antropolog
Mikroporka -- malen'kaya vzbuchka
evalyashka -- trezvenica
Peleng -- novorozhdennyj
Vsenoshchnaya -- preferans
Vysokorodie -- demograficheskij vzryv
Dominirovat' -- zabivat' kozla
Sokrat -- uvolennyj po sokrashcheniyu
Faustpatron -- Mefistofel'
Holostoj patron -- nezhenatyj shef
Bakalavr -- prodavec v bakalejnoj lavke
Plombir -- zubnoj vrach
Obvesti vokrug pal'ca -- nadet' obruchal'noe kol'co
Zalozhit' za vorotnik -- vospol'zovat'sya salfetkoj
^-^
$ MolchiGin: Firm Linmis (2:5020/128.0@fidonet)
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
Dmitry
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 29 of 82 - 17 K/s
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 28 Jan 94 12:16:02
To : All 28 Jan 94 22:16:52
Subj : for humor.filtered
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Forwarded by Mikel Lavrentyev (2:5020/35.1)
* Area : net_main (*****: netmail (main))
* From : Alex Bream, 2:5000/15.6 (24 Jan 94 19:22)
* To : Mikel Lavrentyev, 5020/35.1
* Subj : for humor.filtered
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Originally to 2:5020/35
Hi, Mikel!
A. Fajsman, "Professional'noe programmirovanie na Turbo-Paskale", Info&E,
Tashkent, 1992
str 24-25
"Programmistam, predpochitayushchim Si, my vyrazhaem svoe glubokoe uvazhenie.
Turbo-Si tozhe horoshij yazyk. Sushchestvuet more prevoshodnoj literatury po Si. My
znaem mnogo horoshih programmistov, rabotayushchih na Si, i dazhe videli paru horoshih
programm, napisannyh na etom yazyke."
Sincerely yours, Alex Bream.
--D GoldED 2.40.P0720+
+ Origin: Kukuj, ne kukuj - vsem nam kryshka (FidoNet 2:5000/15.6)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42 beta, unregistered
* Origin: Kupyura v 13 tysyach vstrechaetsya dovol'no redko (fidonet 2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 40 of 82 K/s
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 29 Jan 94 22:36:52
To : All 31 Jan 94 20:56:18
Subj : Warranty
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Forwarded by Mikel Lavrentyev (2:5020/35.1)
* Area : net_main (*****: netmail (main))
* From : Harry Bush, 2:51/2 (28 Jan 94 12:53)
* To : Mikel Lavrentyev, 5020/35.1
* Subj : Warranty
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
* Originally to 2:5020/35
Hello Mikel!
That's for HUMOR.FILTERED, if suitable.
Best wishes, Harry
Friday January 28 1994 12:51
---------------------------------------------------------------
S e c u r e F i l e S y s t e m
Copyright Peter C.Gutmann, 1993
[...doc text skipped...]
Warranty
--------
1. Customer Obligations
1.1. Customer assumes full responsibility that this program meets the
specifications, capacity, capabilities, and other requirements of said
customer, and agrees not to bother the author if the program does not
perform as expected, or performs other than expected, or does not perform
at all.
1.2. Customer assumes full responsibility for any deaths or injuries that may
result from the normal or abnormal operation of this program. In the
event of casualties exceeding 1000 persons or property damage in excess of
$10 million, customer agrees that he or she has stolen the program and we
didn't even know he or she had it.
1.3. Customer agrees not to say bad things about the program or the author to
anyone claiming to be from "60 Minutes".
2. Very Limited Warranty and Conditions of Sale
2.1. For a period of 90 minutes, commencing from the time you first thought
about getting this program, we warrant that this program may or may not be
free of any manufacturing defects. It will be replaced during the
warranty period upon payment of an amount equal to the original purchase
price plus $10.00 for handling. This warranty is void if the program has
been examined or run by the user, or if the manual has been read.
2.2. This program is sold on an AS WAS basis. The author makes no warranty
that it is, in fact, what we say it is in our propaganda, or that it will
perform any useful function. We have no obligation whatsoever other than
to provide you with this fine disclaimer.
2.3. Some countries do not allow limitations as to how long an implied warranty
lasts, so we refuse to imply anything.
2.4. There is an extremely small but nonzero chance that, through a process
known as "tunnelling", this program may spontaneously disappear from its
present location and reappear at any random place in the universe,
including your neighbours computer system. The author will not be
responsible for any damages or inconvenience that may result.
3. Limitation of Liability
3.1. We have no liability or responsibility to the customer, the customers
agents, our creditors, your creditors, or anyone else.
---------------------------------------------------------------
--D GoldEd/2 2.42.G1219+ BT-2.50EE E3-32 OS/2
+ Origin: Harry Bush (Team OS/2) Harry@castle.riga.lv (2:51/2)
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Mikel
--- GoldED 2.42 beta, unregistered
* Origin: Kupyura v 13 tysyach vstrechaetsya dovol'no redko (fidonet 2:5020/35.1)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 46 of 82 K/s
From : Dmitry Zavalishin 2:5020/32 31 Jan 94 18:49:46
To : All 01 Feb 94 07:05:24
Subj : .b®yavy
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
Hello All.
I think, this message from area REL.HUMOR seems to be interesting:
--------------------------- Start Cut -------------------------
From : andrey@etl.vernet.lv, 2:5020/128 (30 Jan 94 13:36)
To : All
Subj : Ob®yavy
---------------------------------------------------------------
X-RealName: Andrey Grizhenkov
OBYAVY
Polety avialajnerov po marshrutu N 666 vremenno otmenyayutsya,
v svyazi s kapital'nym remontom puti.
Menyayu motocikl na proezdnoj godovoj bilet.
Obrashchat'sya - travmotologicheskaya klinika, palata N 10.
Zavtra v dome N 24 po Malen'komu pereulku v 8 kvartire,
gde prozhivaet Margarita ZHuravleva, sostoitsya prezentaciya ee novogo muzha.
^-^
$ MolchiGin: Elgava Technical Lyceum (2:5020/128.0@fidonet)
--------------------------- Final Cut -------------------------
Dmitry
---
* Origin: Silent Infinity Surrounds Your Mind (2:5020/32)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 86 of 96 + 90 K/s
From : Basil Dolmatov 2:5020/50.40 10 Feb 94 08:48:02
To : All 11 Feb 94 00:07:58
Subj : .z "Novostej .skova"
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Basil Dolmatov (2:5020/50.40)
* Area : SU.HUMOR (SU.HUMOR)
* From : Evgeny Fartushny, 2:50/318.1 (Wednesday February 09 1994 20:55)
* To : All
* Subj : Iz "Novostej Pskova"
=============================================================================
@TID: FastEcho 1.30/g 1095975248
Hello All!
Predlagayu vashemu vnimaniyu stat'yu iz nashej mesnoj gazety
"Novosti Pskova"
"Posmeemsya nad Fil'kinoj gramotoj"
Vo vseh etih citatah ne izmeneno ni odnoj bukvy, ni odnoj
zapyatoj - vse oni v svoe vremya lozhilis' na stol milicejskogo
nachal'stva. Kak raskryvali prestupleniya drevnegrecheskogo nosa
i s®evshego desyat' rublej grabitelya,ne tak uzh vazhno.Raskryvali.
* Iz-pod slomannogo zamka nichego ne propalo, krome razbitogo
okna... Grazhdanin A. strelyal iz pistoleta,kotoryj v netrezvom
sostoyanii brodil po gorodu.
* Vysylaemaya na ekspertizu zhidkost' imeet zapah krepkogo samogona
i vkus drozhzhej.
* Fotografirovanie provodilos' s 24-h do chasu nochi pri dnevnom
osveshchenii.
* Prestupnik na meste proishestviya vypil butylku piva, s®el polkilo
konfet i 10 r. monety.
* Veshchestvennye dokazatel'stva sdany v ROVD dlya privlecheniya k ugolovnoj
otvetstvennosti.
* Na golovkah boltov imeyutsya sledy ot tupogo vozdejstviya tverdogo
veshchestva... Lomik,kotorym vzlomali dver',pognut, i imeet formu
neponyatnoj bukvy.
* Na stole stoit kastryulya razmerom: shirina - 15 sm, dlina - 17 sm,
vysota - 20 sm... Na polu spal'ni lezhit trup, a ryadom s nim sidit
trupova zhena i gor'ko plachet.
* Odezhda na poveshennom prilegala k telu ne tak kak na prostyh grazhdanah,
a boltalas' na vetru.
* Trup, vytashchennyj iz vody, byl teplyj, no posinevshij,poetomu priznakov
zhizni ne podaval.
* Na krovati lezhal poterpevshij po nacional'nosti russkij, sudya po zapahu
spirtnogo - hmel'noj,nos u nego razbityj,pohozh na drevnegrecheskij,
figura sredneaziatskaya, tak kak u nego shirokie plechi i uzkij taz.
* Pri osmotre obnaruzheny razlichnye predmety muzhskogo tualeta: botinok
s levoj nogi, rascheska, pustaya butylka iz-pod vodki i p'yanyj
traktorist, kotoryj sbil elektricheskij stolb. Ryadom traktor,
nahoditsya v tyazhelom podbitom sostoyanii.
* Sled pal'ca ruki obnaruzhen na poverhnosti ramy mezhramnogo prostranstva.
* Napravlyaem zamok na daktiloskopicheskuyu ekspertizu dlya ustanovleniya
obstoyatel'stv, kakim sposobom vzlomana dver'?
Publikaciyu podgotovil A.I.Rubis, odin iz starejshih
rabotnikov otdela kriminalistiki UVD oblasti.
Horoshego nastroeniya!
Evgeny.
-+-
+ Origin: ----> Default GoldED Origin <---- (2:50/318.1)
=============================================================================
Hi, All!
Cheers, Basil (The Edifying Cat)
--- GoldED 2.41
* Origin: And our origin has been struck by lightning (2:5020/50.40)
D HUMOR.FILTERED (2:5020/153.23) DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD HUMOR.FILTERED D
Msg : 87 of 96 K/s
From : Mikel Lavrentyev 2:5020/35.1 10 Feb 94 15:00:00
To : All 11 Feb 94 00:17:54
Subj : (4 h.f.) .oeha absurda. .ejstvie III, yavlenie VI...
DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD
=============================================================================
* Forwarded by Boris Paleev (2:5020/113)
* Area : MO.ECHO (MO.ECHO)
* From : Juri Krasilnikov, 2:5020/37.100 (Friday February 04 1994 18:48)
* To : All
* Subj : Moeha absurda. Dejstvie III, yavlenie VI...
=============================================================================
DO: Osmelyus' predstavit' tebe, GE, fidoshnoe semejstvo, hot' vmesto golovy u
tebya i #opa...
GE: Kak ya schastliv, sudari, chto imeyu v svoem rode udovol'stvie videt' stol'ko
@#$%kov srazu.
VP: Nam eshche bolee priyatno videt' takuyu osobu, nad kotoroj mozhno poprikalyvat'sya.
GE: Pomilujte, sudar', sovershenno naprotiv: mne eshche priyatnee nad vami stebat'sya.
NN: YA dumayu, vam posle Frankfurta voyazhirovka pokazalas' ochen' nepriyatnoyu.
GE: CHerezvychajno nepriyatna. Privykshi zhit', comprenez-vous, v svete, i vdrug
ochutit'sya v FIDO - gryaznaya rugan', mrak nevezhestva... Esli b, priznayus', ne
takoj sluchaj, kotoryj menya... (pishet ocherednoj messag) tak voznagradil za vse...
NGR: V samom dele, kak vam dolzhno byt' nepriyatno.
GE: (Pishet ocherednoj messag) Vprochem, v etu minutu mne ochen' priyatno. Da, FIDO
tozhe imeet svoi messagi, pakety... No, konechno, kto zhe sravnit s Frankfurtom!
Vy, mozhet byt', dumaete, chto ya tol'ko i delayu, chto syuda pishu; net, so mnoj sam
nachal'nik upravleniya Minoboronproma na druzheskoj noge. |dak udarit po plechu:
"Prihodi, bratec, prokonsul'tirovat'!" YA tol'ko na dve minuty zahozhu v svoj
centr "Modernizaciya", s tem tol'ko, chtoby skazat': "|to vot tak, eto vot tak!" A
tam uzhe tehnologi, etakie krysy, klavishami tol'ko - shchelk, shchelk... poshli
proektirovat'. Hoteli bylo dazhe menya opyat' deputatom sdelat', da, dumayu, zachem.
YA ne lyublyu ceremonii. Naprotiv, ya dazhe starayus' vsegda proskol'znut' nezametno.
No nikak nel'zya skryt'sya, nikak nel'zya! Odin raz menya prinyali dazhe za
glavnokomanduyushchego CHernomorskim flotom; matrosy vyskochili iz gauptvahty i
sdelali ruzh'em. Posle uzhe oficer, kotoryj mne ochen' znakom, govorit mne: "Nu,
bratec, my tebya sovershenno prinyali za glavnokomanduyushchego". S vidnymi politikami
znakom. Bol'shih uchenyh chasto vizhu. S samoj madam Lifshic na druzheskoj noge.
Byvalo, chasto govoryu ej: "Nu, chto, madam?" "Da tak, brat, - otvechaet, byvalo, -
tak kak-to vse..." Bol'shaya originalka.
NGR: Tak vy i analiticheskie materialy pishete? Kak eto dolzhno byt' polezno
obshchestvu! Vy, verno, i v zhurnaly pomeshchaete?
GE: Da, i v zhurnaly pomeshchayu. Moih, vprochem, mnogo est' sochinenij: astrofizika,
psihoanaliz, ekonomika, politologiya. Uzh i nazvanij dazhe ne pomnyu. I vse sluchaem:
ya ne hotel pisat', no Tret'yakov govorit: "Pozhalujsta, bratec, napishi
chto-nibud'". Dumayu sebe: "Pozhaluj, izvol', bratec!" I tut zhe v odin vecher,
kazhetsya, vse napisal v "NG", vseh izumil. U menya legkost' neobyknovennaya v
myslyah. Vse eto, chto bylo pro gravitaciyu, novoe oruzhie, nyneshnie vlasti... vse
eto ya napisal.
NN: Tak verno, i teoriya tyagoteniya vashe sochinenie?
GE: Da, eto moe sochinenie.
AT: Ah, tam napisano, chto eto gospodina |jnshtejna sochinenie.
GE: Ah da, eto pravda: eto tochno |jnshtejna, a est' drugaya teoriya, tak ta uzh moya.
YA, priznayus', literaturoj sushchestvuyu. U menya byl dom pervyj v Peterburge. YA
vsyakij den' v pravitel'stve. U nas uzhe i vist svoj sostavilsya: francuzskij
poslannik, anglijskij, nemeckij poslannik i ya. I uzh tak umorish'sya, chto prosto ni
na chto ne pohozhe. Kak vzbezhish' po lestnice k sebe v kvartiru bez mebeli -
skazhesh' tol'ko domrabotnice: "Na, Mavrushka, shinel'..." CHto zh ya vru - ya i
pozabyl, chto zhivu vo Frankfurte... A lyubopytno vzglyanut' ko mne v perednyuyu,
kogda ya eshche ne prosnulsya: deputaty i ministry tolkutsya i zhuzhzhat tam, kak shmeli,
tol'ko i slyshno: zh... zh... zh... Inoj raz i prem'er... Uzh u menya uho vostro!
Byvalo, kak prohozhu cherez Belyj dom - prosto zemletryasen'e, vse drozhit i
tryasetsya, kak list. O! ya shutit' ne lyublyu. YA vsem zadam ostrastku. Menya samo
Federal'noe sobranie boitsya. Da chto v samom dele? YA takoj! ya ne posmotryu ni na
kogo... ya govoryu vsem: "YA sam sebya znayu, sam". YA vezde, vezde. V sovmin kazhdyj
den' ezzhu. Menya zavtra zhe proizvedut sejchas v preziden...
q4=sP+OUef21*#mEprOE?Q*~Hl2w]&U.{+|EhoUJQ
Prochitano nedavno v nizhegorodskoj gazete "Ponedel'nik".
Dumayu, chto budet interesno prochest' :
Zabavnyj dokument nashelsya v ogromnyh arhivah izvestnogo sholohoveda
Konstantina Ivanovicha Prijmy. Znayushchij cenu yumora, sam lyubivshij ostroumnuyu
shutku, on ne mog, konechno, ne snyat' kopiyu s popavshegosya emu v arhivah
avtografa malyara Petrokova, kotoryj vzyalsya kogda-to vypolnit' vse remontnye
raboty v cerkvi Bogoyavleniya:
" SHCHET
Za malyarnye raboty, proizvedennye malyarom Petrokovym pri remonte cerkvi
Bogoyavleniya.
1. Uvelichit' nebesa i pribavit' pyat' zvezd - 5rub.
2. Dvum devam Mariyam sdelat' vnov' po mladencu - 3rub.
3. Podkrasit' guby svyatoj Varvare - 2rub.
4. Sdelat' boga Savaofa - 3rub.
5. Po odnomu razu pokryt' Dev mironosicej - 9rub.
6. Podkrasit' stertye mesta u devy Marii - 4rub.
7. Vosstanovit' vytertye chleny vsem svyatym - 8rub.
8. Uvelichit' kop'e Georgiyu Pobedonoscu - 2rub.
9. Vosstanovit' pero i hvost Svyatogo Duha - 1rub.
10. Opravit' odezhdu u Adama i Evy - 4rub.
11. Podmazat' kolesa Il'e Proroku - 5rub.
12. Odin raz pokryt' devu Mariyu i sdelat' Boga - 6rub.
13. ikolayu Ugodniku vykrasit' borodu - 1rub.
Itogo : 58rub.
malyar Petrokov."
a schete est' i rezolyuciya : "emedlenno vyplatit' semu duraku etu summu,
inache on vseh svyatyh perepoganit. Cerkovnyj starosta Kuz'michev. 21 avgusta
1889 goda".
MYSLI LYUDEJ VELIKIH,
SREDIH I PESIKA FAFIKA
Bassejn - eto nemnogo vody v chelovecheskoj
tolpe.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Mysh' - edinstvennoe zhivotnoe, k tomu zhe
mlekopitayushchee, mater'yu kotorogo byvaet gora.
(Gallyuksuvna)
Kak budet vyglyadet' polnost'yu avtomatizi-
rovannoe sovremennoe uchrezhdenie? Odin elekt-
ronnyj mozg budet zanimat' u drugogo 50 zlotyh
do zarplaty.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
e pozvolyaj intelligentnosti polnost'yu
zavladet' toboj. Perestanut zamechat' tvoi nogi.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Kak glupy lyudi: shtukaturyat steny, belyat
potolki, a hodyat po polu.
(Muha)
I. t. d. - psevdonim slov.
(Ramon Gomes de lya Serna)
ZHeneva - samyj bol'shoj iz malen'kih goro-
dov.
(Istina)
Kogda-to my prosto chego-to ne lyubili, a
segodnya u nas allergiya.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
|tot sluchaj s Evoj i Adamom byl, naver-
noe, v avguste ili sentyabre, kogda yabloki eshche
viseli na derev'yah.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
askol'ko ya znayu zhenshchin, Eva, s®ev yablo-
ko, pogladila zmeya po golove.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Za sem' dnej nel'zya nichego horoshego sde-
lat'. Primery: nash mir i ezhenedel'nye zhurnaly.
(Sirijskoe)
Pahnut' kolbasoj, imet' kolbasu, est'
kolbasu - tri raznye veshchi.
(Fafik)
CHitatel'! Ubedis', horosho li ponimaet te-
bya tvoya sobaka. Ved' sredi lyudej malo kto ume-
et pravil'no layat'.
(Fafik)
Sobaki ne krasneyut: net prichin. Lyudi ne
ot nih proishodyat.
(Fafik)
Priroda ne nadelila lyudej kryl'yami. am
ona po krajnej mere dala hvosty.
(Fafik)
Kto ne prygaet, ne pereprygnet.
(Fafik)
Luchshe starat'sya, chem rzhavet'.
(Didro)
Intriga vyshe talanta: ona umeet iz nichego
sdelat' chto-to.
(Bal'zak)
Kto ne byl rebenkom, tot nikogda ne sta-
net vzroslym.
(CHarli CHaplin)
Starost' - ne takoe uzh bol'shoe neschast'e,
esli prinyat' vo vnimanie druguyu vozmozhnost'.
(Heminguej)
Mnogie velikie istiny byli snachala ko-
shchunstvom.
(SHou)
Izvinite, ya vas ne uznal, no ya za posled-
nee vremya ochen' izmenilsya.
(Oskar Uajl'd - zhenshchine)
Vchera ves' vecher dumala. Pochemu? Televi-
zor isportilsya.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Govoryat, chto v Amerike izobreli lyzhi na
shpil'kah.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
e ponimayu, kak do izobreteniya telefona
lyudi dogovarivalis', vstrechalis', zhenilis',
imeli detej?
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Deti bystro rastut: nedavno eto byla de-
vochka v korotentkoj plissirovannoj yubochke, a
teper' eto uzhe vzroslaya zhenshchina v eshche bolee
korotkoj yubke.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Hvatit utverzhdat', chto "zhenshchine stol'ko
let, na skol'ko ona vyglyadit". Ej stol'ko,
skol'ko ona govorit.
(Lordova Gallyuks)
ZHenshchina otlichaetsya tem, chto, kogda zvonit
telefon, ona prezhde vsego beret stul, saditsya,
i tol'ko potom snimaet trubku.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Ah, emansipirovat' by sebch skoree ot etoj
zhenskoj svobody!
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Televizor - eto prekrasnoe prisposoble-
nie: ono pozvolyaet nas smotret' zrelishche, radi
kotorogo ne stoit vyhodit' iz doma.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Pravili vsegda skuchny, interesnymi byvayut
tol'ko isklyucheniya.
(Iz knigi "Vu")
Za porezy ne berem. et prejskuranta.
(Parikmaher)
Srednie lyudi - eto ne znachit skromnye.
aprotiv, oni gordyatsya tem, chto oni srednie.
(Sartr)
Konferenciya - eto sobranie, na kotorom
lyudi govoryat o veshchah, kotorye uzhe davno sledo-
valo sdelat'.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Esli zhenshchina nastol'ko umna, chto sprashi-
vaet soveta u muzhchiny, to vryad li ona byvaet
nastol'ko glupa, chtoby postupat' soglasno eto-
mu sovetu.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Esli budesh' slushat'sya sovetov, to vmesto
svoih oshibok budesh' sovershat' chuzhie.
(Ali ben Marabut)
Kto ustupaet totchas zhe, togo nazyvayut ve-
likodushnym. Kto ustupaet po razmyshlenii, togo
nazyvayut slabym.
(ZHan Rostan)
Lebed' - eto pochti to zhe, chto i gus', a
vse-taki lebed'.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Optimist govorit: butylka na polovinu
polnaya. Pessimist - butylka napolovinu pustaya.
(Ali ben Marabut)
V sushchnosti, den'gi mozhno upreknut' tol'ko
v tom, chto ih vsegda slishkom malo.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
e bud' suevernym: eto prinosit neschast'e.
(Magistr Kavusya)
ikogda ne spor'. Prosto povtoryaj svoi
dovody.
(Iz knigi "Vu")
YA s udovol'stviem by govorila po-anglijs-
ki, esli by ne nuzhno bylo uchit' yazyk.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Zrelyj vozrast - eto takoj vozrast, kogda
chelovek uzhe dostatochno star, chtoby osoznat'
sdelannye oshibki, no eshche dostatochno molod,
chtoby delat' novye.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Genetika - nauka, ob®yasnyayushchaya, pochemu ty
pohozh na svoego otca, esli pohozh, i pochemu ne-
pohozh na nego, esli tak poluchilos'.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Glupyj sumeet ponyat' i sdelat' to zhe, chto
i umnyj, no gorazdo, gorazdo, GORAZDO pozzhe.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Hozyain sozhaleet o tom, chto volk pohitil;
volk - o tom, chto ostalos'.
(Pol'skoe)
Esli u tebya net hvosta, vilyaj ulybkoj.
(Fafik)
e byvaet nepriyatnostej u togo, kto govo-
rit, s druz'yami tol'ko o svoej sobake.
(Fafik)
Konechno, ya tak zhe umen, kak i moj hozyain,
ne ved' eto eshche ne dokazatel'stvo uma.
(Fafik)
ikogda ne zabyvajte po vecheram vyvodit'
svoego hozyaina pogulyat'.
(Fafik)
Pravila neobhodimo narushat', inache oni ne
dostavlyayut nikakogo udovol'stviya.
(|.M.Remark)
Sleduet byt' legkim kak ptica, no ne kak
peryshko.
(Pol' Valeri)
Izverzhenie vulkana - eto avariya central'-
nogo otopleniya Zemli.
(Gomes de lya Serna)
Hudozhniki obyazany pokazyvat' nam, skol'
horosha zhizn'. Inache u nas poyavilis' by somne-
niya.
(Anatol' Frans)
Appetit prihodit vo vremya edy.
(Rable. Vy znali etu pogovorku i ran'she,
a teper' znaete, kto ee sochinil)
Sorok let - eto zrelyj vozrast molodosti.
Pyat'desyat - molodost' zrelogo vozrasta.
(Viktor Gyugo)
CHelovek redko byvaet dobrym, no ochen' lyu-
bit eto kachestvo u drugih.
(Iz knigi "Vu")
|legantno odetyj muzhchina - eto tot, u ko-
torogo na pal'ce net obruchal'nogo kol'ca.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Odni iz puteshestvij privozyat vospomina-
niya, drugie - tol'ko podarki.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Dusha dolzhna byt' hrustal'noj, a ne zer-
kal'noj.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Fortuna nichego ne daet navsegda, ona daet
tol'ko vzajmy.
(Iz knigi "Vu")
Delat' chto-libo - eto netrudno, trudno
tol'ko nachat'.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Dyrka v pal'to tem uzhasna, chto i zavtra
ona budet nahodit'sya tochno v tom zhe meste.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Prochno zapertymi byvayut imenno te dveri,
kotorye mozhno ostavit' otkrytymi.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Vypushcheno novoe programmnoe sredstvo iz serii "Zatkni dyru"
Predydushchie vypuski:
- drajver klaviatury, zamenyayushij nerabotayushchie klavishi
drugimi kombinaciyami klavish
- drajver printera dlya pechati kirillicej i zamenyayushchij soboj
bezobraznuyu rusifikaciyu printera
- drajver podderzhki dlya disket 720-800 Kb na "levom" BIOS
disket 1.2 Mb - pravda s poterej chitaemosti 1.2 Mb disket.
Osnovnoe ispol'zovanie - podderzhka "Double step" na 720 Kb
diskovodah.
New! - emulyator myshi, kotoraya otsutstvuet
Dannyj programmnyj produkt pozvolyaet rabotat' s programmnymi
sredstvami, obyazatel'no ispol'zuyushchimi mysh', pri otsutstvii
takovoj. Kursor myshi peremeshchaetsya po ekranu pri pomoshchi strelok.
Avtor sozhaleet, chto iz za nehvatki vremeni ne smog obespechit'
odnovremennoe peremeshchenie myshi po stolu, i nadeetsya v sleduyushchih
versiyah ustranit' etot nedostatok.
[skipped]
Teper' vy mozhete "taskat'"
okoshki iz Turbo Vision pri pomoshchi emulyatora stol'ko, skol'ko vam
vzdumaetsya (ili poka krysha ne poedet).
V sleduyushchih vypuskah:
v svyazi s poyavlenim klasterov, parazitiruyushchih na
poverhnostyah zhestkih diskov, vypusk programm iz serii "Zatkni
dyru" vremenno priostanavlivaetsya. Vozmozhno, v sleduyushchem vypuske
vyjdet emulyator zhestkogo diska iz disket emkost'yu 160 Kbajt.
Ob'yavlenie:
v svyazi s poterej dannyh ob®yavlyaetsya konkurs na zameshchenie
vakantnoj dolzhnosti BOOT-sektora.
(20.03) Samoe interesnoe, chto eto ne shutka - u 386 tachki
nakrylsya vint.
(23.03) - prichem ne tol'ko vint no i sama mashina, tak chto v
sleduyushchem vypuske budet emulyator rabotayushchej mashiny
na E rabotayushchej
Copyright (C) 25.03.1993 by SHamarokov Aleksej
Tel. Rab (095) 113-1411, Dom. (095) 339-7167
Gklu> Ispravlyayus' i v kachestve pervogo shaga v etom napravlenii
Gklu> predlagayu DOS, kotoryj postroil MAJK
Gklu> Vot DOS, kotoryj postroil Majk!
Gklu> A eto ASCII - tajnyh znakov tablica,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A eto NC v belosinem mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> Zabyli v nem russkuyu "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A vot rezidenty sinicami skachut,
Gklu> Iz nih hot' odin kak pit' dat' napartachit -
Gklu> Zaklinit NC v belosinem mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A eto vot fajl na vinchester posazhen,
Gklu> Kotoryj konechno zhe chem-to zarazhen,
Gklu> S nego rezident-to tot samyj i skachet,
Gklu> Kotoryj chego-nibud' tam napartachit,
Gklu> Kotoryj zaklinit Kommander v mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A vot AIDSTEST - slovno vazhnyj ministr,
Gklu> On fajl zarazhennyj vse hochet pochistit',
Gklu> Kotoryj k nemu na vinchester podsazhen,
Gklu> Kotoryj konechno zhe chem-to zarazhen,
Gklu> S nego rezident-to tot samyj i skachet,
Gklu> Kotoryj chego-nibud' tam napartachit,
Gklu> Kotoryj zaklinit Kommander v mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> Vot autoexec (tak ego nazyvayut),
Gklu> Kotoryj soboj AIDSTEST zapuskaet,
Gklu> Kotoryj pyhtit, slovno vazhnyj ministr,
Gklu> Kotoryj fajl hochet najti i pochistit',
Gklu> Kotoryj k nemu na vinchester podsazhen,
Gklu> Kotoryj konechno zhe chem-to zarazhen,
Gklu> S nego rezident-to tot samyj i skachet,
Gklu> Kotoryj chego-nibud' tam napartachit,
Gklu> Kotoryj zaklinit Kommander v mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
Gklu> A vot command.com, zarazhennyj bez mery,
Gklu> Ved' eto s nego pakostyat TSR`y,
Gklu> On autoexec pod soboj vypolnyaet,
Gklu> Kotoryj soboj AIDSTEST zapuskaet,
Gklu> Kotoryj pyhtit, slovno vazhnyj ministr,
Gklu> Kotoryj fajl hochet najti i pochistit',
Gklu> Kotoryj k nemu na vinchester podsazhen,
Gklu> Kotoryj konechno zhe chem-to zarazhen,
Gklu> S nego rezident-to tot samyj i skachet,
Gklu> Kotoryj chego-nibud' tam napartachit,
Gklu> Kotoryj zaklinit Kommander v mundire,
Gklu> Kotoryj kogda-to pod DOS zapustili,
Gklu> V kotorom zabyli pro "r" iz tablicy,
Gklu> Kotoraya v pamati gde-to hranitsya
Gklu> V DOS`e, kotoryj postroil Majk.
2. Stoyat chetyre monashki v ochered' na strashnyj sud. Vyzyvaet bog pervuyu.
- Pokajsya, sestra, imela ty v svoej zhizni delo s muzhskim chlenom?
- Da, my s monashkami odnazhdy mylis' v bane, a za stenkoj mylis' monahi.
YA ne uderzhalas' i v dyrochku podsmotrela.
- u ladno, von tam stoit miska so svyatoj vodoj - vymoj v nej glaza i
idi v raj.
Potom bog vyzyvaet vtoruyu.
- u, a ty imela delo s muzhskim chlenom?
- Da, my odnazhdy krestili mal'chika, ya ne uderzhalas' i potrogala rukoj.
- u lazhno, von tam stoit miska so svyatoj vodoj, vymoj v nej ruki i
idi v raj.
V eto vremya chetvertaya monashka s krikom ottalkivaet tret'yu i bezhit bez
ocheredi. Bog ee sprashivaet:
- Ty pochemu tret'yu ottolknula i poshla vpered nee?
- A ya ne hochu gorlo poloskat' v etoj svyatoj vode, posle togo, kak ona v
nej zadnicu vymoet.
9. V gluhoj derevne stoit pamyatnik neizvestnomu soldatu. Priezzhaet ekskursiya.
- A vy dejstvitel'no ne znaete, komu etot pamyatnik?
- Pochemu, znaem.
- Komu?
- Haimu Rabinovichu.
- A pochemu on nazyvaetsya pamyatnik neizvestnomu soldatu?
- A neizvestno, byl li on soldatom!
DS>Krasiva ty kak AjBi|mka,
DS>Tvoi glaza - svetodiod.
[skip]
Kak-to sidya na lekcii po "Mashinnoj grafike" i iznyvaya ot
skuki, moj sosed nakropal stishok:
YA vizhu u tebya v glazah
Displeya yarkij svet;
Tvoj rotik, slovno diskovod
ZHdet noven'kih disket.
V tvoem dyhanii slyshu ya
Zvuk obrashchen'ya k disku;
Kak dva trekbola grud' tvoya
I ruki kak dve myshki.
A nizhe ya nashel COM-port
Dlya svoego raz®ema,
Po nim ya dannye poshlyu -
Get Ready dlya priema!
Mazunin Vladimir
8.11.1993 okolo 10.40 am
aud.927 KazPTI, Almaty.
> * Origin: .... Marazm krepchal, derev'ya gnulis' .... (2:5020/124.19)
> * Origin: Nichto tak ne portit semejnuyu zhizn',kak lichnaya sekretarsh
> (2:5020/114)
> * Origin: Necropedophile (2:5030/90.34)
> * Origin: Program too small to fit in memory (2:5020/114)
> * Origin: Vintam - gajki! (2:463/80.16)
> * Origin: Vnutri kazhdogo yabloka, kak pravilo, lezhit ogryzok ... (2:5085/
> 13.3)
> * Origin: Volna obrushivalas' stremitel'nym domkratom (2:463/64)
> * Origin: Vot tebe raz,podumal SHtirlic..i napisal otvet na (2:5028/
> 52.10)
> * Origin: Vot tebe, babushka, i yurkni v dver'... (2:5000/33)
> * Origin: Vse lyudi brat'ya, vse baby sestry ! (2:463/22.7)
> * Origin: Dushit' detej - zhestoko, no nado zhe s nimi chto-to delat'
> (2:5020/165)
> * Origin: Esli u Vas net problem - znachit, Vy uzhe umerli (2:451/2)
> * Origin: Esli-b more bylo pivom,ya by byl bol'shim zalivom (2:452/1)
> * Origin: Za dozhdem poshel sneg, a za nim - dva duraka... (2:5051/5.8)
> * Origin: Zemla - eto nash dom. Ne nado musoryt !!! (2:5025/10.23)
> * Origin: Ispugal ezha Golym Dedom! (2:5020/78.21)
> * Origin: Konec,konec...koncy v vodu! (2:5020/50.6)
> * Origin: Luchshie igrushki - zhivye lyagushki... (c) Zolotoj Key (2:5051/
> 10.1)
> * Origin: Moya mechta nikchemna i pusta... (2:5020/28.6)
> * Origin: Odnazhdy lebed', rak da shchuka zadumali sygrat' KVARTET. (2:5020/
> 78.50)
> * Origin: Ot bezyshodnosti nasypal pesku v botinki i umer (2:5010/21)
> * Origin: O vkuse cianistogo kaliya vam soobshchat na tom svete ...(C)
> (2:5000/17)
> * Origin: Prusak est' odno iz naibolee nazojlivyh nasekomyh... (2:5020/
> 189.14)
> * Origin: Prrrodolzhaem rrrazgovor... (c) Karlson (FidoNet 2:5020/193)
> * Origin: Sredi slepyh odnoglazyj - korol'.... (2:5051/5.8)
> * Origin: Sadis' v nogah! Pravdy net! E-Mail exler@aha.msk.su (2:5020/
> 200.11)
> * Origin: Teplo li tebe, devica, teplo li tebe, sinyaya? 8:D (2:5005/
> 11.23)
> * Origin: Ty sam-to ponyal chego skazal? (FidoNet 2:5051/1)
> * Origin: Horoshie lyudi popishut-popishut, da i vyp'yut butylochku (2:5020/
> 193.4)
> * Origin: YA gvozd', torchashchij v Vashej prestupnoj zadnice!... (2:5010/
> 34.2)
> * Origin: YA uzhas... YA Connect 300/MNP5. :) (2:5020/14.19)
> * Origin: YA pil iz chashi Bytiya. Hotya kraya otgryz ne ya. (2:5020/168.16)
> * Origin: Esli vam kazhetsya, chto pro vas zabyli - nazhmite Return (2:463/
> 57.20)
> * Origin: Komp'yuterizirovannaya smert'. Vy lyubite progress? (2:5020/
> 215.5)
> * Origin: Planeta bibisyaka: piva net, FidoNet, naselena yuzveryami (2:463/
> 11.7)
> * Origin: PIVAHET - pervaya set' v exUSSR !!! (2:5010/23.9)
> * Origin: "Otsosite gornisty" (radioperedacha) (2:5010/34)
> * Origin: Kto pervyj vstal, togo i tapochki! (2:5020/68.30)
> * Origin: "Robot nikogda ne zamenit cheloveka!" (Lyudoed) (2:463/57.20)
> * Origin: |to GTS? Mozhno mne telefon otklyuchit'? (FidoNet 2:5002/8)
> * Origin: Ot vinta!!! (Vint: 250 Mb, 15 ms) (2:463/24.24)
Esli pozavchera tvoj muzh vernulsya domoj
vchera utrom, vchera vernulsya segodnya, to mozhesh'
byt' uverennoj, chto segodnya vernetsya zavtra.
(Iz poleznyh sovetov Kreti Patachkuvny)
Kogda beseduyut dvoe muzhchin, kazhdyj govo-
rit o sebe. Kogda beseduyut dve zhenshchiny, oni
govoryat o tret'ej.
(Iz sobstvennogo opyta Kreti Patachkuvny)
Intellektual - eto chelovek, kotoryj zaho-
dit v biblioteku dazhe togda, kogda ne idet
dozhd'.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Esli vdrug obnaruzhish', chto iz tvoej mashi-
ny ischezli baranka, tormoznaya pedal', pedal'
scepleniya, spidometr i pr., ne soobshchaj v mili-
ciyu srazu: snachala prover', ne sidish' li ty na
zadnem siden'e.
(Iz knigi "Bud' Karuzo baranki")
etrudno byt' sobakoj, netrudno imet'
bloh. Ochen' trudno ih vylovit'.
(Fafik)
Toshchie blohi kusayut osobenno bol'no. Tols-
tye - tochno tak zhe.
(Fafik)
Kompleks - eto chuvstvo sobaki bez hvosta
k sobake s hvostom.
(Fafik)
Ter'era tol'ko ter'er pojmet.
(Fafik)
Dobrye sovety napominayut kastorku: ih
znachitel'no proshche davat', chem prinimat'.
(Bernard SHou)
Zlo stanovitsya nevynosimym, kak tol'ko
zametish', chto ono nevynosimo.
(SHekspir)
|to nepravda, chto samolet letaet sam. Kak
pravilo, vnutri nahoditsya voditel'.
(Iz knigi "Bud' Karuzo baranki")
Esli nikak ne mozhesh' otvyknut' kurit',
otvykni po krajnej mere ot pokupki sigaret.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Esli by komplimenty byli pravdoj, eto by-
li by ne komplimenty, a informaciya.
(Iz knigi Kreti P. "Moya kibernetika")
Drozha nad kaplej, raspleskal vse ostal'-
noe.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Prosto potryasayushche, skol'ko mozhno sdelat',
esli na samom dele vzyat'sya za delo.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Kto vrashchaetsya sredi suka i chesnoka, ne
mozhet pahnut' vanilinom.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
ZHelanie - eto 1000 sposobov. Otsutstvie
zhelaniya - eto 1000 prepyatstvij.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Esli dlya tebya "odna lastochka ne delaet
vesny", znachit, ty po-nastoyashchemu ne soskuchilsya
po vesne.
(Kretya)
Lovkach predlagaet takuyu igru: "Orel - ty
proigryvaesh', reshka - ya vyigryvayu".
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Zevok - eto vid ocenki.
(Salyami Kozherskij)
Samaya luchshaya pamyat' vsegda huzhe samoj
plohoj sharikovoj ruchki.
(Vacus')
Vmesto togo, chtoby utopit' v zabvenii
odolevayushchie tebya nepriyatnosti, uchish' ih pla-
vat' na poverhnosti.
(Lordova Gallyuks)
Do togo, kak nachat' dumat', sdelaj glubo-
kij vdoh, - pust' v tvoih rassuzhdeniyah budet
nemnogo kisloroda.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Tak nazyvaemoe zolotoe sobach'e pravilo
glasit: nikogda ne umilyajsya soboj dol'she polu-
tora minut i ne chashche dvuh raz v kvartal.
(Fafik, ter'er)
Esli gospodin . sdelal glupost', govo-
ryat: kakoj etot . durak. Esli ZHuchka sdelala
glupost', govoryat: kak eti sobaki glupy.
(Fafik)
Budushchee trudno pochuvstvovat' - eto ne
kolbasa.
(Fafik)
Druzhba - eto molchalivoe soglashenie, v si-
lu kotorogo my obyazuemsya okazyvat' melkie us-
lugi tomu, kto nam okazyvaet bol'shie.
(Montesk'e)
Samaya bol'shaya bol' v mire - eto kogda u
slona bolyat klyki.
(Gomes de la Serna)
Lyubit' chto-to bol'she zhizni - eto sdelat'
tak, chtoby zhizn' byla chem-to bol'shim, chem
prosto zhizn'.
(ZHan Rostan)
Padaet tot, kto bezhit. Tot kno polzet,
tot uzhe ne padaet.
(Plinij)
Esli by zhenshchiny tak borolis' so svoimi
porokami, kak boryutsya s priznakami starosti,
oni stali by na 75% luchshe samih angelov.
(Gallyuksova)
ZHenshchina chuvstvuet sebya schastlivoj pri us-
lovii, chto u nee est' dve veshchi: dom, napolnen-
nyj mebel'yu, i muzh, kotoryj ee perestavlyaet.
(Priznanie zhenshchiny)
Esli by ty hotel vsyakij raz davat' pinok
vinovniku tvoih hlopot, to cherez mesyac ty ne
smog by sidet'.
(Istina, eshche ne proverennaya)
Pishi pis'ma takie, kakie tebe hotelos' by
poluchat'.
(Kretya)
V konce koncov kazhdyj dolzhen byt' kog-
da-nibud' molod. V kakom vozraste on na eto
reshitsya - ne imeet znacheniya.
(Salyami Kozherskij)
ZHena Fal'chaka tak ploho vodit mashinu, chto
miliciya vypisyvaet ej shtrafy na god vpered.
(ablyudatel'naya sosedka Fal'chakovoj)
Udochka - pribor dlya lzhi i vydumki.
(Salyami Kozherskij)
O! Esli b mir byl dzhemom, a ya lozhkoj!
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Samodovol'stvo byvaet v 99.9999999% slu-
chaev oshibochnym.
(Salyami)
Esli ya prizyvayu vas, dorogie brat'ya i
sestry, ogranichit' svoi trebovaniya do minimu-
ma, ya ne imeyu v vidu mini-yubki.
(Iz odnoj propovedi)
|to nepravda, chto chuzhie blohi menee ag-
ressivny, chem svoi sobstvennye.
(Fafik)
ikto ne nadeetsya, chto na ohote vse budut
strelyat'. ekotorym pridetsya layat'.
(Fafik)
Odna sobaka v dome delaet vesnu.
(Fafik)
Sobaka! - vosklicanie, kotoroe mozhet byt'
i oskorbleniem i komplimentom. Vse zavisit ot
togo, KTO voskliknul, KAKIM TOOM i, prezhde
vsego, S KAKOJ CELXYU.
(Fafik)
Stoit polyubit' togo, kto miritsya s ot-
sutstviem vzaimnosti. Ego, kak nastoyashchego ig-
roka, nikogda ne razocharuet proigrysh.
(Sara Bernar)
Est' periody v zhizni, kogda sud'ba, obs-
toyatel'stva i dazhe lyudi k nam blagosklonny. e
sleduet volnovat'sya. |to projdet.
(ZHyul' Renar)
Straus - zhirafa sredi ptic.
(Gomes de lya Serna)
S teh por, kak zhenshchiny stali nosit' mi-
ni-yubki, ya ponyal, pochemu oni ran'she prikryvali
kolenki.
(Obshchee mnenie)
Sredstvo ot kureniya: poselis' na fabrike
dinamita.
(Isprobovannoe)
U menya takoj malen'kij metrazh, chto mne
neobhodima vnutrennyaya zhizn'.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Sam fakt, chto ty dedushka, mozhno perezhit'.
o sovershenno nevynosimo soznanie togo, chto
tvoya zhena - babushka.
(Pochti dedushka)
U morskogo l'va tol'ko dve vozmozhnosti:
libo nauchit'sya zhonglirovat' i vystupat' v cir-
ke, libo stat' shubkoj.
(Magistr Kavusya)
Ah, kak dolgo tyanetsya etot den'! Bez edi-
nogo nedorazumeniya s muzhem!
(Gallyuksova)
Otec semejstva - eto chelovek, kotoryj po-
chesyvaet golovu chashche, chem ona cheshetsya.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Bylo vremya, ya mechtal o domike v derevne,
teper' mechtayu o garazhe v gorode.
(Sovremennyj chelovek, vzdyhaya)
CHihaj s chuvstvom horosho ispolnennogo dol-
ga.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Patachkuvna pokazyvaet svoi novye tufli
cherez dekol'te.
(Merilin alyabek)
Merilin alyabek poshla na koncert? S taki-
mi torchashchimi ushami?!
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Televidenie budushchego: cvet, shirokij ek-
ran, zapah, a vo vremya pomeh televizor razdaet
zritelyam krendeli.
(Patachkuvna)
Odin iz luchshih sposobov omolozheniya: v
prozrachnoj setke nosit' konspekty i uchebniki.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Lyudi, kak pravilo, dostatochno intelli-
gentny. edostaet im tol'ko neumeniya govorit'.
(Fafik)
Mahni na vse eto hvostom!
(Fafik)
Eshche nikto nikogda ne zametil, chtoby soba-
ka, slushaya Baha, vyla. Slushaya drugih kompozi-
torov - vsyakoe byvaet.
(Fafik)
Horoshij moryak vedet svoj parusnik nesi-
motrya na rvanye parusa.
(Seneka)
Esli kto-to otvergaet pravdu, to stradaet
ot etogo ne pravda, a on sam.
(Galilej)
Progress - eto luchshee, a ne tol'ko novoe.
(Lope de Vega)
Morskie svinki v laboratorii: "A ved' oni
ne posmeli by eto prodelyvat' s belymi medve-
dyami".
(Gomes de lya Serna)
Obychnyj chelovek - eto chelovek, kakogo
vstrechaesh' na kazhdom shagu, no ne zamechaesh' v
zerkale.
(Makarin iz Cedeta)
Tehnika, tehnika!... o ved' chashche vsego
byvaet isporchen lift, a ne lestnica.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Kosmetika omolazhivaet zhenshchinu, a brit'e -
muzhchinu. o lestnica vydaet vseh.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Paradoks - eto chetyrehugol'nyj treugol'-
nik.
(Salyami Kozherskij)
U nekotoryh lyudej ahillesova pyata naho-
ditsya pod shlyapoj.
(Rezul'tat nablyudenij)
ichto ne v izbytke.
(Sorokonozhka)
Teoriya otnositel'nosti |jnshtejna bolee
vsego opravdala sebya v ponyanii "ona moloda".
(Patachkuvna)
ZHenshchiny legche perenosyat bol', nezheli muzh-
chiny.
(Sapozhnik Malotufel'kovskij)
YA sovsem ne luchshe drugih. Prosto te, dru-
gie, neskol'ko huzhe.
(Kretya Pat.)
ichto tak ne povyshaet kvalifikaciyu vodi-
telya, kak edushchaya za nim milicejskaya mashina.
(Iz knigi "Bud' Karuzo baranki)
Istoriya mira poshla by sovsem po-inomu,
esli by u Kleopatry byl drugoj nos. YA videla
etot nos na fotografii. ikogda etogo ot nego
ne ozhidala.
(Gollyuksova)
Ochen' trudno chto-libo predvidet', osoben-
no na budushchee.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Byt' lyubimym neobhodimo sobakam, zhenshchinam
i mashinam.
(Iz knigi "Bud' Karuzo baranki")
e kritikuj chuzhuyu zhenu. Udovletvoris'
tem, chto ona chuzhaya.
(Vozmozhno, pogovorka)
CHem men'she nuzhno materiala na plat'e, tem
ono dorozhe. Zarplata ne mala, tol'ko ee sledu-
et chashche vyplachivat'.
("a etot raz ya dumala dvazhdy". Kretya Pa-
tachkuvna)
I eto nazyvaetsya remont s garantiej: ho-
lodil'nik poet "Traviatu", a priemnik pokryt
ineem.
(Gallyuksova)
Tri izmereniya: dlina, vysota i shirina?
Verno, no est' i chetvertoe - ves.
(Dama, zhelayushchaya pohudet')
Ochen' mozhet byt', chto rabota ne samaya
priyatnaya veshch' na svete. o ved' nuzhno zhe ku-
da-to hodit' po utram.
(YAn Kamychek)
Kul'turnyj chelovek tol'ko slegka obgryza-
et kosti, a potom brosaet ih pod stol.
(Fafik)
et nekrasivyh sobak, est' nelyubimye.
(Fafik)
Sobaka dazhe pered korolem ne stanet
po-drugomu vilyat' hvostom.
(Fafik)
Sfotografirujsya. Esli vyjdet, znachit, su-
shchestvuesh'.
(R. Gomes de lya Serna)
I budet tak gusto ot mashin, chto nastupit
zatmenie zemli.
(Prorochestvo R. Gomesa de lya Serna)
CHto vazhnee dlya uspeha - talant ili trudo-
lyubie? A chto vazhnee v velosipede - perednee
ili zadnee koleso?
(B. SHou)
ZHenis', nesmotrya ni na chto. Esli popadet-
sya horoshaya zhena, budesh' isklyucheniem, esli plo-
haya, stanesh' filosofom.
(Sokrat)
Vchera moj muzh zaupryamilsya, ne zahotel id-
ti v kino i nastoyal na tom, chtoby my poshli v
teatr. A fil'm okazalsya horoshij!
(ZHena. Podslushannoe)
Kolichestvo moih znakomyh, kotoryh sover-
shenno neobhodimo otpravit' na Lunu, uvelichiva-
etsya bystree, chem tehnicheskij progress.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Intelligentnost' devushki zavisit ot togo,
kak ona v etot den' odeta i prichesana.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
ZHenih vsegda govorit o serdce, muzh - o
pecheni.
(Gallyuksova)
a den'gi nado smotret' sverhu vniz, no
nikogda ne teryat' ih pri etom iz polya zreniya.
(Magistr Kavusya)
ikto i ne zhenitsya na sobstvennoj zhene.
ZHenyatsya na neveste, no to byla sovershenno dru-
gaya lichnost'.
(Lord Gallyuks)
Korotkie plat'ya? u i chto? Zachem stol'ko
shuma?! Prosto dekol'te neskol'ko v drugom mes-
te.
(Kretya Patachkuvna)
Druzhnye soroki mogli by pobedit' tigra.
Delo v tom, chto soroki nikogda ne byvayut druzh-
nymi.
(Iz knigi "Pi")
Ot nasmorka i ot lyubvi lekarstva net. Sa-
mo prohodit.
(Brat'ya Roek)
Esli u tebya net vragov, znachit, ty v zhiz-
Why did CNN cancel that cool "Desert Storm" show?
A fool and his money are my two favorite people.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
I have a magnetic personality - keep me away from diskettes.
STATUS QUO is Latin for "the mess we're in."
Anything not nailed down is a cat toy.
I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO.
GIVE: Support the helpless victims of computer error.
Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
The only perfect science is hindsight.
He does the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly.
ROM wasn't built in a day.
But soft, what bird through yonder window breaks?
A procrastinator's work is never done.
Welcome to Westworld, where nothing can go wornggg...
Never judge a book by its movie.
"Captain, why not just give the Borg Windows 3.1?" - Worf
"Captain, I sense a million minds staring at my cleavage."
Call me Ishmael. I won't ANSWER, but...
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
Error opening CLINTON.LIE Cannot recover COUNTRY.USA
Leftists are among the first to speak of their rights.
A penny saved is a Congressional spending oversight.
If you save the world too often, it begins to expect it.
"My God, it's full of stores!" - 2001: A Shopping Odyssey
WWhhaatt ddooeess dduupplleexx mmeeaann??
I like kids, but I don't think I could eat a whole one.
AIBOHPHOBIA - the fear of palindromes.
Oh sure! But what's the speed of dark?
Move your vowels every day or you'll get consonated.
If puns are outlawed, only outlaws will have puns.
RAM disk is *not* an installation procedure.
I used to jog, but the ice kept falling out of my glass.
I was the next door kid's imaginary friend.
Don't walk through the screen door, you might strain yourself.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Despite the high cost of living, it remains popular.
It was the best of lines, it was the worst of lines...
A dirty book is seldom dusty.
Fish are so hard to toilet train.
Lawyers: the larval form of politicians.
I'm an apathetic sociopath - I'd kill you if I cared.
And they shall plow their swords into beach chairs.
Do radioactive cats have 18 half-lives?
Shareware author dies: .GIF at eleven!
It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk-Bone shorts.
If you shoot a mime, should you use a silencer?
Creditors have much better memories than debtors.
The upper crust is just a bunch of crumbs clinging together.
If you hear an onion ring, please answer it!
If you stand up to be counted someone will take your seat.
Pollytheism n.; the belief that God is a parrot.
If you ain't Moslem, you ain't Shiite.
Here I sit, in a tizzy - all my favorite boards are busy.
I'm not Canadian, although I tend to like their bacon.
I smell a rat. Did you bake it or fry it?
What fools these morals be?
"Old poets never die, they just ride off into the sonnet."
I'll have one brain on drugs with bacon, toast and juice.
Psst, your file is open.
Computer illiteracy? You mean my computer's supposed to READ?
Crime wouldn't pay if the government ran it.
Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)
Apathy error: Don't bother striking any key.
Will that be cache or chkdsk?
Ignorance is temporary; Stupidity lasts forever!!!
The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.
You've got to hand it to the IRS. If not, they'll come and take it.
If love is blind, lingerie makes great braille.
We all live in a yellow subroutine.
Money is the root of all evils. Send $20 for more information.
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
We secretly replaced the dilithium crystals with Folgers crystals..
Editing is a rewording activity.
File not found, but if you'll hum a few bars...
V pervuyu ochered' hochu obratit'sya k molodym sisopam®. Kazhdyj sisop, kak
izvestno yavlyaetsya geroem nashego vremeni, kak Real GhostBusters, CHerepashki
Nindzya ili CHP. Kak izvestno ni odin uvazhayushchij sebya geroj ne obhoditsya bez
psevdonima. Nastoyashchim predlagayu udobnyj algoritm sostavleniya psevdonima.
Psevdonimy imeyut glubokie istoricheskie korni, vy navernyaka pomnite
geroev russkih skazok, nosivshih psevdonimy - Ivan Durak, Vasilisa Prekrasnaya
i real'no sushchestvovavshih Jack the Ripper (Dzhek Potroshitel', angl.), Ivan
Groznyj etc. Poskol'ku sredi nastoyashchih geroev naibol'shej populyarnost'yu
pol'zuyutsya sostavnye psevdonimy, vse chto vam neobhodimo sdelat', eto k
sAmomu, po vashemu mneniyu vyrazitel'nomu slovu iz levogo stolbca podberite
ne menee vyrazitel'noe iz pravogo.
Hex Dumper
Mother Fucker
Code Ripper
LPT1 Crasher
Escape Presser
Ghost Kisser
Widow Maker
Baud Rider
Screen Looker
Cock Sucker
Floppy Breaker
Bit Blitzer
Cunt Chaser
Trail Blaizer
Byte Mover
Char Recognizer
Last-modified: Fri, 21 Jun 1996 19:38:37 GMT