and very
little sunburnt by all my travels. On the other side, discoursing of
the ladies in that emperor's court, he used to tell me, "one had
freckles; another too wide a mouth; a third too large a nose;"
nothing of which I was able to distinguish. I confess this reflection
was obvious enough; which, however, I could not forbear, lest the
reader might think those vast creatures were actually deformed:
for I must do them the justice to say, they are a comely race of
people, and particularly the features of my master's countenance,
although he was but a farmer, when I beheld him from the height
of sixty feet, appeared very well proportioned.
When dinner was done, my master went out to his labourers, and,
as I could discover by his voice and gesture, gave his wife strict
charge to take care of me. I was very much tired, and disposed to
sleep, which my mistress perceiving, she put me on her own bed,
and covered me with a clean white handkerchief, but larger and
coarser than the mainsail of a man-of-war.
I slept about two hours, and dreamt I was at home with my wife
and children, which aggravated my sorrows when I awaked, and
found myself alone in a vast room, between two and three
hundred feet wide, and above two hundred high, lying in a bed
twenty yards wide. My mistress was gone about her household.
affairs, and had locked me in. The bed was eight yards from the
floor. Some natural necessities required me to get down; I durst
not presume to call; and if I had, it would have been in vain, with
such a voice as mine, at so great a distance from the room where I
lay to the kitchen where the family kept. While I was under these
circumstances, two rats crept up the curtains, and ran smelling
back-wards and forwards on the bed. One of them came up almost
to my face, whereupon I rose in a fright, and drew out my hanger
to defend myself. These horrible animals had the boldness to
attack me on both sides, and one of them held his fore-feet at my
collar; but I had the good fortune to rip up his belly before he
could do me any mischief. He fell down at my feet; and the other,
seeing the fate of his comrade, made his escape, but not without
one good wound on the back, which I gave him as he fled, and
made the blood run trickling from him. After this exploit, I
walked gently to and fro on the bed, to recover my breath and loss
of spirits. These creatures were of the size of a large mastiff, but
infinitely more nimble and fierce; so that if I had taken off my belt
before I went to sleep, I must have infallibly been torn to pieces
and devoured. I measured the tail of the dead rat, and found it to
be two yards long, wanting an inch; but it went against my
stomach to drag the carcass off the bed, where it lay still bleeding;
I observed it had yet some life, but with a strong slash across the
neck, I thoroughly despatched it.
Soon after my mistress came into the room, who seeing me all
bloody, ran and took me up in her hand. I pointed to the dead rat,
smiling, and making other signs to show I was not hurt; whereat
she was extremely rejoiced, calling the maid to take up the dead.
rat with a pair of tongs, and throw it out of the window. Then she
set me on a table, where I showed her my hanger all bloody, and
wiping it on the lappet of my coat, returned it to the scabbard. I
was pressed to do more than one thing which another could not do
for me, and therefore endeavoured to make my mistress
understand, that I desired to be set down on the floor; which after
she had done, my bashfulness would not suffer me to express
myself farther, than by pointing to the door, and bowing several
times. The good woman, with much difficulty, at last perceived
what I would be at, and taking me up again in her hand, walked
into the garden, where she set me down. I went on one side about
two hundred yards, and beckoning to her not to look or to follow
me, I hid myself between two leaves of sorrel, and there
discharged the necessities of nature.
I hope the gentle reader will excuse me for dwelling on these and
the like particulars, which, however insignificant they may appear
to groveling vulgar minds, yet will certainly help a philosopher to
enlarge his thoughts and imagination, and apply them to the
benefit of public as well as private life, which was my sole design
in presenting this and other accounts of my travels to the world;
wherein I have been chiefly studious of truth, without affecting
any ornaments of learning or of style. But the whole scene of this
voyage made so strong an impression on my mind, and is so
deeply fixed in my memory, that, in committing it to paper I did
not omit one material circumstance: however, upon a strict
review, I blotted out several passages. Of less moment which.
were in my first copy, for fear of being censured as tedious and
trifling, whereof travellers are often, perhaps not without justice,
accused..

        CHAPTER II.

[A description of the farmer's daughter. The author carried to a
market-town, and then to the metropolis. The particulars of his
journey.]
My mistress had a daughter of nine years old, a child of towardly
parts for her age, very dexterous at her needle, and skilful in
dressing her baby. Her mother and she contrived to fit up the
baby's cradle for me against night: the cradle was put into a small
drawer of a cabinet, and the drawer placed upon a hanging shelf
for fear of the rats. This was my bed all the time I staid with those
people, though made more convenient by degrees, as I began to
learn their language and make my wants known. This young girl
was so handy, that after I had once or twice pulled off my clothes
before her, she was able to dress and undress me, though I never
gave her that trouble when she would let me do either myself. She
made me seven shirts, and some other linen, of as fine cloth as
could be got, which indeed was coarser than sackcloth; and these
she constantly washed for me with her own hands. She was
likewise my school-mistress, to teach me the language: when I
pointed to any thing, she told me the name of it in her own tongue,
so that in a few days I was able to call for whatever I had a mind
to. She was very good-natured, and not above forty feet high,
being little for her age. She gave me the name of GRILDRIG,.
which the family took up, and afterwards the whole kingdom. The
word imports what the Latins call NANUNCULUS, the Italians
HOMUNCELETINO, and the English MANNIKIN. To her I
chiefly owe my preservation in that country: we never parted
while I was there; I called her my GLUMDALCLITCH, or little
nurse; and should be guilty of great ingratitude, if I omitted this
honourable mention of her care and affection towards me, which I
heartily wish it lay in my power to requite as she deserves, instead
of being the innocent, but unhappy instrument of her disgrace, as I
have too much reason to fear.
It now began to be known and talked of in the neighbourhood, that
my master had found a strange animal in the field, about the
bigness of a SPLACNUCK, but exactly shaped in every part like a
human creature; which it likewise imitated in all its actions;
seemed to speak in a little language of its own, had already
learned several words of theirs, went erect upon two legs, was
tame and gentle, would come when it was called, do whatever it
was bid, had the finest limbs in the world, and a complexion fairer
than a nobleman's daughter of three years old. Another farmer,
who lived hard by, and was a particular friend of my master, came
on a visit on purpose to inquire into the truth of this story. I was
immediately produced, and placed upon a table, where I walked
as I was commanded, drew my hanger, put it up again, made my
reverence to my master's guest, asked him in his own language
how he did, and told him HE WAS WELCOME, just as my little
nurse had instructed me. This man, who was old and dim-sighted,
put on his spectacles to behold me better; at which I could not
forbear laughing very heartily, for his eyes appeared like the full.
moon shining into a chamber at two windows. Our people, who
discovered the cause of my mirth, bore me company in laughing,
at which the old fellow was fool enough to be angry and out of
countenance. He had the character of a great miser; and, to my
misfortune, he well deserved it, by the cursed advice he gave my
master, to show me as a sight upon a market-day in the next town,
which was half an hour's riding, about two-and-twenty miles from
our house. I guessed there was some mischief when I observed my
master and his friend whispering together, sometimes pointing at
me; and my fears made me fancy that I overheard and understood
some of their words. But the next morning Glumdalclitch, my
little nurse, told me the whole matter, which she had cunningly
picked out from her mother. The poor girl laid me on her bosom,
and fell a weeping with shame and grief. She apprehended some
mischief would happen to me from rude vulgar folks, who might
squeeze me to death, or break one of my limbs by taking me in
their hands. She had also observed how modest I was in my
nature, how nicely I regarded my honour, and what an indignity I
should conceive it, to be exposed for money as a public spectacle,
to the meanest of the people. She said, her papa and mamma had
promised that Grildrig should be hers; but now she found they
meant to serve her as they did last year, when they pretended to
give her a lamb, and yet, as soon as it was fat, sold it to a butcher.
For my own part, I may truly affirm, that I was less concerned
than my nurse. I had a strong hope, which never left me, that I
should one day recover my liberty: and as to the ignominy of
being carried about for a monster, I considered myself to be a
perfect stranger in the country, and that such a misfortune could.
never be charged upon me as a reproach, if ever I should return to
England, since the king of Great Britain himself, in my condition,
must have undergone the same distress.
My master, pursuant to the advice of his friend, carried me in a
box the next market-day to the neighbouring town, and took along
with him his little daughter, my nurse, upon a pillion behind him.
The box was close on every side, with a little door for me to go in
and out, and a few gimlet holes to let in air. The girl had been so
careful as to put the quilt of her baby's bed into it, for me to lie
down on. However, I was terribly shaken and discomposed in this
journey, though it was but of half an hour: for the horse went
about forty feet at every step and trotted so high, that the agitation
was equal to the rising and falling of a ship in a great storm, but
much more frequent. Our journey was somewhat farther than
from London to St. Alban's. My master alighted at an inn which
he used to frequent; and after consulting awhile with the inn-keeper,
and making some necessary preparations, he hired the
GRULTRUD, or crier, to give notice through the town of a strange
creature to be seen at the sign of the Green Eagle, not so big as a
SPLACNUCK (an animal in that country very finely shaped,
about six feet long,) and in every part of the body resembling a
human creature, could speak several words, and perform a
hundred diverting tricks.
I was placed upon a table in the largest room of the inn, which
might be near three hundred feet square. My little nurse stood on a
low stool close to the table, to take care of me, and direct what I
should do. My master, to avoid a crowd, would suffer only thirty.
people at a time to see me. I walked about on the table as the girl
commanded; she asked me questions, as far as she knew my
understanding of the language reached, and I answered them as
loud as I could. I turned about several times to the company, paid
my humble respects, said THEY WERE WELCOME, and used
some other speeches I had been taught. I took up a thimble filled
with liquor, which Glumdalclitch had given me for a cup, and
drank their health, I drew out my hanger, and flourished with it
after the manner of fencers in England. My nurse gave me a part
of a straw, which I exercised as a pike, having learnt the art in my
youth. I was that day shown to twelve sets of company, and as
often forced to act over again the same fopperies, till I was half
dead with weariness and vexation; for those who had seen me
made such wonderful reports, that the people were ready to break
down the doors to come in. My master, for his own interest, would
not suffer any one to touch me except my nurse; and to prevent
danger, benches were set round the table at such a distance as to
put me out of every body's reach. However, an unlucky school-boy
aimed a hazel nut directly at my head, which very narrowly
missed me; otherwise it came with so much violence, that it would
have infallibly knocked out my brains, for it was almost as large
as a small pumpkin, but I had the satisfaction to see the young
rogue well beaten, and turned out of the room.
My master gave public notice that he would show me again the
next market-day; and in the meantime he prepared a convenient
vehicle for me, which he had reason enough to do; for I was so
tired with my first journey, and with entertaining company for
eight hours together, that I could hardly stand upon my legs, or.
speak a word. It was at least three days before I recovered my
strength; and that I might have no rest at home, all the
neighbouring gentlemen from a hundred miles round, hearing of
my fame, came to see me at my master's own house. There could
not be fewer than thirty persons with their wives and children (for
the country is very populous;) and my master demanded the rate
of a full room whenever he showed me at home, although it were
only to a single family; so that for some time I had but little ease
every day of the week (except Wednesday, which is their
Sabbath,) although I were not carried to the town.
My master, finding how profitable I was likely to be, resolved to
carry me to the most considerable cities of the kingdom. Having
therefore provided himself with all things necessary for a long
journey, and settled his affairs at home, he took leave of his wife,
and upon the 17th of August, 1703, about two months after my
arrival, we set out for the metropolis, situate near the middle of
that empire, and about three thousand miles distance from our
house. My master made his daughter Glumdalclitch ride behind
him. She carried me on her lap, in a box tied about her waist. The
girl had lined it on all sides with the softest cloth she could get,
well quilted underneath, furnished it with her baby's bed, provided
me with linen and other necessaries, and made everything as
convenient as she could. We had no other company but a boy of
the house, who rode after us with the luggage.
My master's design was to show me in all the towns by the way,
and to step out of the road for fifty or a hundred miles, to any
village, or person of quality's house, where he might expect.
custom. We made easy journeys, of not above seven or eight score
miles a-day; for Glumdalclitch, on purpose to spare me,
complained she was tired with the trotting of the horse. She often
took me out of my box, at my own desire, to give me air, and
show me the country, but always held me fast by a leading-string.
We passed over five or six rivers, many degrees broader and
deeper than the Nile or the Ganges: and there was hardly a rivulet
so small as the Thames at London-bridge. We were ten weeks in
our journey, and I was shown in eighteen large towns, besides
many villages, and private families.
On the 26th day of October we arrived at the metropolis, called in
their language LORBRULGRUD, or Pride of the Universe. My
master took a lodging in the principal street of the city, not far
from the royal palace, and put out bills in the usual form,
containing an exact description of my person and parts. He hired a
large room between three and four hundred feet wide. He
provided a table sixty feet in diameter, upon which I was to act my
part, and pallisadoed it round three feet from the edge, and as
many high, to prevent my falling over. I was shown ten times a-day,
to the wonder and satisfaction of all people. I could now
speak the language tolerably well, and perfectly understood every
word, that was spoken to me. Besides, I had learnt their alphabet,
and could make a shift to explain a sentence here and there; for
Glumdalclitch had been my instructor while we were at home, and
at leisure hours during our journey. She carried a little book in her
pocket, not much larger than a Sanson's Atlas; it was a common.
treatise for the use of young girls, giving a short account of their
religion: out of this she taught me my letters, and interpreted the
words..

        CHAPTER III.

[The author sent for to court. The queen buys him of his master
the farmer, and presents him to the king. He disputes with his
majesty's great scholars. An apartment at court provided for the
author. He is in high favour with the queen. He stands up for the
honour of his own country. His quarrels with the queen's dwarf.]
The frequent labours I underwent every day, made, in a few
weeks, a very considerable change in my health: the more my
master got by me, the more insatiable he grew. I had quite lost my
stomach, and was almost reduced to a skeleton. The farmer
observed it, and concluding I must soon die, resolved to make as
good a hand of me as he could. While he was thus reasoning and
resolving with himself, a SARDRAL, or gentleman-usher, came
from court, commanding my master to carry me immediately
thither for the diversion of the queen and her ladies. Some of the
latter had already been to see me, and reported strange things of
my beauty, behaviour, and good sense. Her majesty, and those
who attended her, were beyond measure delighted with my
demeanour. I fell on my knees, and begged the honour of kissing
her imperial foot; but this gracious princess held out her little
finger towards me, after I was set on the table, which I embraced
in both my arms, and put the tip of it with the utmost respect to
my lip. She made me some general questions about my country.
and my travels, which I answered as distinctly, and in as few
words as I could. She asked, "whether I could be content to live at
court?" I bowed down to the board of the table, and humbly
answered "that I was my master's slave: but, if I were at my own
disposal, I should be proud to devote my life to her majesty's
service." She then asked my master, "whether he was willing to
sell me at a good price?" He, who apprehended I could not live a
month, was ready enough to part with me, and demanded a
thousand pieces of gold, which were ordered him on the spot,
each piece being about the bigness of eight hundred moidores; but
allowing for the proportion of all things between that country and
Europe, and the high price of gold among them, was hardly so
great a sum as a thousand guineas would be in England. I then
said to the queen, "since I was now her majesty's most humble
creature and vassal, I must beg the favour, that Glumdalclitch,
who had always tended me with so much care and kindness, and
understood to do it so well, might be admitted into her service,
and continue to be my nurse and instructor."
Her majesty agreed to my petition, and easily got the farmer's
consent, who was glad enough to have his daughter preferred at
court, and the poor girl herself was not able to hide her joy. My
late master withdrew, bidding me farewell, and saying he had left
me in a good service; to which I replied not a word, only making
him a slight bow.
The queen observed my coldness; and, when the farmer was gone
out of the apartment, asked me the reason. I made bold to tell her
majesty, "that I owed no other obligation to my late master, than.
his not dashing out the brains of a poor harmless creature, found
by chance in his fields: which obligation was amply recompensed,
by the gain he had made in showing me through half the kingdom,
and the price he had now sold me for. That the life I had since led
was laborious enough to kill an animal of ten times my strength.
That my health was much impaired, by the continual drudgery of
entertaining the rabble every hour of the day; and that, if my
master had not thought my life in danger, her majesty would not
have got so cheap a bargain. But as I was out of all fear of being
ill-treated under the protection of so great and good an empress,
the ornament of nature, the darling of the world, the delight of her
subjects, the phoenix of the creation, so I hoped my late master's
apprehensions would appear to be groundless; for I already found
my spirits revive, by the influence of her most august presence."
This was the sum of my speech, delivered with great improprieties
and hesitation. The latter part was altogether framed in the style
peculiar to that people, whereof I learned some phrases from
Glumdalclitch, while she was carrying me to court.
The queen, giving great allowance for my defectiveness in
speaking, was, however, surprised at so much wit and good sense
in so diminutive an animal. She took me in her own hand, and
carried me to the king, who was then retired to his cabinet. His
majesty, a prince of much gravity and austere countenance, not
well observing my shape at first view, asked the queen after a cold
manner "how long it was since she grew fond of a
SPLACNUCK?" for such it seems he took me to be, as I lay upon
my breast in her majesty's right hand. But this princess, who has.
an infinite deal of wit and humour, set me gently on my feet upon
the scrutoire, and commanded me to give his majesty an account
of myself, which I did in a very few words: and Glumdalclitch
who attended at the cabinet door, and could not endure I should be
out of her sight, being admitted, confirmed all that had passed
from my arrival at her father's house.
The king, although he be as learned a person as any in his
dominions, had been educated in the study of philosophy, and
particularly mathematics; yet when he observed my shape exactly,
and saw me walk erect, before I began to speak, conceived I might
be a piece of clock-work (which is in that country arrived to a
very great perfection) contrived by some ingenious artist. But
when he heard my voice, and found what I delivered to be regular
and rational, he could not conceal his astonishment. He was by no
means satisfied with the relation I gave him of the manner I came
into his kingdom, but thought it a story concerted between
Glumdalclitch and her father, who had taught me a set of words to
make me sell at a better price. Upon this imagination, he put
several other questions to me, and still received rational answers:
no otherwise defective than by a foreign accent, and an imperfect
knowledge in the language, with some rustic phrases which I had
learned at the farmer's house, and did not suit the polite style of a
court.
His majesty sent for three great scholars, who were then in their
weekly waiting, according to the custom in that country. These
gentlemen, after they had a while examined my shape with much
nicety, were of different opinions concerning me. They all agreed.
that I could not be produced according to the regular laws of
nature, because I was not framed with a capacity of preserving my
life, either by swiftness, or climbing of trees, or digging holes in
the earth. They observed by my teeth, which they viewed with
great exactness, that I was a carnivorous animal; yet most
quadrupeds being an overmatch for me, and field mice, with some
others, too nimble, they could not imagine how I should be able to
support myself, unless I fed upon snails and other insects, which
they offered, by many learned arguments, to evince that I could
not possibly do. One of these virtuosi seemed to think that I might
be an embryo, or abortive birth. But this opinion was rejected by
the other two, who observed my limbs to be perfect and finished;
and that I had lived several years, as it was manifest from my
beard, the stumps whereof they plainly discovered through a
magnifying glass. They would not allow me to be a dwarf,
because my littleness was beyond all degrees of comparison; for
the queen's favourite dwarf, the smallest ever known in that
kingdom, was near thirty feet high. After much debate, they
concluded unanimously, that I was only RELPLUM SCALCATH,
which is interpreted literally LUSUS NATURAE; a determination
exactly agreeable to the modern philosophy of Europe, whose
professors, disdaining the old evasion of occult causes, whereby
the followers of Aristotle endeavoured in vain to disguise their
ignorance, have invented this wonderful solution of all
difficulties, to the unspeakable advancement of human
knowledge..
After this decisive conclusion, I entreated to be heard a word or
two. I applied myself to the king, and assured his majesty, "that I
came from a country which abounded with several millions of
both sexes, and of my own stature; where the animals, trees, and
houses, were all in proportion, and where, by consequence, I
might be as able to defend myself, and to find sustenance, as any
of his majesty's subjects could do here; which I took for a full
answer to those gentlemen's arguments." To this they only replied
with a smile of contempt, saying, "that the farmer had instructed
me very well in my lesson." The king, who had a much better
understanding, dismissing his learned men, sent for the farmer,
who by good fortune was not yet gone out of town. Having
therefore first examined him privately, and then confronted him
with me and the young girl, his majesty began to think that what
we told him might possibly be true. He desired the queen to order
that a particular care should be taken of me; and was of opinion
that Glumdalclitch should still continue in her office of tending
me, because he observed we had a great affection for each other.
A convenient apartment was provided for her at court: she had a
sort of governess appointed to take care of her education, a maid
to dress her, and two other servants for menial offices; but the care
of me was wholly appropriated to herself. The queen commanded
her own cabinet-maker to contrive a box, that might serve me for
a bedchamber, after the model that Glumdalclitch and I should
agree upon. This man was a most ingenious artist, and according
to my direction, in three weeks finished for me a wooden chamber
of sixteen feet square, and twelve high, with sash-windows, a
door, and two closets, like a London bed-chamber..
The board, that made the ceiling, was to be lifted up and down by
two hinges, to put in a bed ready furnished by her majesty's
upholsterer, which Glumdalclitch took out every day to air, made
it with her own hands, and letting it down at night, locked up the
roof over me. A nice workman, who was famous for little
curiosities, undertook to make me two chairs, with backs and
frames, of a substance not unlike ivory, and two tables, with a
cabinet to put my things in. The room was quilted on all sides, as
well as the floor and the ceiling, to prevent any accident from the
carelessness of those who carried me, and to break the force of a
jolt, when I went in a coach. I desired a lock for my door, to
prevent rats and mice from coming in. The smith, after several
attempts, made the smallest that ever was seen among them, for I
have known a larger at the gate of a gentleman's house in England.
I made a shift to keep the key in a pocket of my own, fearing
Glumdalclitch might lose it. The queen likewise ordered the
thinnest silks that could be gotten, to make me clothes, not much
thicker than an English blanket, very cumbersome till I was
accustomed to them. They were after the fashion of the kingdom,
partly resembling the Persian, and partly the Chinese, and are a
very grave and decent habit.
The queen became so fond of my company, that she could not
dine without me. I had a table placed upon the same at which her
majesty ate, just at her left elbow, and a chair to sit on.
Glumdalclitch stood on a stool on the floor near my table, to assist
and take care of me. I had an entire set of silver dishes and plates,
and other necessaries, which, in proportion to those of the queen,
were not much bigger than what I have seen in a London toy-shop.
for the furniture of a baby-house: these my little nurse kept in her
pocket in a silver box, and gave me at meals as I wanted them,
always cleaning them herself. No person dined with the queen but
the two princesses royal, the eldest sixteen years old, and the
younger at that time thirteen and a month. Her majesty used to put
a bit of meat upon one of my dishes, out of which I carved for
myself, and her diversion was to see me eat in miniature: for the
queen (who had indeed but a weak stomach) took up, at one
mouthful, as much as a dozen English farmers could eat at a meal,
which to me was for some time a very nauseous sight. She would
craunch the wing of a lark, bones and all, between her teeth,
although it were nine times as large as that of a full-grown turkey;
and put a bit of bread into her mouth as big as two twelve-penny
loaves. She drank out of a golden cup, above a hogshead at a
draught. Her knives were twice as long as a scythe, set straight
upon the handle. The spoons, forks, and other instruments, were
all in the same proportion. I remember when Glumdalclitch
carried me, out of curiosity, to see some of the tables at court,
where ten or a dozen of those enormous knives and forks were
lifted up together, I thought I had never till then beheld so terrible
a sight.
It is the custom, that every Wednesday (which, as I have observed,
is their Sabbath) the king and queen, with the royal issue of both
sexes, dine together in the apartment of his majesty, to whom I
was now become a great favourite; and at these times, my little
chair and table were placed at his left hand, before one of the salt-cellars.
This prince took a pleasure in conversing with me,
inquiring into the manners, religion, laws, government, and.
learning of Europe; wherein I gave him the best account I was
able. His apprehension was so clear, and his judgment so exact,
that he made very wise reflections and observations upon all I
said. But I confess, that, after I had been a little too copious in
talking of my own beloved country, of our trade and wars by sea
and land, of our schisms in religion, and parties in the state; the
prejudices of his education prevailed so far, that he could not
forbear taking me up in his right hand, and stroking me gently
with the other, after a hearty fit of laughing, asked me, "whether I
was a whig or tory?" Then turning to his first minister, who waited
behind him with a white staff, near as tall as the mainmast of the
Royal Sovereign, he observed "how contemptible a thing was
human grandeur, which could be mimicked by such diminutive
insects as I: and yet," says he, "I dare engage these creatures have
their titles and distinctions of honour; they contrive little nests and
burrows, that they call houses and cities; they make a figure in
dress and equipage; they love, they fight, they dispute, they cheat,
they betray!" And thus he continued on, while my colour came
and went several times, with indignation, to hear our noble
country, the mistress of arts and arms, the scourge of France, the
arbitress of Europe, the seat of virtue, piety, honour, and truth, the
pride and envy of the world, so contemptuously treated.
But as I was not in a condition to resent injuries, so upon mature
thoughts I began to doubt whether I was injured or no. For, after
having been accustomed several months to the sight and converse
of this people, and observed every object upon which I cast mine
eyes to be of proportionable magnitude, the horror I had at first
conceived from their bulk and aspect was so far worn off, that if I.
had then beheld a company of English lords and ladies in their
finery and birth-day clothes, acting their several parts in the most
courtly manner of strutting, and bowing, and prating, to say the
truth, I should have been strongly tempted to laugh as much at
them as the king and his grandees did at me. Neither, indeed,
could I forbear smiling at myself, when the queen used to place
me upon her hand towards a looking-glass, by which both our
persons appeared before me in full view together; and there could
be nothing more ridiculous than the comparison; so that I really
began to imagine myself dwindled many degrees below my usual
size.
Nothing angered and mortified me so much as the queen's dwarf;
who being of the lowest stature that was ever in that country (for I
verily think he was not full thirty feet high), became so insolent at
seeing a creature so much beneath him, that he would always
affect to swagger and look big as he passed by me in the queen's
antechamber, while I was standing on some table talking with the
lords or ladies of the court, and he seldom failed of a smart word
or two upon my littleness; against which I could only revenge
myself by calling him brother, challenging him to wrestle, and
such repartees as are usually in the mouths of court pages. One
day, at dinner, this malicious little cub was so nettled with
something I had said to him, that, raising himself upon the frame
of her majesty's chair, he took me up by the middle, as I was
sitting down, not thinking any harm, and let me drop into a large
silver bowl of cream, and then ran away as fast as he could. I fell
over head and ears, and, if I had not been a good swimmer, it
might have gone very hard with me; for Glumdalclitch in that.
instant happened to be at the other end of the room, and the queen
was in such a fright, that she wanted presence of mind to assist
me. But my little nurse ran to my relief, and took me out, after I
had swallowed above a quart of cream. I was put to bed: however,
I received no other damage than the loss of a suit of clothes, which
was utterly spoiled. The dwarf was soundly whipt, and as a
farther punishment, forced to drink up the bowl of cream into
which he had thrown me: neither was he ever restored to favour;
for soon after the queen bestowed him on a lady of high quality, so
that I saw him no more, to my very great satisfaction; for I could
not tell to what extremities such a malicious urchin might have
carried his resentment.
He had before served me a scurvy trick, which set the queen a-laughing,
although at the same time she was heartily vexed, and
would have immediately cashiered him, if I had not been so
generous as to intercede. Her majesty had taken a marrow-bone
upon her plate, and, after knocking out the marrow, placed the
bone again in the dish erect, as it stood before; the dwarf,
watching his opportunity, while Glumdalclitch was gone to the
side-board, mounted the stool that she stood on to take care of me
at meals, took me up in both hands, and squeezing my legs
together, wedged them into the marrow bone above my waist,
where I stuck for some time, and made a very ridiculous figure. I
believe it was near a minute before any one knew what was
become of me; for I thought it below me to cry out. But, as princes
seldom get their meat hot, my legs were not scalded, only my
stockings and breeches in a sad condition. The dwarf, at my
entreaty, had no other punishment than a sound whipping..
I was frequently rallied by the queen upon account of my
fearfulness; and she used to ask me whether the people of my
country were as great cowards as myself? The occasion was this:
the kingdom is much pestered with flies in summer; and these
odious insects, each of them as big as a Dunstable lark, hardly
gave me any rest while I sat at dinner, with their continual
humming and buzzing about mine ears. They would sometimes
alight upon my victuals, and leave their loathsome excrement, or
spawn behind, which to me was very visible, though not to the
natives of that country, whose large optics were not so acute as
mine, in viewing smaller objects. Sometimes they would fix upon
my nose, or forehead, where they stung me to the quick, smelling
very offensively; and I could easily trace that viscous matter,
which, our naturalists tell us, enables those creatures to walk with
their feet upwards upon a ceiling. I had much ado to defend
myself against these detestable animals, and could not forbear
starting when they came on my face. It was the common practice
of the dwarf, to catch a number of these insects in his hand, as
schoolboys do among us, and let them out suddenly under my
nose, on purpose to frighten me, and divert the queen. My remedy
was to cut them in pieces with my knife, as they flew in the air,
wherein my dexterity was much admired.
I remember, one morning, when Glumdalclitch had set me in a
box upon a window, as she usually did in fair days to give me air
(for I durst not venture to let the box be hung on a nail out of the
window, as we do with cages in England), after I had lifted up one
of my sashes, and sat down at my table to eat a piece of sweet.
cake for my breakfast, above twenty wasps, allured by the smell,
came flying into the room, humming louder than the drones of as
many bagpipes. Some of them seized my cake, and carried it
piecemeal away; others flew about my head and face,
confounding me with the noise, and putting me in the utmost
terror of their stings. However, I had the courage to rise and draw
my hanger, and attack them in the air. I dispatched four of them,
but the rest got away, and I presently shut my window. These
insects were as large as partridges: I took out their stings, found
them an inch and a half long, and as sharp as needles. I carefully
preserved them all; and having since shown them, with some
other curiosities, in several parts of Europe, upon my return to
England I gave three of them to Gresham College, and kept the
fourth for myself..

        CHAPTER IV.

[The country described. A proposal for correcting modern maps.
The king's palace; and some account of the metropolis. The
author's way of travelling. The chief temple described.]
I now intend to give the reader a short description of this country,
as far as I travelled in it, which was not above two thousand miles
round Lorbrulgrud, the metropolis. For the queen, whom I always
attended, never went farther when she accompanied the king in
his progresses, and there staid till his majesty returned from
viewing his frontiers. The whole extent of this prince's dominions
reaches about six thousand miles in length, and from three to five
in breadth: whence I cannot but conclude, that our geographers of
Europe are in a great error, by supposing nothing but sea between
Japan and California; for it was ever my opinion, that there must
be a balance of earth to counterpoise the great continent of
Tartary; and therefore they ought to correct their maps and charts,
by joining this vast tract of land to the north-west parts of
America, wherein I shall be ready to lend them my assistance.
The kingdom is a peninsula, terminated to the north-east by a
ridge of mountains thirty miles high, which are altogether
impassable, by reason of the volcanoes upon the tops: neither do
the most learned know what sort of mortals inhabit beyond those.
mountains, or whether they be inhabited at all. On the three other
sides, it is bounded by the ocean. There is not one sea-port in the
whole kingdom: and those parts of the coasts into which the rivers
issue, are so full of pointed rocks, and the sea generally so rough,
that there is no venturing with the smallest of their boats; so that
these people are wholly excluded from any commerce with the
rest of the world. But the large rivers are full of vessels, and
abound with excellent fish; for they seldom get any from the sea,
because the sea fish are of the same size with those in Europe, and
consequently not worth catching; whereby it is manifest, that
nature, in the production of plants and animals of so extraordinary
a bulk, is wholly confined to this continent, of which I leave the
reasons to be determined by philosophers. However, now and then
they take a whale that happens to be dashed against the rocks,
which the common people feed on heartily. These whales I have
known so large, that a man could hardly carry one upon his
shoulders; and sometimes, for curiosity, they are brought in
hampers to Lorbrulgrud; I saw one of them in a dish at the king's
table, which passed for a rarity, but I did not observe he was fond
of it; for I think, indeed, the bigness disgusted him, although I
have seen one somewhat larger in Greenland.
The country is well inhabited, for it contains fifty-one cities, near
a hundred walled towns, and a great number of villages. To satisfy
my curious reader, it may be sufficient to describe Lorbrulgrud.
This city stands upon almost two equal parts, on each side the
river that passes through. It contains above eighty thousand
houses, and about six hundred thousand inhabitants. It is in length
three GLOMGLU