having seen all the curiosities of the
island, I was very desirous to leave it, being heartily weary of
those people. They were indeed excellent in two sciences for
which I have great esteem, and wherein I am not unversed; but, at
the same time, so abstracted and involved in speculation, that I
never met with such disagreeable companions. I conversed only
with women, tradesmen, flappers, and court-pages, during two
months of my abode there; by which, at last, I rendered myself
extremely contemptible; yet these were the only people from
whom I could ever receive a reasonable answer..
I had obtained, by hard study, a good degree of knowledge in their
language: I was weary of being confined to an island where I
received so little countenance, and resolved to leave it with the
first opportunity.
There was a great lord at court, nearly related to the king, and for
that reason alone used with respect. He was universally reckoned
the most ignorant and stupid person among them. He had
performed many eminent services for the crown, had great natural
and acquired parts, adorned with integrity and honour; but so ill
an ear for music, that his detractors reported, "he had been often
known to beat time in the wrong place;" neither could his tutors,
without extreme difficulty, teach him to demonstrate the most
easy proposition in the mathematics. He was pleased to show me
many marks of favour, often did me the honour of a visit, desired
to be informed in the affairs of Europe, the laws and customs, the
manners and learning of the several countries where I had
travelled. He listened to me with great attention, and made very
wise observations on all I spoke. He had two flappers attending
him for state, but never made use of them, except at court and in
visits of ceremony, and would always command them to
withdraw, when we were alone together.
I entreated this illustrious person, to intercede in my behalf with
his majesty, for leave to depart; which he accordingly did, as he
was pleased to tell me, with regret: for indeed he had made me
several offers very advantageous, which, however, I refused, with
expressions of the highest acknowledgment..
On the 16th of February I took leave of his majesty and the court.
The king made me a present to the value of about two hundred
pounds English, and my protector, his kinsman, as much more,
together with a letter of recommendation to a friend of his in
Lagado, the metropolis. The island being then hovering over a
mountain about two miles from it, I was let down from the lowest
gallery, in the same manner as I had been taken up.
The continent, as far as it is subject to the monarch of the flying
island, passes under the general name of BALNIBARBI; and the
metropolis, as I said before, is called LAGADO. I felt some little
satisfaction in finding myself on firm ground. I walked to the city
without any concern, being clad like one of the natives, and
sufficiently instructed to converse with them. I soon found out the
person's house to whom I was recommended, presented my letter
from his friend the grandee in the island, and was received with
much kindness. This great lord, whose name was Munodi, ordered
me an apartment in his own house, where I continued during my
stay, and was entertained in a most hospitable manner.
The next morning after my arrival, he took me in his chariot to see
the town, which is about half the bigness of London; but the
houses very strangely built, and most of them out of repair. The
people in the streets walked fast, looked wild, their eyes fixed, and
were generally in rags. We passed through one of the town gates,
and went about three miles into the country, where I saw many
labourers working with several sorts of tools in the ground, but.
was not able to conjecture what they were about: neither did
observe any expectation either of corn or grass, although the soil
appeared to be excellent. I could not forbear admiring at these odd
appearances, both in town and country; and I made bold to desire
my conductor, that he would be pleased to explain to me, what
could be meant by so many busy heads, hands, and faces, both in
the streets and the fields, because I did not discover any good
effects they produced; but, on the contrary, I never knew a soil so
unhappily cultivated, houses so ill contrived and so ruinous, or a
people whose countenances and habit expressed so much misery
and want.
This lord Munodi was a person of the first rank, and had been
some years governor of Lagado; but, by a cabal of ministers, was
discharged for insufficiency. However, the king treated him with
tenderness, as a well-meaning man, but of a low contemptible
understanding.
When I gave that free censure of the country and its inhabitants,
he made no further answer than by telling me, "that I had not been
long enough among them to form a judgment; and that the
different nations of the world had different customs;" with other
common topics to the same purpose. But, when we returned to his
palace, he asked me "how I liked the building, what absurdities I
observed, and what quarrel I had with the dress or looks of his
domestics?" This he might safely do; because every thing about
him was magnificent, regular, and polite. I answered, "that his
excellency's prudence, quality, and fortune, had exempted him
from those defects, which folly and beggary had produced in.
others." He said, "if I would go with him to his country-house,
about twenty miles distant, where his estate lay, there would be
more leisure for this kind of conversation." I told his excellency
"that I was entirely at his disposal;" and accordingly we set out
next morning.
During our journey he made me observe the several methods used
by farmers in managing their lands, which to me were wholly
unaccountable; for, except in some very few places, I could not
discover one ear of corn or blade of grass. But, in three hours
travelling, the scene was wholly altered; we came into a most
beautiful country; farmers' houses, at small distances, neatly built;
the fields enclosed, containing vineyards, corn-grounds, and
meadows. Neither do I remember to have seen a more delightful
prospect. His excellency observed my countenance to clear up; he
told me, with a sigh, "that there his estate began, and would
continue the same, till we should come to his house: that his
countrymen ridiculed and despised him, for managing his affairs
no better, and for setting so ill an example to the kingdom; which,
however, was followed by very few, such as were old, and wilful,
and weak like himself."
We came at length to the house, which was indeed a noble
structure, built according to the best rules of ancient architecture.
The fountains, gardens, walks, avenues, and groves, were all
disposed with exact judgment and taste. I gave due praises to
every thing I saw, whereof his excellency took not the least notice
till after supper; when, there being no third companion, he told me
with a very melancholy air "that he doubted he must throw down.
his houses in town and country, to rebuild them after the present
mode; destroy all his plantations, and cast others into such a form
as modern usage required, and give the same directions to all his
tenants, unless he would submit to incur the censure of pride,
singularity, affectation, ignorance, caprice, and perhaps increase
his majesty's displeasure; that the admiration I appeared to be
under would cease or diminish, when he had informed me of some
particulars which, probably, I never heard of at court, the people
there being too much taken up in their own speculations, to have
regard to what passed here below."
The sum of his discourse was to this effect: "That about forty
years ago, certain persons went up to Laputa, either upon business
or diversion, and, after five months continuance, came back with a
very little smattering in mathematics, but full of volatile spirits
acquired in that airy region: that these persons, upon their return,
began to dislike the management of every thing below, and fell
into schemes of putting all arts, sciences, languages, and
mechanics, upon a new foot. To this end, they procured a royal
patent for erecting an academy of projectors in Lagado; and the
humour prevailed so strongly among the people, that there is not a
town of any consequence in the kingdom without such an
academy. In these colleges the professors contrive new rules and
methods of agriculture and building, and new instruments, and
tools for all trades and manufactures; whereby, as they undertake,
one man shall do the work of ten; a palace may be built in a week,
of materials so durable as to last for ever without repairing. All the
fruits of the earth shall come to maturity at whatever season we
think fit to choose, and increase a hundred fold more than they do.
at present; with innumerable other happy proposals. The only
inconvenience is, that none of these projects are yet brought to
perfection; and in the mean time, the whole country lies miserably
waste, the houses in ruins, and the people without food or clothes.
By all which, instead of being discouraged, they are fifty times
more violently bent upon prosecuting their schemes, driven
equally on by hope and despair: that as for himself, being not of
an enterprising spirit, he was content to go on in the old forms, to
live in the houses his ancestors had built, and act as they did, in
every part of life, without innovation: that some few other persons
of quality and gentry had done the same, but were looked on with
an eye of contempt and ill-will, as enemies to art, ignorant, and ill
common-wealth's men, preferring their own ease and sloth before
the general improvement of their country."
His lordship added, "That he would not, by any further
particulars, prevent the pleasure I should certainly take in viewing
the grand academy, whither he was resolved I should go." He
only desired me to observe a ruined building, upon the side of a
mountain about three miles distant, of which he gave me this
account: "That he had a very convenient mill within half a mile of
his house, turned by a current from a large river, and sufficient for
his own family, as well as a great number of his tenants; that about
seven years ago, a club of those projectors came to him with
proposals to destroy this mill, and build another on the side of that
mountain, on the long ridge whereof a long canal must be cut, for
a repository of water, to be conveyed up by pipes and engines to
supply the mill, because the wind and air upon a height agitated
the water, and thereby made it fitter for motion, and because the.
water, descending down a declivity, would turn the mill with half
the current of a river whose course is more upon a level." He said,
"that being then not very well with the court, and pressed by many
of his friends, he complied with the proposal; and after employing
a hundred men for two years, the work miscarried, the projectors
went off, laying the blame entirely upon him, railing at him ever
since, and putting others upon the same experiment, with equal
assurance of success, as well as equal disappointment."
In a few days we came back to town; and his excellency,
considering the bad character he had in the academy, would not go
with me himself, but recommended me to a friend of his, to bear
me company thither. My lord was pleased to represent me as a
great admirer of projects, and a person of much curiosity and easy
belief; which, indeed, was not without truth; for I had myself been
a sort of projector in my younger days..

        CHAPTER V.

[The author permitted to see the grand academy of Lagado. The
academy largely described. The arts wherein the professors
employ themselves.]
This academy is not an entire single building, but a continuation
of several houses on both sides of a street, which growing waste,
was purchased and applied to that use.
I was received very kindly by the warden, and went for many days
to the academy. Every room has in it one or more projectors; and I
believe I could not be in fewer than five hundred rooms.
The first man I saw was of a meagre aspect, with sooty hands and
face, his hair and beard long, ragged, and singed in several places.
His clothes, shirt, and skin, were all of the same colour. He has
been eight years upon a project for extracting sunbeams out of
cucumbers, which were to be put in phials hermetically sealed,
and let out to warm the air in raw inclement summers. He told me,
he did not doubt, that, in eight years more, he should be able to
supply the governor's gardens with sunshine, at a reasonable rate:
but he complained that his stock was low, and entreated me "to
give him something as an encouragement to ingenuity, especially
since this had been a very dear season for cucumbers." I made him.
a small present, for my lord had furnished me with money on
purpose, because he knew their practice of begging from all who
go to see them.
I went into another chamber, but was ready to hasten back, being
almost overcome with a horrible stink. My conductor pressed me
forward, conjuring me in a whisper "to give no offence, which
would be highly resented;" and therefore I durst not so much as
stop my nose. The projector of this cell was the most ancient
student of the academy; his face and beard were of a pale yellow;
his hands and clothes daubed over with filth. When I was
presented to him, he gave me a close embrace, a compliment I
could well have excused. His employment, from his first coming
into the academy, was an operation to reduce human excrement to
its original food, by separating the several parts, removing the
tincture which it receives from the gall, making the odour exhale,
and scumming off the saliva. He had a weekly allowance, from
the society, of a vessel filled with human ordure, about the bigness
of a Bristol barrel.
I saw another at work to calcine ice into gunpowder; who likewise
showed me a treatise he had written concerning the malleability of
fire, which he intended to publish.
There was a most ingenious architect, who had contrived a new
method for building houses, by beginning at the roof, and working
downward to the foundation; which he justified to me, by the like
practice of those two prudent insects, the bee and the spider..
There was a man born blind, who had several apprentices in his
own condition: their employment was to mix colours for painters,
which their master taught them to distinguish by feeling and
smelling. It was indeed my misfortune to find them at that time
not very perfect in their lessons, and the professor himself
happened to be generally mistaken. This artist is much
encouraged and esteemed by the whole fraternity.
In another apartment I was highly pleased with a projector who
had found a device of ploughing the ground with hogs, to save the
charges of ploughs, cattle, and labour. The method is this: in an
acre of ground you bury, at six inches distance and eight deep, a
quantity of acorns, dates, chestnuts, and other mast or vegetables,
whereof these animals are fondest; then you drive six hundred or
more of them into the field, where, in a few days, they will root up
the whole ground in search of their food, and make it fit for
sowing, at the same time manuring it with their dung: it is true,
upon experiment, they found the charge and trouble very great,
and they had little or no crop. However it is not doubted, that this
invention may be capable of great improvement.
I went into another room, where the walls and ceiling were all
hung round with cobwebs, except a narrow passage for the artist
to go in and out. At my entrance, he called aloud to me, "not to
disturb his webs." He lamented "the fatal mistake the world had
been so long in, of using silkworms, while we had such plenty of
domestic insects who infinitely excelled the former, because they
understood how to weave, as well as spin." And he proposed
further, "that by employing spiders, the charge of dyeing silks.
should be wholly saved;" whereof I was fully convinced, when he
showed me a vast number of flies most beautifully coloured,
wherewith he fed his spiders, assuring us "that the webs would
take a tincture from them; and as he had them of all hues, he
hoped to fit everybody's fancy, as soon as he could find proper
food for the flies, of certain gums, oils, and other glutinous matter,
to give a strength and consistence to the threads."
There was an astronomer, who had undertaken to place a sun-dial
upon the great weathercock on the town-house, by adjusting the
annual and diurnal motions of the earth and sun, so as to answer
and coincide with all accidental turnings of the wind.
I was complaining of a small fit of the colic, upon which my
conductor led me into a room where a great physician resided,
who was famous for curing that disease, by contrary operations
from the same instrument. He had a large pair of bellows, with a
long slender muzzle of ivory: this he conveyed eight inches up the
anus, and drawing in the wind, he affirmed he could make the guts
as lank as a dried bladder. But when the disease was more
stubborn and violent, he let in the muzzle while the bellows were
full of wind, which he discharged into the body of the patient;
then withdrew the instrument to replenish it, clapping his thumb
strongly against the orifice of then fundament; and this being
repeated three or four times, the adventitious wind would rush
out, bringing the noxious along with it, (like water put into a
pump), and the patient recovered. I saw him try both experiments.
upon a dog, but could not discern any effect from the former.
After the latter the animal was ready to burst, and made so violent
a discharge as was very offensive to me and my companion.
The dog died on the spot, and we left the doctor endeavouring to
recover him, by the same operation.
I visited many other apartments, but shall not trouble my reader
with all the curiosities I observed, being studious of brevity.
I had hitherto seen only one side of the academy, the other being
appropriated to the advancers of speculative learning, of whom I
shall say something, when I have mentioned one illustrious person
more, who is called among them "the universal artist." He told us
"he had been thirty years employing his thoughts for the
improvement of human life." He had two large rooms full of
wonderful curiosities, and fifty men at work. Some were
condensing air into a dry tangible substance, by extracting the
nitre, and letting the aqueous or fluid particles percolate; others
softening marble, for pillows and pin-cushions; others petrifying
the hoofs of a living horse, to preserve them from foundering. The
artist himself was at that time busy upon two great designs; the
first, to sow land with chaff, wherein he affirmed the true seminal
virtue to be contained, as he demonstrated by several experiments,
which I was not skilful enough to comprehend. The other was, by
a certain composition of gums, minerals, and vegetables,
outwardly applied, to prevent the growth of wool upon two young
lambs; and he hoped, in a reasonable time to propagate the breed
of naked sheep, all over the kingdom..
We crossed a walk to the other part of the academy, where, as I
have already said, the projectors in speculative learning resided.
The first professor I saw, was in a very large room, with forty
pupils about him. After salutation, observing me to look earnestly
upon a frame, which took up the greatest part of both the length
and breadth of the room, he said, "Perhaps I might wonder to see
him employed in a project for improving speculative knowledge,
by practical and mechanical operations. But the world would soon
be sensible of its usefulness; and he flattered himself, that a more
noble, exalted thought never sprang in any other man's head.
Every one knew how laborious the usual method is of attaining to
arts and sciences; whereas, by his contrivance, the most ignorant
person, at a reasonable charge, and with a little bodily labour,
might write books in philosophy, poetry, politics, laws,
mathematics, and theology, without the least assistance from
genius or study." He then led me to the frame, about the sides,
whereof all his pupils stood in ranks. It was twenty feet square,
placed in the middle of the room. The superfices was composed of
several bits of wood, about the bigness of a die, but some larger
than others. They were all linked together by slender wires. These
bits of wood were covered, on every square, with paper pasted on
them; and on these papers were written all the words of their
language, in their several moods, tenses, and declensions; but
without any order. The professor then desired me "to observe; for
he was going to set his engine at work." The pupils, at his
command, took each of them hold of an iron handle, whereof
there were forty fixed round the edges of the frame; and giving.
them a sudden turn, the whole disposition of the words was
entirely changed. He then commanded six-and-thirty of the lads,
to read the several lines softly, as they appeared upon the frame;
and where they found three or four words together that might
make part of a sentence, they dictated to the four remaining boys,
who were scribes. This work was repeated three or four times, and
at every turn, the engine was so contrived, that the words shifted
into new places, as the square bits of wood moved upside down.
Six hours a day the young students were employed in this labour;
and the professor showed me several volumes in large folio,
already collected, of broken sentences, which he intended to piece
together, and out of those rich materials, to give the world a
complete body of all arts and sciences; which, however, might be
still improved, and much expedited, if the public would raise a
fund for making and employing five hundred such frames in
Lagado, and oblige the managers to contribute in common their
several collections.
He assured me "that this invention had employed all his thoughts
from his youth; that he had emptied the whole vocabulary into his
frame, and made the strictest computation of the general
proportion there is in books between the numbers of particles,
nouns, and verbs, and other parts of speech."
I made my humblest acknowledgment to this illustrious person,
for his great communicativeness; and promised, "if ever I had the
good fortune to return to my native country, that I would do him
justice, as the sole inventor of this wonderful machine;" the form.
and contrivance of which I desired leave to delineate on paper, as
in the figure here annexed. I told him, "although it were the
custom of our learned in Europe to steal inventions from each
other, who had thereby at least this advantage, that it became a
controversy which was the right owner; yet I would take such
caution, that he should have the honour entire, without a rival."
We next went to the school of languages, where three professors
sat in consultation upon improving that of their own country.
The first project was, to shorten discourse, by cutting
polysyllables into one, and leaving out verbs and participles,
because, in reality, all things imaginable are but norms.
The other project was, a scheme for entirely abolishing all words
whatsoever; and this was urged as a great advantage in point of
health, as well as brevity. For it is plain, that every word we speak
is, in some degree, a diminution of our lunge by corrosion, and,
consequently, contributes to the shortening of our lives. An
expedient was therefore offered, "that since words are only names
for things, it would be more convenient for all men to carry about
them such things as were necessary to express a particular
business they are to discourse on." And this invention would
certainly have taken place, to the great ease as well as health of
the subject, if the women, in conjunction with the vulgar and
illiterate, had not threatened to raise a rebellion unless they might
be allowed the liberty to speak with their tongues, after the
manner of their forefathers; such constant irreconcilable enemies
to science are the common people..
However, many of the most learned and wise adhere to the new
scheme of expressing themselves by things; which has only this
inconvenience attending it, that if a man's business be very great,
and of various kinds, he must be obliged, in proportion, to carry a
greater bundle of things upon his back, unless he can afford one or
two strong servants to attend him. I have often beheld two of those
sages almost sinking under the weight of their packs, like pedlars
among us, who, when they met in the street, would lay down their
loads, open their sacks, and hold conversation for an hour
together; then put up their implements, help each other to resume
their burdens, and take their leave.
But for short conversations, a man may carry implements in his
pockets, and under his arms, enough to supply him; and in his
house, he cannot be at a loss. Therefore the room where company
meet who practise this art, is full of all things, ready at hand,
requisite to furnish matter for this kind of artificial converse.
Another great advantage proposed by this invention was, that it
would serve as a universal language, to be understood in all
civilised nations, whose goods and utensils are generally of the
same kind, or nearly resembling, so that their uses might easily be
comprehended. And thus ambassadors would be qualified to treat
with foreign princes, or ministers of state, to whose tongues they
were utter strangers..
I was at the mathematical school, where the master taught his
pupils after a method scarce imaginable to us in Europe. The
proposition, and demonstration, were fairly written on a thin
wafer, with ink composed of a cephalic tincture. This, the student
was to swallow upon a fasting stomach, and for three days
following, eat nothing but bread and water. As the wafer digested,
the tincture mounted to his brain, bearing the proposition along
with it. But the success has not hitherto been answerable, partly
by some error in the QUANTUM or composition, and partly by
the perverseness of lads, to whom this bolus is so nauseous, that
they generally steal aside, and discharge it upwards, before it can
operate; neither have they been yet persuaded to use so long an
abstinence, as the prescription requires..

        CHAPTER VI.

[A further account of the academy. The author proposes some
improvements, which are honourably received.]
In the school of political projectors, I was but ill entertained; the
professors appearing, in my judgment, wholly out of their senses,
which is a scene that never fails to make me melancholy. These
unhappy people were proposing schemes for persuading
monarchs to choose favourites upon the score of their wisdom,
capacity, and virtue; of teaching ministers to consult the public
good; of rewarding merit, great abilities, eminent services; of
instructing princes to know their true interest, by placing it on the
same foundation with that of their people; of choosing for
employments persons qualified to exercise them, with many other
wild, impossible chimeras, that never entered before into the heart
of man to conceive; and confirmed in me the old observation,
"that there is nothing so extravagant and irrational, which some
philosophers have not maintained for truth."
But, however, I shall so far do justice to this part of the Academy,
as to acknowledge that all of them were not so visionary. There
was a most ingenious doctor, who seemed to be perfectly versed
in the whole nature and system of government. This illustrious
person had very usefully employed his studies, in finding out.
effectual remedies for all diseases and corruptions to which the
several kinds of public administration are subject, by the vices or
infirmities of those who govern, as well as by the licentiousness of
those who are to obey. For instance: whereas all writers and
reasoners have agreed, that there is a strict universal resemblance
between the natural and the political body; can there be any thing
more evident, than that the health of both must be preserved, and
the diseases cured, by the same prescriptions? It is allowed, that
senates and great councils are often troubled with redundant,
ebullient, and other peccant humours; with many diseases of the
head, and more of the heart; with strong convulsions, with
grievous contractions of the nerves and sinews in both hands, but
especially the right; with spleen, flatus, vertigos, and deliriums;
with scrofulous tumours, full of fetid purulent matter; with sour
frothy ructations: with canine appetites, and crudeness of
digestion, besides many others, needless to mention.
This doctor therefore proposed, "that upon the meeting of the
senate, certain physicians should attend it the three first days of
their sitting, and at the close of each day's debate feel the pulses of
every senator; after which, having maturely considered and
consulted upon the nature of the several maladies, and the
methods of cure, they should on the fourth day return to the senate
house, attended by their apothecaries stored with proper
medicines; and before the members sat, administer to each of
them lenitives, aperitives, abstersives, corrosives, restringents,
palliatives, laxatives, cephalalgics, icterics, apophlegmatics,.
acoustics, as their several cases required; and, according as these
medicines should operate, repeat, alter, or omit them, at the next
meeting."
This project could not be of any great expense to the public; and
might in my poor opinion, be of much use for the despatch of
business, in those countries where senates have any share in the
legislative power; beget unanimity, shorten debates, open a few
mouths which are now closed, and close many more which are
now open; curb the petulancy of the young, and correct the
positiveness of the old; rouse the stupid, and damp the pert.
Again: because it is a general complaint, that the favourites of
princes are troubled with short and weak memories; the same
doctor proposed, "that whoever attended a first minister, after
having told his business, with the utmost brevity and in the
plainest words, should, at his departure, give the said minister a
tweak by the nose, or a kick in the belly, or tread on his corns, or
lug him thrice by both ears, or run a pin into his breech; or pinch
his arm black and blue, to prevent forgetfulness; and at every
levee day, repeat the same operation, till the business were done,
or absolutely refused."
He likewise directed, "that every senator in the great council of a
nation, after he had delivered his opinion, and argued in the
defence of it, should be obliged to give his vote directly contrary;
because if that were done, the result would infallibly terminate in
the good of the public.".
When parties in a state are violent, he offered a wonderful
contrivance to reconcile them. The method is this: You take a
hundred leaders of each party; you dispose them into couples of
such whose heads are nearest of a size; then let two nice operators
saw off the occiput of each couple at the same time, in such a
manner that the brain may be equally divided. Let the occiputs,
thus cut off, be interchanged, applying each to the head of his
opposite party-man. It seems indeed to be a work that requires
some exactness, but the professor assured us, "that if it were
dexterously performed, the cure would be infallible." For he
argued thus: "that the two half brains being left to debate the
matter between themselves within the space of one skull, would
soon come to a good understanding, and produce that moderation,
as well as regularity of thinking, so much to be wished for in the
heads of those, who imagine they come into the world only to
watch and govern its motion: and as to the difference of brains, in
quantity or quality, among those who are directors in faction, the
doctor assured us, from his own knowledge, that "it was a perfect
trifle."
I heard a very warm debate between two professors, about the
most commodious and effectual ways and means of raising
money, without grieving the subject. The first affirmed, "the
justest method would be, to lay a certain tax upon vices and folly;
and the sum fixed upon every man to be rated, after the fairest
manner, by a jury of his neighbours." The second was of an
opinion directly contrary; "to tax those qualities of body and
mind, for which men chiefly value themselves; the rate to be more
or less, according to the degrees of excelling; the decision.
whereof should be left entirely to their own breast." The highest
tax was upon men who are the greatest favourites of the other sex,
and the assessments, according to the number and nature of the
favours they have received; for which, they are allowed to be their
own vouchers. Wit, valour, and politeness, were likewise
proposed to be largely taxed, and collected in the same manner, by
every person's giving his own word for the quantum of what he
possessed. But as to honour, justice, wisdom, and learning, they
should not be taxed at all; because they are qualifications of so
singular a kind, that no man will either allow them in his
neighbour or value them in himself.
The women were proposed to be taxed according to their beauty
and skill in dressing, wherein they had the same privilege with the
men, to be determined by their own judgment. But constancy,
chastity, good sense, and good nature, were not rated, because
they would not bear the charge of collecting.
To keep senators in the interest of the crown, it was proposed that
the members should raffle for employment; every man first taking
an oath, and giving security, that he would vote for the court,
whether he won or not; after which, the losers had, in their turn,
the liberty of raffling upon the next vacancy. Thus, hope and
expectation would be kept alive; none would complain of broken
promises, but impute their disappointments wholly to fortune,
whose shoulders are broader and stronger than those of a ministry..
Another professor showed me a large paper of instructions for
discovering plots and conspiracies against the government. He
advised great statesmen to examine into the diet of all suspected
persons; their times of eating; upon which side they lay in bed;
with which hand they wipe their posteriors; take a strict view of
their excrements, and, from the colour, the odour, the taste, the
consistence, the crudeness or maturity of digestion, form a
judgment of their thoughts and designs; because men are never so
serious, thoughtful, and intent, as when they are at stool, which he
found by frequent experiment; for, in such conjunctures, when he
used, merely as a trial, to consider which was the best way of
murdering the king, his ordure would have a tincture of green; but
quite different, when he thought only of raising an insurrection, or
burning the metropolis.
The whole discourse was written with great acuteness, containing
many observations, both curious and useful for politicians; but, as
I conceived, not altogether complete. This I ventured to tell the
author, and offered, if he pleased, to supply him with some
additions. He received my proposition with more compliance than
is usual among writers, especially those of the projecting species,
professing "he would be glad to receive further information."
I told him, "that in the kingdom of Tribnia, (3) by the natives
called Langdon, (4) where I had sojourned some time in my
travels, the bulk of the people consist in a manner wholly of
discoverers, witnesses, informers, accusers, prosecutors,
evidences, swearers, together with their several subservient and
subaltern instruments, all under the colours, the conduct, and the.
pay of ministers of state, and their deputies. The plots, in that
kingdom, are usually the workmanship of those persons who
desire to raise their own characters of profound politicians; to
restore new vigour to a crazy administration; to stifle or divert
general discontents; to fill their coffers with forfeitures; and raise,
or sink the opinion of public credit, as either shall best answer
their private advantage. It is first agreed and settled among them,
what suspected persons shall be accused of a plot; then, effectual
care is taken to secure all their letters and papers, and put the
owners in chains. These papers are delivered to a set of artists,
very dexterous in finding out the mysterious meanings of words,
syllables, and letters: for instance, they can discover a close stool,
to signify a privy council; a flock of geese, a senate; a lame dog,
an invader; the plague, a standing army; a buzzard, a prime
minister; the gout, a high priest; a gibbet, a secretary of state; a
chamber pot, a committee of grandees; a sieve, a court lady; a
broom, a revolution; a mouse-trap, an employment; a bottomless
pit, a treasury; a sink, a court; a cap and bells, a favourite; a
broken reed, a court of justice; an empty tun, a general; a running
sore, the administration. (5)
"When this method fails, they have two others more effectual,
which the learned among them call acrostics and anagrams. First,
they can decipher all initial letters into political meanings. Thus
N, shall signify a plot; B, a regiment of horse; L, a fleet at sea; or,
secondly, by transposing the letters of the alphabet in any
suspected paper, they can lay open the deepest designs of a
discontented party. So, for example, if I should say, in a letter to a
friend, 'Our brother Tom has just got the piles,' a skilful decipherer.
would discover, that the same letters which compose that
sentence, may be analysed into the following words, 'Resist--, a
plot is brought home--The tour.' And this is the anagrammatic
method."
The professor made me great acknowledgments for
communicating these observations, and promised to make
honourable mention of me in his treatise.
I saw nothing in this country that could invite me to a longer
continuance, and began to think of returning home to England..

        CHAPTER VII.

[The author leaves Lagado: arrives at Maldonada. No ship ready.
He takes a short voyage to Glubbdubdrib. His reception by the
governor.]
The continent, of which this kingdom is apart, extends itself, as I
have reason to believe, eastward, to that unknown tract of
America westward of California; and north, to the Pacific Ocean,
which is not above a hundred and fifty miles from Lagado; where
there is a good port, and much commerce with the great island of
Luggnagg, situated to the north-west about 29 degrees north
latitude, and 140 longitude. This island of Luggnagg stands south-eastward
of Japan, about a hundred leagues distant. There is a
strict alliance between the Japanese emperor and the king of
Luggnagg; which affords frequent opportunities of sailing from
one island to the other. I determined therefore to direct my course
this way, in order to my return to Europe. I hired two mules, with
a guide, to show me the way, and carry my small baggage. I took
leave of my noble protector, who had shown me so much favour,
and made me a generous present at my departure.
My journey was without any accident or adventure worth relating.
When I arrived at the port of Maldonada (for so it is called) there
was no ship in the harbour bound for Luggnagg, nor likely to be in.
some time. The town is about as large as Portsmouth. I soon fell
into some acquaintance, and was very hospitably received. A
gentleman of distinction said to me, "that since the ships bound
for Luggnagg could not be ready in less than a month, it might be
no disagreeable amusement for me to take a trip to the little island
of Glubbdubdrib, about five leagues off to the south-west." He
offered himself and a friend to accompany me, and that I should
be provided with a small convenient bark for the voyage.
Glubbdubdrib, as nearly as I can interpret the word, signifies the
island of sorcerers or magicians. It is about one third as large as
the Isle of Wight, and extremely fruitful: it is governed by the
head of a certain tribe, who are all magicians. This tribe marries
only among each other, and the eldest in succession is prince or
governor. He has a noble palace, and a park of about three
thousand acres, surrounded by a wall of hewn stone twenty feet
high. In this park are several small enclosures for cattle, corn, and
gardening.
The governor and his family are served and attended by domestics
of a kind somewhat unusual. By his skill in necromancy he has a
power of calling whom he pleases from the dead, and
commanding their service for twenty-four hours, but no longer;
nor can he call the same persons up again in less than three
months, except upon very extraordinary occasions.
When we arrived at the island, which was about eleven in the
morning, one of the gentlemen who accompanied me went to the
governor, and desired admittance for a stranger, who came on.
purpose to have the honour of attending on his highness