ell me, tell me then!
     What was it?
     A .......... !
     ? ..........0! So there you are now there they  were, when all was over
again, the  four with them, setting  around upin their judges'  chambers, in
the muniment room, of their marshalsea, under  the suspices of Lally, around
their old traditional tables of the law like  Somany  Solans to talk it over
rallthesameagain. Well and druly dry. Suffering law the dring. Accourting to
king's evelyns.  So help her goat and kiss the bouc. Festives and highajinks
and jintyaun  and  her beetyrossy  bettydoaty  and not to forget now  a'duna
o'darnel. The four of them and  thank court now there were no  more of them.
So pass  the push for port  sake. Be it  soon. Ah ho! And  do you  remember,
Singabob,  the  badfather, the same,  the great Howdoyoucallem, and  his old
nickname,  Dirty Daddy Pantaloons, in his monopoleums, behind the war of the
two  roses, with Michael  Victory, the sheemen's preester,  before he caught
his paper  dispillsation  from the  poke, old Minace and Minster  York? Do I
mind?  I mind  the  gush  off  the  mon  like Ballybock  manure  works on  a
tradewinds day. And the O'Moyly gracies and the O'Briny rossies chaffing him
bluchface  and playing  him pranks. How do you  do, todo,  North Mister? Get
into  my way! Ah dearome  forsailoshe! Gone  over  the bays! When  ginabawdy
meadabawdy!  Yerra, why  would he heed that old  gasometer with his  hooping
coppin and his dyinboosycough and all the birds of the southside after  her,
Minxy Cunningham, their dear divorcee darling, jimmies and jonnies to be her
jo?  Hold  hard. There's three other corners to our isle's cork float. Sure,
'tis well I can telesmell  him  H2 C E3 that would take a township's  breath
away! Gob and I nose him too well as I do meself, heaving up the Kay Wall by
the  32  to  II with  his  limelooking  horsebags  full of  sesameseed,  the
Whiteside Kaffir,  and  his sayman's  effluvium and his  scentpainted voice,
puffing  out his thundering big brown cabbage! Pa! Thawt I'm glad a gull for
his  pawsdeen fiunn! Goborro,  sez  he,  Lankyshied! Gobugga  ye,  sez  I! O
breezes! I sniffed that lad  long  before anyone.  It was  when  I was in my
farfather  out  at  the  west  and  she  and  myself,  the  redheaded  girl,
firstnighting  down  Sycomore  Lane.  Fine  feelplay  we  had  of it mid the
kissabetts  frisking in the kool kurkle dusk of the lushiness. My perfume of
the  pampas, says she  (meaning me) putting  out  her  netherlights, and I'd
sooner  one  precious  sip  at  your  pure  mountain  dew  than   enrich  my
acquaintance with that big brewer's belch.
     And  so they  went  on, the fourbottle men,  the analists,  unguam  and
nunguam and lunguam again, their  anschluss  about  her whosebefore  and his
whereafters  and how  she  was  lost  away away in the fern  and how  he was
founded deap on deep in anear, and the rustlings and the twitterings and the
raspings  and the  snappings  and  the sighings and  the  paintings  and the
ukukuings  and  the   (hist!)  the  springapartings  and  the   (hast!)  the
bybyscuttlings  and all the scandalmunkers  and the pure craigs that used to
be (up) that time  living and  lying  and rating  and riding round Nunsbelly
Square.  And all  the  buds  in the bush.  And the laughing  jackass. Harik!
Harik! Harik! The  rose is  white  in the darik! And Sunfella's nose has got
rhinoceritis  from haunting the roes  in  the parik! So all  rogues  lean to
rhyme. And contradrinking themselves about Lillytrilly law pon hilly and Mrs
Niall of the  Nine Corsages and the old markiss their besterfar, and, arrah,
sure there was  never a marcus at all at all among  the manlies and dear Sir
Armoury, queer Sir  Rumoury, and the old  house by the  churpelizod, and all
the goings on so very  wrong long before when they were going on retreat, in
the old  gammeldags, the four of them, in Milton's  Park under lovely Father
Whisperer and making her love with his stuffstuff in the languish of flowers
and feeling to find was she mushymushy, and wasn't  that vely both of  them,
the saucicissters, a drahereen o machree !, and (peep !) meeting waters most
improper (peepette!)  ballround the garden, trickle trickle  trickle  triss,
please, miman, may I go flirting? farmers  gone  with a  groom and  how they
used her, mused  her, licksed her and  cuddled. I differ  with  ye ! Are you
sure of yourself  now?  You're a liar,  excuse me!  I  will  not  and you're
another!  And  Lully holding their breach of the peace for them.  Pool  loll
Lolly!  To give  and  to  take!  And to forego  the  pasht!  And all will be
forgotten! Ah ho! It was too too bad to  be falling  out  about her kindness
pet and the shape of O O O O  O O O O Ourang's time. Well, all right, Lelly.
And shakeahand. And schenkusmore. For Craig sake. Be it suck.
     Well?
     Well, even should not the framing up of such figments in the evidential
order bring the true truth to  light as fortuitously as a dim seer's setting
of  a  starchart  might (heaven  helping  it!)  uncover  the nakedness of an
unknown body in the fields of blue or as forehearingly as the sibspeeches of
all  mankind  have  foliated (earth seizing  them!)  from the  root  of some
funner's  stotter all the soundest sense  to  be found  immense  our special
mentalists now  holds (securus  iudicat orbis terrarum) that by such playing
possum  our  hagious  curious  encestor bestly  saved  his  brush  with  his
posterity, you, charming coparcenors,  us, heirs of  his tailsie. Gundogs of
all breeds were beagling with renounced urbiandorbic bugles, hot to run him,
given  law,  on a scent breasthigh, keen for the worry. View! From his  holt
outratted across the Juletide's  genial corsslands of  Humfries  Chase  from
Mullinahob  and  Peacockstown,  then bearing right  upon  Tankardstown,  the
outlier, a white noelan which  Mr Loewensteil Fitz Urse's basset beaters had
first  misbadgered for  a  bruin of some  swart,  led bayers the  run,  then
through Raystown  and  Horlockstown and, louping  the loup,  to Tankardstown
again. Ear canny  hare  for  doubling through Cheeverstown they  raced  him,
through  Loughlinstown and Nutstown to wind him by the Boolies. But from the
good turn when he last was lost,  check, upon Ye Hill of Rut in  full winter
coat with ticker pads, pointing for his rooming house his old nordest in his
rolltoproyal  hessians a deaf fuchser's  volponism hid him close in  covert,
miraculously  ravenfed  and  buoyed  up,  in  rumer,  reticule,  onasum  and
abomasum, upon (may Allbrewham have his mead!) the  creamclotted  sherriness
of  cinnamon  syllabub,  Mikkelraved, Nikkelsaved.  Hence hounds  hied home.
Preservative perseverance  in  the  reeducation  of his intestines  was  the
rebuttal  by  whilk he sort of git  the big  bulge on  the  whole  bunch  of
spasoakers, dieting  against glues and gravies,  in  that sometime prestreet
protown. Vainly violence, virulence and vituperation sought wellnigh utterly
to  attax and  abridge, to  derail  and depontify, to enrate and  inroad, to
ongoad and unhume the great shipping mogul and underlinen overlord.
     But  the spoil  of hesitants, the spell of  hesitency. His  atake is it
ashe,  tittery  taw  tatterytail,  hasitense  humponadimply, heyheyheyhey  a
winceywencky.
     Assembly men murmured. Reynard is slow!
     One feared for his days. Did there yawn? 'Twas his stommick. Eruct? The
libber. A  gush? From his visuals.  Pung? Delivver him, orelode! He had laid
violent hands on himself, it was brought in  Fugger's Newsletter, lain down,
all  in,fagged out,  with  equally melancholy  death.  For  the  triduum  of
Saturnalia  his goatservant had  paraded hiz  willingsons in the Forum while
the  jenny infanted the lass to  be greeted  raucously (the Yardstated) with
houx and epheus and measured with missiles too from a hundred of manhood and
a  wimmering of weibes.  Big  went  the  bang:  then wildewide  was quiet: a
report:  silence: last  Fama put  it under ether. The  noase or the loal had
dreven  him  blem,  blem, stun blem. Sparks  flew.  He had fled  again (open
shunshema!)  this   country  of  exile,  sloughed  off,sidleshomed  via  the
subterranean shored  with  bedboards, stowed  away and  ankered  in  a dutch
bottom tank, the Arsa, hod S.S. Finlandia, and was even now occupying, under
an  islamitic newhame in his seventh  generation,  a physical body Cornelius
Magrath's  (badoldkarakter,  commonorrong canbung)  in Asia Major, where  as
Turk of the theater (first house all flatty: the king, eleven sharps) he had
bepiastered the buikdanseuses from the opulence of his omnibox while as arab
at  the  streetdoor  he  bepestered the bumbashaws for the  alms of a para's
pence.  Wires   hummed.   Peacefully   general   astonishment  assisted   by
regrettitude had put a term till his  existence: he saw the family saggarth,
resigned, put off his remainders, was recalled and scrapheaped by the Maker.
Chirpings  crossed.  An  infamous  private ailment  (vulgovarioveneral)  had
claimed  endright,  closed his  vicious  circle,  snap. Jams jarred.  He had
walked  towards the middle of an ornamental lilypond when innebriated up  to
the point where braced  shirts meet  knickerbockers,  as wangfish daring the
buoyant  waters,  when rodmen's firstaiding hands had rescued  un from  very
possibly several feel of  demifrish  water. Mush spread. On  Umbrella Street
where  he did drinks  from a pumps a kind workman,  Mr  Whitlock, gave him a
piece of wood. What words of power were made  fas between them, ekenames and
auchnomes, acnomina ecnumina? That, O  that, did  Hansard tell us, would gar
ganz Dub's ear  wag in every pub  of all the  citta! Batty  believes a baton
while Hogan hears a hod yet Heer prefers a punsil  shapner and Cope and Bull
go cup and ball. And the  Cassidy--Craddock rome and reme round e'er a wiege
ne'er  a waage is still immer and immor  awagering over it,a  cradle with  a
care in it or  a casket with a kick behind. Toties testies quoties questies.
The war is in words and the wood is the world. Maply me, willowy we, hickory
he and  yew  yourselves. Howforhim  chirrupeth evereachbird!  From  golddawn
glory to glowworm gleam. We were lowquacks did we not  tacit  turn. Elsewere
there  here no concern of the Guinnesses.  But  only the ruining of the rain
has  heard.  Estout pourporteral ! Cracklings  cricked. A human pest cycling
(pist!) and recycling (past!) about the  sledgy streets, here he was (pust!)
again! Morse nuisance noised. He was loose at large  and (Oh baby!) might be
anywhere when a disguised exnun, of huge standbuild and masculine manners in
her  fairly  fat  forties,  Carpulenta  Gygasta,  hattracted  hattention  by
harbitrary conduct  with a homnibus. Aerials  buzzed to coastal listeners of
an oertax bror collector's budget, fullybigs, sporran, tie, tuft, tabard and
bloody antichill cloak, its  tailor's  (Baernfather's) tab  reading  V.P.H.,
found  nigh Scaldbrothar's Hole,  and divers shivered to think what kaind of
beast,  wolves, croppis's or fourpenny friars, had devoured him.  C. W. cast
wide.  Hvidfinns  lyk,  drohneth  svertgleam, Valkir lockt. On his pinksir's
postern, the boys had it, at Whitweekend had been nailed an inkedup name and
title,   inscribed  in  the  national  cursives,  accelerated,   regressive,
filiform, turreted and envenomoloped in piggotry: Move up. Mumpty! Mike room
for Rumpty! By  order, Nickekellous Plugg; and this go,  no pentecostal jest
about  it, how gregarious  his  race soever or skilful learned  wise cunning
knowledgable clear profound his saying fortitudo fraught or prudentiaproven,
were he  chief,  count,  general, fieldmarshal,  prince, king or  Myles  the
Slasher  in his person, with a moliamordhar mansion  in the Breffnian empire
and  a place of inauguration on the hill of Tullymongan, there had been real
murder, of the rayheallach royghal raxacraxian variety, the  MacMahon chaps,
it  was, that had done him in.  On the fidd of Verdor the rampart combatants
had left him lion with his dexter handcoup wresterected  in a pureede paumee
bloody proper. Indeed not  a few thick and thin  wellwishers, mostly of  the
clontarfminded  class, (Colonel  John  Bawle  O'Roarke,  fervxamplus),  even
ventured  so  far as  to  loan  or beg  copies  of D.  Blayncy's  trilingual
triweekly,  Scatterbrains' Aftening Posht,so as to make certain sure onetime
and   be  satisfied  of   their  quasicontribusodalitarian's  having  become
genuinely quite  beetly dead  whether  by land whither by water.  Transocean
atalaclamoured him; The latter! The latter!  Shall their hope then be silent
or  Macfarlane  lack of lamentation?  He  lay under leagues  of  it  in deep
Bartholoman's Deep.
     Achdung! Pozor! Attenshune! Vikeroy Besights Smucky Yung Pigeschoolies.
Tri  Paisdinernes  Eventyr  Med   Lochlanner  Fathach   I   Fiounnisgehaven.
Bannalanna Bangs Ballyhooly Out Of Her Buddaree Of A Bullavogue.
     But,  their  bright  little  contemporaries  notwithstanding,  on   the
morrowing morn of the suicidal murder of the unrescued expatriate, aslike as
asnake comes sliduant down that  oaktree onto the  duke of beavers, (you may
have  seen  some   liquidamber   exude  exotic   from  a  balsam  poplar  at
Parteen-a-lax Limestone. Road and cried Abies Magnifica! not, noble  fir?) a
quarter  of nine,  imploring his  resipiency, saw the  infallible  spike  of
smoke's jutstiff punctual from the seventh gable of our Quintus Centimachus'
porphyroid buttertower and then thirsty p.m. with oaths upon his lastingness
(En  caecos harauspices ! Annos  longos patimur !) the lamps of maintenance,
beaconsfarafield  innerhalf  the  zuggurat,  all  brevetnamed,  the  wasting
wyvern, the tawny of his  mane, the swinglowswaying bluepaw, the outstanding
man, the  lolllike  lady,  being  litten  for the long  (O land, how  long!)
lifesnight, with suffusion of fineglass transom and leadlight panes.
     Wherefore let it hardly by any being thinking be said either or thought
that the prisoner of that sacred edifice, were he an Ivor the Boneless or an
Olaf the Hide, was at his  best a onestone  parable, a rude breathing on the
void  of to be, a venter hearing his own bauchspeech in backwords, or,  more
strictly,  but  tristurned initials, the cluekey to  a worldroom beyond  the
roomwhorld,  for  scarce  one,  or  pathetically  few  of  his   dode  canal
sammenlivers  cared seriously or for long  to doubt with Kurt Iuld van Dijke
(the gravitational pull perceived by certain fixed residents and the capture
of  uncertain  comets  chancedrifting  through  our  system   suggesting  an
authenticitatem  of his aliquitudinis) the canonicity of  his existence as a
tesseract. Be still, O quick! Speak him dumb! Hush ye fronds of Ulma!
     Dispersal women wondered. Was she fast?
     Do  tell  us all about. As we want to hear  allabout. So tellus  tellas
allabouter. The why or whether she looked alottylike like ussies and whether
he had his wimdop like themses shut? Notes and queries, tipbids and answers,
the laugh and the shout,  the ards and downs. Now listed to one aneither and
liss them down and smoothen out your leaves of rose. The war is o'er. Wimwim
wimwim!  Was it Unity  Moore  or  Estella Swifte  or  Varina Fay  or  Quarta
Quaedam?  Toemaas, mark oom for yor ounckel! Pigeys,  hold  op med  yer leg!
Who, but who (for second time of asking) was then the  scourge  of the parts
about folkrich  Lucalizod it was wont to be asked, as, in ages behind of the
Homo Capite  Erectus,  what  price Peabody's money,  or,  to put it bluntly,
whence  is the herringtons' white cravat,  as, in epochs more cainozoic, who
struck  Buckley though nowadays as thentimes every schoolfilly of sevenscore
moons  or  more who  knowher  intimologies and  every colleen bawl aroof and
every redflammelwaving  warwife  and  widowpeace  upon  Dublin Wall for ever
knows as yayas is yayas how it was Buckleyself (we need no blooding paper to
tell it neither)  who struck and  the Russian generals, da!  da!, instead of
Buckley who was caddishly struck by him  when be herselves.  What  fullpried
paulpoison in the spy of three castles or which hatefilled smileyseller? And
that  such  a  vetriol of  venom,  that queen's head affranchisant, a  quiet
stinkingplaster zeal could cover, prepostered or postpaid! The loungelizards
of  the  pumproom  had  their  nine  days'  ~er,  and  pratschkats at  their
platschpails  too  and   holenpolendom   beside,  Szpaszpas  Szpissmas,  the
zhanyzhonies,  when, still believing in her  owenglass,  when  izarres  were
twinklins, that the upper reaches of her mouthless face  and her impermanent
waves were the better half of her,  one nearer him,  dearer  than all, first
warming  creature of his early morn, bondwoman of the man of the  house, and
murrmurr of all the mackavicks, she who had given his eye  for her bed and a
tooth for a child till one one and one ten and one hundred again, O me and O
ye !  cadet and prim, the hungray and anngreen (and if she is older now than
her  teeth she has  hair that is younger than thighne,  my  dear!)  she  who
shuttered him after his fall and waked him widowt sparing and gave  him keen
and  made him able and held adazillahs to each arche  of  his noes, she  who
will  not  rast her from  her running to seek him till, with the help of the
okeamic, some such time  that she shall have been after hiding the crumbends
of his enormousness in the  areyou lookingfor Pearlfar sea, (ur, uri, uria!)
stood forth, burnzburn  the gorggony  old danworld,  in  gogor's  name,  for
gagar's  sake, dragging  the countryside in her  train,  finickin  here  and
funickin there, with her louisequean's brogues and  her culunder  buzzle and
her litde  bolero boa and  all  and  two times  twenty  curlicornies for her
headdress, specks  on her  eyeux,  and  spudds on horeilles and  a circusfix
riding her Parisienne's  cockneze, a  vaunt her straddle from Equerry  Egon,
when Tinktink in  the churchclose clinked Steploajazzyma  Sunday, Sola, with
pawns, prelates  and  pookas pelotting in  her  piecebag,  for  Handiman the
Chomp, Esquoro, biskbask, to crush the slander's head.
     Wery weeny wight, plead for Morandmor! Notre Dame de la Ville, mercy of
thy  balmheartzyheat! Ogrowdnyk's  beyond  herbata tay, wort of the drogist.
Bulk him no bulkis. And let him rest, thou  wayfarre, and take no gravespoil
from him! Neither mar his mound! The bane of Tut is on it. Ware! But there's
a little lady waiting and her name  is A.L.P. And you'll agree.  She must be
she. For her holden heirheaps hanging down  her back.  He spenth his strenth
amok  haremscarems. Poppy Narancy, Giallia, Chlora, Marinka, Anileen, Parme.
And ilk a those dames had her rainbow huemoures yet for whilko her whims but
he  coined  a  cure.  Tifftiff  today, kissykissy  tonay  and  agelong  pine
tomauranna.  Then  who   but  Crippled-with-Children  would  speak   up  for
Dropping-with-Sweat?

     Sold him her lease of ninenineninetee,
     Tresses undresses so dyedyedaintee,
     Goo, the groot gudgeon, gulped it all.
     Hoo was the C. O. D.?
     Bum !

     At Island Bridge she met her tide.
     Attabom, attabom, attabombomboom!
     The Fin had a flux and his Ebba a ride.
     Attabom, attabom, attabombomboom!
     We're all up to the years in hues and cribies.
     That's what she's done for wee!
     Woe!

     Nomad may roam with  Nabuch but let naaman laugh at Jordan! For  we, we
have taken our sheet upon her  stones where we have hanged our hearts in her
trees; and we list, as she bibs us, by the waters of babalong.

        Chapter 5

     In the  name  of  Annah the Allmaziful, the Everliving,  the Bringer of
Plurabilities, haloed  be  her  eve,  her  singtime  sung, her  rill be run,
unhemmed as it is uneven!
     Her  untitled mamafesta  memorialising the Mosthighest has gone by many
names at  disjointed times. Thus we hear of, The  Augusta Angustissimost for
Old  Seabeastius'  Salvation, Rockabill Booby  in the Wave Trough, Here's to
the Relicts  of  All  Decencies,  Anna Stessa's Rise to Notice, Knickle Down
Duddy Gunne  and Arishe Sir Cannon,  My Golden  One and My  Selver  Wedding,
Amoury  Treestam  and  Icy  Siseule,  Saith  a Sawyer til  a  Strame, Ik dik
dopedope et tu mihimihi, Buy Birthplate for a Bite, Which of your Hesterdays
Mean Ye  to Morra? Hoebegunne the Hebrewer Hit Waterman the Brayned, Arcs in
His  Ceiling  Flee  Chinx  on  the Flur,  Rebus  de  Hibernicis, The Crazier
Letters, Groans of  a  Britoness, Peter Peopler  Picked a Plot to  Pitch his
Poppolin,  An Apology  for a Big (some such  nonoun as Husband or husboat or
hosebound is  probably understood  for  we have also the plutherplethoric My
Hoonsbood Hansbaad's  a Journey to  Porthergill  gone  and He Never  Has the
Hour), Ought  We  To  Visit Him? For  Ark  see  Zoo,  Cleopater's  Nedlework
Ficturing Aldborougham  on the Sahara with the  Coombing of the Cammmels and
the Parlourmaids  of Aegypt, Cock in the Pot  for Father, Placeat Vestrae, A
New Cure for an Old Clap, Where Portentos they'd Grow Gonder how I'd Wish  I
Woose  a  Geese; Gettle Nettie, Thrust him not,  When the  Myrtles of Venice
Played  to Bloccus's Line, To Plenge Me High He  Waives Chiltern on Friends,
Oremunds Queue Visits  Amen  Mart, E'en Tho'  I Granny a-be He would Fain Me
Cuddle, Twenty of Chambers, Weighty  Ten Beds and a Wan Ceteroom, I Led  the
Life, Through the Boxer Coxer Rising in the House with  the  Golden  Stairs,
The Following  Fork, He's my O'Jerusalem  and I'm  his Po, The Best  in  the
West, By the Stream  of  Zemzem  under  Zigzag  Hill, The Man That Made  His
Mother  in the Marlborry Train, Try Our Taal on a Taub, The  Log of Anny  to
the Base All,  Nopper Tipped a Nappiwenk to his Notylytl Dantsigirls, Prszss
Orel  Orel  the  King  of  Orlbrdsz,  Intimier  Minnelisp  of  an  Extorreor
Monolothe, Drink to Him, My Juckey, and Dhoult Bemine Thy Winnowing Sheet, I
Ask  You  to  Believe  I was  his Mistress, He Can  Explain,  From Victrolia
Nuancee to  Allbart Noahnsy, Da's a Daisy so Guimea  your Handsel  too, What
Barbaras Done to a Barrel Organ Before the Rank, Tank  and Bonnbtail, Huskvy
Admortal,  What Jumbo  made  to Jalice and  what Anisette to Him,  Ophelia's
Culpreints, Hear Hubty Hublin, My  Old Dansh, I am Older northe Rogues among
Whisht  I  Slips  and  He  Calls  Me   his  Dual  of  Ayessha,  Suppotes   a
Ventriliquorst  Merries a Corpse, Lapps for Finns This Funnycoon's Week, How
the Buckling Shut at Rush in January, Look to the Lady, From the Rise of the
Dudge Pupublick to the Fall of the Potstille, Of the Two Ways of Opening the
Mouth, I  have  not  Stopped Water Where  It  Should  Flow  and  I  Know the
Twentynine Names of Attraente, The Tortor of Tory Island Traits Galasia like
his Milchcow, From Abbeygate to Crowalley Through a Lift in the Lude, Smocks
for  Their  Graces and  Me Aunt for  Them Clodshoppers, How to  Pull a  Good
Horuscoup even when Oldsire is Dead to the World, Inn the Gleam of Waherlow,
Fathe He's Sukceded to My  Esperations, Thee Steps Forward, Two  Stops Back,
My Skin Appeals to Three Senses and My  Curly Lips Demand Columbkisses; Gage
Street on a Crany's  Savings, Them  Lads made a Trion of Battlewatschers and
They Totties a Doeit of Deers, In My  Lord's Bed  by  One Whore Went Through
It,  Mum  It  is All Over, Cowpoyride by Twelve Acre  Terriss  in the Unique
Estates of Amessican, He Gave me a Thou so I serve Him with Thee, Of all the
Wide  Torsos in all  the Wild Glen, O'Donogh,  White Donogh, He's Hue to  Me
Cry, I'm the Stitch in his Baskside You'd be Nought Without Mom, To Keep the
Huskies  off  the  Hustings and Picture  Pets from  Lifting  Shops,  Norsker
Torsker  Find  the  Poddle,  He  Perssed  Me  Here  with  the  Ardour  of  a
Tonnoburkes, A  Boob Was Weeping This Mower was Reaping, O'Loughlin, Up from
the Pit of  my Stomach I  Swish you the White of  the Mourning, Inglo-Andeen
Medoleys from Tommany  Moohr,  The Great Polynesional  Entertrainer Exhibits
Ballantine Brautchers with the Link of Natures, The Mimic of Meg Neg end the
Mackeys,   Entered   as   the  Lastest   Pigtarial  and  My  Pooridiocal  at
Stitchioner's Hall, Siegfield  Follies and or a  Gentlehomme's Faut Pas, See
the  First Book of Jealesies  Pessim, The Suspended Sentence, A Pretty Brick
Story for Childsize Heroes, As Lo Our Sleep, I Knew I'd Got it in Me so Thit
settles That,  Thonderbalt Captain Smeth and La Belle Sauvage  Pocahonteuse,
Way for Wet Week Welikin's Douchka Marianne, The Last of the Fingallians, It
Was Me  Egged  Him on to the Stork Exchange and Lent  my Dutiful Face to His
Customs,  Chee  Chee  Cheels on  their  China  Miction,  Pickedmeup  Peters,
Lumptytumtumpty had a Big Fall, Pimpimp Pimpimp, Measly Ventures of Two Lice
and the Fall of Fruit,  The Fokes Family Interior, If my Spreadeagles Wasn't
so Tight  I'd  Loosen  my  Cursits  on that Bunch of Maggiestraps, Allolosha
Popofetts and  Howke  Cotchme  Eye, Seen  Aples  and Thin Dyed, i  big U  to
Beleaves from Love and Mother, Fine's Fault was no Felon, Exat Delvin Renter
Life,The Flash that Flies from Vuggy's Eyes has Set Me  Hair On Fire, His is
the  House that Malt Made,  Divine Views from Back to the Front, Abe to Sare
Stood Icyk Neuter till Brahm  Taulked Him Common Sex, A Nibble  at  Eve Will
That  Bowal Relieve, Allfor Guineas, Sounds and Compliments  Libidous, Seven
Wives Awake Aweek,  Airy Ann and  Berber Blut,  Amy Licks Porter While Huffy
Chops Eads, Abbrace of Umbellas or a Tripple of Caines, Buttbutterbust, From
the  Manorlord Hoved to the Misses  O'Mollies and  from the Dames  to  their
Sames, Manyfestoons for the Colleagues on the Green, An Outstanding Back and
an Excellent Halfcentre if Called on, As Tree is Quick and Stone is White So
ts My Washing Done by Night,  First and Last Only True Account au  about the
Honorary Mirsu Earwicker, L.S.D., and the Snake (Nuggets!) by a Woman of the
World  who  only  can  Tell  Naked  Truths  about  a  Dear  Man and  all his
Conspirators how they all Tried to Fall  him Putting it all around Lucalizod
about Privates Earwicker and a Pair  of Sloppy Sluts plainly Showing all the
Unmentionability falsely Accusing about the Raincoats.
     The proteiform graph itself  is a polyhedron  of scripture. There was a
time  when  naif  alphabetters would have written  it down the  tracing of a
purely  deliquescent recidivist, possibly  ambidextrous,  snubnosed probably
and presenting a strangely profound rainbowl in his (or her) occiput. To the
hardily  curiosing  entomophilust  then it  has  shown a  very sexmosaic  of
nymphosis in which the eternal chimerahunter Oriolopos, now frond of sugars,
then  lief of saults, the sensory crowd in his belly coupled with an eye for
the goods trooth bewilderblissed  by  their night  effluvia  with guns  like
drums and fondlers like forceps persequestellates his vanessas from flore to
flore.  Somehows  this  sounds  like  the  purest  kidooleyoon  wherein  our
madernacerution  of lour lore  is  rich.  All's so  herou from  us him in  a
kitchernott darkness, by hasard and worn rolls arered, we must grope on till
Zerogh  hour like pou owl giaours as we  are would we salve aught of moments
for our aysore today.  Amousin  though  not  but.  Closer inspection of  the
bordereau  would  reveal a multiplicity of  personalities  inflicted  on the
documents or document and some prevision of virtual crime or crimes might be
made by anyone unwary enough before any suitable occasion for it or them had
so far  managed to  happen  along. In  fact,  under the  closed  eyes of the
inspectors   the   traits  featuring   the   chiaroscuro   coalesce,   their
contrarieties  eliminated,  in  one  stable  somebody  similarly  as  by the
providential  warring of heartshaker  with housebreaker  and of  dramdrinker
against freethinker our social something bowls along bumpily, experiencing a
jolting series of  prearranged disappointments, down the  long lane of (it's
as semper  as  oxhousehumper! generations, more  generations and still  more
generations.
     Say, baroun lousadoor, who  in hallhagal  wrote the  durn thing anyhow?
Erect,  beseated,  mountback, against a partywall, below freezigrade, by the
use  of  quill  or  style, with turbid or pellucid  mind, accompanied or the
reverse by mastication, interrupted by visit of seer to scribe or  of scribe
to site, atwixt  two showers  or  atosst of  a trike, rained  upon or  blown
around,  by  a rightdown regular  racer  from  the soil or by a  too  pained
whittlewit laden with the loot of learning?
     Now, patience; and remember patience is the great thing, and  above all
things else we must avoid anything like being or becoming out of patience. A
good plan used by worried business folk who  may not have had many momentums
to  master Kung's  doctrine of  the meang or  the  propriety codestruces  of
Carprimustimus  is  just  to  think  of  all  the sinking fund  of  patience
possessed  in  their conjoint  names  by both  brothers  Bruce with whom are
incorporated their Scotch  spider  and Elberfeld's  Calculating  Horses.  If
after years  upon years of delving in ditches dark  one tubthumper more than
others, Kinihoun or Kahanan, giardarner  or mear measenmanonger,  has got up
for the darnall  same purpose of reassuring  us  with all the  barbar of the
Carrageehouse that our great ascendant was properly speaking three syllables
less than his own surname (yes, yes, less!), that the ear of Fionn Earwicker
aforetime was the trademark of a broadcaster with wicker local jargon for an
ace's  patent  (Hear! Calls!  Everywhair!) then as to  this radiooscillating
epiepistle  to  which, cotton, silk or samite, kohol,  gall or brickdust, we
must ceaselessly  return, whereabouts exactly at  present in Siam,  Hell  or
Tophet under  that glorisol  which plays touraloup with  us in this Aludin's
Cove of our cagacity is that bright soandsuch to slip us the dinkum oil?
     Naysayers  we  know. To  conclude  purely negatively from  the positive
absence of  political odia and monetary requests that its  page cannot  ever
have been  a penproduct  of a man or woman of that period  or those parts is
only  one  more  unlookedfor  conclusion  leaped  at,  being  tantamount  to
inferring  from  the  nonpresence  of   inverted  commas  (sometimes  called
quotation marks) on any page  that its  author  was always  constitutionally
incapable of misappropriating the spoken words of others.
     Luckily there is another cant  to the  questy. Has any fellow,  of  the
dime a dozen  type,  it might with some profit  some dull evening quietly be
hinted--has  any usual sort  of ornery josser, flatchested fortyish, faintly
flatulent and  given to ratiocination by syncopation in  the elucidation  of
complications,of his greatest  Fung Yang dynasdescendanced,only  another the
son of, in fact, ever  looked sufficiently longly at a quite everydaylooking
stamped addressed envelope? Admittedly it is an outer husk: its face, in all
its featureful perfection of imperfection, is  its fortune: it exhibits only
the  civil  or  military  clothing  of  whatever  passionpallid  nudity   or
plaguepurple nakedness may happen  to  tuck  itself under  its flap.  Yet to
concentrate solely on the literal sense or even the psychological content of
any  document  to  the  sore neglect  of  the  enveloping  facts  themselves
circumstantiating it is just as hurtful to sound sense (and  let it be added
to the truest taste)  as were some fellow  in  the act of perhaps getting an
intro from another fellow turning out to be a friend in need of his, say, to
a lady of  the latter's  acquaintance, engaged in performing the elaborative
antecistral ceremony  of upstheres, straightaway to run off  and vision  her
plump  and  plain  in  her  natural  altogether,  preferring  to  close  his
blinkhard's  eyes to the ethiquethical fact that she was, after all, wearing
for the space of  the time  being  some  definite  articles of  evolutionary
clothing, inharmonious creations, a  captious critic might describe them as,
or not strictly necessary or a trifle irritating here and there, but for all
that suddenly full of local colour and personal perfume and suggestive, too,
of so very much more and capable of  being stretched, filled out, if need or
wish  were, of  having their surprisingly like coincidental  parts separated
don't they now, for  better survey by the deft  hand of an expert, don't you
know? Who in his  heart doubts either that the facts of feminine clothiering
are  there all  the time or  that the  feminine fiction,  stranger than  the
facts, is  there also at the same time, only  a little  to the rere? Or that
one  may be separated from the  other? Or that both may then be contemplated
simultaneously?  Or that each  may be taken up and considered in turn  apart
from the other?
     Here let a few artifacts fend in  their  own favour. The river felt she
wanted salt.  That  was  just where  Brien  came  in.  The country asked for
bearspaw for dindin! And boundin aboundin it got it surly. We who live under
heaven, we  of the clovery  kingdom, we middlesins people have often watched
the sky  overreaching  the land.  We suddenly have.  Our isle is Sainge. The
place.  That stern chuckler Mayhappy Mayhapnot,  once said to  repeation  in
that lutran conservatory way of his that Isitachapel-Asitalukin  was the one
place,  ult aut nult,  in this madh vaal of tares (whose verdhure's yellowed
therever  Phaiton  parks his  car  while its tamelised tay is  the drame  of
Drainophilias) where the possible was the improbable and  the improbable the
inevitable. If the proverbial  bishop of our holy and undivided with this me
ken or no me ken Zot is the Quiztune havvermashed had his twoe  nails on the
head we are in  for a sequentiality  of improbable possibles though possibly
nobody after  having grubbed  up a lock  of  cwold cworn aboove  his subject
probably in Harrystotalies or the vivle  will go  out of his way  to applaud
him on the onboiassed back of his remark for utterly impossible  as  are all
these  events they are probably as like those which  may have taken place as
any others which never took person at all are ever likely to be. Ahahn!
     About  that original hen. Midwinter (fruur  or kuur?) was in the offing
and  Premver  a promise of  a pril when,  as  kischabrigies sang  life's old
sahatsong, an  iceclad shiverer,  merest  of bantlings observed a  cold fowl
behaviourising   strangely  on  that   fatal  midden   or  chip  factory  or
comicalbottomed  copsjute  (dump  for  short)  afterwards changed  into  the
orangery when in the course of deeper demolition unexpectedly one  bushman's
holiday its  limon threw up a few spontaneous fragments  of orangepeel,  the
last  remains of  an outdoor meal  by some  unknown sunseeker  or placehider
illico way  back  in his  mistridden past. What child  of a strandlooper but
keepy little Kevin in the despondful surrounding of such sneezing cold would
ever have trouved up  on a strate that was called strete a motive for future
saintity by euchring the  finding  of the  Ardagh  chalice by  another heily
innocent  and  beachwalker  whilst trying  with  pious  clamour  to  wheedle
Tipperaw  raw raw  reeraw puteters out  of  Now  Sealand  in  spignt of  the
patchpurple of the massacre, a dual a duel to die to day, goddam and biggod,
sticks and stanks, of most of the Jacobiters.
     The   bird  in  the  case  was   Belinda  of  the  Dorans,a  more  than
quinquegintarian  (Terziis  prize  with  Serni   medal,  Cheepalizzy's  Hane
Exposition) and what she was  scratching  at  the  hour  of  klokking twelve
looked for  all this zogzag world like a  goodishsized sheet of  letterpaper
originating  by transhipt from  Boston  (Mass.) of the last  of the first to
Dear whom it proceded  to mention Maggy well  & allathome's health well only
the hate turned the mild on the van Houtens and the general's elections with
a lovely face  of  some born gentleman with a  beautiful present of  wedding
cakes  for  dear  thankyou Chriesty and with grand  funferall of poor Father
Michael don't forget unto life's & Muggy well how are you Maggy & hopes soon
to hear  well  & must now close  it with fondest to  the twoinns  with  four
crosskisses for holy  paul holey  comer holipoli whollyisland  pee  ess from
(locust  may  eat  all   but  this   sign  shall  they  never)  affectionate
largelooking  tache   of   tch.   The  stain,  and  that   a  teastain  (the
overcautelousness  of  the  masterbilker  here,  as usual,  signing the page
away), marked it  off  on the spout of the  moment as a  genuine  relique of
ancient Irish pleasant pottery of that  lydialike languishing class known as
a hurry-me-o'er-the-hazy.
     Why then how?
     Well,  almost any photoist  worth  his chemicots will tip anyone asking
him the teaser  that if a  negative of  a horse happens to melt enough while
drying, well, what  you do get is,  well, a positively grotesquely distorted
macromass of all sorts  of horsehappy values and  masses of meltwhile horse.
Tip. Well, this freely is what  must have occurred to our missive (there's a
sod of  a  turb for  you!  please wisp  off the grass!)  unfilthed  from the
boucher by the sagacity of  a lookmelittle likemelong hen.  Heated residence
in  the  heart of the  orangeflavoured mudmound  had  partly obliterated the
negative to start with, causing some features palpably nearer your pecker to
be swollen up  most grossly while  the farther back  we manage to wiggle the
more we need the loan of a lens to see as much as the hen saw. Tip.
     You is feeling like  you was  lost in  the bush, boy? You says: It is a
puling sample jungle of woods. You most shouts out: Bethicket me for a stump
of  a beech  if I have the poultriest  notions what the farest he all means.
Gee up, girly! The quad gospellers may own the targum but any of the Zingari
shoolerim may pick a peck of kindlings yet from the sack of auld hensyne.
     Lead,  kindly fowl! They always did: ask  the ages. What  bird has done
yesterday man may do  next year, be it fly, be it moult, be  it hatch, be it
agreement  in the nest.  For her socioscientific sense  is sound as  a bell,
sir, her  volucrine automutativeness  right on normalcy: she knows, she just
feels she was kind  of born to lay and love eggs (trust her to propagate the
species and  hoosh her fluffballs  safe through din and danger!); lastly but
mostly, in her genesic field it  is all game and no gammon; she is  ladylike
in  everything  she does and plays the gentleman's part  every  time. Let us
auspice it! Yes, before all this has  time to end the golden age must return
with  its vengeance.  Man will become dirigible,  Ague  will be rejuvenated,
woman  with  her ridiculous white  burden  will  reach  by  one step sublime
incubation,  the  manewanting human lioness  with her  dishorned  discipular
manram will lie down  together  publicly flank  upon  fleece. No, assuredly,
they are  not justified, those  gloompourers  who grouse  that  letters have
never  been quite  their old selves again since  that weird weekday in bleak
Janiveer (yet how palmy date in a waste's oasis!) when to the shock of both,
Biddy Doran looked at literature.
     And. She may  be a  mere marcella, this  midget madgetcy, Misthress  of
Arths.  But. It  is not a hear or say of some anomorous letter, signed  Toga
Girilis, (teasy  dear). We have a cop of her fist right against our nosibos.
We note the paper with her jotty  young watermark: Notre Dame du Bon March‚.
And  she  has  a  heart  of  Arin!  What  lumililts  as  she fols  with  her
fallimineers and  her nadianods.  As  a strow will  shaw  she  does the wind
blague,  recting  to  show  the  rudess of a  robur curling  and shewing the
fansaties of a frizette. But how many of her readers realise that she is not
out to dizzledazzle with  a  graith uncouthrement  of postmantuam glasseries
from  the lapins  and the  grigs. Nuttings on her  wilelife!  Grabar  gooden
grandy    for    old   almeanium   adamologists   like   Dariaumaurius   and
Zovotrimaserovmeravmerouvian;  (dmzn!); she feel  plain  plate one flat fact
thing  and  if, lastways firdstwise, a man alones sine  anyon anyons utharas
has no  rates to done a kik at with anyon anakars about tutus  milking fores
and  the  rereres  on  the  outerrand  asikin  the  tutus  to  be forrarder.
Thingcrooklyexineverypasturesixdixlikencehimaroundhersthemaggerbykinkinkankanwithdownmindlookingated.
Mesdaims,  Marmouselles, Mescerfs! Silvapais! All schwants (schwrites) ischt
tell the cock's trootabout him. Kapak kapuk.  No minzies  matter.  He had to
see life foully the plak and the smut, (schwrites). There  were three men in
him (schwrites).  Dancings (sc