politics  after the  war  that Pretoria and
Ladysmith and Bloemfontein  where  Gardner  Lieut Stanley G 8th Bn 2nd  East
Lancs Rgt of enteric  fever  he  was a lovely  fellow in khaki and just  the
right  height over me Im sure  he was brave  too he  said I  was lovely  the
evening we kissed goodbye at the canal lock my Irish beauty he was pale with
excitement about going  away or wed be  seen from  the road he couldnt stand
properly  and I  so hot as I never felt they could  have made their peace in
the beginning or old oom Paul and the rest of the  old Krugers go  and fight
it out between them instead of dragging on for years killing any finelooking
men there were with their fever if he was even decently shot it wouldnt have
been so bad I love to see a regiment pass in review the first time I saw the
Spanish cavalry at La Roque it was lovely after looking across the  bay from
Algeciras all the lights of the rock like fireflies or those sham battles on
the 15 acres the Black Watch with their kilts in time at the march  past the
10th hussars the prince of Wales  own or  the lancers  O the  lancers theyre
grand or the Dublins that won Tugela his father made his money over  selling
the horses for the cavalry well he could buy me a nice present up in Belfast
after what I gave theyve lovely  linen  up there or one of those nice kimono
things I must buy a mothball like I  had before to  keep  in the drawer with
them it would be exciting going around with him shopping buying those things
in a new city better leave this ring behind want to keep turning and turning
to get it over the knuckle there or they  might bell  it round  the  town in
their papers or tell the police on  me  but theyd  think were married O  let
them all go and  smother themselves for the fat lot I care  he has plenty of
money and hes not a marrying  man so somebody better get it  out of him if I
could find out  whether he likes me I  looked a  bit  washy of course when I
looked  close  in  the  handglass powdering a  mirror  never  gives you  the
expression besides scrooching down on me like that all the time with his big
hipbones hes heavy  too with his hairy chest  for this heat always having to
lie down  for them  better for him put it  into me from behind  the way  Mrs
Mastiansky told me  her husband  made her like the dogs do it  and stick out
her  tongue  as far as  ever she could  and he  so  quiet and  mild with his
tingating either  can you  ever be up  to men the  way  it takes them lovely
stuff in that blue suit he had on and stylish tie and socks with the skyblue
silk things on them hes certainly welloff I know by the cut his clothes have
and his heavy watch but he was like a perfect devil for a few  minutes after
he came back with the stop press tearing  up the tickets and swearing blazes
because he lost 20 quid he said he lost over that outsider that won and half
he put on for me  on account of Lenehans tip cursing him to  the lowest pits
that  sponger  he was  making free with me after  the Glencree dinner coming
back  that long  joult  over the featherbed mountain  after the  lord  Mayor
looking at me  with  his dirty  eyes  Val  Dillon  that big heathen I  first
noticed him at dessert when I was cracking the nuts with my teeth I wished I
could have picked every morsel of that  chicken out of  my fingers it was so
tasty and browned and  as tender as anything only  for  I didnt  want to eat
everything  on my plate those forks and  fishslicers  were hallmarked silver
too I wish I had some I could easily have slipped a couple into my muff when
I  was playing  with  them then  always hanging out of  them for money in  a
restaurant for the bit you put down your throat we have  to be  thankful for
our mangy cup of tea itself as a great compliment to be  noticed the way the
world is divided in any case if its going to go on I want at least two other
good  chemises  for  one thing  and but  I dont know what kind of drawers he
likes  none at all I think didnt he say yes and half the girls in  Gibraltar
never wore them either  naked as God  made them  that Andalusian singing her
Manola she didnt make much secret of what she hadnt  yes and the second pair
of silkette stockings  is  laddered after one days wear I could have brought
them  back to Lewers this morning and kick up a row and made that one change
them  only  not to upset  myself and run the  risk of  walking  into him and
ruining  the  whole thing  and  one  of  those  kidfitting  corsets  Id want
advertised  cheap in the Gentlewoman with elastic gores on the hips he saved
the one I have but  thats no  good what did they say  they give a delightful
figure  line 11/6 obviating that unsightly broad appearance across the lower
back to reduce  flesh my  belly is  a bit too big Ill have  to knock off the
stout  at  dinner or am I  getting too fond  of it the  last they  sent from
ORourkes was as flat as a pancake  he makes his money easy  Larry  they call
him  the  old mangy parcel  he sent at Xmas a cottage  cake and a  bottle of
hogwash he tried to palm off as claret that he couldnt get  anyone to  drink
God  spare his  spit  for fear  hed die  of  the drouth or I must do  a  few
breathing exercises  I wonder is that antifat  any good might overdo it thin
ones are  not  so much the fashion now garters  that much I have  the violet
pair  I  wore today thats  all he bought me out of the cheque he got on  the
first O no there was the face lotion I  finished the last  of yesterday that
made my skin like new I told him over and over again get that made up in the
same place and dont forget it God only knows whether he did after all I said
to him  Ill know by the bottle anyway if not I suppose Ill only have to wash
in my piss like beeftea or chickensoup with some of that opoponax and violet
I thought  it was beginning  to look coarse or old a bit the skin underneath
is much finer where it  peeled  off  there on my finger after the burn its a
pity it isnt all like that and  the four paltry handkerchiefs  about 6/-  in
all sure  you cant get on in this world without style all  going in food and
rent when I get it Ill lash it around I tell you in fine style I always want
to throw a handful of tea into the pot measuring and mincing if I buy a pair
of old brogues itself do you like those new shoes yes how much were they Ive
no clothes at all the brown  costume and the skirt and jacket and the one at
the cleaners 3 whats that for any woman cutting up this old hat and patching
up the other  the men wont look at you and women try to  walk on you because
they know youve no man then with all the things getting dearer every day for
the 4 years more I have of life up to 35 no Im what am I at all Ill be 33 in
September will I what O well look at that Mrs Galbraith shes much older than
me  I saw  her when I was out last  week  her beautys on the wane  she was a
lovely woman magnificent head  of hair on her down to her  waist  tossing it
back  like that like Kitty OShea  in Grantham street  1st thing I did  every
morning to look across see her combing it as if she loved it and was full of
it pity I  only got to know her the day before we left and that Mrs  Langtry
the Jersey Lily the prince of Wales was in love with  I suppose hes like the
first man going the roads only  for the name of a  king  theyre all made the
one  way  only  a black mans Id like to try a beauty up  to what  was she 45
there was some funny story about the jealous old husband what was it all and
an oyster knife he went no he made her wear a kind of a tin thing around her
and the prince  of  Wales yes  he  had the oyster knife cant be true a thing
like that like some of those books he brings me the works of Master Francois
somebody supposed to  be a priest about a child  born out of her ear because
her bumgut fell out a nice word for any  priest to  write and her a-e  as if
any fool  wouldnt know  what that meant I hate that pretending of all things
with the old blackguards face on him anybody  can see  its not true and that
Ruby and Fair Tyrants  he  brought me that twice I remember when  I  came to
page  50  the part about  where she  hangs him up out of a hook with  a cord
flagellate sure  theres nothing for  a woman in  that all  invention made up
about he drinking the champagne  out of her slipper after  the ball was over
like the infant Jesus In  the crib at Inchicore in the Blessed  Virgins arms
sure no woman could have  a  child that big taken out  of her  and I thought
first it came out of her side because how  could  she go to the chamber when
she  wanted to and  she  a rich lady of course she felt honoured H. R. H. he
was in Gibraltar  the year I gas born I bet he  found lilies there too where
he planted the tree  he planted more  than that  in his time  he might  have
planted me too if  hed  come a bit sooner then I wouldnt be here as I  am he
ought to chuck that Freeman with the  paltry  few shillings he knocks out of
it  and go into an  office or something where hed get regular pay or  a bank
where they could put him up  on a throne  to count the money  all the day of
course he prefers  plottering about the house so you cant  stir with him any
side whats your programme today I wish hed even smoke a pipe like father  to
get the smell of a man or pretending to be mooching about for advertisements
when he could have been in Mr Cuffes still only for what he did then sending
me to try and patch it up  I could have  got  him promoted  there to  be the
manager he gave me a great mirada once or twice first he was as stiff as the
mischief really and  truly Mrs Bloom only  I felt rotten simply with the old
rubbishy dress that I lost the leads out  of the tails with no cut in it but
theyre coming into fashion again I bought it simply  to please him I knew it
was no good by the  finish pity I changed my mind of going to Todd and Burns
as  I said and not Lees it was just like the shop itself  rummage sale a lot
of  trash  I  hate those  rich  shops  get on your  nerves nothing kills  me
altogether  only  he thinks he knows a great lot  about  a  womans dress and
cooking mathering everything he can scour off  the shelves into it if I went
by his  advices every blessed hat I put  on does that suit  me yes take that
thats alright the  one like a wedding cake standing  up miles off my head he
said suited me or the dishcover one coming  down on my backside  on pins and
needles  about the  shop  girl in that place  in  Grafton street I  had  the
misfortune to  bring him into and she as insolent as ever she could be  with
her smirk saying Im afraid were giving  you too much trouble whats she there
for but I stared it out of her yes he was awfully stiff and no wonder but he
changed the second time he looked Poldy pigheaded as usual like the soup but
I could see him looking very hard at my  chest when he stood up to  open the
door for me it was nice of him to show me out in any case Im extremely sorry
Mrs Bloom believe me without making it too marked  the  first time after him
being insulted and  me being supposed  to be  his wife I just  half smiled I
know my chest was  out that  way at the door when he said Im extremely sorry
and Im sure you were
     yes I think he made them a bit firmer sucking them like that so long be
made me  thirsty titties he  calls them  I  had to laugh yes this one anyhow
stiff  the nipple gets for the  least thing Ill get him to keep  that up and
Ill take  those eggs beaten up with marsala fatten them out for him what are
all  those veins and things curious  the way its made 2 the same in case  of
twins theyre supposed to represent beauty placed up there like those statues
in  the  museum one of them pretending to hide  it with her hand are they so
beautiful of course compared with what a man looks  like  with his  two bags
full  and his other thing hanging down out of him or sticking up at you like
a hatrack no  wonder they hide it with a cabbageleaf the  woman is beauty of
course thats admitted when he said I could pose for a picture naked  to some
rich fellow in Holles street when he lost the job in Helys and I was selling
the clothes and strumming in the  coffee palace would I be like that bath of
the  nymph with my hair down yes only  shes younger or Im a little like that
dirty bitch  in that Spanish photo he has the nymphs used they go about like
that I asked him that disgusting  Cameron  highlander behind the meat market
or that other wretch with the red head behind the  tree where the statue  of
the fish used to be  when I was  passing pretending  he was pissing standing
out for me to see it with his babyclothes up to one side the Queens own they
were a nice lot its well the Surreys  relieved  them theyre always trying to
show it to you every time  nearly  I passed outside the mens greenhouse near
the Harcourt street station just to try some fellow or other trying to catch
my eye or if it was 1 of the 7 wonders of the world O and the stink of those
rotten places the night coming  home with Poldy  after the  Comerfords party
oranges and lemonade to  make you feel nice and watery I went into 1 of them
it was  so biting  cold I  couldnt  keep it when was that 93  the canal  was
frozen yes  it was a few months after a pity a couple of the Camerons werent
there to see  me  squatting in  the mens  place  meadero I tried to  draw  a
picture  of  it before  I tore it up like  a  sausage or something  I wonder
theyre not afraid going about of getting a kick or a bang or something there
and that word met  something with  hoses  in  it and he came  out with  some
jawbreakers about the incarnation he  never  can explain  a thing simply the
way a  body can understand then  he goes and burns the bottom out of the pan
all for his Kidney  this one not so  much theres the mark of his teeth still
where  he tried to bite the  nipple I had  to scream  out arent they fearful
trying to hurt you I had a great  breast of  milk with Milly enough for  two
what was the reason of that he said I could have got a pound a week as a wet
nurse all swelled out the morning that delicate looking student that stopped
in  No 28 with the  Citrons Penrose  nearly  caught  me washing through  the
window  only for I snapped up the towel to  my face that was his  studenting
hurt me they used to weaning  her  till he got doctor Brady to  give  me the
Belladonna prescription I had to get him  to suck them they were so hard  he
said it was sweeter and thicker than cows then he wanted to milk me into the
tea well hes  beyond everything  I declare somebody ought  to put him in the
budget if I only could remember the one half  of the things and write a book
out of it the works of Master  Poldy yes  and its so much smoother the  skin
much  an  hour he was at them Im sure  by  the clock like some kind of a big
infant  I  had  at me they  want everything  in their mouth all the pleasure
those  men get out of a  woman  I  can feel his mouth O  Lord I must stretch
myself I wished he was here or somebody to let myself go with and come again
like that I feel all fire inside  me or  if I could dream it when he made me
spend the 2nd time tickling me behind with his finger I was coming for about
5 minutes with my legs round  him I had to hug him after O Lord  I wanted to
shout  out all sorts  of things fuck or shit  or anything at all only not to
look ugly or those lines from the  strain who knows the way hed take it  you
want to feel your way with  a  man theyre not all like him thank God some of
them want you to be so nice  about it I noticed  the contrast he does it and
doesnt  talk I  gave my  eyes that look with  my hair a bit  loose  from the
tumbling and my tongue between my lips up to him  the  savage brute Thursday
Friday one Saturday two Sunday three O Lord I cant wait till Monday
     frseeeeeeeefronnnng  train  somewhere   whistling  the  strength  those
engines have in them like big giants and the water rolling all over and  out
of them all  sides like the end of Loves old sweet synnnng the poor men that
have to be out all the night from their wives and families in those roasting
engines  stifling  it was today  Im  glad I burned  the  half  of those  old
Freemans and  Photo bits  leaving things like that lying  around hes getting
very careless and threw the rest  of them up in the W  C Ill get  him to cut
them tomorrow for me instead of having them there for the next year to get a
few pence for them have him asking wheres last Januarys paper and all  those
old overcoats  I bundled  out of the hall making the place hotter than it is
the rain was lovely just after my beauty sleep I thought it was going to get
like Gibraltar my goodness the heat there before the levanter  came on black
as  night  and the glare  of  the rock  standing up in it  like  a big giant
compared  with  their 3 Rock mountain  they think is so  great  with the red
sentries here and there the poplars and  they all whitehot and  the mosquito
nets and the smell of the rainwater in those tanks watching  the sun all the
time weltering  down on you faded all that lovely  frock  fathers friend Mrs
Stanhope sent me from the B Marche Paris what a  shame my dearest  Doggerina
she wrote on what she was very nice whats this her other name was just a P C
to tell  you I sent the little  present  have just had a jolly warm bath and
feel a very  clean  dog now enjoyed it wogger she called  him wogger wd give
anything  to be back in  Gib and hear  you  sing in  old  Madrid  or Waiting
Concone is the name  of those exercises he bought  me  one of those new some
word Icouldn't make out shawls amusing  things but tear for the least  thing
still theyre lovely I think dont you will always think of the lovely teas we
had together scrumptious  currant scones and  raspberry wafers I  adore well
now dearest Doggerina  be sure and write  soon kind she  left out regards to
your father also Captain Grove with  love yrs affly x x x x x she didnt look
a bit married just  like  a girl he was years older than her  wogger he  was
awfully fond  of me when he held down the wire with his foot for me to  step
over at the bullfight at  La  Linea when  that  matador Gomez  was given the
bulls  ear clothes we  have to wear  whoever  invented them expecting you to
walk  up Killiney hill then for example at that picnic  all staysed  up  you
cant do a blessed  thing in them in a crowd run or jump out of the way thats
why  I  was  afraid when that other  ferocious old Bull began  to charge the
banderillos with the sashes and the 2 things in their hats and the brutes of
men shouting bravo  toro  sure the women  were  as bad in  their  nice white
mantillas ripping  all  the  whole insides out of those  poor horses I never
heard of such a thing in  all my  life yes he  used to break his heart at me
taking off the dog barking in bell lane poor  brute and  it sick what became
of them ever  I suppose  theyre dead long ago  the  2 of them its  like  all
through  a  mist makes you  feel  so old  I made the scones of  course I had
everything all to myself then a girl Hester we used to compare our hair mine
was thicker than hers she showed me how  to settle it at the back when I put
it up and whats this  else how to make a knot on a thread with the  one hand
we were like cousins what age was I then the night of  the storm I  slept in
her bed she had her arms round me then we were fighting in  the morning with
the pillow what fun he was watching me whenever he got an opportunity at the
band  on the Alameda esplanade  when I  was with father and Captain  Grove I
looked up at the church first and then at the windows then down and our eyes
met I felt something go through me like  all needles my  eyes were dancing I
remember after when I looked at myself in the glass hardly recognised myself
the change I had a splendid skin from the sun and the excitement like a rose
I didn't get a wink of sleep it wouldnt have been nice on account of her but
I could  have  stopped it in time she gave me the Moonstone to read that was
the first I read  of  Wilkie Collins  East  Lynne I read and the  shadow  of
Ashlydyat  Mrs Henry Wood  Henry Dunbar  by  that  other  woman  I  lent him
afterwards with Mulveys photo in it so as  he  see I wasnt  without and Lord
Lytton Eugene Aram Molly  bawn she gave  me by Mrs Hungerford  on account of
the name I dont like books with a Molly in  them like that one he brought me
about  the  one from Flanders  a whore always shoplifting anything she could
cloth and stuff and yards of it this blanket is too heavy on me thats better
I havent even one decent nightdress this  thing gets all rolled  up under me
besides him and his fooling thats better I used to be  weltering then in the
heat my  shift drenched with the  sweat stuck in the cheeks of my bottom  on
the chair when I stood up they were so fattish and firm when I got up on the
sofa  cushions to see with my clothes  up and the bugs tons of them at night
and  the mosquito  nets I  couldnt  read a  line Lord  how long ago it seems
centuries of course they never come back and she didnt put her address right
on it either  she may have noticed her wogger people were  always going away
and  we never I remember  that  day  with the waves and the boats with their
high  heads rocking and  the swell of  the ship those Officers  uniforms  on
shore leave made me seasick he  didnt say anything he was very serious I had
the high buttoned boots on  and  my skirt was blowing she  kissed me six  or
seven times  didnt I cry  yes  I believe  I  did  or  near  it my  lips were
taittering when I said goodbye she had a Gorgeous wrap  of some special kind
of blue  colour on her for the voyage made  very peculiarly to one side like
and it was extremely  pretty  it got  as dull as the devil after they went I
was  almost planning to run away  mad  out of  it somewhere were never  easy
where  we are father or  aunt or marriage waiting always waiting to guiiiide
him toooo me  waiting nor speeeed his flying feet  their damn guns  bursting
and booming  all  over the  shop especially the Queens birthday and throwing
everything down in all directions if you didnt open the windows when general
Ulysses  Grant whoever he was or did supposed to be some great fellow landed
off the ship and old Sprague the consul that was there from before the flood
dressed up  poor  man  and  he in  mourning for the  son  then the same  old
reveille in the morning and drums rolling and the unfortunate poor devils of
soldiers walking  about  with messtins smelling the place  more than the old
longbearded jews in their jellibees and levites assembly and sound clear and
gunfire for the men to cross the lines and the warden marching with his keys
to  lock  the  gates and  the bagpipes and  only Captain  Groves and  father
talking about Rorkes drift and Plevna  and sir Garnet Wolseley and Gordon at
Khartoum lighting  their pipes  for them everytime they went out drunken old
devil with his grog on the  windowsill catch him leaving  any of it  picking
his nose trying to  think of some  other dirty story to tell up in a  corner
but he  never forgot  himself when I was there sending me out of the room on
some  blind excuse paying his  compliments the  Bushmills  whisky talking of
course but  hed do the same to the next woman that came  along I supposed he
died  of galloping drink ages ago the  days like years not  a  letter from a
living soul except the odd few I posted to myself with bits of paper in them
so bored sometimes I could  fight with  my  nails listening to that old Arab
with the one eye and his heass of an instrument  singing his heah heah aheah
all my compriments on your hotchapotch of your heass as  bad as now with the
hands hanging  off me looking out of the window if there  was a nice  fellow
even in the opposite house that medical in Holles street the nurse was after
when I put on my gloves and hat at the window  to show I was going out not a
notion what I meant arent they thick never understand what you say even youd
want to print it up on  a  big poster for them  not even if you shake  hands
twice with the left  he didnt recognise me either when I half frowned at him
outside Westland row chapel  where  does their great intelligence come in Id
like to know grey matter they have it all in their tail if you ask  me those
country gougers up in the City Arms intelligence they had a damn  sight less
than the bulls  and cows they  were selling  the meat  and the coalmans bell
that noisy  bugger trying  to swindle me with the wrong bill  he took out of
his hat what a pair of paws and pots and pans and kettles to mend any broken
bottles for a poor man today and no visitors or post ever except his cheques
or  some advertisement like that wonderworker they  sent  him addressed dear
Madam  only his letter and the card  from Milly this morning see she wrote a
letter to  him who  did I get the last letter from O Mrs  Dwenn now whatever
possessed her to  write after  so  many years  to know the recipe I  had for
pisto madrileno Floey Dillon  since  she wrote to  say  she was married to a
very rich architect if Im to believe all I hear with a villa and eight rooms
her father  was an awfully nice man he  was near  seventy always good humour
well now Miss Tweedy or  Miss Gillespie theres the pyannyer that was a solid
silver coffee service he had too on the mahogany sideboard then dying so far
away I hate people that have  always their  poor story to tell everybody has
their own troubles that poor Nancy Blake died a month ago of acute pneumonia
well  I didnt  know her  so well as all that she was Floeys friend more than
mine its a bother having to answer he always  tells me the wrong things  and
no stops to say like making a speech your sad bereavement  sympathy I always
make that mistake and newphew with 2 double yous in I  hope hell  write me a
longer letter the next time if its a thing he really likes me O thanks be to
the  great  God I got  somebody to give  me what I badly  wanted to put some
heart up into me  youve no chances at all  in this  place like you used long
ago I wish somebody would write me  a love-letter his  wasnt much and I told
him he could write what he  liked yours ever Hugh Boylan in Old Madrid silly
women  believe  love is sighing I am dying  still  if he wrote it I  suppose
thered be some truth in it true or  no it fills up  your  whole day and life
always something to think about every moment and see it all  around you like
a new world I could write the answer in bed to let him imagine me short just
a few words not those long crossed letters Atty Dillon  used to write to the
fellow that  was something in the  four  courts that jilted her after out of
the ladies letterwriter when I  told her to say a few simple  words he could
twist how he liked  not acting with precipit precipitancy with equal candour
the greatest earthly happiness answer to a gentlemans proposal affirmatively
my goodness theres nothing else its all very fine  for them but as for being
a woman as soon  as youre old they might as well throw you out in the bottom
of the ash pit.
     Mulveys was  the  first when I  was in bed that  morning  and Mrs Rubio
brought it  in with the coffee  she stood there standing when I asked her to
hand me and I pointing at them I couldnt think of the word a hairpin to open
it  with ah horquilla disobliging old thing  and it  staring her in the face
with  her switch of false  hair on her and vain about her appearance ugly as
she was near 80 or a 100  her  face a mass of wrinkles with all her religion
domineering because  she  never could get over the Atlantic fleet  coming in
half  the  ships  of  the  world  and  the  Union  Jack flying with  all her
carabineros  because 4 drunken  English  sailors took all the rock from them
and because I didnt  run into mass often enough in Santa Maria to please her
with  her shawl up on  her except when there was a  marriage on with all her
miracles of the saints and  her black blessed virgin with  the silver  dress
and the sun dancing 3 times on Easter Sunday morning and when the priest was
going by  with the bell bringing the vatican  to the  dying blessing herself
for his Majestad an admirer  he  signed  it I near  jumped out of my  skin I
wanted to pick him up when  I saw him following me along  the  Calle Real in
the shop window then he tipped me  just in passing I never thought hed write
making an appointment I had it inside my petticoat bodice all day reading it
up in every hole and corner while father  was up at the drill instructing to
find  out by the handwriting or the language  of stamps  singing  I remember
shall I wear  a white rose and I  wanted  to put on the old  stupid clock to
near  the time he  was  the first man  kissed me under the  Moorish wall  my
sweetheart  when a boy it never entered  my head  what kissing meant till he
put his tongue in my mouth his mouth was sweetlike young I put my knee up to
him a  few times to learn the way what did I tell him  I was engaged for fun
to  the son  of  a  Spanish  nobleman named Don Miguel de  la  Flora and  he
believed  that I was to be married to him in 3 years time theres many a true
word spoken  in jest there is a flower that bloometh a few things I told him
true about myself just for him  to be imagining the  Spanish girls he  didnt
like I suppose one of them wouldnt have him I got him excited he crushed all
the flowers on my bosom he brought me he couldnt  count the pesetas and  the
perragordas  till I  taught  him Cappoquin  he  came  from  he  said  on the
Blackwater but it  was too short then the day before he left May yes  it was
May when the infant king of Spain was born Im always like that in the spring
Id  like a  new fellow  every year up on the  tiptop under the  rockgun near
OHaras  tower I told him  it  was struck by lightning and all  about the old
Barbary apes they sent to Clapham without a tail careering all over the show
on each  others back Mrs Rubio  said  she  was a  regular old  rock scorpion
robbing  the  chickens out of Inces farm and throw stones at you if you went
anear he was  looking at me  I had that white blouse on open at the front to
encourage him as much as I could without too openly they were just beginning
to be plump  I  said I was tired we lay over the firtree cove a wild place I
suppose it must be the highest rock in existence the galleries and casemates
and those  frightful  rocks  and  Saint Michaels  cave  with the  icicles or
whatever they call them hanging down and  ladders all  the  mud plotching my
boots Im sure thats the way down the monkeys go under the sea to Africa when
they die the ships out far  like chips that was  the Malta boat  passing Yes
the  sea  and the  sky you could  do  what you liked lie there  for  ever he
caressed  them outside  they love doing that  its the roundness  there I was
leaning over him with my white ricestraw hat  to take the newness  out of it
the  left  side  of  my face  the  best  my  blouse open for  his  last  day
transparent  kind of shirt  he had I could see  his chest pink he  wanted to
touch mine with his for a moment  but  I wouldn't let him he was awfully put
out first for  fear  you  never know consumption  or leave  me  with a child
embarazada that old servant Ines told me  that one drop  even if it got into
you at all after I tried with the Banana but I was afraid it might break and
get lost up in me somewhere yes because they once took something down out of
a woman that was up there for years covered with limesalts theyre all mad to
get  in there where  they come out  of  youd think  they could never get far
enough  up and then  theyre  done with you in a way  till the next  time yes
because theres a wonderful feeling there all the  time so tender how did  we
finish it off yes O yes I pulled him off into my handkerchief pretending not
to be  excited but  I opened my  legs I  wouldnt let him  touch me inside my
petticoat I had a  skirt opening up the side  I tortured the life out of him
first  tickling  him  I  loved  rousing  that  dog  in  the  hotel  rrrsssst
awokwokawok his eyes shut and a bird flying below us he was shy all the same
I liked him like that  morning I made him blush a little when I got over him
that way when I  unbuttoned him  and took his out and drew back the skin  it
had a kind of  eye in it theyre all Buttons men down the middle on the wrong
side of them Molly darling he called  me  what  was his name Jack  Joe Harry
Mulvey was it  yes I think a lieutenant he was rather fair he had a laughing
kind  of  a  voice so I  went  around  to the  whatyoucallit everything  was
whatyoucallit moustache  had he he said hed  come back  Lord its  just  like
yesterday to me  and if I was married hed do it to me and I promised him yes
faithfully Id let  him block me now flying perhaps  hes  dead or killed or a
Captain or admiral its nearly 20 years if I said firtree cove he would if he
came up  behind me and  put his  hands  over my eyes to  guess  who  I might
recognise him hes young still about 40 perhaps hes married some girl  on the
black water and is quite changed they all do  they havent half the character
a woman has she little knows what  I did with her  beloved husband before he
ever dreamt of her in broad daylight too in the sight of the whole world you
might say they could  have put an  article about it in the Chronicle I was a
bit wild after when I blew out the old  bag the biscuits were in from Benady
Bros  and  exploded  it Lord  what  a bang all  the  woodcocks  and  pigeons
screaming  coming back the same  way that we  went over middle hill round by
the old guardhouse  and the  jews burial place  pretending to  read out  the
Hebrew on them I  wanted to fire his pistol  he  said  he hadnt one he didnt
know what to make of me with his peaked cap on  that  he always wore crooked
as often as I settled  it straight  H M  S Calypso swinging my  hat that old
Bishop that  spoke  off  the  altar his  long  preach  about  womans  higher
functions  about girls now riding the bicycle and wearing peak  caps and the
new woman bloomers  God send  him sense and  me more money  I suppose theyre
called after him I never thought that would be my name Bloom when  I used to
write it in print to see how it looked on a visiting card  or practising for
the  butcher  and  oblige  M Bloom youre  looking blooming Josie used to say
after I married him well its  better than Breen or Briggs does brig or those
awful names with  bottom  in them  Mrs Ramsbottom or some other  kind  of  a
bottom  Mulvey I  wouldnt go  mad about either or suppose I divorced him Mrs
Boylan my mother whoever she was might have given me a  nicer  name the Lord
knows after the lovely one she had  Lunita  Laredo the  fun  we had  running
along  Willis road to Europa point twisting in and  out all  round the other
side of Jersey they were shaking and dancing about  in my blouse like Millys
little ones now when she runs up the stairs I  loved  looking down at them I
was jumping up at the pepper trees and the white poplars pulling  the leaves
off and throwing them at him  he  went to  India he was to write the voyages
those men have  to make to the ends of the world and back its the least they
might get a squeeze or two at a woman while they can going out to be drowned
or  blown  up somewhere  I  went up  windmill  hill to the flats that Sunday
morning with Captain  Rubios  that  was dead spyglass like the sentry had he
said hed have one or two from on board I wore that frock  from  the B Marche
Paris and the coral necklace the straits shining I could see over to Morocco
almost the bay of Tangierwhite  and the At!as  mountain with  snow on it and
the straits like  a river so clear Harry Molly Darling I was thinking of him
on the sea all the time after  at mass when my  petticoat began to slip down
at the elevation weeks and weeks I kept the handkerchief under my pillow for
the smell of him there  was no decent perfume  to be got  in that  Gibraltar
only that  cheap peau despagne that faded and left a stink on  you more than
anything else I wanted to give him a memento he gave me that clumsy Claddagh
ring  for luck that I gave Gardner  going to South Africa where those  Boers
killed him with  their war and fever but they were well  beaten all the same
as if it  brought its  bad luck with it like an opal or pearl must have been
pure 16 carat gold because it was very heavy I can see his face clean shaven
Frseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeefrong that train again weeping  tone once in the dear
deaead days beyond recall close my eyes breath my lips forward kiss sad look
eyes open piano ere  oer the world the mists began I hate that istsbeg comes
loves  sweet ssooooooong  Ill let  that out full when I get in front  of the
footlights  again  Kathleen Kearney  and her lot of squealers Miss This Miss
That  Miss Theother  lot  of  sparrowfarts  skitting  around  talking  about
politics they know as much about  as  my backside anything  in the world  to
make  themselves   someway  interesting  Irish  homemade  beauties  soldiers
daughter am ay and  whose are you bootmakers and publicans I beg your pardon
coach I thought you were a wheelbarrow theyd die down dead off their feet if
ever they got a chance  of walking down the Alameda  on an officers arm like
me on the bandnight my eyes flash  my bust that they havent passion God help
their poor head I knew more about men and life when I was 15 than theyll all
know at 50 they dont know how  to sing  a song like that Gardner said no man
could look at my mouth and teeth smiling like that end not think of it I was
afraid he mightnt like my accent first he  so English all father  left me in
spite of his  stamps  Ive my mothers eyes and figure anyhow he  always  said
theyre so snotty about themselves some of those  cads he wasnt  a  bit  like
that he was dead gone on  my lips let them get  a husband first thats fit to
be looked at and a daughter like mine or see if they can excite a swell with
money that  can pick and choose whoever he wants like Boylan to do it 4 or 5
times locked in  each  others arms  or the voice either I could have  been a
prima donna only I married him comes loooves old deep down chin back not too
much make it double My  Ladys Bower  is  too long for  an  encore about  the
moated  grange at  twilight  and vaulted rooms yes Ill sing  Winds that blow
from the south that  he gave after the choirstairs  performance  Ill  change
that lace  on my  black dress to show off my bubs and Ill yes by God Ill get
that  big fan mended make them burst  with envy my hole is itching me always
when I  think of him I feel  I want to I feel some wind in me better go easy
not wake  him  have  him at it again  slobbering after washing every bit  of
myself  back belly and  sides  if we had even a bath  itself or  my own room
anyway I wish hed sleep in some bed by himself with his cold feet on me give
us room even to  let a  fart  God or do the least thing better yes hold them
like that a bit on my side piano quietly sweeeee theres that  train far away
pianissimo eeeeeeee one more song that was a relief wherever you be let your
wind go free who knows if that pork chop I took with my cup of tea after was
quite  good with the  heat I couldnt  smell anything  off  it  Im  sure that
queerlooking man in the porkbutchers  is a great rogue I  hope that  lamp is
not smoking fill my nose up with  smuts better  than having  him leaving the
gas on all night I couldnt rest easy in my bed  in Gibraltar even getting up
to see  why am I so damned nervous about that though I like it in the winter
its more company O Lord it was rotten cold  too that winter  when I was only
about  ten was I yes I had the big doll  with all the funny clothes dressing
her up and undressing that icy wind skeeting across from those mountains the
something Nevada sierra nevada standing at the fire with the little bit of a
short shift I had  up to heat myself I loved dancing about in it then make a
race back  into bed Im sure that fellow opposite used to  be there the whole
time  watching  with the lights out  in the summer and  I in my skin hopping
around I  used  to love myself then  stripped  at the washstand  dabbing and
creaming  only when it came to the chamber performance I  put  out the light
too so then there were 2 of us Goodbye to my sleep for  this night anyhow  I
hope hes not going to get  in  with  those  medicals  leading  him astray to
imagine hes young again coming in at 4 in the morning it must be if not more
still he had the manners not to wake  me what do they  find  to gabber about
all  night squandering  money and getting drunker  and drunker couldnt  they
drink  water  then he starts giving us  his orders for eggs  and tea  Findon
haddy  and hot buttered toast I  suppose well have him sitting  up like  the