d  her statement impossible  to believe.  To accept that they had
told me about it and I had not acknowledged it was unthinkable.
     "Did you ever see the mold, Gorda?" I asked.
     "Sure,  when  I  became complete again. I went to that particular water
hole one day by myself and there it was. It was a radiant, luminous being. I
could not look at it. It blinded me. But being in its presence was enough. I
felt happy and strong. And  nothing else mattered, nothing. Just being there
was all  I wanted. The Nagual said that sometimes if we have enough personal
power we can catch a glimpse of the mold  even though we are not  sorcerers;
when that happens  we say that we have seen God. He said  that if we call it
God it is the truth. The mold is God.
     "I had a dreadful time understanding  the Nagual, because I was a  very
religious woman. I had nothing else in the world but my religion. So to hear
the Nagual say the things he used  to say made me shiver.  But then I became
complete  and the forces of the world began to pull me, and I knew that  the
Nagual was right. The mold is God. What do you think?"
     "The day I see it I'll tell you, Gorda," I said.
     She laughed, and said  that the  Nagual used to make  fun of me, saying
that  the  day I  would see  the mold I would probably become  a  Franciscan
friar, because in the depths of me I was a religious soul.
     "Was the mold you saw a man or a woman?" I asked.
     "Neither. It was simply a luminous human. The Nagual said that  I could
have asked something for myself. That a warrior cannot let that chance pass.
But I could not think of anything to ask for. It was better that way. I have
the most beautiful memory of it. The Nagual  said that a warrior with enough
power can see the mold many, many times. What a great fortune that must be!"
     "But  if the  human mold is what  puts  us together, what is the  human
form?"
     "Something sticky, a sticky force that makes us the people we  are. The
Nagual  told  me that the human form  has no form. Like  the  allies that he
carried in his  gourd, it's anything,  but in spite of not  having  form, it
possesses us during our lives and doesn't leave us until  we die. I've never
seen the human form but I have felt it in my body."
     She then described a very complex series of sensations that she had had
over a period of years that culminated in a serious illness,  the  climax of
which was a  bodily state that  reminded me of descriptions I had read  of a
massive heart attack. She said that the human form, as the force that it is,
left  her  body  after a  serious  internal battle that manifested itself as
illness.
     "It sounds as if you had a heart attack," I said.
     "Maybe  I did," she replied, "but one thing I know for sure. The  day I
had it, I lost my human form. I became so weak that for days I couldn't even
get  out  of my bed. Since that day I  haven't  had the energy  to be my old
self. From time to time I have tried to get into my old habits, but I didn't
have  the  strength to enjoy them  the way  I  used to.  Finally  I  gave up
trying."
     "What is the point of losing your form?"
     "A  warrior must drop  the  human  form  in order to change,  to really
change. Otherwise there  is only  talk about change, like in  your case. The
Nagual  said  that it  is useless to think or hope that one can change one's
habits. One cannot change  one iota as  long as one holds  on to  the  human
form. The Nagual told me that a warrior knows that he cannot change, and yet
he  makes  it his business  to try to change, even though  he knows  that he
won't  be able to. That's  the only advantage a warrior has over the average
man. The warrior is never disappointed when he fails to change."
     "But you are still yourself, Gorda, aren't you?"
     "No. Not anymore. The only thing that makes you  think you are yourself
is the form. Once it leaves, you are nothing."
     "But you still talk and think and feel as you always did, don't you?"
     "Not at all. I'm new."
     She laughed and hugged me as if she were consoling a child.
     "Only Eligio and I have lost our form," she went on. "It was our  great
fortune that we  lost it while the Nagual was among us. You people will have
a horrid time. That is your fate. Whoever loses it next will have only me as
a companion. I already feel sorry for whoever it will be."
     "What  else did you  feel, Gorda, when you lost your  form, besides not
having enough energy?"
     "The Nagual told me that a warrior without form begins to see an eye. I
saw an eye in front of me every time I closed my eyes. It got so bad that  I
couldn't rest anymore; the  eye  followed me wherever  I went. I nearly went
mad. Finally, I suppose,  I  became  used  to it. Now I don't even notice it
because it has become part of me.
     "The  formless warrior uses  that eye to start  dreaming. If you  don't
have a form, you  don't have to go to sleep to do dreaming. The eye in front
of you pulls you every time you want to go."
     "Where exactly is that eye, Gorda?"
     She  closed her  eyes  and moved  her hand from side to  side, right in
front of her eyes, covering the span of her face.
     "Sometimes  the eye is very small and other times it  is enormous," she
went  on. "When it's  small  your  dreaming is  precise. If  it's  big  your
dreaming is like  flying over the  mountains and  not really seeing  much. I
haven't done enough dreaming yet, but the Nagual told me that that eye is my
trump  card. One  day  when  I become  truly formless I  won't  see the  eye
anymore; the eye will become just like me,  nothing, and  yet it'll be there
like the  allies. The Nagual said that  everything has  to be sifted through
our human  form.  When we  have  no  form, then  nothing has  form  and  yet
everything is present. I couldn't understand what he meant by  that, but now
I see that he was  absolutely right. The  allies are only a presence and  so
will be the eye. But at this  time that eye is everything to me. In fact, in
having that eye I should need nothing else in order to call  up my dreaming,
even  when  I'm awake. I haven't been able to  do that yet. Perhaps I'm like
you, a bit stubborn and lazy."
     "How did you do the flying you showed me tonight?"
     "The Nagual taught me how to use my body to make lights, because we are
light anyway, so I make sparks and lights and they in turn lure the lines of
the world. Once I see one, it's easy to hook myself to it."
     "How do you hook yourself?"
     "I grab it."
     She made a gesture with her hands. She clawed them and then placed them
together  joined  at the wrists, forming a  sort of  bowl,  with the  clawed
fingers upright.
     "You  have  to grab  the line like a jaguar," she  went  on, "and never
separate the wrists. If you do, you'll fall down and break your neck."
     She paused and that forced me  to look at her,  waiting for more of her
revelations.
     "You don't believe me, do you?" she asked.
     Without  giving  me  time to answer, she squatted  and  began again  to
produce her display of sparks. I was calm and  collected  and could place my
undivided attention on her actions. When she snapped her fingers open, every
fiber of  her muscles seemed to  tense  at  once.  That tension seemed to be
focused on the very tips of her fingers and was projected out  like rays  of
light. The moisture in  her fingertips was actually a vehicle to  carry some
sort of energy emanating from her body.
     "How did you do that, Gorda?" I asked, truly marveling at her.
     "I really don't know," she said. "I simply do it. I've done it lots and
lots of times and  yet  I don't  know how I do it. When I grab one  of those
rays  I feel that I'm being pulled  by something. I really don't do anything
else except let  the  lines I've  grabbed pull  me. When I want to get  back
through, I feel that the line doesn't want to let me free and I get frantic.
The Nagual said that that was my worst feature. I get so frightened that one
of these days I'm going to injure my  body. But  I figure that one  of these
days I'll be even more formless and then I won't  get frightened, so as long
as I hold on until that day. I'm all right."
     "Tell me then, Gorda, how do you let the lines pull you?"
     "We're back again in the same  spot. I don't know. The Nagual warned me
about you. You want to know things that cannot be known."
     I struggled  to  make  clear  to her  that what  I  was after  were the
procedures. I  had really given up  looking for  an explanation from  all of
them because their explanations explained nothing to me.  To describe  to me
the steps that were followed was something altogether different.
     "How did you learn to let your  body hold onto the lines of the world?"
I asked.
     "I  learned that  in dreaming,M-^T  she  said, "but I really don't know
how. Everything for a woman  warrior starts in dreaming. The Nagual told me,
just as he told you,  first to look for my  hands  in my dreams. I  couldn't
find them at all. In my  dreams I had no hands. I tried and tried  for years
to find them. Every night I used to give myself the command to find my hands
but it was to no avail. I never found anything  in my dreams. The Nagual was
merciless with me. He  said that I had to find  them or perish. So I lied to
him that I had found my hands in my dreams. The Nagual didn't say a word but
Genaro threw his hat on the floor and  danced  on it. He patted  my head and
said that  I was  really a great warrior. The more he praised me the worse I
felt. I was about to tell  the  Nagual the truth when crazy Genaro aimed his
behind at me and  let out the loudest and longest fart I had ever heard.  He
actually  pushed me  backward  with  it.  It was  like  a  hot,  foul  wind,
disgusting and smelly, just like me. The Nagual was choking with laughter.
     "I ran to the house and hid there. I was very fat then. I used to eat a
great  deal  and  I had a lot of gas. So I decided not  to  eat for a while.
Lidia and Josefina helped me. I didn't  eat  anything for twenty-three days,
and then one night I found my hands in my dreams. They were old and ugly and
green, but they were mine. So that was the beginning. The rest was easy."
     "And what was the rest, Gorda?"
     "The next thing the Nagual wanted me to do was to try to find houses or
buildings in my dreams  and look at them, trying not to dissolve the images.
He said  that the  art  of the dreamer  is to  hold the image  of his dream.
Because that's what we do anyway during all our lives."
     "What did he mean by that?"
     "Our  art as  ordinary people is that  we know how to hold the image of
what we are looking at.  The  Nagual  said that we do that but we don't know
how. We just do it; that is, our bodies do it. In dreaming we have to do the
same thing, except that  in dreaming we have to learn how to do  it. We have
to struggle not to look but merely to glance and yet hold the image.
     "The Nagual told me  to find in my dreams a brace for  my belly button.
It took a long time because I didn't understand what he meant. He  said that
in dreaming we pay attention  with the  belly button; therefore it has to be
protected.  We need a little warmth or a  feeling that something is pressing
the belly button in order to hold the images in our dreams.
     "I found a pebble in my dreams that fit my belly button, and the Nagual
made me look for it day after day in water holes and canyons, until  I found
it. I made a belt for it and I still wear it day and  night. Wearing it made
it easier for me to hold images in my dreams.
     "Then  the Nagual  gave me the task of going to specific  places in  my
dreaming. I was doing  really well  with my task  but at that time I lost my
form and I began to see the eye in front of me. The Nagual said that the eye
had changed everything, and he gave me orders to begin using the eye to pull
myself  away.  He  said  that  I  didn't  have time to get  to  my double in
dreaming, but  that the eye was  even better. I felt  cheated.  Now  I don't
care. I've  used  that eye  the best way  I could. I let  it pull  me in  my
dreaming. I close my eyes and fall asleep  like nothing, even in the daytime
or anywhere. The eye pulls me and I enter into  another world.  Most of  the
time I just  wander around in it. The Nagual told me and the  little sisters
that during our menstrual periods  dreaming becomes  power.  I  get a little
crazy for one thing. I become  more daring. And like the Nagual showed us, a
crack opens in front of us during those days. You're not a woman so it can't
make any sense to you, but two days before her period a  woman can open that
crack and step through it into another world."
     With her  left hand she followed the  contour of an invisible line that
seemed to run vertically in front of her at arm's length.
     "During that time a woman, if she wants to, can let go of the images of
the  world," la Gorda went on.  "That's the crack between the worlds, and as
the Nagual said, it is right in front of all of us women.
     "The reason the Nagual believes  women are better sorcerers than men is
because they always have the crack in front of them, while a man has to make
it.
     "Well, it  was during my periods that I learned in dreaming to fly with
the lines of the  world. I learned to make sparks with my body to entice the
lines and then I learned  to grab them.  And that's  all  I have  learned in
dreaming so far."
     I  laughed and told  her that  I  had nothing  to  show for my years of
"dreaming."
     "You've  learned  how to call  the allies in dreaming,"  she said  with
great assurance.
     I told her  that don Juan  had taught me to  make those sounds. She did
not seem to believe me.
     "The  allies  must  come  to  you,  then, because they're  seeking  his
luminosity,"  she said, "the luminosity  he  left  with you. He told me that
every  sorcerer has only so much luminosity to  give  away. So he parcels it
out to all his children in accordance with an  order  that comes to him from
somewhere out there in that vastness. In  your case he even gave you his own
call."
     She clicked her tongue and winked at me.
     "If you don't believe me,"  she went on, "why don't you make  the sound
the Nagual taught you and see if the allies come to you?"
     I  felt reluctant to do  it. Not because I believed that my sound would
bring anything, but because I did not want to humor her.
     She waited for a moment, and when she was sure I  was not going to try,
she put her  hand to her mouth and imitated my tapping  sound to perfection.
She played it for five or six minutes, stopping only to breathe.
     "See  what I mean?" she  asked smiling. "The allies  don't  give  a fig
about my calling, no matter how close it is to yours. Now try it yourself."
     I  tried. After a few seconds I heard the call being answered. La Gorda
jumped to her feet. I had  the clear impression that she  was more surprised
than I  was. She hurriedly made me stop, turned off the lantern and gathered
up my notes.
     She was  about to open  the front door,  but she stopped  short; a most
frightening sound came  from just outside the door.  It sounded to me like a
growl. It was so horrendous and ominous that it made us both jump back, away
from the door. My physical alarm  was so intense that I would have fled if I
had had a place to go.
     Something heavy was leaning against the door; it made the door creak. I
looked  at la Gorda.  She seemed  to  be even more  alarmed. She  was  still
standing  with her arm  outstretched as  if to open the door. Her  mouth was
open. She seemed to have been frozen in midaction.
     The door was about to be sprung open any moment. There were no bangs on
it,  just a terrifying pressure,  not only on the door  but all  around  the
house.
     La Gorda stood  up  and  told  me to  embrace her quickly  from behind,
locking my hands around her waist over her belly button. She performed  then
a strange movement with her hands.  It was  as  though  she were  flipping a
towel while holding it at the level of her eyes. She did it four times. Then
she made another strange movement. She placed her hands at the middle of her
chest with  the palms up, one above the other  without touching. Her  elbows
were straight out to her sides. She clasped her hands as if she had suddenly
grabbed two unseen  bars. She slowly  turned her hands over until the  palms
were  facing  down and then she  made a most beautiful, exertive movement, a
movement that seemed to engage  every muscle in  her body.  It was as though
she  were opening a heavy sliding door that offered  a great resistance. Her
body  shivered  with the  exertion.  Her arms  moved slowly, as if opening a
very, very heavy door, until they were fully extended laterally.
     I had the clear impression  that as soon as she opened that door a wind
rushed through. That wind pulled  us and we actually went through  the wall.
Or rather, the walls of the house went through us, or  perhaps all three, la
Gorda, the house and myself,  went through the door she had opened. All of a
sudden  I was  out in an open  field. I  could  see the  dark shapes  of the
surrounding mountains  and trees. I  was no longer  holding onto  la Gorda's
waist. A noise above me made me look up, and I saw her  hovering perhaps ten
feet above me like  the black  shape of a giant kite. I felt a terrible itch
in my belly  button and then la Gorda plummeted  down to  the  ground at top
speed, but instead of crashing she came to a soft, total halt.
     At the  moment that la Gorda landed, the  itch  in my  umbilical region
turned into  a horribly exhausting  nervous  pain. It was as if her  landing
were pulling my insides out. I screamed in pain at the top of my voice.
     Then la Gorda was standing next to me, desperately out of breath. I was
sitting  down. We  were again in the room of don Genaro's house where we had
been.
     La Gorda  seemed  unable  to  catch  her  breath.  She was drenched  in
perspiration.
     "We've got to get out of here," she muttered.
     It was a  short drive to the little  sisters' house. None  of  them was
around.  La Gorda lit a  lantern and led me directly to the open-air kitchen
in back. There she undressed herself and asked me to bathe her like a horse,
by  throwing water  on her  body.  I took  a  small tub  full  of  water and
proceeded to pour it gently on her, but she wanted me to drench her.
     She explained  that a contact with the  allies,  like the  one  we had,
produced  a  most   injurious   perspiration  that  had  to  be  washed  off
immediately.  She  made me  take  off  my  clothes and then  drenched  me in
ice-cold  water. Then  she  handed me  a clean piece of cloth and  we  dried
ourselves as  we walked back into  the  house. She sat on the big bed in the
front room after hanging the lantern on the wall above it. Her knees were up
and I could see every part of her body. I hugged  her naked body, and it was
then that I realized what dona Soledad had meant when she said that la Gorda
was the Nagual's woman. She was formless like don Juan. I could not possibly
think of her as a woman.
     I started to  put on my clothes. She  took  them away from me. She said
that before I could wear them again I had to sun them. She gave me a blanket
to put over my shoulders and got another one for herself.
     "That attack of the allies was truly scary," she said as we sat down on
the bed. "We were really lucky that we could get out of their grip. I had no
idea why  the Nagual told me to go to Genaro's with  you. Now I  know.  That
house is where the allies are the strongest.  They missed us by  the skin of
our teeth. We were lucky that I knew how to get out."
     "How did you do it, Gorda?"
     "I really don't know," she said. "I simply did it. My  body knew how, I
suppose, but when I want to think how I did it, I can't.
     "This was a great test for both of us. Until tonight I didn't know that
I could open  the  eye, but look what I did. I actually opened the eye, just
as the Nagual said I could. I've  never been  able to  do it until you  came
along.  I've tried  but it never worked. This time  the fear of those allies
made me just grab the eye the way the Nagual told me to,  by shaking it four
times  in its  four directions. He said that I should shake  it as I shake a
bed sheet, and then I should open  it as a door, by holding it right  at the
middle. The rest was  very easy. Once the door  was  opened  I felt a strong
wind pulling me instead of blowing me away. The trouble, the Nagual said, is
to return. You have  to be very strong to do that. The Nagual and Genaro and
Eligio  could go in and  out of that eye like nothing. For them the  eye was
not even an eye; they said it was an orange light, like the sun. And so were
the Nagual and Genaro  an orange light when they flew. I'm still very low on
the scale;  the  Nagual said that when I do my flying I spread out  and look
like a pile of cow dung  in the sky.  I have no light. That's why the return
is so dreadful for me. Tonight you helped  me and pulled me  back twice. The
reason I showed you my flying tonight  was because the Nagual gave me orders
to let you see it no matter how difficult or crummy it is. With  my flying I
was supposed to be helping you, the same way you were supposed to be helping
me  when you showed me your double. I saw your whole maneuver from the door.
You were so busy feeling sorry for Josefina that your body  didn't notice my
presence.  I  saw how your  double came out from the  top  of  your head. It
wriggled out like a worm. I saw  a shiver that began in your  feet and  went
through your body and then your double came  out.  It was like you, but very
shiny.  It  was  like  the  Nagual  himself.  That's  why  the  sisters were
petrified.  I  knew they thought  that  it was  the  Nagual himself.  But  I
couldn't  see all of it. I missed the sound because I have no attention  for
it."
     "I beg your pardon?"
     "The  double needs  a  tremendous  amount of attention. The Nagual gave
that attention to you  but not to  me. He told  me that he  had run  out  of
time."
     She  said something else about  a certain  kind  of attention but I was
very tired. I fell asleep so suddenly that  I did not even have time  to put
my notes away.


        4
     The Genaros

     I woke up around eight  the  next morning  and found  that la Gorda had
sunned  my clothes and made breakfast. We ate in the  kitchen, in the dining
area. When  we had finished I asked her about Lidia, Rosa and Josefina. They
seemed to have vanished from the house.
     "They are helping Soledad," she said. "She's getting ready to leave."
     "Where is she going?"
     "Somewhere away from here.  She has  no more  reason to  stay.  She was
waiting for you and you have already come."
     "Are the little sisters going with her?"
     "No. They just don't want to be here today. It looks as if today is not
a good day for them to stick around."
     "Why isn't it a good day?"
     "The Genaros are coming to see you today and the girls don't get  along
with  them.  If all  of  them are  here  together,  they'll get  into a most
dreadful fight. The last time that happened they nearly killed one another."
     "Do they fight physically?"
     "You bet they do. All of them are very strong and none of them wants to
take second place.  The Nagual  told me  that that  would happen, but  I  am
powerless to stop  them; and not only that but I have to take sides, so it's
a mess."
     "How do you know that the Genaros are coming today?"
     "I haven't  talked  to them. I just know that  they will be here today,
that's all."
     "Do you know that because you see, Gorda?"
     "That's right. I see them coming. And one of them is coming directly to
you because you're pulling him." I assured her that I was not pulling anyone
in particular. I said that I had not revealed  to  anyone  the purpose of my
trip, but that it had to do with something I had to ask Pablito and Nestor.
     She smiled coyly and said that fate had paired me with Pablito, that we
were very alike, and that undoubtedly  he was  going to see  me  first.  She
added that everything that happened to a warrior could be  interpreted as an
omen; thus my encounter with Soledad was an omen of what I was going to find
out on my visit. I asked her to explain her point.
     "The men will give you very  little  this time,"  she said.  "It's  the
women who will rip you to shreds, as Soledad did. That's what I would say if
I read the omen. You're waiting for the Genaros, but they are men  like you.
And  look at  this  other omen;  they are a little bit behind. I would say a
couple  of days behind.  That's  your fate  as well as theirs, as men, to be
always a couple of days behind."
     "Behind what, Gorda?"
     "Behind everything. Behind us women, for instance."
     She laughed and patted my head.
     "No matter how stubborn you are,"  she went on, "you have to admit that
I'm right. Wait and see."
     "Did the Nagual tell you that men are behind women?" I asked.
     "Sure he did," she replied. "All you have to do is look around."
     "I do, Gorda. But  I don't see any such thing. Women are always behind.
They are dependent on men."
     She laughed. Her laughter was not scornful or  bitter; it  was rather a
clear sound of joyfulness.
     "You know  the world of people better than I do," she said  forcefully.
"But  right  now I'm formless  and  you're not. I'm  telling  you, women are
better sorcerers because there is a crack in  front of our eyes and there is
none in front of yours."
     She  did  not seem angry, but I  felt obliged  to explain  that I asked
questions  and made comments not because I  was attacking or  defending  any
given point, but because I wanted her to talk.
     She said that  she had done nothing else  but talk since the  moment we
met, and that the  Nagual had trained her to  talk  because her task was the
same as mine, to be in the world of people.
     "Everything we  say,"  she  went on,  "is a reflection of the world  of
people. You will find out before your  visit is over  that you  talk and act
the way you  do  because  you're clinging  to  the  human form, just as  the
Genaros and the little  sisters are  clinging to  the human  form  when they
fight to kill one another."
     "But  aren't all of you supposed  to cooperate with Pablito, Nestor and
Benigno?"
     "Genaro and  the Nagual told every  one of  us that  we should live  in
harmony and help and protect one another, because we are alone in the world.
Pablito was left in charge of us four, but he's a coward. If it were left up
to him, he would let us  die like  dogs. When the Nagual was around, though,
Pablito was very  nice to us and took very good care of us. Everyone used to
tease  him  and joke that he took care of  us  as  if we were his wives. The
Nagual  and  Genaro told  him, not too  long before they left, that he had a
real  chance to become the Nagual someday, because we might  become his four
winds, his four corners.  Pablito understood it to be his task and from that
day on he changed. He became insufferable. He began to order us around as if
we were really his wives.
     "I  asked  the  Nagual about Pablito's  chances and  he told me  that I
should  know that everything in a warrior's world depends on personal  power
and  personal power depends on impeccability. If Pablito  were impeccable he
would  have a chance. I laughed  when he told  me  that. I know Pablito very
well. But the Nagual explained to me that I shouldn't take it so lightly. He
said. that warriors always have a chance, no matter how slim. He made me see
that I was a  warrior  myself and  that  I shouldn't hinder Pablito with  my
thoughts.  He said that I should turn  them off and let Pablito be; that the
impeccable  thing for me to do was  to help Pablito in  spite of what I knew
about him.
     "I understood what  the Nagual said. Besides,  I  have my own debt with
Pablito, and I welcomed the opportunity to help him. But I also knew that no
matter  how I helped  him  he was going to fail. I  knew  all along  that he
didn't have what  it takes to be  like the Nagual.  Pablito is very childish
and he  won't accept his defeat. He's miserable because he's not impeccable,
and yet he's still trying in his thoughts to be like the Nagual."
     "How did he fail?"
     "As soon  as the Nagual left,  Pablito had a  deadly run-in with Lidia.
Years  ago the Nagual  had given him the task of being Lidia's husband, just
for appearances. The people around here thought that she was his wife. Lidia
didn't like that one bit. She's very tough. The truth of the matter is  that
Pablito has always  been scared to death  of her. They could never get along
together and  they tolerated each other only because  the Nagual was around;
but when  he  left,  Pablito got  crazier than he  already  was  and  became
convinced  that he had enough personal power to  take us as his  wives.  The
three Genaros got together and  discussed what Pablito should do and decided
that he should  take the toughest  woman first, Lidia. They waited until she
was alone and then  all three of them came into the house and grabbed her by
the arms and threw her on the bed. Pablito got on top of her. She thought at
first that  the Genaros were joking.  But when she  realized that  they were
serious, she hit Pablito with  her head  in the  middle of  his forehead and
nearly killed him.  The Genaros fled  and  Nestor had  to tend  to Pablito's
wound for months."
     "Is there something that I can do to help them understand?"
     "No. Unfortunately, understanding is not their problem. All six of them
understand  very  well. The real trouble is  something else,  something very
ugly that no one can help them with. They indulge  in not trying to  change.
Since they know they won't succeed in changing no matter  how much they try,
or want  to, or need to,  they have  given up trying  altogether. That's  as
wrong as  feeling disappointed  with  our failures. The Nagual told  each of
them that warriors,  both men and  women, must be impeccable in their effort
to  change, in order to scare  the human form and shake it away. After years
of impeccability a moment  will come, the Nagual  said, when the form cannot
stand  it any  longer and  it leaves, just  as it  left  me. In doing so, of
course,  it injures the  body and can  even make  it die, but an  impeccable
warrior survives, always."
     A sudden knock at the front door interrupted her. La Gorda stood up and
went over  to unlatch the door.  It was Lidia. She greeted me  very formally
and asked la Gorda to go with her. They left together.
     I  welcomed  being  alone. I worked on my notes for hours. The open-air
dining area was cool and had very good light.
     La  Gorda returned around noon. She asked me if I  wanted to eat. I was
not hungry, but  she insisted that I  eat. She said that contacts  with  the
allies were very debilitating, and that she felt very weak herself.
     After eating I sat down  with la Gorda and was getting ready to ask her
about "dreaming" when the front door opened loudly and Pablito walked in. He
was panting.  He obviously had been running and appeared to be in a state of
great excitation. He stood at the door for a moment, catching his breath. He
hadn't changed much. He seemed a bit older, or heavier, or perhaps only more
muscular. He was, however, still  very lean  and  wiry.  His complexion  was
pale, as if he had not been in the sun for a long time. The brownness of his
eyes was accentuated by a faint mark of weariness in his face. I  remembered
Pablito as  having a  beguiling smile; as he stood there looking at me,  his
smile was  as  charming  as ever. He ran  over to where I  was  sitting  and
grasped my forearms for a moment, without saying a word. I stood up. He then
shook me gently and embraced me. I myself was utterly delighted to  see him.
I was jumping  up and down with an infantile joy. I did not know what to say
to him. He finally broke the silence.
     "Maestro,"  he said softly,  nodding  his head slightly as  if he  were
bowing to me.
     The title of "maestro," teacher, caught me by surprise. I turned around
as if I were looking for someone else who was just behind me. I deliberately
exaggerated my movements to let  him know that  I was  mystified. He smiled,
and the  only thing that  occurred to me was  to ask  him how he knew  I was
there.
     He said that he, Nestor and Benigno  had  been forced to return because
of a most unusual  apprehension, which  made them run day and  night without
any pause. Nestor  had  gone  to their own  house to find  out if  there was
something  there  that would account for the feeling  that had  driven them.
Benigno had gone to Soledad's place  and  he himself had come to the  girls'
house.
     "You hit the jackpot, Pablito," la Gorda said, and laughed.
     Pablito did not answer. He glared at her.
     "I'll bet that you're working yourself up to throw me out," he said  in
a tone of great anger.
     "Don't fight with me, Pablito," la Gorda said, unruffled.
     Pablito  turned to me and  apologized,  and  then added  in a very loud
voice,  as if he wanted  someone else in  the house to hear him, that he had
brought  his  own chair to  sit  on and that  he could  put it  wherever  he
pleased.
     "There's no one else around here except us," la Gorda said  softly, and
chuckled.
     "I'll  bring  in  my  chair  anyway," Pablito  said.  "You don't  mind,
Maestro, do you?"
     I looked at la Gorda. She gave me an almost imperceptible go-ahead sign
with the tip of her foot.
     "Bring it in. Bring anything you want," I said.
     Pablito stepped out of the house.
     "They're all that way," la Gorda said, "all three of them."
     Pablito  came back  a moment later carrying an unusuallooking  chair on
his  shoulders. The chair  was shaped to follow the  contour of his back, so
when he had it on his shoulders, upside down, it looked like a backpack.
     "May I put it down?" he asked me.
     "Of course," I replied, moving the bench over to make room.
     He laughed with exaggerated ease.
     "Aren't  you the Nagual?" he asked me, and then looked  at la Gorda and
added, "Or do you have to wait for orders?"
     "I am the Nagual," I said facetiously in order to humor him.
     I sensed that he was about to pick a fight with la Gorda; she must have
sensed it too, for she excused herself and went out the back.
     Pablito put his chair down and slowly circled around me  as  if he were
inspecting  my  body. Then  he  took his low-back narrow chair in one  hand,
turned it  around and sat down, resting his folded  arms on the back  of the
chair that was made to allow him the maximum comfort as he sat astride it. I
sat down facing him. His  mood  had changed completely the instant la  Gorda
left.
     "I must  ask  you  to  forgive  me for acting  the way I did,"  he said
smiling. "But I had to get rid of that witch."
     "Is she that bad, Pablito?"
     "You can bet on that," he replied.
     To  change  the  subject  I  told him  that he  looked  very  fine  and
prosperous.
     "You look very fine yourself. Maestro," he said.
     "What's this nonsense of calling me Maestro?" I asked in a joking tone.
     "Things are not the  same  as  before," he replied. "We  are in  a  new
realm,  and the Witness says  that  you're a  maestro now,  and  the Witness
cannot be wrong. But he will tell you the whole story himself. He'll be here
shortly, and will he be glad to see  you again. I  think that by now he must
have  felt  that  you are here. As  we were coming back, all  of  us had the
feeling that you might  be  on your way, but  none of  us felt that  you had
already arrived."
     I told him then that I  had come for the sole purpose of seeing him and
Nestor, that they were the  only  two people in the world with  whom I could
talk about our last meeting with don Juan and don  Genaro, and that I needed
more than anything else to clear up the uncertainties that that last meeting
had created in me.
     "We're bound to one another," he said. "I'll do anything I can to help.
You know that. But I must warn you that I'm  not as strong as you would want
me  to  be. Perhaps it would be better if we didn't talk at all. But, on the
other hand, if we don't talk we'll never understand anything."
     In a careful and deliberate manner I  formulated my query.  I explained
that there was one single issue at the crux of my rational predicament.
     "Tell me, Pablito," I said, "did we truly jump with our bodies into the
abyss?"
     "I don't know," he said. "I really don't know."
     "But you were there with me."
     "That's the point. Was I really there?"
     I felt annoyed at his  cryptic  replies. I had  the sensation that if I
would  shake him  or squeeze him, something in him would be set free. It was
apparent  to  me that he was  deliberately  withholding something  of  great
value. I protested that he would choose to be secretive with me  when we had
a bond of total trust.
     Pablito shook his head as if silently objecting to my accusation.
     I  asked him to recount to  me his whole experience, starting from  the
time  prior  to our  jump, when don  Juan and  don  Genaro had  prepared  us
together for the final onslaught.
     Pablito's account was  muddled  and inconsistent. All he could remember
about the last moments before we jumped  into the abyss was  that after  don
Juan and don Genaro had said good-bye to both of us and had disappeared into
the darkness, his strength waned, he  was about to  fall on his face,  but I
held him  by his  arm and carried him to the edge of the  abyss and there he
blacked out.
     "What happened after you blacked out, Pablito?"
     "I don't know."
     "Did you have dreams or visions? What did you see?"
     "As  far as I'm concerned I had no visions, or if I did  I couldn't pay
any attention to  them. My lack  of impeccability makes it impossible for me
to remember them."
     "And then what happened?"
     "I woke up at Genaro's old place. I don't know how I got there."
     He remained quiet,  while I  frantically searched  in  my  mind  for  a
question, a comment, a critical statement  or anything that would  add extra
breadth  to his  statements. As  it  was, nothing  in  Pablito's account was
usable  to buttress  what had happened  to me. I felt cheated.  I was almost
angry with him. My feelings were a  mixture of  pity for Pablito and  myself
and at the same time a most intense disappointment.
     "I'm sorry I'm such a letdown to you," Pablito said.
     My immediate reaction to his  words  was to cover  up my  feelings  and
assure him that I was not disappointed at all.
     "I am a sorcerer," he said, laughing, "a poor one, but enough of a  one
to know what my body tells  me. And right now it tells me that you are angry
with me."
     "I'm not angry, Pablito!" I exclaimed.
     "That's what your reason says,  but not your body," he said. "Your body
is angry. Your reason, however, finds  no reason to feel anger toward me, so
you're  caught  in a cross  fire. The least I can do for  you is to untangle
this.  Your body is angry because it knows that I am not impeccable and that
only an impeccable warrior can help you. Your body is angry because it feels
that I am wasting myself. It knew all that the minute I walked through  that
door."
     I did not  know what to say.  I felt a flood of post-fact realizations.
Perhaps he was right in saying that my body  knew all that. At any rate, his
directness  in confronting  me with my feelings had  blunted the  edge of my
frustration. I  began to wonder if Pablito was not just playing  a game with
me. I  told him that being so  direct  and bold he  could not possibly be as
weak as he pictured himself to be.
     "My  weakness is that  I'm made to  have longings," he said almost in a
whisper. "I'm even to the point where I long for my life as an ordinary man.
Can you believe that?"
     "You can't be serious, Pablito! " I exclaimed.
     "I am," he replied. "I long for the grand privilege of walking the face
of the earth as an ordinary man, without this awesome burden."
     I found his stand simply preposterous and caught myself exclaiming over
and over  that he  could not possibly be serious. Pablito looked  at  me and
sighed. I was overtaken by a sudden apprehension. He  seemed  to  be  on the
verge  of tears. My apprehension gave way to  an intense feeling of empathy.
Neither of us could help each other.
     La  Gorda came back  to the kitchen at  that  moment. Pablito seemed to
experience  an instantane