art my
  man, thou art thyself.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. I am an ass, I am a woman's man, and besides
  myself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What woman's man, and how besides thyself?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Marry, sir, besides myself, I am due
  to a woman-one that claims me, one that haunts me, one
  that will have me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What claim lays she to thee?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Marry, sir, such claim as you would
  lay to your horse; and she would have me as a beast: not
  that, I being a beast, she would have me; but that she,
  being a very beastly creature, lays claim to me.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What is she?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. A very reverent body; ay, such a one
  as a man may not speak of without he say 'Sir-reverence.'
  I have but lean luck in the match, and yet is she a
  wondrous fat marriage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. How dost thou mean a fat marriage?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Marry, sir, she's the kitchen-wench,
  and all grease; and I know not what use to put her to but
  to make a lamp of her and run from her by her own light.
  I warrant, her rags and the tallow in them will burn
  Poland winter. If she lives till doomsday, she'll burn
  week longer than the whole world.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What complexion is she of?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Swart, like my shoe; but her face
  nothing like so clean kept; for why, she sweats, a man may
  go over shoes in the grime of it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. That's a fault that water will mend.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No, sir, 'tis in grain; Noah's flood
  could not do it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What's her name?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Nell, sir; but her name and three
  quarters, that's an ell and three quarters, will not measure
  her from hip to hip.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Then she bears some breadth?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No longer from head to foot than
  from hip to hip: she is spherical, like a globe; I could find
  out countries in her.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. In what part of her body stands Ireland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Marry, sir, in her buttocks; I found it out by
  the bogs.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Where Scotland?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. I found it by the barrenness, hard in
  the palm of the hand.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Where France?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. In her forehead, arm'd and reverted,
  making war against her heir.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Where England?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. I look'd for the chalky cliffs, but I
  could find no whiteness in them; but I guess it stood in her
  chin, by the salt rheum that ran between France and it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Where Spain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Faith, I saw it not, but I felt it hot in
  her breath.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Where America, the Indies?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. O, sir, upon her nose, an o'er embellished with
  rubies, carbuncles, sapphires, declining their rich aspect to the
  hot breath of Spain; who sent whole armadoes of caracks to be
  ballast at her nose.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Where stood Belgia, the Netherlands?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. O, Sir, I did not look so low. To
  conclude: this drudge or diviner laid claim to me; call'd me
  Dromio; swore I was assur'd to her; told me what privy
  marks I had about me, as, the mark of my shoulder, the
  mole in my neck, the great wart on my left arm, that I,
  amaz'd, ran from her as a witch.
  And, I think, if my breast had not been made of faith,
    and my heart of steel,
  She had transform'd me to a curtal dog, and made me turn i' th' wheel.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Go hie thee presently post to the road;
  An if the wind blow any way from shore,
  I will not harbour in this town to-night.
  If any bark put forth, come to the mart,
  Where I will walk till thou return to me.
  If every one knows us, and we know none,
  'Tis time, I think, to trudge, pack and be gone.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. As from a bear a man would run for life,
  So fly I from her that would be my wife.
<Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. There's none but witches do inhabit here,
  And therefore 'tis high time that I were hence.
  She that doth call me husband, even my soul
  Doth for a wife abhor. But her fair sister,
  Possess'd with such a gentle sovereign grace,
  Of such enchanting presence and discourse,
  Hath almost made me traitor to myself;
  But, lest myself be guilty to self-wrong,
  I'll stop mine ears against the mermaid's song.

Enter ANGELO with the chain

ANGELO. Master Antipholus!
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Ay, that's my name.
ANGELO. I know it well, sir. Lo, here is the chain.
  I thought to have ta'en you at the Porpentine;
  The chain unfinish'd made me stay thus long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What is your will that I shall do with this?
ANGELO. What please yourself, sir; I have made it for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Made it for me, sir! I bespoke it not.
ANGELO. Not once nor twice, but twenty times you have.
  Go home with it, and please your wife withal;
  And soon at supper-time I'll visit you,
  And then receive my money for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I pray you, sir, receive the money now,
  For fear you ne'er see chain nor money more.
ANGELO. You are a merry man, sir; fare you well.
<Exit
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What I should think of this cannot tell:
  But this I think, there's no man is so vain
  That would refuse so fair an offer'd chain.
  I see a man here needs not live by shifts,
  When in the streets he meets such golden gifts.
  I'll to the mart, and there for Dromio stay;
  If any ship put out, then straight away.
<Exit




ACT IV. SCENE 1

A public place

Enter SECOND MERCHANT, ANGELO, and an OFFICER

SECOND MERCHANT. You know since Pentecost the sum is due,
  And since I have not much importun'd you;
  Nor now I had not, but that I am bound
  To Persia, and want guilders for my voyage.
  Therefore make present satisfaction,
  Or I'll attach you by this officer.
ANGELO. Even just the sum that I do owe to you
  Is growing to me by Antipholus;
  And in the instant that I met with you
  He had of me a chain; at five o'clock
  I shall receive the money for the same.
  Pleaseth you walk with me down to his house,
  I will discharge my bond, and thank you too.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS, and DROMIO OF EPHESUS, from the COURTEZAN'S

OFFICER. That labour may you save; see where he comes.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. While I go to the goldsmith's house, go thou
  And buy a rope's end; that will I bestow
  Among my wife and her confederates,
  For locking me out of my doors by day.
  But, soft, I see the goldsmith. Get thee gone;
  Buy thou a rope, and bring it home to me.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I buy a thousand pound a year; I buy a rope.
<Exit DROMIO
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. A man is well holp up that trusts to you!
  I promised your presence and the chain;
  But neither chain nor goldsmith came to me.
  Belike you thought our love would last too long,
  If it were chain'd together, and therefore came not.
ANGELO. Saving your merry humour, here's the note
  How much your chain weighs to the utmost carat,
  The fineness of the gold, and chargeful fashion,
  Which doth amount to three odd ducats more
  Than I stand debted to this gentleman.
  I pray you see him presently discharg'd,
  For he is bound to sea, and stays but for it.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I am not furnish'd with the present money;
  Besides, I have some business in the town.
  Good signior, take the stranger to my house,
  And with you take the chain, and bid my wife
  Disburse the sum on the receipt thereof.
  Perchance I will be there as soon as you.
ANGELO. Then you will bring the chain to her yourself?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. No; bear it with you, lest I come not time enough.
ANGELO. Well, sir, I will. Have you the chain about you?
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. An if I have not, sir, I hope you have;
  Or else you may return without your money.
ANGELO. Nay, come, I pray you, sir, give me the chain;
  Both wind and tide stays for this gentleman,
  And I, to blame, have held him here too long.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Good Lord! you use this dalliance to excuse
  Your breach of promise to the Porpentine;
  I should have chid you for not bringing it,
  But, like a shrew, you first begin to brawl.
SECOND MERCHANT. The hour steals on; I pray you, sir, dispatch.
ANGELO. You hear how he importunes me-the chain!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Why, give it to my wife, and fetch your money.
ANGELO. Come, come, you know I gave it you even now.
  Either send the chain or send by me some token.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Fie, now you run this humour out of breath!
  Come, where's the chain? I pray you let me see it.
SECOND MERCHANT. My business cannot brook this dalliance.
  Good sir, say whe'r you'll answer me or no;
  If not, I'll leave him to the officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I answer you! What should I answer you?
ANGELO. The money that you owe me for the chain.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I owe you none till I receive the chain.
ANGELO. You know I gave it you half an hour since.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. You gave me none; you wrong me much to say so.
ANGELO. You wrong me more, sir, in denying it.
  Consider how it stands upon my credit.
SECOND MERCHANT. Well, officer, arrest him at my suit.
OFFICER. I do; and charge you in the Duke's name to obey me.
ANGELO. This touches me in reputation.
  Either consent to pay this sum for me,
  Or I attach you by this officer.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Consent to pay thee that I never had!
  Arrest me, foolish fellow, if thou dar'st.
ANGELO. Here is thy fee; arrest him, officer.
  I would not spare my brother in this case,
  If he should scorn me so apparently.
OFFICER. I do arrest you, sir; you hear the suit.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I do obey thee till I give thee bail.
  But, sirrah, you shall buy this sport as dear
  As all the metal in your shop will answer.
ANGELO. Sir, sir, I shall have law in Ephesus,
  To your notorious shame, I doubt it not.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE, from the bay

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, there's a bark of Epidamnum
  That stays but till her owner comes aboard,
  And then, sir, she bears away. Our fraughtage, sir,
  I have convey'd aboard; and I have bought
  The oil, the balsamum, and aqua-vitx.
  The ship is in her trim; the merry wind
  Blows fair from land; they stay for nought at an
  But for their owner, master, and yourself.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. How now! a madman? Why, thou peevish sheep,
  What ship of Epidamnum stays for me?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. A ship you sent me to, to hire waftage.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. THOU drunken slave! I sent the for a rope;
  And told thee to what purpose and what end.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. YOU sent me for a rope's end as soon-
  You sent me to the bay, sir, for a bark.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. I Will debate this matter at more leisure,
  And teach your ears to list me with more heed.
  To Adriana, villain, hie thee straight;
  Give her this key, and tell her in the desk
  That's cover'd o'er with Turkish tapestry
  There is a purse of ducats; let her send it.
  Tell her I am arrested in the street,
  And that shall bail me; hie thee, slave, be gone.
  On, officer, to prison till it come.
<Exeunt all but DROMIO
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. To Adriana! that is where we din'd,
  Where Dowsabel did claim me for her husband.
  She is too big, I hope, for me to compass.
  Thither I must, although against my will,
  For servants must their masters' minds fulfil.
<Exit


SCENE 2

The house of ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS

Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA

ADRIANA. Ah, Luciana, did he tempt thee so?
  Might'st thou perceive austerely in his eye
  That he did plead in earnest? Yea or no?
  Look'd he or red or pale, or sad or merrily?
  What observation mad'st thou in this case
  Of his heart's meteors tilting in his face?
LUCIANA. First he denied you had in him no right.
ADRIANA. He meant he did me none-the more my spite.
LUCIANA. Then swore he that he was a stranger here.
ADRIANA. And true he swore, though yet forsworn he were.
LUCIANA. Then pleaded I for you.
ADRIANA. And what said he?
LUCIANA. That love I begg'd for you he begg'd of me.
ADRIANA. With what persuasion did he tempt thy love?
LUCIANA. With words that in an honest suit might move.
  First he did praise my beauty, then my speech.
ADRIANA. Didst speak him fair?
LUCIANA. Have patience, I beseech.
ADRIANA. I cannot, nor I will not hold me still;
  My tongue, though not my heart, shall have his will.
  He is deformed, crooked, old, and sere,
  Ill-fac'd, worse bodied, shapeless everywhere;
  Vicious, ungentle, foolish, blunt, unkind;
  Stigmatical in making, worse in mind.
LUCIANA. Who would be jealous then of such a one?
  No evil lost is wail'd when it is gone.
ADRIANA. Ah, but I think him better than I say,
  And yet would herein others' eyes were worse.
  Far from her nest the lapwing cries away;
  My heart prays for him, though my tongue do curse.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Here go-the desk, the purse. Sweet
  now, make haste.
LUCIANA. How hast thou lost thy breath?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. By running fast.
ADRIANA. Where is thy master, Dromio? Is he well?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No, he's in Tartar limbo, worse than hell.
  A devil in an everlasting garment hath him;
  One whose hard heart is button'd up with steel;
  A fiend, a fairy, pitiless and rough;
  A wolf, nay worse, a fellow all in buff;
  A back-friend, a shoulder-clapper, one that countermands
  The passages of alleys, creeks, and narrow lands;
  A hound that runs counter, and yet draws dry-foot well;
  One that, before the Judgment, carries poor souls to hell.
ADRIANA. Why, man, what is the matter?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. I do not know the matter; he is rested on the case.
ADRIANA. What, is he arrested? Tell me, at whose suit?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. I know not at whose suit he is arrested well;
  But he's in a suit of buff which 'rested him, that can I tell.
  Will you send him, mistress, redemption, the money in his desk?
ADRIANA. Go fetch it, sister.  [Exit LUCIANA]  This I wonder at:
  Thus he unknown to me should be in debt.
  Tell me, was he arrested on a band?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. on a band, but on a stronger thing,
  A chain, a chain. Do you not hear it ring?
ADRIANA. What, the chain?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No, no, the bell; 'tis time that I were gone.
  It was two ere I left him, and now the clock strikes one.
ADRIANA. The hours come back! That did I never hear.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. O yes. If any hour meet a sergeant,
    'a turns back for very fear.
ADRIANA. As if Time were in debt! How fondly dost thou reason!
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Time is a very bankrupt, and owes
    more than he's worth to season.
  Nay, he's a thief too: have you not heard men say
  That Time comes stealing on by night and day?
  If 'a be in debt and theft, and a sergeant in the way,
  Hath he not reason to turn back an hour in a day?

Re-enter LUCIANA with a purse

ADRIANA. Go, Dromio, there's the money; bear it straight,
  And bring thy master home immediately.
  Come, sister; I am press'd down with conceit-
  Conceit, my comfort and my injury.
<Exeunt


SCENE 3

The mart

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE

ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. There's not a man I meet but doth salute me
  As if I were their well-acquainted friend;
  And every one doth call me by my name.
  Some tender money to me, some invite me,
  Some other give me thanks for kindnesses,
  Some offer me commodities to buy;
  Even now a tailor call'd me in his shop,
  And show'd me silks that he had bought for me,
  And therewithal took measure of my body.
  Sure, these are but imaginary wiles,
  And Lapland sorcerers inhabit here.

Enter DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, here's the gold you sent me
  for. What, have you got the picture of old Adam new-apparell'd?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What gold is this? What Adam dost thou mean?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Not that Adam that kept the Paradise,
  but that Adam that keeps the prison; he that goes in the
  calf's skin that was kill'd for the Prodigal; he that came behind
  you, sir, like an evil angel, and bid you forsake your liberty.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I understand thee not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. No? Why, 'tis a plain case: he that
  went, like a bass-viol, in a case of leather; the man, sir,
  that, when gentlemen are tired, gives them a sob, and rest
  them; he, sir, that takes pity on decayed men, and give
  them suits of durance; he that sets up his rest to do more
  exploits with his mace than a morris-pike.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. What, thou mean'st an officer?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Ay, sir, the sergeant of the band;
  that brings any man to answer it that breaks his band; on
  that thinks a man always going to bed, and says 'God give
  you good rest!'
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Well, sir, there rest in your foolery. Is
  there any ship puts forth to-night? May we be gone?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Why, sir, I brought you word an
  hour since that the bark Expedition put forth to-night; and
  then were you hind'red by the sergeant, to tarry for the
  boy Delay. Here are the angels that you sent for to deliver you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. The fellow is distract, and so am I;
  And here we wander in illusions.
  Some blessed power deliver us from hence!

Enter a COURTEZAN

COURTEZAN. Well met, well met, Master Antipholus.
  I see, sir, you have found the goldsmith now.
  Is that the chain you promis'd me to-day?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Satan, avoid! I charge thee, tempt me not.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, is this Mistress Satan?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. It is the devil.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Nay, she is worse, she is the devil's
  dam, and here she comes in the habit of a light wench; and
  thereof comes that the wenches say 'God damn me!' That's
  as much to say 'God make me a light wench!' It is written
  they appear to men like angels of light; light is an effect
  of fire, and fire will burn; ergo, light wenches will burn.
  Come not near her.
COURTEZAN. Your man and you are marvellous merry, sir.
  Will you go with me? We'll mend our dinner here.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Master, if you do, expect spoon-meat,
  or bespeak a long spoon.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Why, Dromio?
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Marry, he must have a long spoon
  that must eat with the devil.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Avoid then, fiend! What tell'st thou me of supping?
  Thou art, as you are all, a sorceress;
  I conjure thee to leave me and be gone.
COURTEZAN. Give me the ring of mine you had at dinner,
  Or, for my diamond, the chain you promis'd,
  And I'll be gone, sir, and not trouble you.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Some devils ask but the parings of one's nail,
  A rush, a hair, a drop of blood, a pin,
  A nut, a cherry-stone;
  But she, more covetous, would have a chain.
  Master, be wise; an if you give it her,
  The devil will shake her chain, and fright us with it.
COURTEZAN. I pray you, sir, my ring, or else the chain;
  I hope you do not mean to cheat me so.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Avaunt, thou witch! Come, Dromio, let us go.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. 'Fly pride' says the peacock. Mistress, that you know.
<Exeunt ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
COURTEZAN. Now, out of doubt, Antipholus is mad,
  Else would he never so demean himself.
  A ring he hath of mine worth forty ducats,
  And for the same he promis'd me a chain;
  Both one and other he denies me now.
  The reason that I gather he is mad,
  Besides this present instance of his rage,
  Is a mad tale he told to-day at dinner
  Of his own doors being shut against his entrance.
  Belike his wife, acquainted with his fits,
  On purpose shut the doors against his way.
  My way is now to hie home to his house,
  And tell his wife that, being lunatic,
  He rush'd into my house and took perforce
  My ring away. This course I fittest choose,
  For forty ducats is too much to lose.
<Exit


SCENE 4

A street

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS with the OFFICER

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Fear me not, man; I will not break away.
  I'll give thee, ere I leave thee, so much money,
  To warrant thee, as I am 'rested for.
  My wife is in a wayward mood to-day,
  And will not lightly trust the messenger.
  That I should be attach'd in Ephesus,
  I tell you 'twill sound harshly in her cars.

Enter DROMIO OF EPHESUS, with a rope's-end

  Here comes my man; I think he brings the money.
  How now, sir! Have you that I sent you for?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Here's that, I warrant you, will pay them all.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. But where's the money?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Why, sir, I gave the money for the rope.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Five hundred ducats, villain, for rope?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I'll serve you, sir, five hundred at the rate.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. To what end did I bid thee hie thee home?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. To a rope's-end, sir; and to that end am I
  return'd.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. And to that end, sir, I will welcome you.
[Beating him]
OFFICER. Good sir, be patient.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Nay, 'tis for me to be patient; I am in
  adversity.
OFFICER. Good now, hold thy tongue.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Nay, rather persuade him to hold his hands.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou whoreson, senseless villain!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I would I were senseless, sir, that I
  might not feel your blows.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou art sensible in nothing but
  blows, and so is an ass.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. I am an ass indeed; you may prove it
  by my long 'ears. I have served him from the hour of my
  nativity to this instant, and have nothing at his hands for
  my service but blows. When I am cold he heats me with
  beating; when I am warm he cools me with beating. I am
  wak'd with it when I sleep; rais'd with it when I sit; driven
  out of doors with it when I go from home; welcom'd home
  with it when I return; nay, I bear it on my shoulders as
  beggar wont her brat; and I think, when he hath lam'd me,
  I shall beg with it from door to door.

Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the COURTEZAN, and a SCHOOLMASTER
call'd PINCH

ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Come, go along; my wife is coming yonder.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Mistress, 'respice finem,' respect your end; or
  rather, to prophesy like the parrot, 'Beware the rope's-end.'
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Wilt thou still talk?
[Beating him]
COURTEZAN. How say you now? Is not your husband mad?
ADRIANA. His incivility confirms no less.
  Good Doctor Pinch, you are a conjurer:
  Establish him in his true sense again,
  And I will please you what you will demand.
LUCIANA. Alas, how fiery and how sharp he looks!
COURTEZAN. Mark how he trembles in his ecstasy.
PINCH. Give me your hand, and let me feel your pulse.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. There is my hand, and let it feel your ear.
[Striking him]
PINCH. I charge thee, Satan, hous'd within this man,
  To yield possession to my holy prayers,
  And to thy state of darkness hie thee straight.
  I conjure thee by all the saints in heaven.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Peace, doting wizard, peace! I am not mad.
ADRIANA. O, that thou wert not, poor distressed soul!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. You minion, you, are these your customers?
  Did this companion with the saffron face
  Revel and feast it at my house to-day,
  Whilst upon me the guilty doors were shut,
  And I denied to enter in my house?
ADRIANA. O husband, God doth know you din'd at home,
  Where would you had remain'd until this time,
  Free from these slanders and this open shame!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Din'd at home! Thou villain, what sayest thou?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Sir, Sooth to say, you did not dine at home.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Were not my doors lock'd up and I shut out?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Perdie, your doors were lock'd and you shut out.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. And did not she herself revile me there?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Sans fable, she herself revil'd you there.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Did not her kitchen-maid rail, taunt, and scorn me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Certes, she did; the kitchen-vestal scorn'd you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. And did not I in rage depart from thence?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. In verity, you did. My bones bear witness,
  That since have felt the vigour of his rage.
ADRIANA. Is't good to soothe him in these contraries?
PINCH. It is no shame; the fellow finds his vein,
  And, yielding to him, humours well his frenzy.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Thou hast suborn'd the goldsmith to arrest me.
ADRIANA. Alas, I sent you money to redeem you,
  By Dromio here, who came in haste for it.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Money by me! Heart and goodwill you might,
  But surely, master, not a rag of money.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Went'st not thou to her for purse of ducats?
ADRIANA. He came to me, and I deliver'd it.
LUCIANA. And I am witness with her that she did.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. God and the rope-maker bear me witness
  That I was sent for nothing but a rope!
PINCH. Mistress, both man and master is possess'd;
  I know it by their pale and deadly looks.
  They must be bound, and laid in some dark room.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Say, wherefore didst thou lock me forth to-day?
  And why dost thou deny the bag of gold?
ADRIANA. I did not, gentle husband, lock thee forth.
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. And, gentle master, I receiv'd no gold;
  But I confess, sir, that we were lock'd out.
ADRIANA. Dissembling villain, thou speak'st false in both.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Dissembling harlot, thou art false in all,
  And art confederate with a damned pack
  To make a loathsome abject scorn of me;
  But with these nails I'll pluck out these false eyes
  That would behold in me this shameful sport.
ADRIANA. O, bind him, bind him; let him not come near me.
PINCH. More company! The fiend is strong within him.

Enter three or four, and offer to bind him. He strives

LUCIANA. Ay me, poor man, how pale and wan he looks!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. What, will you murder me? Thou gaoler, thou,
  I am thy prisoner. Wilt thou suffer them
  To make a rescue?
OFFICER. Masters, let him go;
  He is my prisoner, and you shall not have him.
PINCH. Go bind this man, for he is frantic too.
[They bind DROMIO]
ADRIANA. What wilt thou do, thou peevish officer?
  Hast thou delight to see a wretched man
  Do outrage and displeasure to himself?
OFFICER. He is my prisoner; if I let him go,
  The debt he owes will be requir'd of me.
ADRIANA. I will discharge thee ere I go from thee;
  Bear me forthwith unto his creditor,
  And, knowing how the debt grows, I will pay it.
  Good Master Doctor, see him safe convey'd
  Home to my house. O most unhappy day!
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. O most unhappy strumpet!
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Master, I am here ent'red in bond for you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. Out on thee, villian! Wherefore
  dost thou mad me?
DROMIO OF EPHESUS. Will you be bound for nothing?
  Be mad, good master; cry 'The devil!'
LUCIANA. God help, poor souls, how idly do they talk!
ADRIANA. Go bear him hence. Sister, go you with me.
<Exeunt all but ADRIANA, LUCIANA, OFFICERS, and COURTEZAN
  Say now, whose suit is he arrested at?
OFFICER. One Angelo, a goldsmith; do you know him?
ADRIANA. I know the man. What is the sum he owes?
OFFICER. Two hundred ducats.
ADRIANA. Say, how grows it due?
OFFICER. Due for a chain your husband had of him.
ADRIANA. He did bespeak a chain for me, but had it not.
COURTEZAN. When as your husband, all in rage, to-day
  Came to my house, and took away my ring-
  The ring I saw upon his finger now-
  Straight after did I meet him with a chain.
ADRIANA. It may be so, but I did never see it.
  Come, gaoler, bring me where the goldsmith is;
  I long to know the truth hereof at large.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE, with his rapier drawn, and
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE.

LUCIANA. God, for thy mercy! they are loose again.
ADRIANA. And come with naked swords.
  Let's call more help to have them bound again.
OFFICER. Away, they'll kill us!
<Exeunt all but ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE as fast as may be, frighted
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I see these witches are afraid of swords.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. She that would be your wife now ran from you.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Come to the Centaur; fetch our stuff from thence.
  I long that we were safe and sound aboard.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Faith, stay here this night; they will
  surely do us no harm; you saw they speak us fair, give us
  gold; methinks they are such a gentle nation that, but for
  the mountain of mad flesh that claims marriage of me,
  could find in my heart to stay here still and turn witch.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I will not stay to-night for all the town;
  Therefore away, to get our stuff aboard.
<Exeunt




ACT V. SCENE 1

A street before a priory

Enter SECOND MERCHANT and ANGELO

ANGELO. I am sorry, sir, that I have hind'red you;
  But I protest he had the chain of me,
  Though most dishonestly he doth deny it.
SECOND MERCHANT. How is the man esteem'd here in the city?
ANGELO. Of very reverend reputation, sir,
  Of credit infinite, highly belov'd,
  Second to none that lives here in the city;
  His word might bear my wealth at any time.
SECOND MERCHANT. Speak softly; yonder, as I think, he walks.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE

ANGELO. 'Tis so; and that self chain about his neck
  Which he forswore most monstrously to have.
  Good sir, draw near to me, I'll speak to him.
  Signior Andpholus, I wonder much
  That you would put me to this shame and trouble;
  And, not without some scandal to yourself,
  With circumstance and oaths so to deny
  This chain, which now you wear so openly.
  Beside the charge, the shame, imprisonment,
  You have done wrong to this my honest friend;
  Who, but for staying on our controversy,
  Had hoisted sail and put to sea to-day.
  This chain you had of me; can you deny it?
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. I think I had; I never did deny it.
SECOND MERCHANT. Yes, that you did, sir, and forswore it too.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Who heard me to deny it or forswear it?
SECOND MERCHANT. These ears of mine, thou know'st, did hear thee.
  Fie on thee, wretch! 'tis pity that thou liv'st
  To walk where any honest men resort.
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE. Thou art a villain to impeach me thus;
  I'll prove mine honour and mine honesty
  Against thee presently, if thou dar'st stand.
SECOND MERCHANT. I dare, and do defy thee for a villain.
[They draw]

Enter ADRIANA, LUCIANA, the COURTEZAN, and OTHERS

ADRIANA. Hold, hurt him not, for God's sake! He is mad.
  Some get within him, take his sword away;
  Bind Dromio too, and bear them to my house.
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE. Run, master, run; for God's sake take a house.
  This is some priory. In, or we are spoil'd.
<Exeunt ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE and DROMIO OF SYRACUSE to the priory

Enter the LADY ABBESS

ABBESS. Be quiet, people. Wherefore throng you hither?
ADRIANA. To fetch my poor distracted husband hence.
  Let us come in, that we may bind him fast,
  And bear him home for his recovery.
ANGELO. I knew he was not in his perfect wits.
SECOND MERCHANT. I am sorry now that I did draw on him.
ABBESS. How long hath this possession held the man?
ADRIANA. This week he hath been heavy, sour, sad,
  And much different from the man he was;
  But till this afternoon his passion
  Ne'er brake into extremity of rage.
ABBESS. Hath he not lost much wealth by wreck of sea?
  Buried some dear friend? Hath not else his eye
  Stray'd his affection in unlawful love?
  A sin prevailing much in youthful men
  Who give their eyes the liberty of gazing.
  Which of these sorrows is he subject to?
ADRIANA. To none of these, except it be the last;
  Namely, some love that drew him oft from home.
ABBESS. You should for that have reprehended him.
ADRIANA. Why, so I did.
ABBESS. Ay, but not rough enough.
ADRIANA. As roughly as my modesty would let me.
ABBESS. Haply in private.
ADRIANA. And in assemblies too.
ABBESS. Ay, but not enough.
ADRIANA. It was the copy of our conference.
  In bed, he slept not for my urging it;
  At board, he fed not for my urging it;
  Alone, it was the subject of my theme;
  In company, I often glanced it;
  Still did I tell him it was vile and bad.
ABBESS. And thereof came it that the man was mad.
  The venom clamours of a jealous woman
  Poisons more deadly than a mad dog's tooth.
  It seems his sleeps were hind'red by thy railing,
  And thereof comes it that his head is light.
  Thou say'st his meat was sauc'd with thy upbraidings:
  Unquiet meals make ill digestions;
  Thereof the raging fire of fever bred;
  And what's a fever but a fit of madness?
  Thou say'st his sports were hind'red by thy brawls.
  Sweet recreation barr'd, what doth ensue
  But moody and dull melancholy,
  Kinsman to grim and comfortless despair,
  And at her heels a huge infectious troop
  Of pale distemperatures and foes to life?
  In food, in sport, and life-preserving rest,
  To be disturb'd would mad or man or beast.
  The consequence is, then, thy jealous fits
  Hath scar'd thy husband from the use of wits.
LUCIANA. She never reprehended him but mildly,
  When he demean'd himself rough, rude, and wildly.
  Why bear you these rebukes, and answer not?
ADRIANA. She did betray me to my own reproof.
  Good people, enter, and lay hold on him.
ABBESS. No, not a creature enters in my house.
ADRIANA. Then let your servants bring my husband forth.
ABBESS. Neither; he took this place for sanctuary,
  And it shall privilege him from your hands
  Till I have brought him to his wits again,
  Or lose my labour in assaying it.
ADRIANA. I will attend my husband, be his nurse,
  Diet his sickness, for it is my office,
  And will have no attorney but myself;
  And therefore let me have him home with me.
ABBESS. Be patient; for I will not let him stir
  Till I have us'd the approved means I have,
  With wholesome syrups, drugs, and holy prayers,
  To make of him a formal man again.
  It is a branch and parcel of mine oath,
  A charitable duty of my order;
  Therefore depart, and leave him here with me.
ADRIANA. I will not hence and leave my husband here;
  And ill it doth beseem your holiness
  To separate the husband and the wife.
ABBESS. Be quiet, and depart; thou shalt not have him.
<Exit
LUCIANA. Complain unto the Duke of this indignity.
ADRIANA. Come, go; I will fall prostrate at his feet,
  And never rise until my tears and prayers
  Have won his Grace to come in person hither
  And take perforce my husband from the Abbess.
SECOND MERCHANT. By this, I think, the dial points at five;
  Anon, I'm sure, the Duke himself in person
  Comes this way to the melancholy vale,
  The place of death and sorry execution,
  Behind the ditches of the abbey here.
ANGELO. Upon what cause?
SECOND MERCHANT. To see a reverend Syracusian merchant,
  Who put unluckily into this bay
  Against the laws and statutes of this town,
  Beheaded publicly for his offence.
ANGELO. See where they come; we will behold his death.
LUCIANA. Kneel to the Duke before he pass the abbey.

Enter the DUKE, attended; AEGEON, bareheaded;
with the HEADSMAN and other OFFICERS

DUKE. Yet once again proclaim it publicly,
  If any friend will pay the sum for him,
  He shall not die; so much we tender him.
ADRIANA. Justice, most sacred Duke, against the Abbess!
DUKE. She is a virtuous and a reverend lady;
  It cannot be that she hath done thee wrong.
ADRIANA. May it please your Grace, Antipholus, my husband,
  Who I made lord of me and all I had
  At your important letters-this ill day
  A most outrageous fit of madness took him,
  That desp'rately he hurried through the street,
  With him his bondman all as mad as he,
  Doing displeasure to the citizens
  By rushing in their houses, bearing thence
  Rings, jewels, anything his rage did like.
  Once did I get him bound and sent him home,
  Whilst to take order for the wrongs I went,
  That here and there his fury had committed.
  Anon, I wot not by what strong escape,
  He broke from those that had the guard of him,
  And with his mad attendant and himself,
  Each one with ireful passion, with drawn swords,
  Met us again and, madly bent on us,
  Chas'd us away; till, raising of more aid,
  We came again to bind them. Then they fled
  Into this abbey, whither we pursu'd them;
  And here the Abbess shuts the gates on us,
  And will not suffer us to fetch him out,
  Nor send him forth that we may bear him hence.
  Therefore, most gracious Duke, with thy command
  Let him be brought forth and borne hence for help.
DUKE. Long since thy husband serv'd me in my wars,
  And I to thee engag'd a prince's word,
  When thou didst make him master of thy bed,
  To do him all the grace and good I could.
  Go, some of you, knock at the abbey gate,
  And bid the Lady Abbess come to me,
  I will determine this before I stir.

Enter a MESSENGER

MESSENGER. O mistress, mistress, shift and save yourself!
  My master and his man are both broke loose,
  Beaten the maids a-row and bound the doctor,
  Whose beard they have sing'd off with brands of fire;
  And ever, as it blaz'd, they threw on him
  Great pails of puddled mire to quench the hair.
  My master preaches patience to him, and the while
  His man with scissors nicks him like a fool;
  And sure, unless you send some present help,
  Between them they will kill the conjurer.
ADRIANA. Peace, fool! thy master and his man are here,
  And that is false thou dost report to us.
MESSENGER. Mistress, upon my life, I tell you true;
  I have not breath'd almost since I did see it.
  He cries for you, and vows, if he can take you,
  To scorch your face, and to disfigure you.
[Cry within]
  Hark, hark, I hear him, mistress; fly, be gone!
DUKE. Come, stand by me; fear nothing. Guard with halberds.
ADRIANA. Ay me, it is my husband! Witness you
  That he is borne about invisible.
  Even now we hous'd him in the abbey here,
  And now he's there, past thought of human reason.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS OFEPHESUS and DROMIO OFEPHESUS

ANTIPHOLUS OFEPHESUS. Justice, most gracious Duke; O, grant me justice!
  Even for the service that long since I did thee,
  When I bestrid thee in the wars, and took
  Deep scars to save thy life; even for the blood
  That then I lost for thee, now grant me justice.
AEGEON. Unless the fear of death doth make me dote,
  I see my son Antipholus, and Dromio.
ANTIPHOLUS OFEPHESUS. Justice, sweet Prince, against that woman there!
  She whom thou gav'st to me to be my wife,
  That hath abused and dishonoured me
  Even in the strength and height of injury.
  Beyond imagination is the wrong
  That she this day hath shameless thrown on me.
DUKE. Discover how, and thou shalt find me just.
ANTIPHOLUS OFEPHESUS. This day, great Duke, she shut the doors upon me,
  While she with harlots feasted in my house.
DUKE. A grievous fault. Say, woman, didst thou so?
ADRIANA. No, my good lord. Myself, he, and my sister,
  To-day did dine together. So befall my soul
  As this is false he burdens me withal!
LUCIANA. Ne'er may I look on day nor sleep on night
  But she tells to your Highness simple truth!
ANGELO. O peflur'd woman! They are both forsworn.
  In this the madman justly chargeth them.
ANTIPHOLUS OF EPHESUS. My liege, I am advised what I say;
  Neither disturbed with the effect of wine,
  Nor heady-rash, provok'd with raging ire,
  Albeit my wrongs might make one wiser mad.
  This woman lock'd me out this day from dinner;
  That goldsmith there, were he not pack'd with her,
  Could witness it, for he was with me then;
  Who parted with me to go fetch a chain,
  Promising to bring it to the Porpentine,
  Where Balthazar and I did dine together.
  Our dinner done, and he not coming thither,
  I went to seek him. In the street I met him,
  And in his company that gentleman.
  There did this perjur'd goldsmith swear me down
  That I this day of him receiv'd the chain,
  Which, God he knows, I saw not; for the which
  He did arrest me with an officer.
  I did obey, and sent my peasant home
  For certain ducats; he with none return'd.
  Then fairly I bespoke the officer
  To go in person with me to my house.
  By th' way we met my wife, her sister, and a rabble more
  Of vile confederates. Along with them
  They brought one Pinch, a hungry lean-fac'd villain,
  A mere anatomy, a mountebank,
  A threadbare juggler, and a fortune-teller,
  A needy, hollow-ey'd, sharp-looking wretch,
  A living dead man. This pernicious slave,
  Forsooth, took on him as a conjurer,
  And gazing in mine eyes, feeling my pulse,
  And with no face, as 'twere, outfacing me,
  Cries out I was possess'd. Then all together
  They fell upon me, bound me, bore me thence,
  And in a dark and dankish vault at home
  There left me and my man, both bound together;
  Till, gnawing with my teeth my bonds in sunder,
  I gain'd my freedom, and immediately
  Ran hither to your Grace; whom I beseech
  To give me ample satisfaction
  For these deep shames and great indignities.
ANGELO. My lord, in truth, thus far I witness with him,
  That he din'd not at home, but was lock'd out.
DUKE. But had he such a chain of thee, or no?
ANGELO. He had, my lord, and when he ran in here,
  These people saw the chain about his neck.
SECOND MERCHANT. Besides, I will be sworn these ears of mine
  Heard you confess you had the chain of