another man is a fool when he dedicates his behaviours to love, will, after he hath laugh'd at such shallow follies in others, become the argument of his own scorn by falling in love; and such a man is Claudio. I have known when there was no music with him but the drum and the fife; and now had he rather hear the tabor and the pipe. I have known when he would have walk'd ten mile afoot to see a good armour; and now will he lie ten nights awake carving the fashion of a new doublet. He was wont to speak plain and to the purpose, like an honest man and a soldier; and now is he turn'd orthography; his words are a very fantastical banquet-- just so many strange dishes. May I be so converted and see with these eyes? I cannot tell; I think not. I will not be sworn but love may transform me to an oyster; but I'll take my oath on it, till he have made an oyster of me he shall never make me such a fool. One woman is fair, yet I am well; another is wise, yet I am well; another virtuous, yet I am well; but till all graces be in one woman, one woman shall not come in my grace. Rich she shall be, that's certain; wise, or I'll none; virtuous, or I'll never cheapen her; fair, or I'll never look on her; mild, or come not near me; noble, or not I for an angel; of good discourse, an excellent musician, and her hair shall be of what colour it please God. Ha, the Prince and Monsieur Love! I will hide me in the arbour. [Hides.] Enter Don Pedro, Leonato, Claudio. Music [within]. Pedro. Come, shall we hear this music? Claud. Yea, my good lord. How still the evening is, As hush'd on purpose to grace harmony! Pedro. See you where Benedick hath hid himself? Claud. O, very well, my lord. The music ended, We'll fit the kid-fox with a pennyworth. Enter Balthasar with Music. Pedro. Come, Balthasar, we'll hear that song again. Balth. O, good my lord, tax not so bad a voice To slander music any more than once. Pedro. It is the witness still of excellency To put a strange face on his own perfection. I pray thee sing, and let me woo no more. Balth. Because you talk of wooing, I will sing, Since many a wooer doth commence his suit To her he thinks not worthy, yet he wooes, Yet will he swear he loves. Pedro. Nay, pray thee come; Or if thou wilt hold longer argument, Do it in notes. Balth. Note this before my notes: There's not a note of mine that's worth the noting. Pedro. Why, these are very crotchets that he speaks! Note notes, forsooth, and nothing! [Music.] Bene. [aside] Now divine air! Now is his soul ravish'd! Is it not strange that sheep's guts should hale souls out of men's bodies? Well, a horn for my money, when all's done. [Balthasar sings.] The Song. Sigh no more, ladies, sigh no more! Men were deceivers ever, One foot in sea, and one on shore; To one thing constant never. Then sigh not so, But let them go, And be you blithe and bonny, Converting all your sounds of woe Into Hey nonny, nonny. Sing no more ditties, sing no moe, Of dumps so dull and heavy! The fraud of men was ever so, Since summer first was leavy. Then sigh not so, &c. Pedro. By my troth, a good song. Balth. And an ill singer, my lord. Pedro. Ha, no, no, faith! Thou sing'st well enough for a shift. Bene. [aside] An he had been a dog that should have howl'd thus, they would have hang'd him; and I pray God his bad voice bode no mischief. I had as live have heard the night raven, come what plague could have come after it. Pedro. Yea, marry. Dost thou hear, Balthasar? I pray thee get us some excellent music; for to-morrow night we would have it at the Lady Hero's chamber window. Balth. The best I can, my lord. Pedro. Do so. Farewell. Exit Balthasar [with Musicians]. Come hither, Leonato. What was it you told me of to-day? that your niece Beatrice was in love with Signior Benedick? Claud. O, ay!-[Aside to Pedro] Stalk on, stalk on; the fowl sits. --I did never think that lady would have loved any man. Leon. No, nor I neither; but most wonderful that she should so dote on Signior Benedick, whom she hath in all outward behaviours seem'd ever to abhor. Bene. [aside] Is't possible? Sits the wind in that corner? Leon. By my troth, my lord, I cannot tell what to think of it, but that she loves him with an enraged affection. It is past the infinite of thought. Pedro. May be she doth but counterfeit. Claud. Faith, like enough. Leon. O God, counterfeit? There was never counterfeit of passion came so near the life of passion as she discovers it. Pedro. Why, what effects of passion shows she? Claud. [aside] Bait the hook well! This fish will bite. Leon. What effects, my lord? She will sit you--you heard my daughter tell you how. Claud. She did indeed. Pedro. How, how, I pray you? You amaze me. I would have thought her spirit had been invincible against all assaults of affection. Leon. I would have sworn it had, my lord--especially against Benedick. Bene. [aside] I should think this a gull but that the white-bearded fellow speaks it. Knavery cannot, sure, hide himself in such reverence. Claud. [aside] He hath ta'en th' infection. Hold it up. Pedro. Hath she made her affection known to Benedick? Leon. No, and swears she never will. That's her torment. Claud. 'Tis true indeed. So your daughter says. 'Shall I,' says she, 'that have so oft encount'red him with scorn, write to him that I love him?'" Leon. This says she now when she is beginning to write to him; for she'll be up twenty times a night, and there will she sit in her smock till she have writ a sheet of paper. My daughter tells us all. Claud. Now you talk of a sheet of paper, I remember a pretty jest your daughter told us of. Leon. O, when she had writ it, and was reading it over, she found 'Benedick' and 'Beatrice' between the sheet? Claud. That. Leon. O, she tore the letter into a thousand halfpence, rail'd at herself that she should be so immodest to write to one that she knew would flout her. 'I measure him,' says she, 'by my own spirit; for I should flout him if he writ to me. Yea, though I love him, I should.' Claud. Then down upon her knees she falls, weeps, sobs, beats her heart, tears her hair, prays, curses--'O sweet Benedick! God give me patience!' Leon. She doth indeed; my daughter says so. And the ecstasy hath so much overborne her that my daughter is sometime afeard she will do a desperate outrage to herself. It is very true. Pedro. It were good that Benedick knew of it by some other, if she will not discover it. Claud. To what end? He would make but a sport of it and torment the poor lady worse. Pedro. An he should, it were an alms to hang him! She's an excellent sweet lady, and (out of all suspicion) she is virtuous. Claud. And she is exceeding wise. Pedro. In everything but in loving Benedick. Leon. O, my lord, wisdom and blood combating in so tender a body, we have ten proofs to one that blood hath the victory. I am sorry for her, as I have just cause, being her uncle and her guardian. Pedro. I would she had bestowed this dotage on me. I would have daff'd all other respects and made her half myself. I pray you tell Benedick of it and hear what 'a will say. Leon. Were it good, think you? Claud. Hero thinks surely she will die; for she says she will die if he love her not, and she will die ere she make her love known, and she will die, if he woo her, rather than she will bate one breath of her accustomed crossness. Pedro. She doth well. If she should make tender of her love, 'tis very possible he'll scorn it; for the man (as you know all) hath a contemptible spirit. Claud. He is a very proper man. Pedro. He hath indeed a good outward happiness. Claud. Before God! and in my mind, very wise. Pedro. He doth indeed show some sparks that are like wit. Claud. And I take him to be valiant. Pedro. As Hector, I assure you; and in the managing of quarrels you may say he is wise, for either he avoids them with great discretion, or undertakes them with a most Christianlike fear. Leon. If he do fear God, 'a must necessarily keep peace. If he break the peace, he ought to enter into a quarrel with fear and trembling. Pedro. And so will he do; for the man doth fear God, howsoever it seems not in him by some large jests he will make. Well, I am sorry for your niece. Shall we go seek Benedick and tell him of her love? Claud. Never tell him, my lord. Let her wear it out with good counsel. Leon. Nay, that's impossible; she may wear her heart out first. Pedro. Well, we will hear further of it by your daughter. Let it cool the while. I love Benedick well, and I could wish he would modestly examine himself to see how much he is unworthy so good a lady. Leon. My lord, will you .walk? Dinner is ready. [They walk away.] Claud. If he dote on her upon this, I will never trust my expectation. Pedro. Let there be the same net spread for her, and that must your daughter and her gentlewomen carry. The sport will be, when they hold one an opinion of another's dotage, and no such matter. That's the scene that I would see, which will be merely a dumb show. Let us send her to call him in to dinner. Exeunt [Don Pedro, Claudio, and Leonato]. [Benedick advances from the arbour.] Bene. This can be no trick. The conference was sadly borne; they have the truth of this from Hero; they seem to pity the lady. It seems her affections have their full bent. Love me? Why, it must be requited. I hear how I am censur'd. They say I will bear myself proudly if I perceive the love come from her. They say too that she will rather die than give any sign of affection. I did never think to marry. I must not seem proud. Happy are they that hear their detractions and can put them to mending. They say the lady is fair--'tis a truth, I can bear them witness; and virtuous --'tis so, I cannot reprove it; and wise, but for loving me--by my troth, it is no addition to her wit, nor no great argument of her folly, for I will be horribly in love with her. I may chance have some odd quirks and remnants of wit broken on me because I have railed so long against marriage. But doth not the appetite alters? A man loves the meat in his youth that he cannot endure in his age. Shall quips and sentences and these paper bullets of the brain awe a man from the career of his humour? No, the world must be peopled. When I said I would die a bachelor, I did not think I should live till I were married. Enter Beatrice. Here comes Beatrice. By this day, she's a fair lady! I do spy some marks of love in her. Beat. Against my will I am sent to bid You come in to dinner. Bene. Fair Beatrice, I thank you for your pains. Beat. I took no more pains for those thanks than you take pains to thank me. If it had been painful, I would not have come. Bene. You take pleasure then in the message? Beat. Yea, just so much as you may take upon a knives point, and choke a daw withal. You have no stomach, signior. Fare you well. Exit. Bene. Ha! 'Against my will I am sent to bid you come in to dinner.' There's a double meaning in that. 'I took no more pains for those thanks than you took pains to thank me.' That's as much as to say, 'Any pains that I take for you is as easy as thanks.' If I do not take pity of her, I am a villain; if I do not love her, I am a Jew. I will go get her picture. Exit. ACT III. Scene I. Leonato's orchard. Enter Hero and two Gentlewomen, Margaret and Ursula. Hero. Good Margaret, run thee to the parlour. There shalt thou find my cousin Beatrice Proposing with the Prince and Claudio. Whisper her ear and tell her, I and Ursley Walk in the orchard, and our whole discourse Is all of her. Say that thou overheard'st us; And bid her steal into the pleached bower, Where honeysuckles, ripened by the sun, Forbid the sun to enter--like favourites, Made proud by princes, that advance their pride Against that power that bred it. There will she hide her To listen our propose. This is thy office. Bear thee well in it and leave us alone. Marg. I'll make her come, I warrant you, presently. [Exit.] Hero. Now, Ursula, when Beatrice doth come, As we do trace this alley up and down, Our talk must only be of Benedick. When I do name him, let it be thy part To praise him more than ever man did merit. My talk to thee must be how Benedick Is sick in love with Beatrice. Of this matter Is little Cupid's crafty arrow made, That only wounds by hearsay. [Enter Beatrice.] Now begin; For look where Beatrice like a lapwing runs Close by the ground, to hear our conference. [Beatrice hides in the arbour]. Urs. The pleasant'st angling is to see the fish Cut with her golden oars the silver stream And greedily devour the treacherous bait. So angle we for Beatrice, who even now Is couched in the woodbine coverture. Fear you not my part of the dialogue. Hero. Then go we near her, that her ear lose nothing Of the false sweet bait that we lay for it. [They approach the arbour.] No, truly, Ursula, she is too disdainful. I know her spirits are as coy and wild As haggards of the rock. Urs. But are you sure That Benedick loves Beatrice so entirely? Hero. So says the Prince, and my new-trothed lord. Urs. And did they bid you tell her of it, madam? Hero. They did entreat me to acquaint her of it; But I persuaded them, if they lov'd Benedick, To wish him wrestle with affection And never to let Beatrice know of it. Urs. Why did you so? Doth not the gentleman Deserve as full, as fortunate a bed As ever Beatrice shall couch upon? Hero. O god of love! I know he doth deserve As much as may be yielded to a man: But Nature never fram'd a woman's heart Of prouder stuff than that of Beatrice. Disdain and scorn ride sparkling in her eyes, Misprizing what they look on; and her wit Values itself so highly that to her All matter else seems weak. She cannot love, Nor take no shape nor project of affection, She is so self-endeared. Urs. Sure I think so; And therefore certainly it were not good She knew his love, lest she'll make sport at it. Hero. Why, you speak truth. I never yet saw man, How wise, how noble, young, how rarely featur'd, But she would spell him backward. If fair-fac'd, She would swear the gentleman should be her sister; If black, why, Nature, drawing of an antic, Made a foul blot; if tall, a lance ill-headed; If low, an agate very vilely cut; If speaking, why, a vane blown with all winds; If silent, why, a block moved with none. So turns she every man the wrong side out And never gives to truth and virtue that Which simpleness and merit purchaseth. Urs. Sure, sure, such carping is not commendable. Hero. No, not to be so odd, and from all fashions, As Beatrice is, cannot be commendable. But who dare tell her so? If I should speak, She would mock me into air; O, she would laugh me Out of myself, press me to death with wit! Therefore let Benedick, like cover'd fire, Consume away in sighs, waste inwardly. It were a better death than die with mocks, Which is as bad as die with tickling. Urs. Yet tell her of it. Hear what she will say. Hero. No; rather I will go to Benedick And counsel him to fight against his passion. And truly, I'll devise some honest slanders To stain my cousin with. One doth not know How much an ill word may empoison liking. Urs. O, do not do your cousin such a wrong! She cannot be so much without true judgment (Having so swift and excellent a wit As she is priz'd to have) as to refuse So rare a gentleman as Signior Benedick. Hero. He is the only man of Italy, Always excepted my dear Claudio. Urs. I pray you be not angry with me, madam, Speaking my fancy: Signior Benedick, For shape, for bearing, argument, and valour, Goes foremost in report through Italy. Hero. Indeed he hath an excellent good name. Urs. His excellence did earn it ere he had it. When are you married, madam? Hero. Why, every day to-morrow! Come, go in. I'll show thee some attires, and have thy counsel Which is the best to furnish me to-morrow. [They walk away.] Urs. She's lim'd, I warrant you! We have caught her, madam. Hero. If it prove so, then loving goes by haps; Some Cupid kills with arrows, some with traps. Exeunt [Hero and Ursula]. [Beatrice advances from the arbour.] Beat. What fire is in mine ears? Can this be true? Stand I condemn'd for pride and scorn so much? Contempt, farewell! and maiden pride, adieu! No glory lives behind the back of such. And, Benedick, love on; I will requite thee, Taming my wild heart to thy loving hand. If thou dost love, my kindness shall incite thee To bind our loves up in a holy band; For others say thou dost deserve, and I Believe it better than reportingly. Exit. Scene II. A room in Leonato's house. Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, and Leonato. Pedro. I do but stay till your marriage be consummate, and then go I toward Arragon. Claud. I'll bring you thither, my lord, if you'll vouchsafe me. Pedro. Nay, that would be as great a soil in the new gloss of your marriage as to show a child his new coat and forbid him to wear it. I will only be bold with Benedick for his company; for, from the crown of his head to the sole of his foot, he is all mirth. He hath twice or thrice cut Cupid's bowstring, and the little hangman dare not shoot at him. He hath a heart as sound as a bell; and his tongue is the clapper, for what his heart thinks, his tongue speaks. Bene. Gallants, I am not as I have been. Leon. So say I. Methinks you are sadder. Claud. I hope he be in love. Pedro. Hang him, truant! There's no true drop of blood in him to be truly touch'd with love. If he be sad, he wants money. Bene. I have the toothache. Pedro. Draw it. Bene. Hang it! Claud. You must hang it first and draw it afterwards. Pedro. What? sigh for the toothache? Leon. Where is but a humour or a worm. Bene. Well, every one can master a grief but he that has it. Claud. Yet say I he is in love. Pedro. There is no appearance of fancy in him, unless it be a fancy that he hath to strange disguises; as to be a Dutchman to-day, a Frenchman to-morrow; or in the shape of two countries at once, as a German from the waist downward, all slops, and a Spaniard from the hip upward, no doublet. Unless he have a fancy to this foolery, as it appears he hath, he is no fool for fancy, as you would have it appear he is. Claud. If he be not in love with some woman, there is no believing old signs. 'A brushes his hat o' mornings. What should that bode? Pedro. Hath any man seen him at the barber's? Claud. No, but the barber's man hath been seen with him, and the old ornament of his cheek hath already stuff'd tennis balls. Leon. Indeed he looks younger than he did, by the loss of a beard. Pedro. Nay, 'a rubs himself with civet. Can you smell him out by that? Claud. That's as much as to say, the sweet youth's in love. Pedro. The greatest note of it is his melancholy. Claud. And when was he wont to wash his face? Pedro. Yea, or to paint himself? for the which I hear what they say of him. Claud. Nay, but his jesting spirit, which is new-crept into a lutestring, and now govern'd by stops. Pedro. Indeed that tells a heavy tale for him. Conclude, conclude, he is in love. Claud. Nay, but I know who loves him. Pedro. That would I know too. I warrant, one that knows him not. Claud. Yes, and his ill conditions; and in despite of all, dies for him. Pedro. She shall be buried with her face upwards. Bene. Yet is this no charm for the toothache. Old signior, walk aside with me. I have studied eight or nine wise words to speak to you, which these hobby-horses must not hear. [Exeunt Benedick and Leonato.] Pedro. For my life, to break with him about Beatrice! Claud. 'Tis even so. Hero and Margaret have by this played their parts with Beatrice, and then the two bears will not bite one another when they meet. Enter John the Bastard. John. My lord and brother, God save you. Pedro. Good den, brother. John. If your leisure serv'd, I would speak with you. Pedro. In private? John. If it please you. Yet Count Claudio may hear, for what I would speak of concerns him. Pedro. What's the matter? John. [to Claudio] Means your lordship to be married tomorrow? Pedro. You know he does. John. I know not that, when he knows what I know. Claud. If there be any impediment, I pray you discover it. John. You may think I love you not. Let that appear hereafter, and aim better at me by that I now will manifest. For my brother, I think he holds you well and in dearness of heart hath holp to effect your ensuing marriage--surely suit ill spent and labour ill bestowed! Pedro. Why, what's the matter? John. I came hither to tell you, and, circumstances short'ned (for she has been too long a-talking of), the lady is disloyal. Claud. Who? Hero? John. Even she--Leonato's Hero, your Hero, every man's Hero. Claud. Disloyal? John. The word is too good to paint out her wickedness. I could say she were worse; think you of a worse title, and I will fit her to it. Wonder not till further warrant. Go but with me to-night, you shall see her chamber window ent'red, even the night before her wedding day. If you love her then, to-morrow wed her. But it would better fit your honour to change your mind. Claud. May this be so? Pedro. I will not think it. John. If you dare not trust that you see, confess not that you know. If you will follow me, I will show you enough; and when you have seen more and heard more, proceed accordingly. Claud. If I see anything to-night why I should not marry her to-morrow, in the congregation where I should wed, there will I shame her. Pedro. And, as I wooed for thee to obtain her, I will join with thee to disgrace her. John. I will disparage her no farther till you are my witnesses. Bear it coldly but till midnight, and let the issue show itself. Pedro. O day untowardly turned! Claud. O mischief strangely thwarting! John. O plague right well prevented! So will you say when you have seen the Sequel. Exeunt. Scene III. A street. Enter Dogberry and his compartner [Verges], with the Watch. Dog. Are you good men and true? Verg. Yea, or else it were pity but they should suffer salvation, body and soul. Dog. Nay, that were a punishment too good for them if they should have any allegiance in them, being chosen for the Prince's watch. Verg. Well, give them their charge, neighbour Dogberry. Dog. First, who think you the most desartless man to be constable? 1. Watch. Hugh Oatcake, sir, or George Seacoal; for they can write and read. Dog. Come hither, neighbour Seacoal. God hath bless'd you with a good name. To be a well-favoured man is the gift of fortune, but to write and read comes by nature. 2. Watch. Both which, Master Constable-- Dog. You have. I knew it would be your answer. Well, for your favour, sir, why, give God thanks and make no boast of it; and for your writing and reading, let that appear when there is no need of such vanity. You are thought here to be the most senseless and fit man for the constable of the watch. Therefore bear you the lanthorn. This is your charge: you shall comprehend all vagrom men; you are to bid any man stand, in the Prince's name. 2. Watch. How if 'a will not stand? Dog. Why then, take no note of him, but let him go, and presently call the rest of the watch together and thank God you are rid of a knave. Verg. If he will not stand when he is bidden, he is none of the Prince's subjects. Dog. True, and they are to meddle with none but the Prince's subjects. You shall also make no noise in the streets; for for the watch to babble and to talk is most tolerable, and not to be endured. 2. Watch. We will rather sleep than talk. We know what belongs to a watch. Dog. Why, you speak like an ancient and most quiet watchman, for I cannot see how sleeping should offend. Only have a care that your bills be not stol'n. Well, you are to call at all the alehouses and bid those that are drunk get them to bed. 2. Watch. How if they will not? Dog. Why then, let them alone till they are sober. If they make you not then the better answer, You may say they are not the men you took them for. 2. Watch. Well, sir. Dog. If you meet a thief, you may suspect him, by virtue of your office, to be no true man; and for such kind of men, the less you meddle or make with them, why, the more your honesty. 2. Watch. If we know him to be a thief, shall we not lay hands on him? Dog. Truly, by your office you may; but I think they that touch pitch will be defil'd. The most peaceable way for you, if you do take a thief, is to let him show himself what he is, and steal out of your company. Verg. You have been always called a merciful man, partner. Dog. Truly, I would not hang a dog by my will, much more a man who hath any honesty in him. Verg. If you hear a child cry in the night, you must call to the nurse and bid her still it. 2. Watch. How if the nurse be asleep and will not hear us? Dog. Why then, depart in peace and let the child wake her with crying; for the ewe that will not hear her lamb when it baes will never answer a calf when he bleats. Verg. 'Tis very true. Dog. This is the end of the charge: you, constable, are to present the Prince's own person. If you meet the Prince in the night, you may stay him. Verg. Nay, by'r lady, that I think 'a cannot. Dog. Five shillings to one on't with any man that knows the statutes, he may stay him! Marry, not without the Prince be willing; for indeed the watch ought to offend no man, and it is an offence to stay a man against his will. Verg. By'r lady, I think it be so. Dog. Ha, ah, ha! Well, masters, good night. An there be any matter of weight chances, call up me. Keep your fellows' counsels and your own, and good night. Come, neighbour. 2. Watch. Well, masters, we hear our charge. Let us go sit here upon the church bench till two, and then all to bed. Dog. One word more, honest neighbours. I pray you watch about Signior Leonato's door; for the wedding being there tomorrow, there is a great coil to-night. Adieu. Be vigitant, I beseech you. Exeunt [Dogberry and Verges]. Enter Borachio and Conrade. Bora. What, Conrade! 2. Watch. [aside] Peace! stir not! Bora. Conrade, I say! Con. Here, man. I am at thy elbow. Bora. Mass, and my elbow itch'd! I thought there would a scab follow. Con. I will owe thee an answer for that; and now forward with thy tale. Bora. Stand thee close then under this penthouse, for it drizzles rain, and I will, like a true drunkard, utter all to thee. 2. Watch. [aside] Some treason, masters. Yet stand close. Bora. Therefore know I have earned of Don John a thousand ducats. Con. Is it possible that any villany should be so dear? Bora. Thou shouldst rather ask if it were possible any villany should be so rich; for when rich villains have need of poor ones, poor ones may make what price they will. Con. I wonder at it. Bora. That shows thou art unconfirm'd. Thou knowest that the fashion of a doublet, or a hat, or a cloak, is nothing to a man. Con. Yes, it is apparel. Bora. I mean the fashion. Con. Yes, the fashion is the fashion. Bora. Tush! I may as well say the fool's the fool. But seest thou not what a deformed thief this fashion is? 2. Watch. [aside] I know that Deformed. 'A bas been a vile thief this seven year; 'a goes up and down like a gentleman. I remember his name. Bora. Didst thou not hear somebody? Con. No; 'twas the vane on the house. Bora. Seest thou not, I say, what a deformed thief this fashion is? how giddily 'a turns about all the hot-bloods between fourteen and five-and-thirty? sometimes fashioning them like Pharaoh's soldiers in the reechy painting, sometime like god Bel's priests in the old church window, sometime like the shaven Hercules in the smirch'd worm-eaten tapestry, where his codpiece seems as massy as his club? Con. All this I see; and I see that the fashion wears out more apparel than the man. But art not thou thyself giddy with the fashion too, that thou hast shifted out of thy tale into telling me of the fashion? Bora. Not so neither. But know that I have to-night wooed Margaret, the Lady Hero's gentlewoman, by the name of Hero. She leans me out at her mistress' chamber window, bids me a thousand times good night--I tell this tale vilely; I should first tell thee how the Prince, Claudio and my master, planted and placed and possessed by my master Don John, saw afar off in the orchard this amiable encounter. Con. And thought they Margaret was Hero? Bora. Two of them did, the Prince and Claudio; but the devil my master knew she was Margaret; and partly by his oaths, which first possess'd them, partly by the dark night, which did deceive them, but chiefly by my villany, which did confirm any slander that Don John had made, away went Claudio enrag'd; swore he would meet her, as he was appointed, next morning at the temple, and there, before the whole congregation, shame her with what he saw o'ernight and send her home again without a husband. 2. Watch. We charge you in the Prince's name stand! 1. Watch. Call up the right Master Constable. We have here recover'd the most dangerous piece of lechery that ever was known in the commonwealth. 2. Watch. And one Deformed is one of them. I know him; 'a wears a lock. Con. Masters, masters-- 1. Watch. You'll be made bring Deformed forth, I warrant you. Con. Masters-- 2. Watch. Never speak, we charge you. Let us obey you to go with us. Bora. We are like to prove a goodly commodity, being taken up of these men's bills. Con. A commodity in question, I warrant you. Come, we'll obey you. Exeunt. Scene IV. A Room in Leonato's house. Enter Hero, and Margaret and Ursula. Hero. Good Ursula, wake my cousin Beatrice and desire her to rise. Urs. I will, lady. Hero. And bid her come hither. Urs. Well. [Exit.] Marg. Troth, I think your other rebato were better. Hero. No, pray thee, good Meg, I'll wear this. Marg. By my troth, 's not so good, and I warrant your cousin will say so. Hero. My cousin's a fool, and thou art another. I'll wear none but this. Marg. I like the new tire within excellently, if the hair were a thought browner; and your gown's a most rare fashion, i' faith. I saw the Duchess of Milan's gown that they praise so. Hero. O, that exceeds, they say. Marg. By my troth, 's but a nightgown in respect of yours-- cloth-o'-gold and cuts, and lac'd with silver, set with pearls down sleeves, side-sleeves, and skirts, round underborne with a blush tinsel. But for a fine, quaint, graceful, and excellent fashion, yours is worth ten on't. Hero. God give me joy to wear it! for my heart is exceeding heavy. Marg. 'Twill be heavier soon by the weight of a man. Hero. Fie upon thee! art not ashamed? Marg. Of what, lady? of speaking honourably? Is not marriage honourable in a beggar? Is not your lord honourable without marriage? I think you would have me say, 'saving your reverence, a husband.' An bad thinking do not wrest true speaking, I'll offend nobody. Is there any harm in 'the heavier for a husband'? None, I think, an it be the right husband and the right wife. Otherwise 'tis light, and not heavy. Ask my Lady Beatrice else. Here she comes. Enter Beatrice. Hero. Good morrow, coz. Beat. Good morrow, sweet Hero. Hero. Why, how now? Do you speak in the sick tune? Beat. I am out of all other tune, methinks. Marg. Clap's into 'Light o' love.' That goes without a burden. Do you sing it, and I'll dance it. Beat. Yea, 'Light o' love' with your heels! then, if your husband have stables enough, you'll see he shall lack no barnes. Marg. O illegitimate construction! I scorn that with my heels. Beat. 'Tis almost five o'clock, cousin; 'tis time you were ready. By my troth, I am exceeding ill. Hey-ho! Marg. For a hawk, a horse, or a husband? Beat. For the letter that begins them all, H. Marg. Well, an you be not turn'd Turk, there's no more sailing by the star. Beat. What means the fool, trow? Marg. Nothing I; but God send every one their heart's desire! Hero. These gloves the Count sent me, they are an excellent perfume. Beat. I am stuff'd, cousin; I cannot smell. Marg. A maid, and stuff'd! There's goodly catching of cold. Beat. O, God help me! God help me! How long have you profess'd apprehension? Marg. Ever since you left it. Doth not my wit become me rarely? Beat. It is not seen enough. You should wear it in your cap. By my troth, I am sick. Marg. Get you some of this distill'd carduus benedictus and lay it to your heart. It is the only thing for a qualm. Hero. There thou prick'st her with a thistle. Beat. Benedictus? why benedictus? You have some moral in this 'benedictus.' Marg. Moral? No, by my troth, I have no moral meaning; I meant plain holy thistle. You may think perchance that I think you are in love. Nay, by'r lady, I am not such a fool to think what I list; nor I list not to think what I can; nor indeed I cannot think, if I would think my heart out of thinking, that you are in love, or that you will be in love, or that you can be in love. Yet Benedick was such another, and now is he become a man. He swore he would never marry; and yet now in despite of his heart he eats his meat without grudging; and how you may be converted I know not, but methinks you look with your eyes as other women do. Beat. What pace is this that thy tongue keeps? Marg. Not a false gallop. Enter Ursula. Urs. Madam, withdraw. The Prince, the Count, Signior Benedick, Don John, and all the gallants of the town are come to fetch you to church. Hero. Help to dress me, good coz, good Meg, good Ursula. [Exeunt.] Scene V. The hall in Leonato's house. Enter Leonato and the Constable [Dogberry] and the Headborough [verges]. Leon. What would you with me, honest neighbour? Dog. Marry, sir, I would have some confidence with you that decerns you nearly. Leon. Brief, I pray you; for you see it is a busy time with me. Dog. Marry, this it is, sir. Verg. Yes, in truth it is, sir. Leon. What is it, my good friends? Dog. Goodman Verges, sir, speaks a little off the matter--an old man, sir, and his wits are not so blunt as, God help, I would desire they were; but, in faith, honest as the skin between his brows. Verg. Yes, I thank God I am as honest as any man living that is an old man and no honester than I. Dog. Comparisons are odorous. Palabras, neighbour Verges. Leon. Neighbours, you are tedious. Dog. It pleases your worship to say so, but we are the poor Duke's officers; but truly, for mine own part, if I were as tedious as a king, I could find in my heart to bestow it all of your worship. Leon. All thy tediousness on me, ah? Dog. Yea, in 'twere a thousand pound more than 'tis; for I hear as good exclamation on your worship as of any man in the city; and though I be but a poor man, I am glad to hear it. Verg. And so am I. Leon. I would fain know what you have to say. Verg. Marry, sir, our watch to-night, excepting your worship's presence, ha' ta'en a couple of as arrant knaves as any in Messina. Dog. A good old man, sir; he will be talking. As they say, 'When the age is in, the wit is out.' God help us! it is a world to see! Well said, i' faith, neighbour Verges. Well, God's a good man. An two men ride of a horse, one must ride behind. An honest soul, i' faith, sir, by my troth he is, as ever broke bread; but God is to be worshipp'd; all men are not alike, alas, good neighbour! Leon. Indeed, neighbour, he comes too short of you. Dog. Gifts that God gives. Leon. I must leave you. Dog. One word, sir. Our watch, sir, have indeed comprehended two aspicious persons, and we would have them this morning examined before your worship. Leon. Take their examination yourself and bring it me. I am now in great haste, as it may appear unto you. Dog. It shall be suffigance. Leon. Drink some wine ere you go. Fare you well. [Enter a Messenger.] Mess. My lord, they stay for you to give your daughter to her husband. Leon. I'll wait upon them. I am ready. [Exeunt Leonato and Messenger.] Dog. Go, good partner, go get you to Francis Seacoal; bid him bring his pen and inkhorn to the jail. We are now to examination these men. Verg. And we must do it wisely. Dog. We will spare for no wit, I warrant you. Here's that shall drive some of them to a non-come. Only get the learned writer to set down our excommunication, and meet me at the jail. [Exeunt.] ACT IV. Scene I. A church. Enter Don Pedro, [John the] Bastard, Leonato, Friar [Francis], Claudio, Benedick, Hero, Beatrice, [and Attendants]. Leon. Come, Friar Francis, be brief. Only to the plain form of marriage, and you shall recount their particular duties afterwards. Friar. You come hither, my lord, to marry this lady? Claud. No. Leon. To be married to her. Friar, you come to marry her. Friar. Lady, you come hither to be married to this count? Hero. I do. Friar. If either of you know any inward impediment why you should not be conjoined, I charge you on your souls to utter it. Claud. Know you any, Hero? Hero. None, my lord. Friar. Know you any, Count? Leon. I dare make his answer--none. Claud. O, what men dare do! what men may do! what men daily do, not knowing what they do! Bene. How now? interjections? Why then, some be of laughing, as, ah, ha, he! Claud. Stand thee by, friar. Father, by your leave: Will you with free and unconstrained soul Give me this maid your daughter? Leon. As freely, son, as God did give her me. Claud. And what have I to give you back whose worth May counterpoise this rich and precious gift? Pedro. Nothing, unless you render her again. Claud. Sweet Prince, you learn me noble thankfulness. There, Leonato, take her back again. Give not this rotten orange to your friend. She's but the sign and semblance of her honour. Behold how like a maid she blushes here! O, what authority and show of truth Can cunning sin cover itself withal!