One wet day a woman with a dog got on a bus.It was a very big dog & it's feet were very dirty.The wooman said:"Oh,conductor,if I pay for my dog can he have a seat like the other passengers?" The conductor looked at the dog & then he said:"Certainly,madam, he can have a seat like all the other passengers,but like the other passengers he mustn't put his feet on it." A charwoman in a City office was very proud of her skill at polishing floors."When I started working there ,"-she told a friend "the floors were in terrible state.But now it's quite different since I've been polishing them",she added proudly."Three men working there have fallen down.One of them is still in the hospital with a broken leg." Charlie Chaplin Competitions often used to be organised in the U.S.A.The best imitator of the great actor was awarded a special prise One such competition was secretly attended Charlie. Chaplin himself,who took part in the competition.Great was his surprise when the committee only awarded him the third prise. A Clever Answer. On a fine summer day a farmer,passing by a large tree on his way home to dinner,saw one of his sons lying & sleeping in the shade. The farmer woke him up & said angrily:"How can you sleep here ,when all your brothers are working in the garden?You don't deserve to enjoy the sunlight." "Yes,Father,you are right,that is why I am lying in the shade." A dyer in a court of justice had to hold up his hand that was all black.The judge said to him:"Take off your gloves,friend!""Put on your spectacles,Mylord"-answered the dyer. George the first of England while on journey to his native kindom stopped at a villge in Holland.While fresh horses were being got ready for him,the king asked 2 or 3 eggs.They were brought him & the price asked was a hundred florins."How is "this?"-asked the king,-"Eggs must surely be very rare here.""Pardon me,"-replied the host,-"eggs are plentiful enough, but kings are rare here." A boy bought a twopenny loaf at the baker's.It struck him that it was much smaller,than usual,so he said to the baker:"I don't believe the loaf is the right weight.""Oh,nevert mind,"-answered the baker."You'll have the less to carry.""Quite right,"-said the boy & put 3 halfpence on the counter.Just as he was leaving the shop the baker called out to him :"I say,Tommy!You haven't given me the price of the loaf!""Oh,never mind,"-said the boy,"You'll have the less to count." WAR ALARM. Little Tommy went to the movies.He saw a tribe of Indians painting their faces & asked his mother why they were doing so.His mother explained:"Indians always paint their faces before going to the warpath."The next evening the mother sat in the dining-room & entertained her elder daugter's young man.Suddenly Tommy rushed into the room with wide eyes."Mommy,"-he cried,-"let's run away quickly:sister is going along the warpath." ONE TOO MANY. A seaman on a ship based somewhere far away in the Pacific recieved a photo from his fiancee.It represented a scene on the beach :two couples were sitting & laughing gaily,but his girl was sitting alone sad & lonely.In the letter she wrote that the photo showed how she was spending her time while he was away.The seaman was in delight & showed the photo to his friends.Then one night after looking at the photo for a long time he asked his friend :"Listen,John,I wonder,who took the picture?" T O O L A T E. A young man decided to study at military school.Several days after his medical examintion he recieved a wire from the school :"Regret to inform you ,but the test showed that you have TB & heart trouble."An hour later he recieved another wire,saying:"Please,disregard the first wire.Your documents were confused with that of another applicant."The young man wired back:"Sorry,but your wire came too late. I committed suicide 40 minutes ago." SPACE CRASE. A foreign tourist in the U.S.A. remarked:"I see that you,Americans,have great interest in space flights." "Why do you think so?"-asked his guide. "I see so many people in the street are looking at the sky with telescopes." "Telescopes?"-the guide asked in astonishment,-"They are drinking beer from bottles." ACT OF SABOTAGE? The plane is ready to start.The passengers are going up."Stop!"shouts the mechanic,-"A gas tank is leaking.We'll have to fix it before taking off & it will take about an hour.""An hour's delay!"commented a soldier."But then I'll be late for my ship with my unit going overseras!"When the pilot heard this,he came to the soldier:"Listen",-he whispered,looking into his eyes,"are you the one who drilled the hole in the gas tank?" STRANGER. A small boy & hi mother are looking through the family album.A boy takes one of the photographs,representing a nice looking young man in a smart soldier uniform He asks:"Mother,who is this smart soldier?""That is Daddy",-answered his mother.The boy kept thinking for a moment,& then said:"Well,then who is that fat bald-headed civilian which is leaving with us now?" LACK OF DETAIL. An operator is working with a computer.He gave a very complicated task to computer.Then after a very long time the computer gave an answer:"Yes".Annoyed at the lack of detail the operator asked:"Yes what?""Yes,sir",-answered the computer. A man was taken to a hospital after an accident.The doctor examined him & said,that he could go home the next day.However,in the morning,the doctor announced:"I think you'd better stay another day to see if something new turns up.I didn't know how bad you were banged up until I read about the accident in the newspapers. Once a famous Hollywood actress wrote to a famous wit & dramatist that it was a pity they were not the parents of a child.What a chld it would have been: with her beauty & with his brains.Bernard Shaw,who was this dramatist answered,that supposing the child would have been so unlucky to have his appearancee & her brains. To the only girl The young man approached the counter at which post-cards were being sold & asked:"Have you anything sentimental?" -"Here is a lovely one",answered the shop-girl,"look here-"to the only girl I ever loved" -"That's fine,I'll take six of those,please".